Splitting the Check Without Shame, and Why High Earners Don't Feel Rich

0:00Today, we start with the moment the check hits the table and how to skip the awkward math before anybody orders. We'll also talk about why one of the biggest discount chains says people earning six figures are now shopping like money is tight and why one in five Americans now call sports betting and investment. Then the mailbag, a side gig or your day job. The relative who expects you to pick up the tab every single time and the storage unit you keep paying for. Plus, this week's win and we draw this week's gift card winner live. Welcome to becoming financially confident where we are breaking free from money shame one conversation at a time. We're live every weekday Monday through Friday from 11.30 a.m. Eastern. I don't know about you Julia, but I am very happy it's Friday.

1:00Oh me too. I want lots of rest. So I want to be full disclosure here. I have my office here on the farm and during the winter we had an issue where the concrete in front of the office cracked. So today the contractors are out there fixing the concrete. So I told them I was very clear with them. I said you guys cannot use that jackhammer from 11.30 to 12.30. So I'm happy to report that the jackhammers have stopped for the time being. So it's a little bit of relief in the ears. I mean the first couple hours of my day were like I thought I was at a rock concert with like the speaker right in front of my ears. But I'm Rafi step junior. I'm the licensed public accountant on the show and I'm the guy with 30 years of experience and two hours of experience of listening to a jackhammer in my ear. Yeah I am. Juliet, no jackhammers. I just woke up. I am a regular person who's going to ask rough all the questions that I'm curious about because you may have them too. Now Juliet, I think we need to clarify what you just said. Juliet is West Coast. So Juliet just woke up because she's three hours different than I am over here on the East

2:02Coast. Right. You're about to have lunch. I just barely had breakfast. It's almost lunch time. Yeah. And we're two very different people. We're having conversations about things that affect our money, your money and all the money in between. Now we've got two house rules. There's no shame in anybody about money and nobody should be judged for what they did know. And our goal, if we're doing our job here on the show, is to help you make better decisions and to feel good about those decisions so that you actually feel financially confident. So if you have any questions, please do send it to us. Whatever's on your money mind. Okay guys? Send it to us guys and gals and you know, um, send it to us at becomingfinanciallyconfident.com. No question is off limits. Yeah and wherever you are on your financial journey, know that you're not alone. So just a quick reminder, we're going to pull the winner of the drawing for this week at the end of the show. So make sure you hang in there. We had a ton of people enter, but it's not too late for you to enter because we're going

3:04to start the contest all over again right now. So go to becomingfinanciallyconfident.com slash giveaway and you can win Ralph's money. And the more people that enter, the higher the prize goes. So we started $25 and we go to $150. Well, let's get into today's headlines. All right, Julia, we're going to talk about that awkward moment when you're out with your family and friends. Right. And you know, everybody's done eating and you're all just kind of anticipating like what's going to happen. Maybe that one of the friends already left. Yeah. But you're wondering how are we going to handle splitting this check? Is it awkward for like when you go out to eat? So yeah, sometimes it's awkward and what's interesting for me is that I'm so used to picking up the check for my two boys. And honestly, I would be a little insulted if they tried it. It reminds me of the sopranos. If you ever watched the sopranos. So sopranos was like a mobster TV show.

4:06Well, there's this one scene where Tony soprano is out to dinner with his wife, his daughter Meadow and her boyfriend. And her boyfriend thought he would be kind and he went and paid the check. Oh, just like went off to the side of the line. Yeah. And so when Tony found out about this, he hit the roof. Why? It's an Italian thing. Okay. It's like a respect thing. So Tony pulls him outside and says, listen, I appreciate what you did. But don't ever try to do that again. Right. Right. So and that's kind of how I feel with my boys. You know, it's like, now, you know, my boys are a little bit different between the two of them, but that's kind of feel. But then when I go to other people, it's somewhat awkward. So, you know, one of the things that I think we need to talk about here because this is a real issue. Right. Right. And then have you ever been out with the person who says, well, I'll leave the tip or you know, part of that stuff. Like we've got a particular family member. I won't mention any names. But she's always that person who's like, oh, I'll leave the tip.

5:07After splitting or like, you know, just, you know, that's her share. But yeah, that's that's her. I did say he's she. Oh boy, I got myself in trouble. Anyway, they always comment that they'll leave the tip. Interesting. I've never had that experience. I will say though, I think a lot of people have other cultures. I know in like the Chinese culture, a lot of the times it's very much like a respect thing. But then it shows in different ways. Like sometimes it's okay. Like sometimes I will when I go out to you with my parents, I'll be like, hey, this one is on me, right? And they'll be like, okay, sure, sure. Because I think they at sometimes feel like, oh, that's like really nice of her to do that, right? I will say I've never met the situation where somebody said, I'm just going to handle the tip if you guys can, you know, do everything else. I think it's very common when I go out with friends at the very beginning before we start eating. We already have that expectation. Oh, this is going to we're going to split it. Everybody pay their share. It's only if after everybody orders and it's all around the same amount of money, then we'll just say like even split.

6:07Otherwise everybody pays for what they order. Yeah. And that becomes an issue if you have alcohol and all that sort of thing because maybe like I don't drink. So for me, if I go out with another couple of other people who drink alcohol, I'm like, I don't know if I want to just split it evenly because their bar bill might be three times what it is. But you keyed into something interesting. And I really like what you said because I think so many people, they feel this shame. They feel this feeling like they're behind because they're looking at this going, I really want to go out to eat with my friends. But I'm just right now I can't do this. Like I have to really be careful. Well, here's some statistics. I thought we're really interesting. So this was a Zell survey. So Zell, the cash app did this survey on September 23rd, 2026. It said 52% of Gen Z have ghosted a date to dodge splitting a bill. Ghosted a date. I see I have questions on that. Like, do you, is that mean you ghosted the date before the day or like after the day you're like one day? Some guests and you know, but see, I think you'd read into that because if you're out with a dud and you're sitting at the table and it's like, I got to excuse myself to go

7:10to the restroom. You might not believe in because of the bill. You might be like, this person is a creep. True. Right. I'm assuming it's what they say and they're two dodge splitting the bill. So I don't know, I've never had that happen to me. 20% said they've gone into debt to keep up their social life. Keeping up with the Gen Z. And that's hard. That's really hard because everybody has, everybody does go through that phase of their life, especially, you know, college post-college era. Yeah. And it's tough. 19% said they've asked their family for help. So this is one of those things I think I wanted to talk about it today because there's, you know, there's etiquette, what's appropriate. So what, what the, the etiquette rules say, servers and etiquette writers agree and they say this. And I'll see if you agree with this or not. Okay. So I say before you order, here's how we're going to handle the bill, not when the folder lands on your debt on the, on the dinner table and say, Oh, what are we going to do now? Right. Right.

