Jack Benny - Robert Taylor Subs For Jack

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1:02After 85 years, it's no surprise that Jeep became America's SUV brand. Get a great deal during the Jeep driving to fall sales event. Jeep is one more awards over its lifetime than any other SUV brand, even the Jeep Gorilla Registered Trademarks of FCA US LLC. The Jack Benny Program was effort by Lucky Strike. Lucky Strike, first again with tobacco man. First again with tobacco man, Lucky Strike. More independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. There you have the findings of a recent impartial survey which reveals the personal smoking preference of the men who really know tobacco. The auctioneers, buyers and warehousesmen. Yes, the survey show Lucky Strike, first again with tobacco man. First again with tobacco man. First again with the man who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. And when these experts smoke Lucky Strike for their own personal smoking enjoyment, then you know.

2:07LSMFT, LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And in a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts. So for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment, smoke the smoke tobacco expert smoke. Lucky Strike, first again with tobacco man. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with very living St. Phil Harris Rochester, D.N. St. George's truly non-wilted. And now ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to present to you a man whose charm and personality have gained him millions of admirers. A man who's not only loved for his, wait a minute I must have the wrong script this is introducing Robert Taylor. That's right Don, Jack has gone away on a week's vacation and Robert Taylor is taking his place.

3:09He should be here any minute. Robert Taylor, all that wonderful but Mary I still can't get over Jack's just packing up and going away on a trip. Well it's more than just a trip Don, Jack is spending a glorious week in New York. What made him decide to go so suddenly? He wanted on the bride and groom program. The bride and groom program, all you mean that our own little Jackie boy ran off and got married? Well not exactly Don but Jack figured here was a way to get a trip for nothing so I got someone to go through the ceremony with him. What girl would go along with a gag like that? Mary what do you laugh about? He couldn't get a girl so he hired a man with a tuxedo and Jack worries Charlie's that costume. With a veil yet. Well Mary was all a gag why didn't he come to you with the idea? He did that's why he wore the veil I punched him in the nose. Anyway Don till Bob gets here I think that way. I was Auntie. Hello Lv. you little mate company Magnolia.

4:15Hello Phil. Hey Lv. where's Jackson? A Jack won't be on the program today. Oh I want what's wrong? That is wrong he just decided to take a vacation he needed a rest. Well it's his own fault. What? If Jackson had hired a truck instead of carrying his money to the bank he wouldn't be so worn out. Now Phil Jack doesn't have that much money. He don't. When Jackson goes to the bank to make a deposit he's carrying so many bags the teller puts on a red cap and meets him at the door. And then the vice president grabs a microphone and yells leaving on track five another load for fourth night. Okay okay. You don't have to start being such a big comedian just because Jack is off this week. He got Robert Taylor to fill in for him. He got who? Robert Taylor. Oh you mean Spangler Arlington Brew? Spangler Arlington Brew. Well wait a minute let's just mall over that.

5:22Don't get the hurry Lv. we can cut that up into some pretty parts you know. Well Phil that's his real name but on the screen he's known as Robert Taylor. How do you like that? What's the matter Phil? Well why does Jackson want to get somebody else when he's got me? Why baby I'm Radio's answer to the governor of Alabama. Me little Phil thing. Yeah that's pretty thing. The kid with a soothing personality. Phil your personality is by the soothing as an eye watch with tobacco socks. So whether you like it or not Robert Taylor's gonna be on the show. Okay okay but if you don't show up pretty soon I'm taking over. Oh no you're not. Oh Mary maybe we ought to check and see if Bob is starting for the studio yet huh? Well that's a good idea Don I think I will. Oh gochis. What is it Maple?

