768: Grave Digging Daddy

0:00Your credit card company is hoping you don't hear this. They're charging you 21% APR interest, making it hard to pay down your balance. A home equity loan from Rocket Mortgage could cut your interest rate by more than half, so you could wipe out your high interest credit card debt with the equity you've built in your home. Without touching your current mortgage rate, see how much you could save at rocketmortgage.com. Rocket Mortgage LLC, license in 50 states, and MLS consumer access dot org number 3030, all 800 for Rocket for full program details.

1:57So many tattoos. Yeah. Yep. If you have a bit of a scroll through the Snipers Nightmare Facebook group, on the you can find there's a flash sheet done by Mad Dog Dave, who's a tattoo artist who's actually coming out here soon. He got me in dick bro, tattooed on his leg, which you can see the pictures of that and then with a tiger for a knob. And then also all the other ones too. I thought it was, I thought it was going to be too high to be seen, but there's a post of a pick if I'm just sitting there and short, it's like you're like, please say just the nutting. You know shorts and just the nuts. Oh, that's so good. That is so good. He's such a savage. I love it. So it's plenty on there. Like we say, join the fuckery. That's what a group of snipers are called. That's what we call our listeners. And if you've been listening for ages, but you've never shared the episode into your chat group, that's the best way. Rory can get the word out there of this podcast. Well, if this is your first one, I'd get back in listen to you today. That was pretty good. Yeah, apparently deck wines are thing.

2:58Deck wines are thing. And atomic tom out there on the other side of the glass tried to buy virgin pissegs. That's more detail in yesterday's one. Should we get things started? Thanks, they're good friends at Classic Builders. You wanted to do a classic yarn. I'd like to do a classic yarn. Yes, the podcast is brought to you by them. They'll help the keywes in a new home for three bloody decades. Yeah. First time by. It's people downsizing, vistas bloody all of it, mate. Let's get into it. This is the Classic Builders Classic Yarn. I'm going to stop you there and I'm going to go on this one. Okay. Because I got a beauty from Jimmy in Canadian. Canadian. Yes. Which is my favorite place of the planet. Canadian fellas. How warm. My name's Jimmy and you can call me that because that's my fucking name. Over here in Canadian, I'm been chopping barley and silas in your town called Moose Jure. So I'm in Moose Jure's set. Yeah, I find that Moose Jure is just for context. Carry on. I was going pretty sweet until the cyclist's chopper decided it had had enough alive. She blocked up sucked in a massive lump of barley and stalled herself out.

4:00So I had to take the pick up front off, swing the feeder hars out and around and that's the bit that feeds the crop into the chopper and trying to get the bastard unblocked. We tried pulling the barley out by hand. Well that did fuck all. So naturally instead of doing anything sensible, we found a fucking PTO shaft about a meter and a half long and thought, yep, that'll do it. We put it into the stub of the rollers and started turning it. One rotation, sweet ass. That's actually your but you're not far from my my mother and Laura's boyfriend's house in Saskatoon Saskatchewan. Hey, who sure is just a wee bit down to the south of Saskatoon, you know. One rotation, sweet ass. Seeking rotation still sweet ass. So we go for another one and then suddenly fucking bang the barley clears itself and absolutely launches out. Now, unfortunately for me, I had my back turned at this stage and I just felt this massive donk straight onto the back of my head.

5:01It knocked me clean onto the deck. I get back up and the chopper driver looks at me and goes, oh shit, that must have fucking hurt. And I see, yeah, it fucking did. And that was basically it. We went to carry on working. So I leaned over to pick up my cap off the ground as I leaned over. So I just saw blood dripping onto the ground right in front of my face. And the chopper driver looks and then goes, Jimbo, you're bleeding. Well, I said, it can't be that bad. I put my hand up to my head and pulled it back. Absolutely covered in blood. And I thought, fuck, that's not ideal. As I proceeded to fall back down to the ground and everything started going a little bit blurry. Then came the next problem. Who's taking him? They decided to be the first driver back from Tom in his load of stylish and who was it? Some fucking bloke from the Czech Republic. His name was Martin because, you know, it's his fucking name. That's what we fucking called him because we comprehensively fucking name. And his own voice hurt my head more than the PTO shaft of the head did. Probably the last bloke on earth I wanted to be driving me to hospital while I had a bleeding