8:11I do agree with that. I do agree with that. I think a lot of the times the people that I end up going out with, we kind of see what other people are ordering and figure out, you know, do I want to match that? Do I want to have a cocktail? Do I not want to have a cocktail? And then in that split second, we also kind of make those agreements because like you said, if somebody orders alcohol, that alcohol portion is going to be super expensive. I don't want to pay that. Yeah. And maybe you order the chicken dish and the person next to you orders surf and turf. That's true. You know, so I think you kind of have those conversations. Now, I've never worked as a server or a waiter or waitress. I don't have you ever done that. I've, I was, I did catering in the past. Okay. I'm just wondering if, if there's anybody in the audience, this is server. Like how do you feel if somebody comes in and says, we need 15 separate checks? Like I just think that would be really frustrating. Well, a lot of restaurants, they have some limitations. They'd be like a three max. Right. Yeah, I think that makes sense. So they usually tell you, they also usually tell you upfront, the, I mean, the restaurant

9:15I've had that experience too. So here is my take when you can, you can address this with you agree with me. I said, the next time you eat out with a group, when you first sit down, say to this, are you splitting, are we splitting this evenly? Are we going to get our own builds and then make sure right away you tell the server, not at the end. And then one of the things that the etiquette people recommend, then I kind of agree with this, tip on your own share, whatever you share of the, of the ticket. So I do agree that, especially in super large parties, it's so much easier to tell the server, hey, make sure you capture or like capture our bill in like who ordered by seat. That's what they call it by seat. And that, that makes check time a lot easier to handle too. And I think the other thing I mentioned shame, I mentioned about feeling behind, I think it's okay. If these people are your friends, I think it's okay to have the conversation before you go out and say, listen, times are tough right now. I'm having a hard time doing this. Could we do something besides go out and eat?

10:15Could we each eat at home and then go have a cocktail or each of us pace for whatever we want to pay at the bar or could we go to the movies or could we go, I don't know what young people do these days, whatever the young people do these days, but I just feel like that would help break down that feeling like I just can't afford to do this because the truth is eating out is expensive. Yeah, yeah. And that's something that we talked about with one of the listeners on the show when we were talking about needs and wants, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Socializing is a huge reason why people go out to eat together. So that is a need, that is important to, you know, your happiness as a human, but make sure it doesn't harm your financial journey. You know, practice those muscles. Yeah, because I think you're right. It's all that comparison trap that I want to keep up with everybody else. But so let's pivot to the next thing. Listen to this one. This was interesting when I read this. The CEO of Dollar General, so shoppers making $100,000 or more are now telling the chain they don't feel like they're high income anymore and are shopping like lower income customers.

11:19Dang. I thought that was really interesting. Yeah, well, I also think that's really interesting. I noticed this trend on social media platforms like everybody is, what do they call it? Okay, in the beauty makeup world, if you're a lover, they have this project. If you're a lover, hold on a second. We need to address when you say, are you a lover? You enjoy makeup and beauty. Oh, oh, so in full disclosure, let me just share with the audience. So, and I've shared this with the, so I use a product called Elf. Now, this is not an endorsement. This is not an affiliate. But someone said to me, Ralph, you got a lot of shine on your face. So in full disclosure, I use this product called Studio Max. And then I take a little elf powder and put it on. So anyway, let's continue with our conversation. I want people to realize that I am a human being like everybody else. I also want to tell the story because I think it's funny. It's just one time Ralph, the first time I ever saw Ralph start putting on powder, he

12:21starts like, what is it rubbing it on his face? Yeah, so I have one of these little spongy things. It's a little orange, I think it's orange. And I just was doing like this and I just assume it's kind of like, you know, just like your paint and something. I just paint this on, right? And then me and Abby, who is our video producer, we're just like, oh my God, Ralph, don't do that. You have to tap. You have to lightly tap. Anyways. I've gotten really good at it. Watch this. Look. I'm gotten really good at this now. I'm really doing well. But on social media, like I'm seeing people who are in this like beauty makeup space, they talk about Project Pan, which means, hey, instead of going out and buying like five bajillion whatever makeup products, why don't you use one and finish it all the way. And recently people are saying, oh my gosh, I spent so much money on this and I only have one face, you know. So to me, it's just like a sign of the times. They don't have one face unless you have that two-faced friend. There's a, there's a makeup line called two-faced.

