Quiet Please - Little Fellow

0:00Quiet, please. Quiet, please. Quiet, please. The New Small Broadcasting System presents Pia Cine, which is written in direct by William Cooper and with features in this chapel. Quiet, please. What tonight is called Little Fellow.

1:04I can do something you can, though. I can walk under a table. No, let me stand in a straight. Well, you got a table, I'll show you. You guys are looking in the right place. Down here. See? Don't be three inches, that's me. Make your day of all day, or price, the smallest man in the world. With capital letters, the smallest man in the world. The 25 cents, a quarter of a dollar, paying six nickels. You can come and stand and dock at me like all the other folks say to me. And make a wish to a few little men on a platform. And ask them dumbest questions in the world. And I have to smirk back at you and be polite when I get the 802 bucks I got from like Grouseback, the brain each and every one of you. Preferably with a sponge. We're going to take longer that way. So I can walk under a table, huh?

2:04Never, what's the heck it's a living, isn't it? I got a job while you've brushed everything twice, but he's been a too busy taking hands around me. Save it for your loaf of bread for tonight's supper. So don't laugh at the magic challenge, you know, just as funny to me as I do to you. You know what I mean? I got friends, see? Now stick mine up against yours. Like darling friends. Hey darling! What? Be the folks darling. That's gonna sound. Loveable people darling. Okay. Darling loves practically everybody. I live off of that. Well that's what I said. Darling's a magician pal. Darling saw his ladies in half. Then boy would I give a quarter to see him saw some of your gals in half. No, and they don't fit to see. Some of your games would stand in front of my platform and near it's me. Whisper and see he and grin at me would get a great big ugly mouth.

3:05Yeah. Now you give a flock of quarters for that darling. Okay so I sound better huh? Well pal see how I do sound they're practically everybody you know is three times as big as you. There I take it easy. I'm not going into my song in dance for you. Just to think about it sometime while you're resting and I'll give you the willy. Yeah, maybe it's got no dignity. You get introduced to a full size caraconic giggle when you shake your hand. You're so cool. Yeah? Do you ever re-givens the client and follow the wrong empire? What I did. You like poetry? Well I know. And I get it published. Publishers doesn't know I'm admitted. You got 14 sister clothes? Well I have. All right I said I wouldn't cry for me. Hey gosh it'd be something to be able to look up beautiful girl in the eye sometimes. Without sitting your head back like your gay put at that thing on top of the empire state.

4:08Look under the eyes and not have a foot on that silly smile girl's keep for puppies and kittens and cute babies. You know what I mean? Nah I guess you don't. Well, tell me that's a caracan. I'll take one yourself. These are Corona polindes Bell, these 60 cents a copy. What are you smoke? I know what's cracking you me down. You think you're doing her darling? Girl trouble. Yeah? Yeah, it's nothing you're a business bug. Only that. Did I say something about your business? Jennifer. Lay off a Jennifer. Jennifer's a nice girl, man. I think so. Seeing a fat lady in a bag magazine you're going to sit down a lot. She in love with you too.

5:09What's your stuff? Answer the question. So she is to what? She's a nice kid. Also she's about 10 times as big as me. With your maria? Did you always high sign? Huh? Well, I would want to be a little bit taller darling. Sure. Say like three times as tall as you are now. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be okay. Uh huh. Well, shut up. I'm a measure that I'm going to stay in measure. Huh? I wish there was something to this here. Magic rack of the yours. You mean? Huh? Does that make a magic pass another cos I'm a full size? Yeah. But the only way I'd ever get to be? That's right. So let's talk about something else, huh? You really love with Jennifer, I'm names. Of course I record darling. I am beating my brains out about her. You'll love it. Yes, I do. Now shut up. Mates, I'm going to do something for you.

