The Three Step Formula That Stopped a Relapse featuring Michael Lassman

Michael Lassman had millions of dollars, a successful Wall Street career, and by every outward measure had made it. Then alcoholism took nearly all of it away. In this deeply honest conversation, Michael walks Larry through his descent, his years long estrangement from his children, and the long road back through a twelve step program, faith, and eventually writing two books about what he learned along the way.

What makes this conversation land so hard is how much Larry opens up in return. He shares a recent, still raw season of using alcohol to cope with his oldest son leaving home, and the moment his own ten year old son called it out. He also shares his mother's decades long struggle with alcoholism and the hard boundaries he has had to set to protect his own family. If you have ever used something, anything, to numb a feeling you did not want to sit with, this conversation offers real, hard won language for that struggle and a path through it.

 

Timeline Summary

1:01 Michael shares the statistic that started this conversation. Most people report their life feels meaningless

2:08 Michael's descent in 2011. From a successful Wall Street career to living in a cheap motel

3:12 Michael shares contemplating suicide during his lowest point

4:07 The night police broke down his motel door, believing he was dead

6:14 How Michael went from millions of dollars to near total loss over several years

7:10 The year his children refused to speak to him, and what led to that breaking point

11:40 The story of his son reaching out after a friend's father died unexpectedly

12:39 A full introduction to Michael. A four decade career, multiple businesses, and two books

17:03 Michael reflects on what he would say to the version of himself at his lowest point

22:53 Introducing the spiritual malady, and why addiction is ultimately a comfort problem

25:43 A client's story. Four years free from pornography addiction and now helping other men

26:51 Naming the common thread behind every vice. It is never really about the substance itself

29:04 Michael's story of nearly relapsing at a bus station six months after leaving treatment, and the three step formula that stopped him

32:35 Larry shares his own recent struggle using alcohol to cope with his son leaving home

37:44 Larry's decision to stop drinking for the rest of the year, and how it has felt so far

40:00 Referencing this as episode 1535, and Michael sharing what led him to write about allowing God to remove his character defects

41:31 Breaking down the resentment inventory process from the twelve steps

44:53 Understanding surrender as the paradox at the center of recovery

48:33 Michael's reconciliation with his ex-wife after she read his memoir in full

52:12 An update on Michael's now adult son and daughter, and the state of those relationships today

55:52 Larry shares his own mother's decades long struggle with alcoholism

56:59 The specific incident that led Larry to set a hard boundary with his mother

59:04 Larry reflects on forgiveness without full reconciliation

1:00:23 The danger of family members unintentionally enabling an addict, and the value of Al Anon

1:01:06 Michael's closing message on finding purpose at the intersection of your values, gifts, and hardest experiences

1:04:07 Where to find Michael and his books

 

Five Key Takeaways

1. Addiction is rarely about the substance itself. It is almost always an attempt to escape discomfort, whether that discomfort is anxiety, sadness, resentment, or grief.
2. A simple three step practice can interrupt a craving in the moment. Name the discomfort to God or a higher power, talk to someone about what you are actually feeling, and then look for someone else you can help.
3. Surrender is not weakness. Trying to control or white knuckle your way through a painful season often makes the struggle worse, while genuinely letting go can be the thing that finally creates real change.
4. Reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same thing. You can forgive someone fully while still choosing not to reconcile or reopen a relationship that is not safe for your family.
5. Noticing a pattern early, even a small one, matters. A comment from a child or a spouse can be the signal that something you thought was harmless is actually a way of avoiding a feeling you have not dealt with yet.

 

Links and Resources

• Killing Mr. Hyde by Michael Lassman: https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Mr-Hyde-Michael-Lassman/dp/1942451024 
• Modern Man's Search for Meaning by Michael Lassman: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H1MJ22XN
• Michael Lassman: https://www.michael-lassman.com/
• The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
• The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1535

 

Closing

If any part of this conversation felt close to home, whether it is your own relationship with alcohol, a parent's addiction, or a season of using something to avoid a feeling you have not faced yet, please know you are not alone, and help is available. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous and Al Anon are both free, widely available resources. If you are having thoughts of suicide, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day by calling or texting 988. Go out and live legendary.