13:23I like it. But no, here's the thing I think it's interesting about this. Yeah. And I wonder why they hear this because there are so many people right now that feel like they're living in that paycheck to paycheck cycle. In fact, the last time I look at this statistics, it was like 67% of people. And now what we're finding, so if you find yourself in that paycheck to paycheck cycle, what I want you to hear is this is affecting the middle class, it's affecting the upper class, and it's affecting everybody. There's actually a golden sacs, global consumer and retail conference reported that was on September 2020-26 is even that middle to upper middle is acting more like lower income shoppers. I think we're all just feeling super stressed. You know, how often we talk about gas prices yesterday, even Costco gas prices, this is, this is, I'm freaking out Ralph, okay? Even in California. I believe we need a Juliet rant. You know how we talk about gas prices very often, right? And we always know, every time we mention, I'm like, hey, the California gas prices at

14:26Costco, which is usually pretty cheap, is rising. We are, Costco gas prices are at $6 down. $6 for regular, like, unletted gas. Yeah. See, you got to start making decisions about you to start walking. Oh, no. I mean, it'll be good for my health, I guess. I'll just be sweating and exercising like that. Well, here's the thing the New York Times found they did a survey on September 18th, 16% of households report high financial stress. 17% say they're vulnerable. So this is a real thing and I'm going to say something. I hate dollar stores and I'll tell you why I hate them because I think they take advantage of the people who can at least be taken advantage of. When you really study the dollar stores, now this might be a Ralph Rafe and I'm not going to play the jingle, but I do not like to shop a dollar stores because when I go in there, when I look around, now I'm very health conscious now. I wasn't that way before. But when I walk into the store, next, first thing I notice is all of the sizes of the

15:31different boxes are smaller. So they're playing a mind game with people to begin with. Secondarily, and I'm not talking about just dollar general, all of them. The food that they sell there is not good food for you. Most of them don't have vegetables, they don't have any produce, they don't have any kind of whole grains. They're just selling whatever is cheap. Yeah, but you do see like there is there's a there's a reason why we have like dollar stores or cheaper stores like grocery outlets, right? Yeah, I see that, but you know, the problem is when you look at where they're putting those things, they're putting them in poor communities and it becomes like that becomes the poor community's grocery store. Yeah. I think that now, but the other day I actually was traveling and I saw a dollar general market. So in a place not far from where I'm at now, there's actually a market and they have fresh produce and all that kind of stuff. So I was happy to see that. I think that there's definitely like a thread to follow there. There's like a larger conversation that we won't have right now, but yeah.

16:32Of course you're for you though. Have you made any swaps yourself just to you know, have a little bit more of a frugal mindset? So I had to be completely transparent. My wife generally handles the food shopping for us. But yeah, we have as a matter of fact, I'll give you an example of this. I love to eat strawberries. So every morning as part of my routine, I eat strawberries. What I guess was about six months ago, she goes, Ralph, you realize strawberries are not in season right now. And I said, well, I saw them at the great degreaser store last time we were there. Yeah. And she says, no, but she's so she explained this to me. So for the last six months, I've been eating frozen strawberries. Wait, how are you eating your strawberries? She's so I so what I do, I have a whole routine. So the night before I get the frozen strawberry bag out and get my nice little bowl. I pour about a cup of strawberries in there and I put it in a refrigerator. And then by the next morning, after I get done my morning routine working out, the strawberries are pretty much melted at that point. But aren't the strawberries like kind of wrinkly?

17:34Yeah, they're kind of gushy. That's probably the best way to say it. But the savings are marked, I mean, they're talking about huge. So you can get, well, we do a lot of our food shopping at Walmart because she does the online order. And you can get a four pound bag of strawberries frozen. Mm-hmm. And it's super cheap like compared to what you would pay for that fresh. Now I am not a connoisseur of knowing whether I like the fresh ones better. Yeah. But that's the kind of thing. So here's the thing I was going to say about today. So this week, write down 10 things you buy most and check the prices per ounce or per unit at one cheaper store. And then think about switching some of those. You can try off brand if you've always used a brand. I'm not saying go replace everything you like with the off brand, but try one or two. If there's a particular thing that you like, I'm not trying to be the promotion for Walmart, but some of their great value stuff is not bad. You just got to test it out. Yeah, yeah. I think this is just an exercise in making sure you feel comfortable with how much money it takes to just stay alive these days.

18:35Yeah. And what? So the whole takeaway from this is, if you're right now struggling, you're not alone. People at all income levels are struggling right now. So I just want to reassure you that you're not alone in this. We're here to help you invest weekend. Yes, we are. So Julian, have you ever done sports betting? No, but there was a time in my life where I was like, maybe I should get into sports betting. Well, here's the thing. One in five Americans now believe that sports betting is an investment. Like a solid investment or a bad actually thinking that this is an investment. Okay. That's scary. But here's a bank of America data shows us bank of America data shows betters get back less than 75 cents on for every dollar they put in every month this year. That betters get back. Can you repeat that? So the better the people who are placing these bets are losing. Yeah. 25% of their money. That makes sense. It is betting. Yeah.

19:36So rather than putting it into an investment, eat, listen, if we talk about, you know, savings accounts, even if you're earning less than a half a percent. Right. You're not going backwards at least. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the reason so many people are doing this now is they're seeing the stress around them. They have this future that they feel like out of reach and they look around other people and they say, well, you know what? If I do this bet, if I go to the casino, if I do the sports betting, it's a shortcut. Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm not sure on any judgment, but I think that's human. I think that's human too. It's a sign of the times. Am I kidding? It's scary though, because one in five seed is an investment. Two in five, you know, it's under 75 cents back per one dollar sentence. So basically, you're paying to lose money. Yeah. You're paying to lose money. Yeah. I think it's very similar. I tie it to because sports betting is gambling at the end of the day. Like my mindset for that, we've had conversations about gambling on this show before is if you have a tendency or propensity for addiction, make sure you are aware of that, right?

20:41And then if you don't and you're like the type of person where it's like, oh, I'm just going to get, I'm just going to do this until I'm going to limit myself to like $50 or whatever. And once I hit positive, walk away, right? Just know where you stand, know how you think about this and then be aware. It's not to say like, no, don't gamble because that's people are going to gamble if they're going to gamble. But be aware of your psychology around it. Yeah, I think if you're going to use the dollar job framework, you call this entertainment budget money. Yeah. And you say this is my entertainment. But here's some interesting statistics. This is from the US News Survey September, 2026. So just last month, 51% of betters have bet to try to pay their bills. More than half, 21% are betting to cover rent or mortgages. Sign of the times. What are you ready for the worst one? Oh, no. 45% borrowed to bet. To bet.

