The subtle art of not giving a f*ck

0:00So good, so good, so good. Nordstrom Rack is celebrating 125 years of Nordstrom with 125 of the best deals up to 65% off in stores and online. They're only here while supplies last. So shop today, great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Imagine a left brain and a right brain got together and came up with an incredible banking solution. The innovative minds at Silicon Valley Bank and the pragmatic ones at First Citizens Bank have put their heads together so they can deliver solutions tailored to your unique financial needs. You want deep innovation insights paired with the financial power of a top 20 US bank? Now you can have it. Silicon Valley Bank and First Citizens Bank. It's the best of bank worlds. Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that type performance living. Iconic spaces that inspire. Personal training backed by real data,

1:00unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and Pilates to strength and conditioning. Elevate your post-performance ritual with sonas, steam rooms, cold plunges, and more. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com. The art of not giving a fuck is one of the most freeing feelings that I've ever felt. It's probably the feeling that allowed me to do anything that I've done to start a business, to leave my 95, to come out to Thailand, to really change things inside of my life. And this started and cultivated from a feeling of, man, I care what other people think. I don't feel free in my choices. I don't feel certain in the things that I do. And I started a long time ago looking into how do I change this feeling? How do I be one of those guys? It's one of those mavericks that just doesn't give a fuck what anybody else thinks. And can really take life in a stride like the movie characters,

2:01the masculine role models that I looked up to when I was younger. And I stumbled across a book called The Suttler of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. And I came back to that book recently and I just want to give you some of the key points. So you can read it or not read it. I want to break down for you how I feel about this book now, sort of eight years on from first reading it and the lessons that it taught me and how they've become such a pivotal and important part of my life. So number one, one of the first points in this book is that happiness comes from solving problems and I've never heard anything more true. The biggest times of regret and unhappiness in my life was when I didn't solve any problems. I was always masking the problem. So I was always using drugs or alcohol to feel better about the problem without solving it. And I then became addicted to solving problems. Every day you wake up with problems and this is a fundamental part of life. Life is not some shine and rainbows, especially for a man.

3:03Life is difficult and it can be hard. So when you find joy in happiness from solving your problems, that becomes all you really need. That becomes everything that you need to do because you then look at the problems every day as a root to happiness instead of a root to your unhappiness. And there's a stoic philosophy that says if you can't solve a problem, genetics, height, that illness, tragedy, then you have to let it go. And you have to understand that what makes a man is the pain in his life. And when you understand that, you let that go and you just focus on solving your problems and anything you can't solve, you become a peaceful man, you become happy with yourself. And that allows you to not give a fuck about stupid, inconsequential things. There's also a term that was coined by Victor Frankl who wrote the book, it's about the Nazi concentration camps. I can't remember the book, but if you look up Victor Frankl, you'll find it. And it's called Backwood's Law.

4:04And it's the more we strive for positive experience, the more negative that positive experience becomes. And we can see that very clearly. When you chase pleasure, when you chase a girl, when you chase partying, you chase that high, when you chase material, things and money, and that's all you have to your personality, they quickly become negative because you realize they don't get you to the fulfillment that you were looking for. On the flip side of that, with Backwood's Law, you actually realize over time and over life experience that the negatives were the positives. The negative experiences gave you the wisdom and gave you the charisma and the person that you are today. And I actually look back on the negative experiences in my life and think, fuck, they were the best things that ever happened to me. And I look back on the positive experiences, the things, not positive things, but the pleasure seeking. And I think, wow, I can't believe I did that to myself. So that's another big, big point. It's the more you try and run from negative things, the more they'll chase you, and the more you try and run to pleasure and positive things, the more they will allude you.

5:04So you have to feel, you have to find pleasure in the pain. Another great point in this book is you always have a choice over what you give a fuck about. Yesterday we were flying the drone out on the sea, over on the jet skis, so brand new drone, $1,500, got hit by a bird, taken out of the sky. And a lot of young guys would probably allow that to affect their mood, not me, it just doesn't bother me at all. I just think we got some good footage on the drone. And I laughed about it getting hit by the bird. It wasn't me flying it. Didn't ask my friend a paper, a new one, or anything like that. Was an angry about it? Because I don't give a fuck about small things. I have a thing in my head that if I won't think about something in five years' time, if I won't even remember it, which I will not remember a drone, I won't remember losing a phone, I won't even care about it. It's not remembering it, it's caring about it. I won't care about being robbed, and I'd be throwing five years' time. So why the fuck do I care about it now? So that's a very good way to frame things in your life.

6:06Oh, you spilt fucking drink on the floor. You ruined your new clothes. Oh, someone stole something from you. It doesn't fuck a matter. You have to choose what you give your energy to in this life. And only give a fuck about the very important things that sit and align with your values as a man. Number two, it's no such thing as a personal problem. It's the reason why you probably like this channel, because the problems that I have and the things have overcome are the problems that you have in your life. So it's a good thing to remember that you're never alone. Everybody has a problem. And often they have problems much worse, much worse. But what you do need to do is understand your emotions and do a lot of internal work on understanding what makes you sad, what makes you happy, what where should you gear your life towards. Then you have to understand, OK, why do I feel this way? What beliefs take me to feeling this way in my life? And the third part of that is you then set your values based around this. I know this makes me happy. I know this makes me sad. This is why it makes me happy. This is why it makes me sad. I don't, these are my values.