6:26I have the line on your switchboard is flashing. I know. Then why don't you answer it? If I do it'll stop flashing and it's the only thing that ever winks with me. Well then I'll answer it. Hello. Operator this is Miss Livingston. Will you get me Robert Taylor's house and please hurry because Mr. Taylor is gonna take Mr. Benny's place on the show today. One moment please. What is it? That's nothing. It seems that Mr. Benny can't be on the show so Robert Taylor has taken his... Robert Taylor! Maple! Maple snap your eyes back in. I can't one of them has plugged into the switchboard. Here I'll help you. Thanks. She imagined Robert Taylor coming on Jack Benny's program in person.

7:27What a personality. What a smile. He's so tall and handsome and cute. Yeah. He thought of a Phil Harris with brains. Why is it going to gear shift? How can you make such an ex-poss kill like... Phil Harris isn't even cute. Maple flop saddle. Listen, let's give credit what credit is due. I say Phil Harris is cute. Cute. Take away Alice Bay and what have you got? 180 pounds of ham hocks and 10 of green. Yeah, I wonder why Jack Benny is non-pissed show. Is the policy fixed? Oh, he can't be. I saw him at the bank yesterday talking to a red cap. And that's in Robert Taylor being on Jack Benny's program.

8:29Yeah. Why if Robert Taylor walked down the corridor right now? I'd get to him if I had to jump through that playcliff window. Well, you can jump at him if you want to. I'll wait here and catch you when he throws you back. Maple, if you're trying to be funny... Operator, operator. I'm sorry, but Robert Taylor doesn't answer. Well, thank you. Don. Don, Bob must be on his way over. I just called his house and he doesn't answer. In the meantime, Phil, maybe we ought to... Oh, that must be Bob now. Come in. Okay, where is he? Where is he? Wait a minute, mister. I don't know who you're looking for, but you must have the wrong place. No, I ain't. I'm looking for a guy named Benny. Look, Bob, we're doing a show here. Now, what do you want with Benny? I married him yesterday on Friday, April 4th. What? Oh, you're the fellow Jack hired. Yeah, I want my doll.

9:29Doll? Well, the organ was playing old promise me. He promised me ten bucks. Ten bucks? It was worth twenty holding that wrinkled old hand. Well, I'm sorry, but Mr. Benny's out of town. He left right after the ceremony. Well, how do you like that? He goes on a honeymoon and leaves me here with my wife and kids. Oh, now don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, fellow. When Mr. Benny comes back, I'm sure he'll give you the ten dollars. And fifty cents. He made me pay for the rice. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't say anything. Sorry, I didn't say anything. Oh, okay.

10:42Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. That was Phil Harris and his... You can turn the radio on again, Jack, they're through orchestra. Say, Barry, what's Robert Taylor going to get here? It's due to the sound of that man knocks on the door. Thanks. Come in. Hello, everybody. I hope it's not late. Hey, kids, look who's here, Robert Taylor. Hello, Mary. Oh, Shangri-La with a widow's peak. Gee, Bob, I'm certainly glad to see you. I'm lucky to be here as I came down the hall, something jumped at me through a plate glass window.

11:43A plate glass window. Oh, my goodness, Bob. Let me wipe that blood off. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Bob, let me wipe that blood off your cheek. That isn't blood. That's lipstick. It kissed me. Oh, well anyway, Bob, it's certainly nice of you to come over and fill in for Jack. Glad to do it, Mary. I think you know everyone. This is Don Wilson. Oh, sure, sure. How are you, Don? That's the control booth. Don's over here. How are you, Bob? I'm nice to see you. And Bob, I'm sure you know Phil Harris. Yes, as a matter of fact, a couple of months ago, I took his place with Alice. Wait a minute, Rallo. Hey, nobody takes my place without him. Well, Phil, I didn't really mean that. I just meant that when you were in Denver, I took your place on the pitch bandwagon. I know, but you wouldn't have been there if Alice hadn't a trick me.