21:43That's very dangerous territory. Yeah, and I'm not shaming people for doing this. If you've got a plan and this is your way you want to live your life, listen, I mean, there's a lot of vices out there. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't vape. You might be in the same place and you're like, no, where are I? This is what I do for entertainment. I've got no, there's no shaming anybody here. But if you're borrowing money to bet, you're not only paying interest, but you're losing interest and what does the statistic show? You're losing 25%. So not only are you paying 25% interest, you're also losing 25% of that money. I will say when you said that last statement, immediately, I had a visual in my brain where it was like a slippery slope. And that's scared me. And that's one of the things I think that you can do is open that betting app and it's super easy now. You're on your phone. Look at your history. Add up what you're actually doing with this. Look at how many withdrawals you've had in the last 90 days. That's your real number. And it also insured, I want to share a number.

22:43If you are struggling with gambling right now, call 1-800-Gamber. This is a service that you get free. It's confidential because, listen, this is an addiction. And I love the people who are struggling with this and I want you to get help. I've been paying 100 gamblers. And I say that with all sincerity because it's a tough thing to break free of. It is. It is. Especially when you have that feeling of like, I can't get ahead. If I just bet one more time, if I just do this, like I could get enough to pay the rent and I could get enough to do this. But it's such a struggle because you're just making your, you know, it's kind of like, I don't know, somebody used to say, if you're digging a hole, you want to get out of it, you've got to stop digging first. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And if you keep digging, you're just going to get yourself in trouble. Yeah. But while we're talking about where your money goes, what did you spend last month? I'm not talking about what you earn. Most people know how much is coming in, but what did you actually spend? I spent 30 years of helping people with their finances and I've never once had a person

23:45guess that number too high. They guess low and they believe it. Well, quick and simplified, connect your accounts and you answer it for you. Make sure bank accounts, your credit card accounts and it feeds that data in and it does a harder thing. After it tells you where your money went, it tells you what's safe to spend for the rest of the month after the bills and after the savings, all those things you intentionally did. Go to becomingfinanciallyconfident.com slash quick and again, that's becoming financially confident. .com slash quick and I probably should mention this anytime we talk about these, these are affiliate links. So we do receive a commission, but it doesn't cost you anything else. All right, Juliet, let's get into our first letter in the community mail bag. If you want to read that one, that'd be awesome. Yeah. So I work full time and I've been thinking about starting a side gig on nights and weekends, but part of me wonders if I should put that energy into getting promoted at the job I already have. Everybody online says start a side hustle.

24:47How do I decide? What are your thoughts Ralph? So I, this is a tough question. When I saw this one come in, I thought, you know what? I get it because there's so many, and we talk about side hustles here on the show. So it's not like we're immune to this. Here's the thing I would say, start with the job you have. Be realistic. If there is a real next step, if there's a way to get a raise, if there's a way to grow your career, that usually is going to pay more per hour than a side gig does after taxes and focus on your time. Right. Right. But the problem is so many people get advice from so many directions. They hear this one says do this and this one says do this and diversify and tick tock and YouTube. And so I get it. There's so much advice, but we don't trust anybody. And the internet tells people, oh, go hustle. Be your own boss. You know, that makes commitment. But nobody asked the simpler question, what fit your life? Because I've met people that have a full time job and they have these side gigs and they

25:47have zero life. Their kids don't see them. Their spouses don't see them and they're running their self-regate and they're not making a ton of money. Yeah. I guess I would say it's like it really depends on what your current goal is. You know, we talk on the dollar job framework, like what is your dream, right? And a bigger version of that is where are you in your life? Are you in a phase of hitting your career and making more money to, you know, for whatever reason it is? And then I also do agree to, I do agree to a little bit on like optimizing for that job first. But we also recognize that the job market is super volatile. A job environments are insane right now from what I hear. Yeah, the time to find a new job right now is a struggle. So that's the part of me that says, you know, having a side gig, something you can go to or you can pivot to is a great thing. I give an example. I had a client a few years ago and they were working in the credit union industry and

26:47all of a sudden that particular credit union branch decided to close. Yeah. And this person was an executive there. He was the branch manager doing fantastic and all of a sudden he had no job. So I remember seeing him not soon after and he said, well, you know what I did? I started doing door dash and it brought some money. And now when we've really looked at it, when we looked at the amount of time he was spending somewhere, look at the amount of wear and tear on his vehicle, I'd have a hard conversation when this and dude, you're making $3 an hour. Does that make sense for you? But that said, it did bring cash in the pay bills and he was actively looking for something else while he was doing that. Right. Right. I mean, for, yeah, sorry, continue. No, so the pivot makes sense. But then the other side of this is sometimes you're overlooking opportunities. So you asked the people at your office, have you asked your manager, you know, what would take me to get to the next level? What could I do to grow? What could I do to do better things here at this particular job?

27:48So I mean, yes, yes, but they're in office settings. There's a lot of office politics. Of course. And so office politics and sometimes the cars are stacked against you. And I would say like the corporate environment or the office environments have just gotten very, very difficult to deal with. If you can just like imagine the times right now, right? Not only is everybody feeling the pressure of making money and just being able to survive, and so it does not necessarily mean everybody is looking out for each other or like being kind to one another, especially in the workplace too. Yeah. I have such a disconnected bias when it comes to that because I have my own business and I have two employees that work for me here. So I'm kind of disconnected from that. Like it's been 20 plus years since I worked in a corporate environment. And as you say that I'm thinking back to like the backstabbing and all the precarious nonsense that went on there. So I totally get it. That's a fair point.

28:49Yeah, yeah. So that's why I said like I think definitely if you're thinking about a side hustle thinking about what to do. It's not to say like spend all your time on a side hustle, but go explore different things because you never know when that's going to like compound on your skills. And if you do have to leave and do something else, then you have more to talk about. Yeah, but just make sure that it fits in with your life. That's a big deal. And be honest and look at are you actually getting ahead? Yeah. Because the thing I see a lot of people promoting the side hustles, they make it look like you're going to make a bunch of money and it's super easy. But then when you really look at it, you might have been better off just to go and get a second job instead of the quote side hustle. And I'm not poo pooing on side hustles because of them are very good, but there's others that are like I'm making $4 an hour. I mean, literally I could go pick up a shift of McDonald's and make them in them on wage. I just think you need to be honest about it. Yeah.