6:09For how much do the brain? Let me offer a token. This here thing is an ancient Egyptian genuine scary. How about you grossed from mills, brothers? This is the just magic, Major. This is an ornament from the royal robes of play of fate on the beauty and sireen of the Nile, handed down from father to son in an unbroken generation from the days of the Pharaoh. Here's your time of birth. It's yours, Major. You're using it. What's the point? You get three wishes with it. You'll get your three? Yep. What was it? Never mind what they want. You use it. It's yours. Okay, thanks darling. I wouldn't give that thing to everybody, Major. You want to play some poker? Be careful with that thing. So you want to play some poker? Listen, lay that thing on the table there where you can't preach it. Why? You think I'm going to play poker with a guy that's got three wishes in his mitt? How stupid can you guess? Well, anyway, it's a pretty nice.

7:10Better be a pretty nice at the top and 46 bucks at that old, but... I should play poker. I should play marbles or something. Man, that's something I'm going to sit down and smoke a cigar. Look at the moon. Oh, boy, Jennifer. Oh, Jennifer. Gosh, if I was only a full-size guy. Well, you're sweet, you know. Jennifer, baby. If I was a full-size guy, I could get a job. And I wouldn't have to have people staring at me all day and all night. And I don't enough those so as you wouldn't have to be a fat lady anymore.

8:10And I wouldn't have to be a fat lady anymore. And I wouldn't have to be a fat lady anymore. And we'd have such a small time. And... That girl on the bridge at the... Terrific break first. And... Oh, God, I love you. Oh, God, look at that moon. I sure was Jennifer with here. Jennifer! Ouch! Where did you come from? Black... Oh, Ninja! I was sound asleep. And all of a sudden boom, here I am. I didn't see you coming. Did you walk in your sleep, Bobby?

9:11Black? Oh, my goodness, my night, come. Now, when you fleeced to death, get here, get here. It's a take-take, Michael. I'll put it over my head. Oh, my goodness. I don't know how I got here. No kidding, darling, you know kidding. I'm asleep and I'm here. Oh, what a bump. Good thing I'm well-padded. Oh, you poor darling. I gotta go back. I can't sit here on the beach in my night gown for heaven's sake. I know no certainly not. No indeed, Jennifer. You can't sit at the cold or something. Darling, I gotta go back. I'll walk you back, darling. This here is the most mysterious thing I ever heard of. Do you all say it is? Shall I walk you back? Oh, goodness no. What would people think if they'd seen me and you walking along the beach? In my night gown. Well, gee, I'll pardon me, dear. I must have been senami-lizing. Yeah. Uh-huh.

10:11Black? Uh-uh. I was just thinking of something lovable. Dear love me. Huh? I said, dear love me. Him, blessedly, Iris. I love you all so. Good night, little fella. Good night. 400 pounds of sweetness. Oh, I have it in two. Oh, my God. Congratulations. It's my new diet. Good night. Good night, dear. Still wish I knew what happened. It was a pleasure, lovely. Uh-uh. Listen, dear, before you go just one question, if I was a full-size fella like, uh-uh. Would you marry me? I'm marrying right now, sugar. I'm size-yaw. I love you, sweet of both. If I was like, uh-7.5. Oh boy. Kiss mama, good night. Good night, darling.

11:13Good night, baby. Oh boy, what a girl. Oh boy, what a girl. Oh boy, what a girl. Oh. Now listen. Maybe that was a nice one. Maybe Jennifer was walking in her sleep. But if she was, she sure arrived with a bang. Could it be? You supposed it could be? Well, my god, if it was, sure. Cleo, that's her gimmick in my pocket. Oh, okay, Cleo. Let's see how magic you are. Wait a minute. I better get out of here in the open where I will. I will prop anything up in place. Okay. Yeah, now. I wish I was three times as big as you.

