Jack Benny - Dons Play

0:00Do you know the reason why Jello today tastes richer, more thrillingly good than it ever has before? Well, it's all because of Jello's wonderful new process that locks in Jello's grand and glorious flavor. Is today Jello gives you more of the richness that for over 40 years has made Jello America's favorite gelatin dessert? Because now this richness is locked right into the tiny Jello particles to bring you extra enjoyment. Try all of Jello's six delicious flavors. Rosie thinks strawberry, crimson raspberry, ruby red cherry, golden orange, sunny lemon, and emerald green lime. All of these tempting Jello flavors offer you bright, brilliant beauty and flavor that makes you think of the juicy ripe fruit itself. Jello that is locked in for your added pleasure. To prove how swell Jello's locked in flavor really is, open a package of Jello.

1:04Notice that there's no telltale aroma, no sign of escaping fragrance and flavor. Then dissolve the tiny Jello particles and notice how Jello's captive goodness comes pouring out in a rush of richness. Get Jello tomorrow in all six delicious flavors and thrill to the marvelous new delight of Jello's locked in flavor. That's all I've for food since I had my day off. So now ladies and gentlemen, we turn back to the spot and take you to the address bar across the street from the NBC building here in Hollywood. The time is exactly 15 minutes before this project. Take it away, good song. Hurry up and order your sandwich.

2:06William Mary will be on the end a few minutes. A sandwich? Yes. I'm a growing girl. I want meat and potatoes. Well, all right, order a meat sandwich. And the potato chips here are very crispy. Every Sunday we have to eat in a drug store. Why don't you take me to the brown derby once in a while? Mary, I'm not going into the brown derby until they hang my picture in the main dining room with the rest of the big movie stars. They can't treat me that way. What do you mean? Every time I want to see that drawing of myself, I've got to go in and wash my hands. Well, it's not right. Oh, stop complaining. Say, Jack, look at this item on the menu. Jack's been essential. 35 cents. Jack's been essential. What is it? A minute steak with a transfusion. Oh, these soda jerks think they're so smart.

3:06Hey, Gilroy, what do I have to do to get a little service around here? Take it easy, blue eyes. Hello, Mary, what'll it be? I'll have a hot roast beef sandwich, mashed potatoes, lettuce and tomato salad, an apple pie with 2D-3D ice cream. Mary, you haven't got time to eat all that. OK, don't choose the fruity. I'll say that stuff for the program. Say, Gilroy, I think I'll just have a cup of coffee and a donut. A what? A donut. One of those over there with the powdered sugar on it. That's a plain donut. I forgot to dust them off this morning. Oh, oh, well, they never mind. Maybe I'll just have a cup of a whole meal. Hello, Jackson. Hello, Mary. Hey, Jack, get a load of a filled plaque. They button on the side. Oh, yeah. Well, I'll be darned. I put on a pair of allotuses. Oh, my goodness. Why don't you open your eyes when you get up in the morning? They're open, Jackson, but they don't work so noons.

4:09Oh. What a beat, Chris. Well, uh, uh. Mark, Jack, give me a fill hair special. OK. One ham omelet. Save it. I'm going to put a wave in it. The most he gets the physical thing I ever heard. There's your order, Mary. Thanks. Oh, Jack, let's just have the other end of a counter. It's Virgil Rimer. That's funny sound, man. That's what he thinks. Nobody speaks to me. Getting too fresh. Hello, Virgil. What do you have? Get long distance on the phone. I want to send Virgil family. Oh, he's so clever. Hey, Virgil, you sure got a lot of laughs. You can't find laughs, Andy. You were the funniest thing on a Betty program. Yeah, and imagine what I could do. A whole poison push didn't hold me down. Hmm, poison push. That's a fine way to talk about our sponsor. He means you. I know who he means. Why, guy?

5:09No, sitting very just orific. You get many fan letters? I'll say. Remember that little poodle that you used to run out and bring in my mail? Yeah. Well, I got a safe for Nard now. That's positively the worst joke I ever heard. I thought it was kind of cute. Me too. Yeah? Two. You know, Virgil, I thought you had a lot of fun working for Venni. Fun. That old slave driver does everything but chases across the ice. Well, that's the last straw. Now listen here, Virgil. Oh, hello, Mr. LaGrie. Where's your whip? Never mind the wisecrack. You get over to NBC and set up our props for the program. Now, scramb, see what I told you, Gil. All right, get going. Get going. Hey, Virgil, I slipped my mouth and Mickey. You stay out of it. Hey, where's my armless? Hey, I quit. Do you want something to drink with it? No, thanks. I'm on the wagon. He never heard a coffee in the morning. How are you up with mine, will you?