29:50And just also just keep in mind a side hustle, it might not make you a lot of money right now. It might take time to grow depending on what kind of hustle you're trying out. So keep that on to consideration as you determine whether something is worth your time. I agree with you. And I think that it could build a new skill set, but also don't forget about the skill set that could be around you in the corporate environment too. Yes. All right. Do you want to move on to our second letter? We're going to talk about that that brother-in-law. Let's do it. Anytime we go out with my husband's brother, we end up paying for his food, his daughter's too. It's been years and nobody talks about it. I don't want to do it anymore, but I don't know how to bring it up with my husband without starting a fight. Yeah. That sounds like interesting family tensions right there. But you know, I think this is probably a very common thing that people find themselves in. It kind of goes back. We had Karen on the show a couple of weeks ago. We'll put a link in the show notes if you want to go back and listen to that.

30:52But it's all about having that conversation. And I think this particular lady doesn't know exactly how to get that conversation started. So if you were in that situation, how would you get started? This is a tough one. Yeah. Because my suspicion is, and we only know what they wrote, but my suspicion is her husband probably sees himself, I don't know what the age difference is. If I had to guess, maybe this is the younger brother. So he kind of feels like he's taken care of his younger brother. Yeah, I think that's what I felt. That you felt too. And then there's a daughter involved. So is there, is this a divorce situation or separation situation where people's finances are struggling? So her husband is thinking, well, I'm going to help him out. But if you're the partner in this relationship and this is making you mad, this is a problem because this money tension is going to spill over into other things. It's not just, I'm sorry.

31:53No, no, you, you, sorry. It's not just going to be that particular issue. It's going to be other relationship type of issues. So you've got to start off with, we've got to fix this relationship issue because to me, it's not a money issue. This is a relationship issue. But you have to be tactful in how you approach it. Yeah. So one of the things that I put in my notes here was we were preparing for today. I said, you know, one of the things she could say is I want to keep seeing your brother, but I don't want to resent those visits because one of the things I hear in this is she's building up a level of resentment. Now, she can't say this to the brother-in-law. That would not be the right plan. But in a time when everybody's calm, when we're not upset, not like right after this just happened, bad timing. But when everybody's sitting around on a Saturday morning and everybody's chill because everybody got a good rest and you had a nice pancake breakfast or something. And that's when you lead over and said, I don't want to talk about something. There's something that's really kind of bothering me.

32:53Don't say you. Don't say you keep paying. Just say, I noticed that we're paying for your brother a lot. Oh, yeah. You know, we, because now we've brought the we on board. It's not just you. It's not because if you start a accusatory, you are going to have a problem. But you could say, you know, I think, you know, this is causing me to feel some resentment towards your brother. I love your, your niece. She's their great people. But sometimes we got to figure out how to do this. You know, maybe we have them over to the house and we make a dinner and we have a potluck dinner where he brings something and we make something. Yeah. I just think you've got to think about how to handle that or maybe, and maybe your husband says, well, you know what? Maybe your husband's feeling the same thing, but he doesn't know how to say it. Right. So this could where we're open up the door and you say, well, maybe tonight we'll do. We'll say each of us get our own check. Yeah. But you know what worries me about that? Think about this. So you're out to dinner with your, so let's just say Julie, you're out to dinner with your brother-in-law and your niece. Right. And the tone's been set for the last year that whenever you go out, Julie, it picks up

33:56the tab. And then all of a sudden you decide, well, tonight I'm going to change this, it's changed this. The dynamics, yeah. And when the bill comes, you're like, hey, how about we split the bill tonight? That would feel like a shock. Yeah, it is. I love how you brought up, you know, make sure you're bringing this up at a time when everybody is in a good mood and calm. And it's something that we talked about. And also with Karen is having not just a personal money date, but then also having a couple's money date. Absolutely. I think it's vitally important. Yeah. Because it's those things that don't get said. And if you're feeling like you're in a state of resentment, resentment and anger, they're about this close to each other. And what's going to happen is then when something else happens that you generally wouldn't get upset with your husband about, you're going to be like, oh, well, he's always always paying for his brother. So you start picking up part of their stuff. And then your husband looks at you and goes, what is the problem? Well, how do we get here? How do we get here? So you've got to be intellectually honest with your partner and say, this is bothering

35:00me. Right. But don't be accusatory. Don't say, you do this and say, this is bothering me. And here's why it's bothering me. And then be quiet and let your partner talk. Because your partner might say something you're like, oh, I haven't considered that. Or but in this particular case, here's my advice if we're giving advice. First of all, have that conversation with your husband in a calm, relaxed situation. Depending upon what your husband says, then your next move is, okay, if your husband says, well, you know what, I'm the big brother and I'm going to pick up the tab. Then you need to have a more difficult conversation. And you're going to have say, well, I'm not the big brother. And when you pick up the tab, it's costing us money. It's costing we money, the things that we've decided on. Now, you could decide as a couple, maybe this is the thing. There's any say, okay, we'll need to figure out how to bounce this out then. So maybe your husband has an entertainment budget and his entertainment budget gets hit by when he takes the brother and niece out.

36:02This is not a comfortable conversation. At some point, I think the husband, you can't do this. If you listen to the show right now to Lady Who Oakeda said, you can't do this. Yeah. Your husband needs to have the conversation with his brother. And he did say, listen up brother. And hopefully he won't throw you under the bus and says, my wife says, I can't pay your bill anymore because I've seen that play out too. Not cool. That's not going to be good either. Not cool. If you're in a relationship with somebody, don't ever sell out your partner. Never. Yeah. Never. Yeah. So if you're the man in this relationship, don't say, well, my wife said, I can't buy you and your daughter anymore meals. Because you know what that leads to also resentment and just the direct. Exactly. And then the brother and law is looking across the table going, you nasty. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. So the husband needs to have the conversation needs to say, here's what we're going to do moving forward. We love to go out to dinner with you. It's fantastic. Let's pick a place that all of us can afford. You get your bill. We'll get our bill.