6:03head injury. We're getting the yutin head off. Now this bloke's English wasn't exactly flash. And with a head knot, my brain wasn't exactly right in Windows 11 either. He starts tilking to me and I'm thinking, is this Czech ration or a moment of fucking stroke here? We get to the hospital, walk up to the desk of the nurse asked, what happened? Then the check bloke starts trying to explain it. She's looking at him, he's looking at her, I'm looking at both of them. Nobody knows what's going on. Eventually, she asked me what happened. So I take the ice pack off my head, which one of the boys had given me out of his bloody lunch box and show the wound. She looks at it and goes, yep, I don't need to see that. I said, well, you fucking ass, what happened, lady? So then I explain the whole story, barley, silage, chopper, pto sharp, head, blood, the whole lot. And she has absolutely no idea what a chopper was, didn't know what silage was and probably thought I'd been attacked by a combine harvester. So I just gave the shortened version. Big bump to the head, happened it worked. Seems to do the trick. They sent me through to the nurse, she opens the wound up and goes, oh shit.

7:06I said, what? She goes, well, you got a cut right down to your scalder, yeah? I thought brilliant. Exactly what you want to hear about one evening of foreign country. Then she gives me about 12 pills. I said, what are these? She said, take them. They'll make you feel good. Well, I wasn't about to argue with medical advice. So I slowed the fucking lot of them and fuck me. They did make me feel pretty good. Eventually the doctor comes in and says, you're going to need a hair cut. I said, right, go for it. So I got a free hair cut in the Canadian hospital so they could get to the wound. Then the doctor starts glowing and selling my head back together. I'm like, fucking humpty dumpty here. Well, she was doing that saying that if that hit the side or front of my head, it'd be a different story. No doubt. Oh man, yeah. So that was pretty great of him to inform me of that. And once that was done, they leave me lying there. It's about 2 a.m. I'm pretty fucking bugged. I've got this bloody heart monitor thing, stuck all over my chest and there's this machine beside me going, beep, fucking beep, and all over again, I'm thinking, fuck, sake. I just want to sleep.

8:07So I've each had a side I'm going to turn the bloody thing off. Now, I'm still trapped in the bed with the sides up and the wheels locked because apparently they don't trust the bloke who's been hit in the heber of the PTO shaft. So I reach over with a full grab and grab the machine and give it a pull. Then somehow the whole fucking block comes off and smashes onto the floor and ricks it. About 30 seconds later, the doctor comes and sprinting, he goes, what is going on? What's going on? I said, I just want to turn the fucking beeping off. Apparently that wasn't the correct way to operate the hospital equipment. So yeah, that's my story. Went to the hospital with a hole in my head, got a haircut, got such back together, and then dismantled the hospital because I was sick of the fucking beeping machine. I received nine phone calls from the hospital since then and haven't picked up a bloody single one of the May. Cheers, lads. You boys are somehow managed to make, listen to two bloke's talk, absolute shit for an hour. Now one of the highlights of my week and make a work day, hell of a lot better. Up the fucking was.

9:07That is a great class again. It is horrible. Benny, the Nannigan's has been in the hospital probably more recently. Yeah, you're the most recent hospital stayer. But it's the normal thing on the show. The fucking's becoming. It's like the two hour knobs which fucking do your head in. Just as you get to sleep, you know, Mr. Reeve, Mr. Reeve, just need to just check your finger into the thing to get the pulse and then if I can do this test and whatever it is and check all you shouldn't then go away. Like surely there must be a better way where you're just plugged into it and it just fucking sends it to them for my text or something. How sick would it be if you, you know, like we've got a good public system here in New Zealand. Amazing public system. One of the only things you can play in about that, the food normally fucking sucks too. What about you go into hospital? I think you can just sleep, it's slow and machiki thousand bucks and you can eye fill it and fucking mad like holidays eggs and shit for breakfast. That's just private system. Yeah, but then you pay for the private. Then you pay and have to pay for the private.

