Jack Benny - Jack Has A Music Lesson

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3:07Rochester, Tennessee, the Boston Port, Canada. You're truly down low. Ladies and gentlemen, let's go out to Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills where he's waiting for Professor LeBlanc to arrive and give him a violin lesson at the most of the professor's approaching a house. Here was M.S.T. L.S. Who I did I have to become a violin teacher. If there was such a thing as reincarnation, I would be happy to die and come back as a pig or a dog. But with my luck I would come back as a cat and end up on M.S.T. L.S. Well, I might as well go in. Well, Professor LeBlanc. How do you do, M.S.T. Benny?

4:10You're supposed to be here for my lesson yesterday. Why didn't you come? Last Sunday I heard that you were going to be on the Ford Theatre program and do the horn blows at midnight. Yes, yes. With 18 million falls on the road, I figured that at least one of them would hit you. No, no, no. I was careful. Well, come off, Professor. Let's go in the den and start the lesson. We... Now I'll get my violin and... Hmm, that's funny. It was here a few minutes ago. Oh, Rochester! Rochester! Just a minute, boss, I'm bearing something in the bad yard! What? Rochester, what are you bearing? I'll thank you and tell you I'm sick of it! Oh, for a minute, I was worried. Come on in here. For M.S.T. Benny, if you like, I would gladly come back some other time.

5:12No, no, Professor. Don't worry. We'll find it. What is it, boss? Rochester, my violin is missing. It is? Yes, I've looked everywhere and it's gone. Well, what are we waiting for? Let's open the bottle of champagne! Rochester, there's no time to be funny. Now, help me find it. Okay, okay. Now, let me see. If I was Mr. Benny's violin, what would I do? I'd take the strings off and leg myself to this! Stop that. Rochester, my violin just couldn't work. Well, how do you like that? Somebody put it in the fireplace under those old newspapers. Professor, put out that mask! We miss you, Professor, why'd you put my violin in the fireplace? I thought it would sound better than it was barred with you! What? Saving that for me! Now, cut that out! I've got to take my violin lesson so you can leave now. We miss you! Mr. Benny, let us commence.

6:13Okay, let's start with the menu with Leon T. Yes, yes. No, no, Mr. Benny, no, no, no, no! I told you so many times you must slide. No, no, no, no! Now, try it again, in this time, slide of the string. Yes. What? Was that too high? I think so, you knocked off your two pay.

7:15Oh, excuse me, a minute. There. Shall I try it once more? Yes, but turn around and face me. I am, I am faking you. Oh, yes, you put your two pay on back well. I did not, this is the one with the bank. Now, try it once more and hold it both firmly. Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Here, bow is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Louis Michel, you know, try it once more. You know, professor, it's hard to believe that this music is coming from a quartus tail. It is not out to believe.

8:16What? Close to you. Yes, sir. That sounds better. That's the door button. Or left, after I answer the door. Right, professor. Excuse me, professor, I'll have to get it. You smile the song begins and then I play my violin. Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing, another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Jamba. Jump in at JambaCasino.com. Let's jump up. No purchase necessary. VTW Group. Boy, we're prohibited by law. CCNC. 21 plus. Sponsored by JambaCasino. Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees. But I don't really need it. Infliction is killing me. But who cares? Big retailers and making record profits. That's why we support the German Marshall credit card bill. See? Banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources they need. While increasing Megastore profits. They deserve it.

9:16Don't they? Tell Congress, stop the German Marshall money grab for corporate megastores. Paid for it by the Electronic Payments Coalition. Warning. The following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words. When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated. For Lauren even. Like your efforts are futile. And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people. Just flooded with candidates who are just. Fine. F***. Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that. And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip. With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustrations. Because we find the right people for your roles fast. Which is our absolute favorite effort. In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic. So, whether you need to hire four, forty, or four hundred people. Get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zippercruder for free.

10:17Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip. Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip. It's bad. La la la la la. Oh, hello, Dennis. I came to say goodbye and running away from home. You're what? I'm running away from home. Dennis, again, what are you talking about? Running away from home. Yeah. Look, don't you realize what that'll do to your parents? It'll break their heart. What have you got in that suitcase? Food or clothing? I don't know. My mother packed it. Well, come on in. Okay. I love Dennis. I know that sometimes you have arguments at home, but you ought to change your mind about running away. That's wrong. Won't be long before you'll be missing your mother. I know. That's why I took along this picture. See? Wait a minute. This is a picture of Monty Woolie. No, it's my mother. I drew a beard on it. Oh, wait.