12:43Trick you? Yes, she told me she was hiring Spangler Arlington Brew. With a name like that, I thought it must be a ballet dancer. That's funny. I've seen you lead an Orkson. I thought you were guild a gray. Stella, Stella, don't argue. Jack won't like us. Oh, hello, Don. How you feel, hello, Mary? Hello, Dennis. She must have been here. Those must be wonderful vitamin pills you take. Dennis, that isn't Miss Abenne. It's Robert Taylor. Robert Taylor? Yes, I'm a ballet dancer. Dennis, this is Robert Taylor, the movie star. Gosh, Mr. Taylor, my mother's crazy about you. She even keeps your picture under the ice box. Up to the ice box. Under the ice box. She doesn't want my father to know she's got your picture. Oh, oh. The other day, my father came into the kitchen and avoided my mother's thing past.

13:44She did, huh? Yeah, when my father said, what are you doing with your head under the ice box? She said, I'm looking at the drift. Dennis! Dennis, how can you say that? Let him alone, let him alone. Bangler, Arlington Brew. Hey, tell me something, bang. I don't blame you for changing your name, but how'd you happen to pick Robert Taylor? Well, it was by accident when the studio told me that I needed a stage name. I thought of a lot of them, didn't know which one to take, so I picked one out of a hat. Jeez, that's a coincidence. When I was born, my mother picked my middle name out of a hat. Really, Dennis? What is your middle name? Sweatband.

14:44Dennis, go sit down. Oh, Bob! Yes, yes, done. Bob, at this point in the program, Jack usually has us do a commercial. Okay, done. Go ahead and read it. Oh, no, I just don't read it. You see, we do a musical commercial with Jack's quartet, the sportsman. Oh, hello, fellas. Ah, they have a wonderful selection prepared for today. You were meant for me. You were meant for me. Uh, say, done. Yes, Bob. Do you think they'd mind if I accompanied them? I do play a musical instrument, you know. Oh, Bob, I didn't know that. What instrument do you play? The cello. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, bang! Not a cello. Fail. You don't play any instrument. Bob, if you want to cut me the quartet, go ahead and do it. Okay, just wait a minute while I get my cello. Okay, Bob, while you get set, I'll announce the number.

15:44Ladies and gentlemen, you were meant for me by the sportsman's quartet and starring Robert Taylor on the cello. You were meant for me. Oh, well, well, family. Love, deep fashion, you were. Kitchen and bathroom professionals know what goes behind the tile matters. That's why trade pros trust fiber cement, hearty backer board, to keep tile firmly in place, resist cracking, and help block moisture. Chosen in over 40 million kitchens and bathrooms, hearty backer board, what the best build on. Shop now at participating Home Depot, Lowe's, and floor into core stores. For more information, visit JamesHearty.com slash hearty backer. Kitchen and bathroom professionals know what goes behind the tile matters. That's why trade pros trust fiber cement, hearty backer board, to keep tile firmly in place, resist cracking, and help block moisture.

16:48Chosen in over 40 million kitchens and bathrooms, hearty backer board, what the best build on. Shop now at participating Home Depot, Lowe's, and floor into core stores. For more information, visit JamesHearty.com slash hearty backer. Well, the family, we only hope to reach a round answer. So, for the food, I take my sister's hand to her for food. You should try her lucky, they are better than the rent. Quality of product is essential to success. For them, no one plays that lucky strides was meant for you. You, you, you were meant for me.

17:48I would take that cell of yellow teeth. Don't you lay for men who know a way that lucky strides was meant for you. You take it to me, you. Oh Bob, Bob that was wonderful. But if all the musical instruments, how in the world you ever take on that one? Well, I had no choice, my mother had her mind made up. I had to be a cell of yellow teeth. I was a little bit shy, but I was a little shy. Oh Bob, Bob that was wonderful. But if all the musical instruments, how in the world you ever take on that one? Well, I had no choice, my mother had her mind made up. I had to be a cellist or else. Or else what? A ballet dancer. Well, Bob, I think it's wonderful. I think it'd be nice if everybody devoted a little time to music. I used to play musical instruments. You did, Dennis?