10:08So I'm just saying upgrade the upgrade the public and the shit you want. On the ACC you can go private if you choose to. You can opt for it. I got all of this done privately and it's exactly that. They bring you a menu. What would you like? Would you like the lamb? Really? Your own room with Sky TV and everything and paid for by the text path. When you are. Yeah. So many operations like thousands of dollars. I have five on this arm now. And privately, I don't know what a private stay cost. Like a heap. What do you mean? So you'd be like, well, there'll be 100g with all of the operations. Well north of that. Wow. Yeah, at least there to be 30, 40 a hit, Eric and an ethetus surgeon. Yeah. I don't go out for dinner anymore. I just break my arm again. Fucking cheaper. That's why it's. You can also. You can also, they even do like internal kind of Uber Eats services now at hospital. That's cool. Where you just because people obviously have the ability to pay for better food than what you get that you get offered. That's what I'm saying. And so they're just basically turn up and they're bringing like, you know, those fucking the roasts, you get the classic roasted or something. Or something to hang out for a good.

11:09Or because particularly when you're in hospital and you're loaded up with all sorts of fucking chemicals, just bringing you in like a big fresh salad like the bowl of bowls, like those ones. Oh, the best. That's what you feel like you need. Yeah. So you're just going to jump across to the sniper line here. Got a couple once again. Best audio message sent through to us on the sniper line. Each episode we give away one of our not for radio hats, which if you're watching this, you'll be able to see in the morning. Yeah. The front. The main one running through on the joystick. Social media again. Link in the show notes of that. Let's go. Michael. I'm going to show up first. That's from Jordan McKenna. Bella. Short yarn. I was running half marathon and I've chucked the old potty in the ears. Absolutely love what you fellas do. And I've got to the part halfway through where I'm about to take one of those fruity gels to keep me pushing through. And I hear a I hear don't talk about him going to my to tend. I'm like, I'm good. I'm safe here. I'm helping out the boys. His young fellas.

12:09Let's keep going. Put the gel in the mouth. Next thing I hear is the book. Shout himself of a squeeze. The gel a little bit too hard while some laughing. And let's say it wasn't a good run for the rest. Anyway, boys, love what you do. Up the Melbourne storm and up the mother hacking was. Yeah. Lots of here. Second favorite team. Yeah. We often are everybody's second team as well, which is great. That's what you should have there. In our old grandfather's weekend, I'm looking forward to that. Who are you picking and do we do really for this? It's going to be hard to beat the roosters. They've got a team full of superstars and they have turned up and they've looked better and better each week. But then as well, you just can't write off the nights and the night's fans are going to be so loud. There's going to be 35, 40,000 nights fans here. Jadley, I reckon that the. Many boys going when you fly out tomorrow morning. Nah, for sure. Dawn on Sunday. Just steaming straight in. What? My pictures out from the airport to the pub to the stadium. So we're on the red eye on Sunday morning.

13:10Yes. What are you going to get up in like 3 a.m. for that assumption? Yeah, I've got to be the airport like 5, I think we fly out at 7, something like that. I was only going to take check luggage, but then I realised we're out there for like eight days. I mean not check luggage, but we're there for eight days at Bathurst and I'm like, oh, I've gone and gotten some extra luggage. Are you staying here to stay through? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm off next week if I are. I'm not a person. Yeah, perfect. Do you not like working with them? Perfect. I was like, this is not ideal. I don't know. Don't go ahead to do more work. I'm clearly J's not. I look at it and I just think, I swear to holler that is that school. Oh, it's a clutch play. One that I wish I could have done, but I just I was looking at the calendar like earlier and I thought, I can't do that to Dixie like after they've been away in the UK. School holidays. And then one in that on the last week of the school holidays as well would have been super deck move. Absolutely. So you the night's going to be they could turn up and just they play a weird sort of grind inside a football like then they throw it around a bit. I don't know. We'll see. Yeah, I actually don't care.