6:11Same as Mr. Venni, I just got on the wing machine. And how much do you think I'm doing? Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello. Same as Mr. Venni, I just got on the wing machine. And how much do you think I'm doing? How are you feeling here? All right, I guess. Good, good. I thought I had fallen arches for a while, but I wasn't pulling my socks up. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, I see. Thanks, Evan. My girl can use those arch supporters I bought. Why don't you buy them, Jack? Because I don't need them. So make sure you think I got flat feet. Plop, plop, plop. All right, all right, young lady. Just for that, I'm not going to pick up your check today. I can carry it over to the cashier myself. I was going to pay it, too. Same as Mr. Venni, I just got on the wing machine. Yes. How much do you think I weigh? How much, Dennis? 141 pounds, strip. Strip. I took the scale and the phone booth. Oh, oh.

7:13Well, you better watch yourself, young man. And you know what else, Mr. Venni? When I put a penny in the machine, I got one of those little cards with my fortune on it. Oh, your fortune, hey? What did it say, kid? You're lucky you can sing. What? What? What? What? Now, there's a machine that knows it's business. Hey, Gilroy, where's my coffee? Did you send a Brazil for it? D.C. in Europe. Mark Alex. I wouldn't even eat here if the brown derby wasn't so careless about where they hung my picture. Now, you ought to watch your hands here sometime. Well, I'll be done. Hey, kids, you better snap into it. We're on the air in a few minutes. OK, Don. See you later, Jackson. I'm going to run ahead and find out what my boys are going to play today. What? You mean you don't know what numbers you're doing? Once you would rehearse so? We didn't have a rehearsal. Frankie left the cards and chips, Paul. Oh, see you in the joint, fellas. Be right up.

8:14Oh, say, Don. Don, come here a minute, will you? When you introduce me today, I wish you'd do me a favor and say I just started my new picture at Warner Brothers with Anne Sheridan. Well, are you making a picture with Anne Sheridan? Yes, and it might be on the program today. You know, it might be a nice subject to talk about. You know, in just a little romance. What do you mean romance? You're playing a part of her father, aren't you? I had that out with the director, and I'm now her husband. My new role will be great for the picture. It won't hurt to make up this, isn't it, either? All right. I don't forget, Don. Oh, Warner Brothers, huh? Yeah. Be with you in a second, Mary. I want to get a tube of shaving cream. Hey, mister, give me a tube of shaving cream, will you? Got turn in an old tube, you know? Got turn in an old one. Look, I haven't got an old tube. Now hurry, will you? Government regulations. But look, look. I don't make the laws, you know. Now look, look.

9:15Come on, Jack, we'll be late for the program. I'm coming. Now, look, mister, forget the shaving cream. Just give me a cigar. Got to have an old one, you know? Never mind. Forget the whole thing. Come on, Mary, let's go.

10:58That was the Jersey Bounce played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who has just started his new picture for Warner Brothers with lovely Anne Sheridan, Jack Glamour Boy Benny. Thank you. Gelogand, this is Jack Benny, you're a Glamour Boy, like Don said. Have a known, I've never go that far. A Don, how in the world did you ever find out about my new picture with Anne Sheridan? Did you read about it in some columns? Lydia? No, Jack, as a matter of fact, I haven't seen anything about it in the papers.

12:00Well then, how did you ever hear about it? I was trying to keep it a secret. How'd you find out, Don, did a little bird tell you? Yeah, no gray canary. Mary. But it's the truth, Don. Anne Sheridan is my new leading lady, and she sure is up to teach to work with. Oh, I can imagine. I mean, her annunciation is so clear and bell-like, and her addiction is simply marvelous, you know? And her... That's Benny for you with him, it's her addiction. Well, she is beautiful, I'll admit that. And confidently, Don, I think her husband, George Brent, is a little jealous of me. What do you mean? Well, he happened to visit the fifth the other day. Just as Anne and I were doing a love scene. Right in the middle of a kiss, he got mad and walked out. Well, naturally, why did you kiss him? I didn't kiss him, I kissed Miss Sheridan.

13:02Pay attention with you. Anyway, Don, I think that this picture will be one of my best screen efforts today. In fact, I'm already getting fan letters on it. Really? Yep. He gets a bill from Bullux and he calls it a fan letter. I'm talking about real movie fans that write in. Don, you know that little poodle that you should run out and bring in my mail? What poodle? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, I got a great game now. Ha, ha, ha, ha. A pretty clever, hey, Donny? Some ad live. Now, wait a minute, you, that's my gag. You said same for not, I said great day. It's a different gag all together. You steal any more of myself and I'll play ring around your nosy. Oh, ghost it out. Say Jackson, do you think that the cat's a get me in that new picture you're making? Well, I don't know, Phil. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Ann Sheridan. Husband? What clock did you play? Well, if you're her husband, she's got to have a sweetheart. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Listen, Maestro, I wouldn't make any more cracks like that if I were you.

