The Loud Liker Theory

Confession: I’ve never been someone who was a natural in social settings.

As something of an introvert, I struggled to build new adult relationships. I often felt others weren’t responding to my social signals. In most cases, I just assumed they didn’t like me and moved on.

But it turns out I was actually falling victim to a damning collision of two psychological phenomena:

• Signal Amplification Bias: Our fear of rejection in social situations tempers our ability to convey social signals, and blinds our ability to recognize that tempering effect.
• The Liking Gap: We assume others like us less than they actually do.

In effect, you send less than you think, and you hear less than they send.

Two people who like each other leave an interaction convinced the other one doesn’t.

In this piece, I share a simple solution that has completely transformed my experience with adult friendships:

Like people out loud...

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