37:03If it doesn't work for us anymore, then let's talk about how we can do it differently. Why don't you come over to the house? We'll get a bucket of chicken from KFC or we'll do something like that and something that we can spend less money on. Because the whole point of this, in my view, is not about eating out. It's about building that family bond. It's about knowing that they want to get together and talk because the wife is saying that. You know, she's like, she's saying, I don't necessarily want to not see them. Right. But you've got to have a conversation about this. Listen, this conversation is never going to be easy, but it is an important conversation to have. Right. And you, I think you did a really great job of mapping all of the different possibilities that this conversation can lead to, but always starting off from that place of, okay, this is, I feel or this is like a we, it is hurting our future, something like that. It's like, it has to be a, like, a partnership. And then, you know, having that conversation from a calm, happy place first. So I got a story about this. So because sometimes you set yourself up for this problem.

38:05Right. So about 30 years ago, I was married to somebody different than I'm married to now, my first wife. And we decided we wanted to go to the beach for a vacation. And we were going to rent a two bedroom condo at the beach. And for two bedrooms, there's only one of us. You know, there's, there's one of us groups. So we said, you know, why don't we find, see if we can find another couple that would like to go with us. Mm-hmm. She's like, that sounds like fun. And it'll be, it'll be more fun to go with another couple. Yeah. So we approached somebody and they said, oh, yeah, that'd be really great. But the problem is, you know, we just really can't afford that right now. And of course, me, I'm like, okay, well, you know, we'll pick up the tent. You know, we'll, we'll cover the room. We'll cover the, you know, we'll cover the, assuming, this is where Ralph assumes and makes an, you know what I'm saying, you get it. So assuming that there would be some give and take. Right, right. This is cool. We're going on this trip. So we go to the first meal. So I think we checked in like on a Friday, we like ate on the way there or something. And I, I think we split the first bill or something like that.

39:05Well, the next day, this couple, in particular, they slept into like noon. Uh-huh. So I'm like, what in the world? Like we want to get into stuff. Like we're here to be. So let's go do stuff. So there's already a building, a level of resentment. Right, right. And then when we go out to meals, they're like, they're looking at me like, I got to pay the bills. Oh. But I see I'd set myself up for a problem. Whereas I could have solved it. And of course, my wife has gone, dude, why are we paying for everything? Because to be full transparency, I wasn't setting a world on fire money wise. I was living on credit cards and all that kind of stuff. So I was just putting the plastic down because I guess I wanted to look like the big shot. But I set myself up for that. Because what I should have heard when this person said, you know, we really can't afford it. You know what? I respect that. Let's, let's do something together when we're back in town and then just kept moving on. I think so many times we set ourselves up for these problems too because we're not listening. We're not paying attention to the signals its persons telling us. So that is a lesson learned.

40:05You know, life is about learning lessons. Of course, all the time. Well, let me ask you this question. Do you have a storage unit? I do not. Well, let's let's take a look at this next listener question, Erica. Yeah. Okay. So someone wrote in, we rented a storage unit when we moved just for a few, just for a few months. That's what they wanted the storage unit. Yeah, that's the dangerous words to use just for a few months. Yeah. That was three years ago. I haven't opened it since last Christmas. I know we're paying for it every month, but I honestly don't want to think about what's in there. Yeah, this is interesting. I think this is all about avoidance. Yeah. And this is why, you know, but this is why these storage unit places are showing up everywhere. I don't know about you in California, but in Delaware, they're everywhere. There's a lot out here too. Everywhere. And so, and the reason that they're so effective is they're out of sight. Yeah. You don't see it every day. You don't, you don't think, oh, I got this storage unit. And so many of these you sign up for an automatic payment. They just keep taking your money and keep taking your money.

41:06Listen to this. Exactly. I didn't, I didn't know this. There are more self storage facilities in the U.S. than there are Starbucks, Walmart, McDonald's, Home Depot, Domino's, Dunkin' Donuts, and Costco combined. That's actually crazy to imagine. In that crazy? Yeah. And the United States is the biggest chief of this 90% of the world's self storage capacity is in the United States. I think that also talks to you about how much stuff people just have. Yeah. 40 billion with a B in revenue coming into these things. Yeah. And here's the problem. This is why people don't realize. And I hate storage units. I hate them with a passion. You don't have one either. I do not. In fact, I tell a story. So my son, my youngest son, made some bad decisions when he was younger. And when he turned 18, I told him, here's the door. Well, he had a bunch of garbage. And he says, Dad, what am I supposed to do with my garbage? I said, your garbage is not my problem.

42:09Yeah. So we got a storage unit for him to put his garbage in. And I paid like the first three months of it. Because I do, I don't want to kick this kid to the curb and he's trying where it's at. He kept that storage unit for a year, I think it was. Ooh, okay. And the thing is, you just, you're paying out and paying out. But here's the thing I want everybody to think about. And this is my first reaction when I hear it's been several years. Right. You haven't been in there since Christmas. Right. What is the value of this stuff in that storage unit? Right. Because here's the funny part. So many people pay more for the storage unit than the value of the garbage that's in it. And I'm not saying your stuff is garbage. But be honest with yourself, if you're paying, I think the average is like $100 a month for these things. Oh, I didn't know that, okay. Yeah, it gets higher than that. Like I know, I have no people that had several storage units. Now, I've used a storage unit. When we were moving from property A to property B and there was some time in between, that

43:10made sense to me. We had valuable furniture that was worth more than a couple hundred dollars. We were going to spend for a couple of months to store it. Right. And you always like moved everything out. Like it was definitely temporary. It was storage that was temporary with that there was an expiration date. We knew what we were storing. But I don't know if you ever watched the storage wars like the reality show. I've seen clips. So many times they go into storage unit and it just boxes of stuff that nobody has and nobody has any desire for. It's just garbage. Yeah, but out of mind. But I wonder, is that like a cultural thing? Like, is it this belief that, well, I got this stuff. I got to hold on to it. A little bit. I mean, part of like the whole storage, storage wars and all that. It also exhibits. I think there's another TV show called like the hoarders or something. Yeah, hoarders. Oh, boy, that one gives me flashbacks. Like, it's the same thing. It's the same psychology behind that, right? I think it's a mentality thing. I think you're right. Yeah. So, so I think the art, this person writing it in, it is doing something to you.