14:04Let's next season, when I say play, Phil, I'll be addressing Phil Spatowney. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So watch it. Oh, you couldn't fire me, Jackson. I got too much on you. Oh, yeah? Well, listen, Phil, if you're referring to that night in Phoenix, that young lady was my, I've never been to Phoenix. Hmm. Why don't I keep my big mouth shut? Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, Phil, don't think I can't get along without you. Famous for Benny? Oh, hello, Dennis. You met me in the drug store, remember? Oh. Oh, yes. Famous for Benny, can I come out to the studio and watch you work on your picture someday? Well, I certainly, Dennis. Anytime you feel like it. That's well. And say while I'm out there, would you mind introducing me to a, to a certain somebody? Ha, ha, ha. As if I didn't know. Who do you mean, Dennis? Oh, you'll tease me about it. No, no, no. Who do you want to meet? Edward G. Robinson. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, that, I never figured.

15:06Hmm, what a well. It's about time for your song, kid. So let's have it. Okay. Call it a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Would you be interested in a two-pay with no cups on it? Get out of here! You ought to feel it's head folks. The only thing you can part on it is a thyme brow. Sing that. What is in faith, where we on the night, God, wanna go and I fall, I recall that I saw your smile. I remember you.

16:09You're the one who made my dream come true. Of you, this is the goal. I remember you. You're the one who said, I love you too. I do, didn't you know? I remember who I just felt. And for the care of my dream, for the blue. When my life is full, and being for the keep, I will not let you go. Then I shall tell you, I remember you.

17:20Then I shall tell you, I remember you. That was I remember you sung by Dennis Day, who would rather meet Edward G. Robinson and Ann Sherden. And now folks, I only wanted to meet Robinson, so he would introduce me to Miss Sherden. Well, I go to all that trouble. I could introduce you to Ann. Well, I wanted a meter for nothing. It wouldn't cost you anything.

18:25And now folks, you charged me 25 cents to meet Barbara Stanwick. You met Barbara Stanwick and Robert Taylor. And now folks, that isn't worth a quarter, then I don't know what. And now folks, Mr. Don Wilson, that eminent American author has written another of the famous One Act plays. Take it, Mr. Wilson. The scene, ladies and gentlemen, don't run off Dennis. You're in this. You're going to be an old prospector. OK, here fill home my yo-yo. Dennis, put that away. Go ahead, Don. The scene, ladies and gentlemen, is the home of Mr. and Mrs. Rufus Lamar, who live in the cabin on the edge of the Mojave Desert and the desolate part of the west. They're just finishing their evening meal, music, please. Well, well, Sarri, I thought our supper tonight was fine.

19:25There's nothing like Barbecue Coyote. Not only that, I got a fur coat out of it. Yep, and that, uh, that yellow we had for dessert was mighty tempkins. Where did you get it? I walked 85 miles, so I neighborhood grossed it. Well, it sure was worth it. Say, Ruf, I've seen a newspaper in town and guess what? What? It says that many are going to wear cups on their pants anymore. It is. Say, I wonder if I got cups on my pants? I'd take off your boots some time and find out. One of these days I'm a goon to. I wonder who that is. Come in. Hello, stranger. Who are you? I'm a prospector, and for three weeks now the lost and the desert without order drinks. I'm starving. I tell you, I'm starving. Recomble, timer. Sit down. Okay, hold my yo-yo.

20:30Hmm. A fine prospector. I'm starving, I tell you. I tell you. I tell you. A don't worry. We'll take care of you. Yes, I'll take a nice hot dish and be stew. Be stew? Yep. No, thank you. I'm a vegetarian. Hmm. I'm starving, I tell you. I tell you. I tell you. Be patient. We'll take a something stranger. Say, would you like a nice lettuce and tomato salad? What kind of dressing? French with thousand miles. Thousand miles. No, thank you. Hmm. I'm starving, I tell you. I tell you. Well, you're going to eat something. Isn't there anything you'd like? Yes. Have you got some tempting and delicious jello? Jello. I'm sorry, partner. We had some, but we ate every bit of it. I'm going to make it again tomorrow, though. Okay, I'll be back. So long. So long, stranger.

21:31I'm starving, I tell you. I'm starving. I'm starving. Hmm. Awful. What other products can command such loyalty? Well, that little drama, ladies and gentlemen, was written by our own Don Wilson. And Don, that's the best one yet. Oh, I don't deserve too much credit for it, Jack. You see, that was a true story. I believe you. Now, um... Now, go over to your chairs and sit down. And I'll folks... And I'll folks, I would like to announce that our program next Sunday will originate from San Francisco, where we are going to dedicate the brand new NBC studios. In fact, we're going to do their very first broadcast. Well, I guess a new building can take it. No worry. If I can just get my writers out of Hurley's bar into a Turkish bath, we'll be okay.