14:10Yeah. As long as this is a great game rugby league. It's like watching state of origin like I support the marines. I got my own shorts on today, but I love fucking good rugby league. Yeah. Do you know what we got the New Zealand? We have the bloke that can punch the hardest in the world here. Really? We're good friends with a little air partner. I used to work at the radio station. It's like a real short punch. Doesn't look like a lot. Oh, the Bruce Lee inch punch. Oh, it's no, it's not like a big wind up. It's like a sea. Yeah. Yeah. The heat this is sort of punch, I think. He was basically talking to us about how in NRL, every single NRL team now has a grappling coach base. Yeah. He was one of the first people that came through and he has working with a team who shall remain nameless and they had more turnovers and tackles than any other team. And it was because there's these pressure points on your arms that if you press on them, your hand just opens up and just releases the ball. And so then the teams were complaining about it. It ended up being kind of semi-found out.

15:11But yeah, he knows all these different parts of your body to press which make it go on fucking different directions like basically, I don't know if God knows those pressure points on your bank accounts. Yeah. Yeah. No, I actually know what it is. It sits inside of this and it basically works as similar to a leg. It's like that. Yeah. It's amazing. I'm just going to bring this up and we're going to go to the Inbetweeners 3 which is going to be on the way next year which is super exciting. If high interest credit card debt is keeping you up at night, you're not alone. Interest rates as high as 21% APR can do that to you. Rocket mortgage can help. A home equity loan from Rocket mortgage could cut your interest rate by more than half. See you could wipe out your high interest credit card debt without touching your current mortgage rate. See how much you could save at rocketmortgage.com. Rocket mortgage LLC, license and 50 states, and MLS consumer access to work number 3030,

16:12call 804 rocket for full program details. Oh, fucks like it. Come on. Hi. Just a real small tease there which one made a lot of sense if you're listening but if you're watching it would have the Inbetweeners apparently going to be a new movie going to be out from them next year which is super exciting. Did you, were you a fan of the show and the earlier stages of it? Oh, fuck yeah, it was awesome. I don't think I've ever watched a single episode. Haven't you? Oh my gosh. And the bloke who is on in between is the highest paid cameo. James. James. James Buckley. He plays Jay on Inbetweeners.

17:13Yes, he's the first millionaire of cameo. Yeah. Here we go one of them for my dad for Christmas. Did you? Yeah, yeah. He went in our fucking... I wanted a kosher. I cost like, I think it's like 70 bucks in Zed so me and my... Nothing. Yeah, my two siblings just went three ways and yeah. So it's fucking so cheap. I mean, so snoops five and a half grand. Brad the boss, his mistress got him. Warren Buffett, 1100 bucks. Happy 50th from Bruce Buffett. Oh, Bruce Buffett. Warren Buffett, just to give us some financial advice. Just with a birthday message. Bye, bye, bye. No, we never saw each other. Bye, bye. Yeah, no, but so that was, I think I believe that was like two grand New Zealand. Yeah. We sure have to go fucked in the exchange rate, which is no good at the moment. But that was a couple of years ago, but the exchange rate would have been terrible then too, no, no, yeah. Kenneth, this is real. This is real last minute, but I just sort of throw it in there. This is Jim McKeean.

18:14Jim McKeean, he's this... Jim Mahan. It's Jim Mahan. It's the comedian. Yeah, that's Jim Mahan. Why is it, why is he got a fucking mucking them a little bit then? I don't know, he runs to just Joe's. Jim Mahan. Yeah. McKeean, my own. Are you able to pull that up, Atomic? I think this is great. I love it when a comedian stands up and plays the guitar and sings at the same time. Have a got this. I got a home, I got it into my bed. She took off all my clothes. I think it was something that I said. I said I got different flavored condoms. Can you tell me what that is, Pat? She said I think it's cheese-nunnion. I said no, I ain't got it on it. I was so good. I just fucking...