11:19We can't stop being silly. You can't run away from home. I mean, what would you do? Where would you go? I'd go around the world in the boat. A boat? Yeah. They rent them to me at West Lake Park. Finally, it's a great way to go around the world. Yeah. Look, Marco Smolo. Before you run away from home, how about letting me hear the song you're going to do on the program? Okay. Come on. Let's do it. Forever and ever. My heart will be true. We heart forever. I'll wait for you. We both made a promise. That we'd never fall.

12:23Let's feel it with our kiss. Forever, my sweetheart. Let bygone be bygone forever. We'll fall more once again. Forever, tell the world of our new love divine. Forever and ever, you'll be mine. Forever and ever. My heart will be true. We heart forever. I'll wait for you.

13:26We both made a promise. That we'd never fall. Let's feel it with our kiss. Forever, my sweetheart. Forever and ever. That was... I was very good, Dennis. You can sing that as you sail around the world. What are you leaving? Stop talking about it. I'm Cececo already. Sit down and rest for a few minutes. Next to the window. I've got to rush after answering the phone. I'm going to finish my violin lessons. Yes, sir. Hello, Mr. Benny's bells. Death star, stage, screen, radio, and heavy-in tip. Income text file by the man who knows.

14:27Hi, yes, sir. Can I speak to buttons and bucks? Just a minute. It's for you, boss. Who is it? Files and burdens. Hello? Hi, ejectionists of Maestro. Oh, Phil. How are you? Well, well. Listen, Matuzla. The reason I called... I called you because my arch has formed a baseball team and I thought you'd be interested. A baseball team? Yeah, and I was wondering whether we should call it Harris's Hurricanes or Benny's Bombers. Harris's Hurricanes? Well, that's ridiculous. After all, it is my program. So how can you call the team anything? But Benny's Bombers. Okay. That'll be 126 bucks for the uniform. Oh. Uh, tell me, Phil, when is the first game of Harris's Hurricanes? Not? And about three weeks, Jackson, we're playing Kate Kaiser's orchestra.

15:29Well, I hope your boys are better baseball players than the arm musicians. They sure are, Jackson. We got a great team. Listen to the line up. I'm Pitchin, Sammy the drummer's kitchen, and Bagbee the piano players in right field. Now, what position is Ramley at? James always flat on his back. I thought so. I'll pick him up if you want to say hello to him. No, no, don't disturb him. Just put a lucky in his mouth where you'll feel his level bad. I fell. So who are the other members of your team? Well, my three tactful players from the MCL, Billy Smith on third, Walter Sharps on second, and Jimmy Watts on first. Who's on first? No, Watts on first. Oh, Jackson, you're a natural horn straight, man. Look. Look, Costello.

16:30What other things you've got to play? Well, at the Kaiser, we play Bob Crosby's orchestra, then Russ Morgan's orchestra, then Phil's Patolony. The one with Patolony's orchestra's the night game. Oh, with light? Light, nothing. You think we're crazy? Oh, oh, oh. Hey, look, Jackson, well, if you drop around, watch the team practice sometime. I'll do that. Nighty to call. So long, Phil. Oh, say Jackson. Yeah? Before I hang up, I want to ask you, what number would you like my orchestra to play on the program next Sunday? Oh, I don't know. Well, my band's been rehearsing a swell arrangement of the Sheik of Aravins. Oh, that song making a comeback? Why? It's been away? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Certainly, Phil. That song's been dead for over 20 years. Well, then we'll play it. We can't hurt it, none. No, but you can let it rest in peace. Goodbye, Phil. So long, y'all. Yes, yes, yes. What a baseball team that's gonna be.

17:33Let us finish the violin lesson. Oh, yes, yes, Professor. We'll go right in. Oh, Bob! What is it, Rochester? You told me to remind you that you want to listen to a certain radio program at five o'clock. Oh, yes, yes. My girlfriend, Daisy Dickinson, is gonna be interviewed. Rochester, turn on the radio. Yes, sir. And you say you've been serving perfume in that department store for 27 years? Yes, for 27 years. Every day I've been behind that perfume counter. Well, thank you very much, Miss... Miss... Just call me stinky. Yes, thank you. Mr. Benny, is that your girlfriend? No, no, of course not. And now continuing our series of interviews with people in every walk of life, we've presented another young lady here. What's your name, Miss? Daisy Dickinson. Oh, that's her, Dennis. That's my girlfriend. It told me Miss Dickinson. Where were you born? Well, sir, I was born. We're down in Atlanta. Well, then that makes you a Georgia piece. Don't let this buzz on my face for you, honey.