12:16Hey, hey, look at me. I'm seven. Hey, my clone. Hey, I exploded right out of the way. Oh, hey. Hey, hey. What's that? This is me, darling. Oh, Jennifer. What are you doing running around this time, and why? I've been salambulating. Yeah, huh? I would sleep, and all of a sudden, I've been sitting on the beach along five amager. Did my nice job, yes? And all of a sudden, I'm sitting on the beach along the southern major. And my nice girl, yes. She's talking about it. I'm telling you the two-starly, I never walked in my place before neither. The fact that he has waked one wish, said, you're wasn't walking in your sleep, Jennifer. I never did before. You didn't say it's time neither. I didn't. How did I get out there then? He wished you there. So, I mean, are you crazy? No.

13:16That's what happened, Jennifer. I'm crazy. It's magic, sweetheart. What kind of magic, darling? Little thing I gave some in. Here, genuine Egyptian scabre, and the dump from brother to son since the times of the Pharaoh, just a big way of faith, man. Yep. Get three wishes with a date. You wish you was there? You wasn't there. How do you like that? Ah, ah. Oh. Ah, ah. That's what he started asking me if I'd marry a little bit full of size. That's what I give a to him, brother. The widget of the property is... You're done, babe. You better go win. I'm going. And if I get that, I'm going to go find a major watch and win. I hope it'll work. Oh, yeah, I don't worry. You're done, babe. Hey. Hey, darling. Did she go on? She went down the hall to her room. Good. What's the matter with your voice?

14:16I'm freezing today. Well, come on, inside. Why, I can't. Unless your jersey's gone. Why? Why? It's loaded right out of my clothes. You what? All right, come on, keep going. Well... Hey, darling. What? Why, just said, I wish I was three times as big as three. Huh? I didn't work that down. Hey. Why, didn't I? Well, I couldn't. I ain't got it. Huh? Well, I thought you'd put it out of my clothes, didn't I? Hex there in the meadow pieces down there on the beach and there's the gimmick with them. Let me have a bathrobe. What is it? Oh, good. It's where, isn't it? Where can it be? So dark.

15:18A major. Major? Now, you would like your buy this pumpkin once. Oh, there's so many pumpkins. Oh, good as I did catch cold. Major? Where in the world? No. No, it couldn't be here. Ah, ow! I can sink it down into the sand so far. Major? Where are you? So, haven't here, where we were? I can tell it. I remember this pumpkin. Oh! Oh, I fell in a hole. Oh, oh. Well, that's where I landed before. Now, where is he? Major? Major? Where are you, little fella? What are all these rags here?

16:19My gracious, he's both on fish, could I tell him? Oh, and mess all this clothes here and rags. Oh, heavens. My goodness, what's this now? Life in iron beagles. Oh! He dropped the genuine Egyptian scarem that was handed out from all the fairies and clear patrons. So, oh, oh, oh, golly, he didn't get to wish. Heaven, I can't bend over to see these rags. Oh, no, he'd be wearing a suit. He went back to the boarding house to wish. He forgot his wisher. Oh, oh, my gracious, I'll find him when I'll do it. Oh, goody goody goody. I'll make his wish for him. Oh, boy, boy, boy, boy, will you be surprised? Oh, my darling, little fella. Now you're going to be a big man. Oh, I wish he was for a time that he'd be here to see.

17:24What happened, darling? My gosh, they expanded me. My goodness. Hey, put your feet on the window. Let's see what... Goody, darling, boy. Not... I busted the window. Is there one day you didn't bust down the whole house? Yeah, yeah, that's right. I think the fight never sings like a big man in all my days. Well, but doesn't I grow? Jim, I think. Look at me. How did you do that? I didn't do a tarmed thing. I was just standing here and come under. I'm here in the room and... and outside, cool. I hope nobody heard it. We'll have the cops. You and your magic eye cut bust, you're no... Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't hit me, mate. Don't hit me, yes. Well, I... Major, this... Don't call me a major anymore. I got promoted. Huh?