18:48Yeah, but one day my mother got mad at my father and threw it at him and it got smashed against the wall. Oh, that's too bad, what instrument was it? The piano. Oh, that's terrible, Dennis. Did anybody get hurt? It just me, I was still sitting on the stool. Dennis, why don't you go sit down and... I'll get it, Mary. Hello? Yes, I'm right there, it's Robert Taylor. New York calling? Say Mary, it must be Jack. Hello? Hello, Jack, how are you? I know this is long distance, but how much does it cost to say how are you? What'd you call for? I don't have labs on the program. Yeah, I can't understand that, I'm really working hard. I've even got my coat off. My pants.

19:52I will not. What's that, Jack? Don't talk to Mary, just a minute. Mary wants to talk to you. Oh, thanks, Bob. Hello, Jack. Where are you staying? Cherry Nevelin? Well, that's good. What are you doing? Oh, having dinner in the Brottle Suite? What are you having? Oh, Boyle Wright. Oh, Jack. Look, Jack, I better hang up. I'm beginning to sound like Jettel. What? Oh, all right, I'll tell him. Goodbye. Dennis, Jack wants you to sing your song right now. Okay, Tuts. Tuts? I call your babe, but she's your sister. Okay, Dennis, go ahead and sing. Oh, Shadow, come to play.

20:56Oh, Shadow, come to play. Oh, dining through the tree. And a blazing wave. And a blazing wave. From the distance. From the drifting, and the evening rain. Move along the shadows, move along. From the dawn, you'll come, and you'll be on your way. But until the darkness sheds its veil.

22:00They'll be blue shadow on the trail. From the dawn, you'll come, and you'll be on your way. But until the darkness sheds its veil. They'll be blue shadow on the trail.

23:01That was Dennis Day singing blue shadows on the trail. From Walt Disney's Picture Melody Time featuring Dennis Day. And very good, Dennis. Dennis, who? Dennis Sweatband. Dennis, why don't you stop being tough? Come in. How do you do? My name is Nelson. I'm a photographer, and I was asked to come over here and take some pictures. They'll appear in the five magazines I work for. Five magazines, what are they? A peak pic, slick, looking schnuck. Well, Mr. Nelson, if you're going to take pictures, you better get started. Very well. I'll set up my equipment. Hey, Nelson, is that little black box your camera? No, it's my dark room. I've got two midgets working in there. Midgets? Yes, they're half melted. I should plant you up.

24:04In the hope of the pictures, I'll take curly first. Are you ready? Anytime you are. How do you want me, profile or full? If I'd have wanted you full, I'd have caught you last night. Mr. Nelson, you shouldn't talk that way. Let him alone, let him alone. Anyway, Mr. Nelson, Mr. Taylor is the star of the show today, so why don't you take a picture of him? Very well. Will you sit here in this chair and hold your cello between your knees? Certainly. Like this? That doesn't look too good. They'll leave the cello on your right knee. Now, now, I'm trying to get something that shows you're a great athlete, but I can't seem to get it with a cello. Where? Well, if you want something sporty, I can slide it under me and write it side-side. No! No, no, I'll take of something.

25:06Well, in the meantime, how about taking a picture of me? I'm sorry, but I don't take landscape. Okay, okay. You look like a good subject. Me? Yes, did you ever have your picture taken? Only once when I was three weeks old. That was when you were a little baby, didn't your mother take any of you growing up? Well, she didn't have to. Each year she had the picture enlarged. And large? In my last picture, I'm nine feet tall with a diaper on. Damn. Mary, does Jack go through this every week with Dennis? Why did you think he went away for a rest? Mr. Nelson, what about the picture? I'll do it right now. Come here, young man. Now you stand right over here. Yes, now hold it. What? Hold it. Very good, very good.