7:07I don't do these things because from my experience, they do not lead to me feeling happy. I do these things because they need to me feeling happy. So for example, you love your work, you love your exercise, you meet up with a girl and you fall in love. But she's so good, so good, so good. Nordstrom Rack is celebrating 125 years of Nordstrom with 125 of the best deals up to 65% off in stores and online. We're talking incredible savings on brands you love, like Vince, Sam Edelman, Rag and Bone, all saints and more. They're only here while supplies last. So shop today. Go into Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first and more, plus buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high performance loving. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com. Imagine if having your cake and eating it too was about banking,

8:09not baking. Silicon Valley Bank and First Citizens Bank have created a recipe that blends decades of innovation economy experience with more than a century of stability. Now, you don't have to choose between deep sector expertise and lasting financial security. Instead, you can enjoy them both. Silicon Valley Bank and First Citizens Bank. It's the best of bank worlds. It doesn't want you going to the gym anymore. She doesn't want you working anymore. She wants to be with you all the time. Your values and your frame as a man is that, I'm sorry, you will have to go because I cannot compromise these values because I know what makes me happy. Without that guideline, that system in your life, very difficult to set your values and set frame and enforce those boundaries with other people. Number four, another pull from Stoic Philosophy. Your circumstances may not be your responsibility, but your reaction to them is. That's all that you control in this life, no matter how bad your situation, what's the best possible reaction that you could have?

9:10Oh, a girl breaks up with you. What's the best possible reaction? You get in the gym. You go and work out hard. You go and start your business. You get back together with your brothers. You start to build up your life. What's the worst thing you could do? Go and bury your head in the sand, start drinking, get depressed, think about it all the time. No matter what your circumstances are, even if you were diagnosed with cancer, you've lost limbs, you're paraplegic. Unfortunately, life can be incredibly harsh, but it's what you do with those things that happen to you that make you a man. That's what people judge you on. That's what they are and not given a fuck is about. It's doing everything you can with a situation. Yes, my situation is bad, but I know I did the best possible thing. It builds huge confidence. It's been huge for me. No matter how bad a situation, no problem. For whatever you want at me, I know it will make me stronger. Number five, uncertainty is inevitable. The more certain you try and make things in your life, the less certain they often become. And you have to live life a little bit nonchalant. You have to not give a fuck. You've got your plan, you've got the idea of where you're going,

10:12but you're open to change. And you don't care exactly on the result. All you care is that you put in the action. That every day you're putting in the action, you're on the right values, you're going where you think you need to go, and everything else you don't give a fuck about. You don't try and make life certain. If I tried to make life certain from my uneducated point of view at 16, 17, 18 years old, and I got exactly what I wanted then, I'd be very unhappy right now. God's plan is a lot bigger than you would expect. It will take you the places you need to go. The uncertainty is what breeds lust into life. It's what makes things incredible. Whereas when you're certain about everything you know exactly what's going on, life becomes very stale, very boring. So don't worry about not knowing where you're going. That's the fucking journey. You haven't written the movie yet. You can go anywhere you want to go. That uncertainty is perfect. And to round out, you have to really embrace the importance of failure. Everything in your life that you get in the future will come from failures in the past. So the only thing that I now pin to success or failure,

11:15and I heard a great talk about this, a guy talking about a young girl, running a race. She was her first 100-meter race. She was an athlete. And she came dead last. And she got, she got a score of 19 seconds. She ran the 100 meters in. And she came back over to her coach and said, I've lost a race. I feel terrible. And he said, no, you haven't lost. She said, why haven't I lost? Because your previous best time was 20 seconds. And you've done 19 seconds, which means you actually, you won that race. You put the action in, you won that race. And the framing of this is, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose by anyone else's standards. As long as you took the action, as long as you improve, bit by bit, day by day, that's winning. That's all winning is. That's all we can do in this life. Take action on the things every day. I no longer look at results for business. We have our targets, but they're not set in stone. We do not have to hit them. But what we absolutely do have to hit is the actions that we believe will get us to those targets. And we have to constantly adjust and bring in the best possible work that we can do.

12:19And if we control the controllables, and we don't hit the target, that's a fucking win for the month. Fantastic work. It will come on the next month. And if we hit the target, if we surpass the target, but we didn't do the actions, that was a failure that month. So the art of not giving a fuck is a science. It's controlling what you can control and letting go of the rest. And having your values, knowing what you fuck with and don't fuck with as a man, letting go of all the small shit, don't worry about the small shit. Become the guy you want to become. Become the guy that's just cool and calm in every situation. That is the subtle art of not giving a fuck. It's been an absolute pleasure, boys. And I'll see you on the next one. Woo! Imagine a left brain and a right brain got together and came up with an incredible banking solution. The innovative minds at Silicon Valley Bank and the pragmatic ones at First Citizens Bank have put their heads together so they can deliver solutions

13:19tailored to your unique financial needs. You want deep innovation insights paired with the financial power of a top 20 US bank? Now you can have it. Silicon Valley Bank and First Citizens Bank. It's the best of bank worlds. Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that type of performance loving. Iconic spaces that inspire personal training backed by real data, unlimited group fitness classes from yoga and pilates to strength and conditioning. Elevate your post-performance ritual with sonnas, steam rooms, cold plunges, and more. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com. Did you know that mosquitoes have killed almost half of all people who have ever lived? Today, people are fighting back. With support from the Gates Foundation, American scientists and partners around the world have developed a new generation of bed nets that can kill up to 90% of mosquitoes exposed to them,

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