[No Laughter Version] Why was James Bond's drink so emotional after the wedding toast, but still perfectly calm. (+ 17 more dad jokes!)

0:00I'm glad Cuba is three-dimensional. If it were two-dimensional, it'd be square-on. How are making a television quieter and slicing a cube and half the same? Both of them lower the volume. I went to the store to buy some camouflage clothing. Couldn't find any. My wife insisted on installing a medieval gallows in the living room. Those to show she's got a real hang-up about interior design. Why are they called fortune tellers? They keep telling me I'll be poor. Did you hear about the two blind men who went to a seafood restaurant? It didn't change anything. Why was James Bond's drink so emotional after the wedding toast, but still perfectly calm? Because it was stirred, not shaken. A man is wanted for stealing wheels off of police cars. Officers are working tirelessly to catch him. I'm going to dispute with my local

1:04council. They tell me that children's playground equipment can't be used as rental property. I can't let that slide. People say there's something religious about my look. That's probably because I'm cross-eyed. What do you call a woman who sets fire to her electric bill? Bernadette. Do you know what's great about Orcas? They do a killer wheel impression. Hang in there for more laughs and groans after this quick announcement. The all-new 2026 Toyota RAV4 is here, building on everything drivers know and love about Toyota. With a redesigned look and modern tech that makes life behind the wheel easier than ever, the new RAV4 comes standard as a hybrid, providing smooth, efficient performance for both city streets and longer journeys. Enjoy the legendary reliability Toyota is known for in the all-new 2026 RAV4. Learn and shop more at toyota.com. Toyota, let's go places.

2:07Why is the trombone the easiest instrument to buy? It's on a sliding scale. Why does my garden always blossom on time? Because of the metronome. They say Mortal Kombat was a Scandinavian church song. It was a finisher. How did the pigs suddenly disappear? Teleportation. What does a devout Muslim say at the beach? Aloha Akbar. I'm Montgomery Jones. Stick around until the end of the episode for a bonus joke. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide. Do us a favor and share a joke with your loved ones today. Looking for the gift for Dad? We have the official Daily Dad Jokes podcast electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 preloaded Dad Jokes guarantee to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link.

3:08The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. New markdowns up to 70% off are at Nordstrom Rack stores now. And that means so many new reasons to rack. Because I always find something amazing. There's so many good brands. Because there's always something new. Join the Nordic Club to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. What happened when two slices of bread went on a date? It was loaf at first say. Get ready for safety not guaranteed. The new time traveling musical at Signature Theater.

4:13Based on the cult film, this indie rock adventure features an electrifying score by Guster's Ryan Miller. Safety not guaranteed plays March 3 through April 12th tickets at Signature.org.