22:32Now, kids, I gave all of you your railroad tickets, so I better check them over to see if everything is alright. Phil, what's your Pullman reservation? I'm sleeping in car 19, Lord Five. Check. What's yours, Dennis? Car 19, Lord Five. Check. Now, wait a minute. Never mind. Now, what's yours, Don? Car 19, Lord Five. Don't ask me. Check. What's yours, Mary? Upper five. Thanks, Jack. Don't mention it. Well, everything's okay, so remember, fellas, be at the station one half hour before train time. Now, take it easy, Jackson. Three of us can't sleep in one bird. Of course not. We won't be comfortable. Listen, Don, in a days abortable, the poor marks brother slept in one bird, and they had a heart beside. So stop beeping. Jack, if I was as thin as the poor marks brother's,

23:33I wouldn't complain. Don, the tickets are bought, and that's the way it's going to be. That's a lot of hurry about the marks brother's. How do you know the old slip in one bird? Jack was in the baggage car with synced mule. You said it. And those days, when I said I was going to hit the hay, I meant it. Anyway, fellas, it's a short trip, so don't worry about it. Say, Mr. Benny, where are you going to sleep? Well, Dennis, on account of my insomnia, think I'll just sit up in the chair, car, and read. I'll get a magazine. Well, buy a popular mechanics and find out how three guys can lay down in one bird. Who said lay down? Lay down, or lie down. Which is the reason why I'm going to sleep in one bird. Which is correct. A lot of good battles do it. Listen, kid, will you please stop being so funny? Say, how am I going to get up to San Francisco by carrying your pigeons? Roger, you're not going to be with us next week. You can tune in and listen.

24:34I wouldn't listen to this program if it was a part of gold, and I had the only telephone in the country. Oh, you, uh, you wouldn't, eh? That's top of them, Jack. I wasn't trying to talk. I don't want to hear any more about our trip. We're going there. We're going to open up the new studios, and immediately... Immediately. Hello? Hello, Mr. Bennet, this is Rochester. Hello, Rochester. What do you want? Well, Gorsese did it before, and he did it again. What? What are you talking about? Carmichael just came out of hibernation, and I can't find a gas man. You mean my polar bear woke up already? Why he's not supposed to come out of hibernation? They'll may first. He's early. Who was the gas man? Stop dreaming things up. Tell me, Rochester, was Carmichael in a good mood? Well, yes and no.

25:34What do you mean yes and no? When he first got up, he came over and hugged me, and squeezed me, and he even tried to kiss me. Well, and then he put salt and pepper on it. Oh, that cute little rascal. I bet he's as thin as a rail. Uh-huh. And you better give him something to eat, Rochester, a lot of nourishing foods. Uh-huh. And what that bear needs is something fat-ning. I know one, how the fudge you ain't gonna give. Oh, Rochester, stop. You know he loves it. I know one. I know one. How the fudge you ain't gonna give. Oh, Rochester, stop. You know he loves it. Oh, Rochester, stop. You know he loves you. Now here's what you do. Give Carmichael a nice cold shower, and then comb his hair out. Might be all mad at you, know? You don't like it when a comb is here. Well, and give him a slap on his nose and make him behave. Let him know who's born. I let him know once, then he lets me know. And now there's no question about it.

26:36Oh, alright, Rochester. Just leave him alone. When I come home, I'll take care of everything. Goodbye. Goodbye. Old state ball. Now what? I'm going to the San Francisco with you, ain't I? Yes, of course. Well, on this tip of mine going to be under 12-hour, full of water again. You're getting a ticket, now they're by. And down that Carmichael every year, the gas company wants to take my meter out. Oh, well, play field. Here's a gay question, Desire. It's quite the beautifulest cream itself. Jello cubes with strawberries. It's an enticing treat to blend the grand touch of color and flavor to any meal you serve it with. How folks will enjoy it. And just listen to how easy it is to make. Simply dissolve one package of orange jello in a pint of hot water and then turn into a shallow pan and chill until firm. Cut the jello into cubes and then arrange them in sherbet glasses with sweetened sliced strawberries using quick frozen strawberries if you wish. Serve either plain or with cream, water dessert,

27:38so rich and inviting to look at, so gloriously good. Make the family this wonderful combination of sweet juicy red strawberries and clear golden cubes of orange jello. Get several packages of orange jello tomorrow. But be sure when you do to get genuine jello because jello's flavor is locked in for your added enjoyment. This is the last number of the 29th program in the current Jello series and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time broadcasting from the new NBC studios in San Francisco. Long jacks here at the train. Wait a minute Mary, we've all got to stick around a day and put on a little entertainment for men in uniform. They'll all be coming in here in a few minutes. Oh well I'll just have time to write a poem. Also the sailors and Marines, you're the nicest dog I've ever seen. Save it, save it, good night folks. Friends the same folks who make jello make another wonderful dessert.

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