44:14It is bothering you. You're like, why am I, that's why you're talking about it, right? So in my perspective, I'm like, I think you're about ready to have a plan to clean out that storage unit. Yeah, I think what you need to do is you need to find the bill, multiply the monthly fee by the number of months you've had it right down that number. And then the next time you can go to the storage unit and take an inventory of what it's worth. And say to yourself with each and every item, what I buy this again. If you don't want to get rid of it, keep it, sell it, donate it, but set a move out date for your storage unit. Yeah. Because honestly, if you haven't used this stuff in a year, you don't need it. I absolutely agree. You know, I hate to say that, but it's like, if you've got storage, like, moms old piano and you just don't have a house with them now, or I'm trying to think a good example. I think it is stuff that I got. So in full disclosure, I got a bunch of barns on my property. So I was going to lay off with this one.

45:15So the other day, I got this two story barn. I haven't been in that barn in four months. I don't need to go in there. But I was showing somebody a piece of equipment in there. And I'm looking in this barn going in there, stuffing here. I don't even know what's in here. Yeah. It doesn't cost me anything extra because it's already here. But then of course, the little leap of one off and Ralph's mind is like, hmm, what if I clean this barn out? I rented it to somebody who's paying for a storage unit. Yeah. I didn't have a son. I said, actually, it is costing me money. Yeah. So just I think this is one of those things where, you know, it's opportunity cost. And that's a big deal. So like I said, my big takeaway here is figure out how much it's costing you and go look at the real value of what's there. And if you need to sell the stuff, donate it, get rid of it because if it's not worth what you're paying, then stop doing that. I like that. All right. Well, let's talk about this. We talked about brother-in-laws. But let's say you'd lend your brother-in-law $4,000 bucks. I mean, you're a very generous person. But when you did that, there's no paper. And there never was going to be any paper because, well, that's what we do for family.

46:17I've watched that exact situation and a Thanksgiving dinner. Law Depot has a boring document that prevents things like that. With Law Depot, you can write promissory notes, bill of sales. If you're selling your car or truck, you can write a rental agreement. The best part of this is they guide you with questions that are built for your state. And you can print that legal document tonight. And you can start with a free trial. So to becomingfinanciallyconfident.com slash Law Depot, again, that's becomingfinanciallyconfident.com slash Law Depot and check it out. There we go. It's that favorite time when we talk about our wins of the week. And for some reason, see, this is where doing a live show is so much fun because you never know what's around the next corner. Yeah. I try to set these things up. So you're, you know, I think I've made you go first the last few weeks. Yeah. Talk about your wins of the week. My wins of the week. Well, my big win of the week is they're replacing the concrete in front of my office today.

47:19So in January, we had a really bad cold snap here in Delaware. And I'm going out my front door. I was fortunate to have a side door in a front door. And I'm going to open the door and I'm like, why is this door not opening up? So I walk around the other side door and the concrete had buckled. And the concrete had actually gone like this, like a volcano up six inches. Whoa. Yeah. So there was no way to open the door. Now for what you need to understand is January, February is the busiest time for me because that's when everybody's coming to get their taxes done. Right. So I'm in a panic. I'm like, what do I do? So I call the builder. He's like, no problem. We'll come down. It was the coolest thing. Julia, they brought like a sander and they sanded down the concrete. Like this guy's out here like sand is thing down. Like sand this way? Yeah. And leveled it out so the door would open. Wow. So today they were out there with the jackhammers and the demolition crew and they are taking that concrete out. Yeah. And then come Monday morning, we are going to get a new concrete. So everything's going to look nice and tidy for my office here.

48:19So that's my win of the week. It's happy to see that happen. It's taken a little while to get them out here, but they're out here today working. And they were done by 1115. So you haven't had to hear the jackhammers on the show today. Amazing. Do you have any other wins of the week? So tonight's going to be a big win. I am a huge University of Delaware, our football fan. If behind you on the shelf, you can see UD. That's the yellow and blue guy. He is the UD. So tonight it's a sold out game at the University of Delaware versus Liberty University. Right. My oldest son is actually a graduate of Liberty University. Right. I'm hoping he's going to make it. He called. He sent me a text last night. Said he was running 102 fever. They've been him and his wife have been passing along some kind of flu virus or something. It seems like it's going along or going around. So I'm hoping that, but either way, my youngest son will be there. So we're going to go cheer on the blue hands and, yeah, blue hands. Yeah, blue chickens. That's what Delaware is known for. But tonight's another win of the week. I get to spend some time with my boys and that'll be a lot of fun.

49:20Plus I just love watching University of Delaware football. I hope your oldest son is able to make it out. And because I imagine he would vote for the, he would root for Liberty Liberty University. So I'm going to brag on him a little bit. So my, my oldest son, he has some developmental struggles. I'll leave it that just, but he graduated from Liberty University while working full time married with a master's degree. So for me as the dad, dad is an amazing accomplishment. So kudos to my son, Ryan. And he's in a coast guard just had his, he just had our grandson. So you know, it's always a win of the week when I talk about my boys. So that's another win for me. Love that love that. Is it my turn now? It's your turn. It's time for your wins of the week, Juliet. I would say one of the wins or, yeah, one of the wins of this week, I went back rock climbing with a friend after about two years. It was hard. My back is still sore and I rock climbed with like two, three days ago or something.