18:37Fuzz. A little on her upper lip. She makes a big thing out of it. And now, Miss Dickinson, what is your occupation? Well, I'm a secretary for a radio advertising agency. Baton, Barton, Derson, and Arvon. Oh, an advertising agency. That's interesting. I suppose in that way you get to meet a lot of big stars. Oh, yes. But don't ever want to know real well, it's mellow Jack Benny. You know, Mr. Benny, I... Shut up, kid. They're talking about me. Miss Dickinson, perhaps you can give us some inside information about Mr. Benny. Well, if it's not too personal. God, what a personality. And now, Miss Dickinson, on the radio, Mr. Benny portrays a somewhat posimonious character. Is he that stingy in real life? Goodness, no. While in our very first date, he took me to Stereo's. Oh, we had a wonderful dinner.

19:37And the bill came to $21,012. So how did you know the exact amount of the check? Well, Jack felt playful. He kept blowing it over to me. I see. And then when he ran out of breath, he paid, and we left. It was all right, I paid. $21,012. Wow. Well, Miss Dickinson, it's been a pleasure having you as a guest on our program. And before you go, we want to give you a taste of our sponsor's product. Zingy Zesto, the best breakfast cereal of them all. Oh, thank you. And remember, our breakfast food doesn't snap pop or crackle. It just sits in the bowl and binds its own business. I'll have to get some of that. Thank you, Miss Dickinson. And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's our next guest. Tell a reticure from 2311 Racing. Game night's fun until someone spends five minutes lining up one shot.

20:37Chalk, breathe, re-chalk, still aiming. While they figure it out, I fire up Chumpa Casino. I can spin anywhere, anytime, and there's always a new social casino game every week. Spins happen way faster than that shot. Play now at chumpacasino.com. Let's chumpa. Sponsored by Chumpa Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW group board were prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply. Warning. The following Zipper Cruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words. When you're hiring, we at Zipper Cruder know you can feel frustrated. For Lauren, even. Like your efforts are futile. And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people. Only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. Fortunately, Zipper Cruder figured out how to fix all that. And right now, you can try Zipper Cruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip. With Zipper Cruder, you can forget your frustrations. Because we find the right people for your roles fast. Which is our absolute favorite effort.

21:37In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zipper Cruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic. So whether you need to hire four, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zipper Cruder for free. Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip. Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip. Warning. The following Zipper Cruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words. When you're hiring, we at Zipper Cruder know you can feel frustrated. For Lauren, even. Like your efforts are futile. And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people. Only to get flooded with candidates who are just. Fine. Fortunately, Zipper Cruder figured out how to fix all that. And right now, you can try Zipper Cruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zip. With Zipper Cruder, you can forget your frustrations. Because we find the right people for your roles fast. Which is our absolute favorite effort.

22:38In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zipper Cruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic. So, whether you need to hire four, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first straight talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zipper Cruder for free. Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zip. Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zip. Hello, name, please. Donald Wilson. Hey, Dennis. It's Don Wilson. He didn't tell me he was going to be on the program. Well, maybe he doesn't want to take commission. Maybe. Don Wilson, are you the radio announcers? Well, that's just the sideline. I'm really a great mimic. I can imitate anything. I see. And what do you consider your most novel imitation? My imitation of a quartet. I do all four voices. All four voices? Yeah. Yeah. Would you like to hear it? Ooh, what a... I wonder what's Don trying to do then?

23:39All right, I've just listened to this. First, I want to warm up my four voices. Mimi, Mimi, Mimi. Mimi. Yeah, I didn't know Don could do that. And when I put all my four voices together, I sound like this. Feeling low, feeling tense. D-faceware.com and sense. Feeling low, feeling tense. D-faceware.com and sense. Oh, call lucky. To be in your level, best. Oh, call lucky. To be in your level, best. Well, that was wonderful, Mr. Wilson. Thank you. Oh, call lucky. To be in your level, best. Yeah, that's enough, Mr. Wilson. Oh, call lucky. Mr. Wilson. Oh, call lucky. Mr. Wilson, that's enough. Take your four voices and go. Thank you. Thank you.