18:24That's not fixed, darling. I can't done fixed. It's made to have colonels. General. Why can't you? I had all my three wishes. Besides, I ain't got to get it. Well, somebody must have it. Huh? Somebody wish me this face. Jennifer. Huh? I told Jennifer about the gimmick. She said she was gonna go up and find you again and what you wish. Well, then, she must have found it in white. That must be it. Well, all we've got to do is find her and have her wish me back to where I was. Sure. Let's go look back. Good grief, darling. I skipped it out of the room. I pray near 30 feet high. Yeah. I see what you mean. Don't get that quick. When you're almost cracked up, take your chest and death. This is where it's been a minute. Well, move your hands and I can't open the door. What's up, you novice? Who's that? Is that you, darling? Is the nature there? Well, then, part of me.

19:27Oh, my goodness. That's a good dog. Yes, real dog. Oh, he's been enlarged. Oh, darling, what's happened to you? Nothing's happened to me, Jenna. No, I need my darling. What's darling been doing to you, darling? Listen, popcorn balls. Did you find a little thing like a beetle out there on the beach? Is that where you've been? Yes, I was. Did you? I'm getting confused. What's that thing in your hands? Oh, well, the iron thing, though. It's the wishing thing. Yeah. Well, listen, honey, puns. Did you make any wishes? Well, I only wished you to be four times as big as you was, dearable. Yes, but I was already three times as big as I was. You're confusing me again. Well, listen, honey, I wish myself first. And then you wish me. Give me the thing. I got one more wish to get back to normal. You got two? No, I wish you were there on the beach on me, Z. Oh. Thank you, me, the gimmick, darling. Is the time all cracked up. Oh, goodness, yes, we might be taken. And wish quick, I don't like you very well. This way, you holler, so. Just let it in a sand, Jenna.

20:28Yes, goodness, here. Oh, boy, boy. Oh, boy. Stand back, everybody. Hey, wish I was back to normal size again. Wow. Oh, look, you're a naked again. Oh, mageyman. Now look what we've done. You, darling, what kind of dirty magic is this? I'm gracious, and a normal figure. Only I think you ought not to have said normal size. This is your normal size. Oh, boy, I am a despicable. Oh, no, no, no, darling. I make where I started, she's in the first, I'm sorry. I love you, mageyman. You wish you don't want to marry a mageyman? Oh, mageyman, it's so confusing when you're magic, darling. I told you to be careful of the three wishes, magey. I told you. You remember that? Here, Jennifer. Take this dirty thing and throw it away. Oh, darling, gosh. I wish I was a mageyman too. Oh, Jennifer. Oh, mageyman, are you?

21:29I'm going to get you all tangled up in your side, please. I am for the sweetest of all of you. Where? Oh, make it last. We have found the same size. Isn't it wonderful? Do you think so, Jennifer? Oh, I love it, here's the book. Oh, I love it. Oh, you look wonderful to me. Oh, but sweet, but, Jennifer, you're a mageyman. Oh, I know it. And I love it. Well, if you don't like it or something, Jennifer, you still got one wish left, you know? Oh, Grace, I have, haven't I? Oh, Jennifer, you're not so young. You're not. I can't make poor Jennifer. I wish we were married right this minute. So where are the people that wanted to get married? Who were you, mister? Why? I'm a justice of the peace. And by a strange coincidence, I happen to have a marriage license in my pockets. Now, where are these people, if you please? We're down here, mister. Hey, look, we can do something you can't do.

22:30We can walk on the table. You have listened to Quiet Please, which is written and directed by Willis Cooper. The major was Ernest Chappell. And Fetty God plays Jennifer. Lon Clark was dolly in the justice of the peace, was Tadam Ali. Music for Quiet Please is composed and played by Albert Berman. Albert April is our sound technician. Now, for what about next week's Quiet Please?

23:30Here is our writer, director, Willis Cooper. It would certainly be a great surprise to all of us, including myself, if we didn't have a Christmas story for next week. This one has a somewhat unusual setting. It's Berlin, 1945. And so until next week of this time, I am Quietly yours, Ernest Chappell. Quiet Please came to you from New York. This is the new tool broadcasting system.