50:23So that's just been fun to be challenged in a different way. And then I would say I'm slowly, slowly organizing things a lot faster as an entrepreneur. And so things are things are coming along. It feels good. It's always good to feel like you're making progress. Yeah. So what's been the biggest struggle in your entrepreneurial journey? I think the, the type of business that I want to build, it starts out as like a media company for sure. So it's really identifying like the angle, the story, how do we want to hold the whole branding thing, right? And so I'm actually going to meet with somebody afterwards a video editor and we're going to talk about like the first real project I've been to work on. But it took me a couple of days to get into the right mindset of like, what kind of story do I want to tell? And how do I want to tell it? I get it. Well, I want you to know all of us are encouraging you on your entrepreneurial journey. Thank you. Because it's not easy. It's not easy to take, you know, what you've done for so many years and the corporate

51:23environment and that surety that you were not worrying about you because it would have been real easy for you to go find another job, right? I mean, you could have done that. Yeah. But probably a lot less stress too, right? It'll be stress in other ways. Like I said, there's so much, so many toxic environments that have been a part of that I have experienced. So it's like, for me, it's like what would feel better in this moment, no matter what it's going to be challenging, but what kind of challenge I want to take right now. I think that's brilliant. Yeah. Okay. So I have a slight deviation of this question for you. What is one thing you're going to focus on or work on next week? You plan to work on. So here's something I need to go back and do the subscription thing because the other day, I got an email for a subscription I've been paying for for a year. I had no idea what I was. I had no clue what it was. So open up my iPhone. I'm looking for this thing. Oh, I got this app. Yeah. So open up the app. I'm like, what is this? So probably a year ago I signed up for some kind of as a public speaking thing.

52:23Yeah. But I was paying $50 a month. Ah, did you cancel it already? I canceled it. Okay. So now here's the funny thing. But here's the funny thing. So when I went to cancel it, you'll laugh at this. Would you like to keep the service for just $9 a month? All of them do that. I'll just call you. And I was so annoyed by that because I'm like, okay. So yesterday you were charging me $50. But I'm going to get the same service for nine. What kind of low-dirt, low-down dirty rack kind of scoundrels are you? So many companies are doing that. I know. I just think it speaks volumes about there. I would rather a company say to me, thank you for your business. If you decide we're going to work together in the future, here's our price. I don't know. This is just me, Julia. But I think it diminishes your value and your professionalism when you get into the Monty Hall wheelie and in dealing. That is a very true thing. Keep that sentiment because let's keep that anger for the future. That's not anger. It's just reality.

53:23And you know, I talk on the show, it's time's about understanding where your money's going, finding clarity. So I call myself that on that one. So yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, it is time to announce the winner of WinRaf's money for last week. We had 45 contestants, which is fantastic, just under the 50. And of those contestants, we had 663 entries. So what that means is that people entered and they did other things to get more entries. So right before the show, we went and looked at this and the winner of this week's $25 Amazon gift card is Jason Jennings. So Jason, congratulations. You're our introductory winner of the Amazon gift card. Keep an eye on your email. You will get a gift card link from me and Amazon. And thank you so much for being a part of the show. Thank you for doing many more entries because this particular person, he had done 37 entries,

54:29which means he's done other things. He shared it with other people and all that sort of thing. But the best news of all of this is the new contest for this week has already started. So it's not too late to win Ralph's money. And it's really simple. You go to becoming financially confident.com slash giveaway. And when you do that, you can enter and when you do that, go and do the other entries. You can send it to other people. You can share it on social media. You can join our Facebook group. You can watch our YouTube videos. You can subscribe to the show. All of those things will help you with your finances and potentially the more people than enter. Remember, this can go up to $150 a week. So win Ralph's money, becoming financially confident.com slash giveaway. Love it. I think it's fantastic. Well, let's talk about our money move. So this week's money move for everybody that does remember is we were going to look at our pay stuff.

55:29And then we were going to go take a look at our wheel with holding enough. We were going to we talked about the tax withholding estimator at iris.gov slash w4 app. Now Julia and I are not in this because both of us are self employed. So we didn't have that to go do. But Julia, what do you think? I mean, I think I was really an impactful money move to do this week because it's going to prevent that surprise surprise come April 15th. Yeah. I think let us know in the comments like if you have been able to do this at this point in time, like Ralph said, this is just to make sure later down the line, you don't get into any kind of too much surprise where maybe you're withholding too much or you're withholding too little. And then yeah. Yeah. And if you are self employed, you know, reach out to me. If you go to becoming financially confident.com, you can click on the button that says book with Ralph or work with Ralph. I'd be happy to talk to you. You can take a look at my consulting agreements there and see if you know, even we just

56:31spend 30 minutes together. Let's talk about how I can help you keep more of the money that you work so hard to make because that's the goal, right? We're trying to keep more of what we make. Yes. What's coming up next, Ralph? So next week, we're going to look at another price increase on your phone bill and everybody's got a phone bill. Then we're going to talk about the flu shot that shouldn't cost you anything. And why 12 weeks out is the best time to start saving for Christmas. We're going to talk about that. And in our community mail bag, we're going to talk about Costco shopping hacks. So if you use Costco or one of the other clubs, we're going to have a list that tells you, you know, you're going to have a lot of people scammer, you're an easy target and a social security benefit. A lot of parents don't know about. And we're going to introduce a new money move. Love that. So I'm looking for it to Monday. Me too. I think it's going to be another great week.

57:31So, Joy, again, thank you so much for this week. I think we've had a great week. I want to thank everybody who's joined us in the chat. We've had some great chats. And don't forget to go enter the contest. And if you forgot, I'm Ralphie Step Jr. And I am Juliet. And as always, if you've got a question for this show, our whole goal with this show is to answer your questions. And if you want to leave us a voicemail about what's going on in your money world, send it to us. Go to becomingfinanciallyconfident.com slash voicemail. And this is definitely a join us live on Monday at becoming financially confident.com slash live. And let's entail everybody you know about the show. If you're getting value from the show, tell somebody because this is becoming financially confident. Where we're breaking free from money, shame, one conversation at a time. So everybody have a great weekend and go Blue Hands. Go Blue Hands.