24:43See, I didn't know Don could imitate a quartet. He looks like one, but I didn't think that he could do that. Mr. Benny, I am waiting to finish the last call. Oh, of course, Professor. Let's go in the other room. Oh, excuse me, Professor. Maybe that's Mary. No, no, she's in Palm Springs. Well, there you have door buzzes there. Oh, quiet. Oh, hello, Mr. Kitsol. Hello, Mr. Benny. Mr. Benny, I came over to ask you. Would I get some tickets to your board test for my bowling club? Oh, I certainly, Mr. Kitsol. I didn't know you belonged to a bowling club. Well, it was my wife's idea she wanted to lose a little weight. Oh, oh, is she heavy? Heavy. You know, on the day we was married, her father and I could hardly carry her over the fascia.

25:43Her father? This was his house. We were moving in, let him help. Oh, oh, what a job. Yes, we have to carry her pony back. No, no, you mean piggyback. Let's well enough alone. Oh, yeah. Well, Mr. Kitsol, I think it was very smart of your wife to join a bowling club. It's my some bowling club. They need new equipment. Every ball I picked up had holes in it. Mr. Kitsol, you see, a bowling ball is supposed to have holes in it. Therefore, your fingers and one hole is for your thumb. Yes, that I found out to myself. Oh, does something happen to you? No, to the man who runs the delicatessen. A bowling ball got stuck to his thumb that was three weeks ago and he didn't got it off yet. How does that affect you?

26:43Mr. Binnie, when I buy a pound of corn geese, thing for a little term I don't mind. Well, pounds of bowling balls. That's too much. Oh, Mr. Kitsol, you just made that up. Yes. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, that one. Oh, right. That one's pretty clever. Maybe you'd like to write for my program. Oh, I would like to very much, but I already got a job in radio. You have? Yes, I'm a technical advisor on the life of Riley. Oh, well, here are your tickets, Mr. Kitsol. Oh, blessed you have, Mr. Binnie. Thank you. When I wish I was smiling by your piece, Mr. Kitsol.

27:46All right, Professor LaBlaat, now we can continue with the violin lesson. Thank you, Monsieur. I'll get my violin and... Oh, excuse me, Professor. What a house. Always interruptions. Sing it in the language, you phone. Oh, well, the radio. The door opens out. Professor. I'd rather give you a lesson than the snake beat. Professor. Professor, please. Why is this a convey? Yes. Is this the Benny in on cold rain? And Mr. Binnie, cold rain is here to see you. Cold rain? Well, well. Well, hello, Mr. Rain. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you're here a day early. I didn't come for my laundry. Oh, then, is this a social call?

28:48No, it's not a social call, Mr. Binnie. It's business. Business? Yes. It's several weeks ago I signed a contract to appear on the Ford Theatre Hour. Well, how nice. This morning, Mr. Fletcher-Marco, director of that program, informed me that I'm to appear with you next Friday in the horn blows of midnight. Well, congratulations, Mr. Rain. This is a splendid opportunity for you. Well, I don't know if they told me the same thing when I joined a Pyramid Club. My uncle got $700 from a Pyramid Club. Already with? No, he held it up. Now, Mr. Rain, Mr. Rain, I assure you that appearing with me in the horn blows of midnight on the Ford Theatre Friday night will do you a lot for your career. But I won't argue the point, Mr. Binnie. I respect your ability, but that picture received the worst reviews I ever read. So what, the critics don't count? It's the people in the trade, who matter? The people in the trade?

29:48Well, the picture was terrible. So what, the people in the trade aren't important, either? It's the public account. The public thought the picture was simply awful. How would they know they didn't even go to see it? Anyway, Mr. Rain, I don't think you should pass judgment on the horn blows of midnight to use it. Oh, but I did see it, Mr. Binnie. In fact, I sat through the picture twice. Twice? Yes, I couldn't believe what I saw the first time. Oh, then you didn't like it? Didn't like it? Didn't like it, Mr. Binnie. That is the greatest understatement since that day in 1492, when Columbus said, I think I found something. You mean when Columbus discovered America? Congratulations. I didn't think you'd know. I want to warn you, Mr. Binnie, that immediately upon leaving here, I'm going to my lawyers to see what legal steps I can take to get out of a building with you on the fourth theater.

31:00Look, Mr. Rain. Mr. Binnie. What? If my mother had married him, would I be a rainy day? Damn it. If that was intended for the widestism, it certainly, Mr. Mark. Boy, has he done what made up a joke about his own name and he doesn't even get it? Mr. Binnie. Mr. Binnie, I don't know whether this is your relative friend's business associate or servant, but whatever it is, I'm allergic to it. Then it goes to town. I'm on your side. Sit down. Now look, Mr. Rain. Your part in this picture that we're going to do has such great importance. Think of it. You're the chief of the planet in heaven. I'm an angel. And at your command, I come down to earth. At my command, you wouldn't stop there.