26:06That was silly. You made me hold the camera and I took your picture. Oh my goodness, I did it again. I've got three million pictures of my son. Mr. Nelson, let's get the pictures all the way. Oh, I'll get it. Hello. Hello, Ms. Nelson, it's Roger sir. Oh, hello, Rochester. How are you? Oh, I feel all right now, but two days ago I didn't feel so good. Oh, that's too bad. What, Mr. Benny, sure, was considered? He was? Yeah, while I was dust in the house, Mr. Benny came over and said, Rochester, you don't look so good. And when I told him I didn't feel good, he said, well, you better hurry up and dust the house, wash the dishes, cut the lawn, trim the head, sweep the porch, clean the chimney, and then you're going to have to wash the dishes. Trim the head, sweep the porch, clean the chimney, polish the silver, wash the wood, wash the floors, and get right to bed.

27:09Well, Rochester, did you find it? Get to bed? How could I? That was two days ago. I just finished washing the wood. Well, Rochester, now that Mr. Benny is out of town, I think you ought to take the opportunity to get out of the house and get some fresh air. Get out of the house. What are you laughing at? This chain is so short I can't even bring the milk in. Oh, Rochester, you're just making up jokes. Would I have called you if I had straight lines? I thought so. What did you call for? I'd like to talk to Mr. Taylor. Oh, just a minute, I'll call him. Oh, Bob, Rochester wants to talk to you. Okay. Hello, Rochester, what is it? Oh, Mr. Taylor, since you're going to be eating here for the next few days, what time would you like to have your dinner? Well, would seven o'clock be all right? Yeah, that'll be okay. And, Rochester, I'd like to have steak, potatoes and peas. I'm sorry, Mr. Taylor. I wrote the contract Mr. Benny came in and steak ain't on it. Well, then, what do I get these?

28:11Potatoes and peas. Just potatoes and peas? I've got the contract right here. I'll look up the clause and says peas. Clause 5, 12, 18. Oh, here it is. 27. Is that the number of the clause? No, that's not the number of the clause. Is that the number of the clause? No, that's the number of peas. Oh, well, Rochester, what do I get for dessert? What? Desert. Desert? Yeah, that's something extra that's added to top off your dinner. Well, when did they start that? A couple of weeks ago. Well, anyway, Rochester, as long as it's only for a few days, just give me what's in the contract. Okay, Mr. Taylor, what time do you think you want to go to bed? I'll sit up and listen to the radio for a while, probably go to bed about 11. Good, good. That'll give me plenty of time to lay out your pajamas and ballet slippers. Thank you, Rochester. I'll see you in a little while. Goodbye. Goodbye.

29:16See, Mary, the time is almost gone. I've planned so many things I wanted to do on this program, but that photographer came in and took up all our time. Well, Bob, I've got a concession to make. I sent for him. You sent for him, but Mary almost spoiled the program. Well, who cares? Now, I've got pictures of me working with you so I can send it back to the girls of the May Company. Mary, you used to work at the May Company. What a coincidence. Did you used to work there, too? No, but that's where I'd buy my ballet slippers. Well, what a small world play field. Mary and Bob will be back in just a minute. But first here is Basil Rhysedale. Lucky Strike, first again with tobacco man. First again with tobacco man. Lucky Strike. As a recent impartial survey reveals, more independent tobacco experts more lucky strike regularly than the next two leading brands compine.

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31:21Say it Mary, I was just looking at this magazine radio best and Jack was picked as the number one comedian. Well, how do you like that? What are you laughing at Mary? Jack off the air one week and already he's America's favorite comedian. Goodnight, doll. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company. Kitchen and bathroom professionals know what goes behind the tile matters. That's why trade pros trust fiber cement, hearty backer board to keep tile firmly in place, resist cracking and help block moisture. Chosen in over 40 million kitchens and bathrooms, hearty backer board, what the best build on. Shop now at participating home depot, lows and floor into core stores. For more information visit Jameshardy.com slash hearty backer.