32:06Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Rain. Whether you realize it or not, you're getting a break, appearing with me in the Ford Theatre Friday night. It isn't every actor who can go on the radio with a big comedian. Mr. Binnie. I've already made several guest appearances on the radio with the rather well-known comedian Fred Allen. Fred Allen. Who bought some comedians? I gathered that you and Mr. Allen weren't too charming from what he said about you. Oh, yeah, what do you say about me? He said you were the only comedian in radio who steals jokes from Milton Burl. Mr. Rain, when you take a joke from Milton Burl, it's not stealing. It's repositing. Let's not talk. Let's not talk about Mr. Allen anymore. I'm going to have my dinner. All right, Mr. Binnie. All right. But isn't that any way I can talk you out of doing the hornblows at midnight or at least letting me get out of my contract?

33:12No, Mr. Rain. My mind is made up and I'll see you Friday night on the Ford Theatre. Very well. But all I can say is this is the worst thing that has happened to me in all my 39 years. Well, what? You're 39? Yes. Hey, that's a coincidence. I'm 39, too. Well, you can have it. You were there first. What? Design, Mr. Binnie. Goodbye. Imagine him trying to get out of appearing with me next Friday night. Mr. Binnie, please. I am waiting for you to finish the lesson. I have other pupils. Oh, yes. Here is your violin. Thank you. Thank you. Now, what do you want me to play? The same thing. The same thing you ever learned.

34:13Yes. You haven't learned anything. Yes. All right. Don't get so excited out. I'll start at the beginning. That will be back in just a moment. Good first. You see, Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're 10th. Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. That's why it's so important that you select and smoke the cigarette of fine tobacco Lucky Strike. Or as every smoker knows, L.S.M.F.T. L.S.M.F.T.

35:13Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. No wonder more independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehouses, smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. Yes, Lucky's are the overwhelming choice of the men who really know tobacco. So when you choose your cigarette, be sure to make it Lucky Strike can get on the right level, the lucky level, where you feel your best and do your best. Yes, the next time you buy cigarettes, ask for a carton of Lucky Strike. Stealing low. Stealing 10th. Stealing low. Stealing low. Stealing low. Stealing low. Stealing low. Stealing low. Stealing low. Stealing low. Stealing low. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Claude Rain for appearing on my program tonight, and he will soon be seen in how Wallace's production roped sand. He also will be heard with me Friday night on the Ford Theater, no matter what his lawyer says.

36:17The next Sunday night on my own show, my guests will be Mr. Mrs. Ronald Coleman. And don't forget to listen to a day in the life of Dennis A, starring me. Yeah, yeah, you'll be nice. Ladies and gentlemen, for the Englishman, he's always followed the media. This is TVA, so it's not me a broadcast is it? You know what's slower than a pace car? Waiting at the car wash. That's when I fire up Chamba Casino. It turns those slow minutes into fast fun. With new games every week, you'll never get bored. Next time you're stuck in the slow lane, speed up with Chamba. Play now at Chamba Casino.com. Let's Chamba. Sponsored by Chamba Casino. You know what's slower than a pace car? Waiting at the car wash. That's when I fire up Chamba Casino. It turns those slow minutes into fast fun. Sponsored by Chamba Casino.

37:17No purchase necessary. VGW Group Fort. We're prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply. Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees. But I don't really need it. Infliction is killing me. But who cares? Big retailers and making record profits. That's why we support the German Marshall credit card bill. See? Banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. Miss Bill would cut the vital resources they need. While increasing Megastore profits. They deserve it. Don't they? Tell Congress, stop the German Marshall money grab for corporate megastores. Paid for it by the electronic payments coalition. Finding great candidates to hire can be like, well, trying to find a needle in a haystack. Sure, you can post your job to some job board. But then all you can do is hope the right person comes along. Which is why you should try Zip Recruiter for free. Add Zip Recruiter.com slash Zip. Zip Recruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you. It finds them for you. It's powerful technology identifies people with the right experience.

38:19And actively invites them to apply to your job. You get qualified candidates fast. So, while other companies might deliver a lot of, hey, Zip Recruiter, find you what you're looking for. The needle in the haystack. See why four out of five employers who post a job on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. And right now, you can try Zip Recruiter for free. That's right, free. Add Zip Recruiter.com slash Zip. That Zip Recruiter.com slash Zip. Zip Recruiter.com slash Zip.