19:16I love those ones. We're just sneaks out of it. Just fucking bangs straight on you. Oh, that's good. That's so good. I've been sitting on this next bit. I've wanted to play for ages. Mike Bako is like the head of digital here at MediaWorks. He sent this to me and he goes, Arcan, this has not for anyone all over. It's just a nice bit here that will make you appreciate everything you've got here on Planet Earth. It's almost like fast-forwarding a couple of hundred years and then sort of explaining what Planet Earth is. It's a year, it's 2256. Two million people live on Mars. You're heading there to visit. You're talking to somebody there who's born there. You've never been outside without a suit. Every breath they've ever taken comes from a machine. Who comes from labs and cans and nothing is natural there. No nature. So they ask you, hey, you're from Planet Earth, aren't you? Do you tell me what Planet Earth is like? You don't know what it begins. And so you say, well, there's water everywhere. There's so much water. Actually, water even drops down from the sky. They stop you and they're like, what do you mean?

20:17If you stand in it, you could just feel like, yeah, if you could stand in it, start telling them about the oceans. How big it is. Other creatures underneath you with eight arms and glowing fish. Whale sings to each other in a dark sea horses and coral reefs. They're super confused and they're like, what do you mean? You can go down there and look and you tell them, yeah, they just put on goggles and oxygen tank and you go down there and look. But as you describe these things, you start to realize that you haven't even tried or experienced these things yourself. That you only know these things from seeing videos or seeing it on a screen. Start telling them about the food. The plant about the trees with the fruits hanging from their branches oranges filled with pockets of juice, sea reeds, sourness of lemon and lime grapes, cucumbers and all kinds of flavors and taste that they can't imagine. And you tell them you can grow it too. You could take a tiny seed and plant it in soil outside of your home and they stop you. And they say, all of that exists all in one place.

21:17Then you stop for a second because you realize they haven't even heard anything yet and they're already amazed. Because suddenly you start to think about ants carrying leaves, skiing, lions roaring. My ceilings spreading beneath our feet, birds flying, bears catching salmon, grass, I snow, hail, lizards falling asleep on warm rocks. Skeetos, dragonflies, fireflies, lighting up in the dark, saltwater, freshwater glaciers, glowing plankton, pyramid sailboats, cruises, jungles, hot springs, waterfalls, penguins, giraffes reaching trees, hummingbirds, hovering in one place, elephants baby. Bees covered in pollen, spiders building spider webs, caterpillars turning its butterflies, liming a tree, riding a horse, dundas shaking the windows, sleeping under the stars. Lightning turning night into day, rainbows, northern lights, your breath visibly becoming cold, warm bread, cold breeze on a sweaty face, music feeling the wind on a road trip. Languages you haven't learned, cities you've never been, foods you never tasted and people you never met.

22:21See all that is on the same planet happening right now and all those images or those things. You realize that most of them you've only seen through a screen, just like they have here on Mars. You know what they look like but you never really experienced it. The person looks back at you and just says, oh my god, when you wake up you must do so much. You weren't there to see how small you felt next to an elephant. You never saw the lights in the northern lights. You didn't check out that waterfall yet. On your way back to the spaceship, they look at you and they thank you for your visit and tell you, hey, when you get home next time, when it rains can you please stand outside in it for me. Just stand in the rain for a minute and just feel it because they would do anything just to feel what that is like. So go outside and go feel some soil. Because you can.

23:21Because you can. It's fucking depressing but awesome at the same time, isn't it? How often have you, what is the number one place that you tell people to go and check out when they're in New Zealand? You've never been yourself. Firecats. You've been a fighter. I've been to most places. Have you been to the Catlands? But I wouldn't recommend it. I want to go there and I haven't been to the Stuart Island. There's a two place they haven't been to. Yes, Stuart Island. I've never been to the T-Eater Weirers. I don't have been there. To the walking track on the Lake Subway W that's super long. I remember the top of me. Why kidding me, weren't I? It might be that one. We're like the Catlands and basically the same, the southeast coast of the North Island. I haven't been sort of around Martin Brut and... Yeah, I've done a little bit of time down there. Probably not enough, but yeah, we're so lucky.

24:22I mean, I was sad all the time and there's been quite a few listeners of this podcast that have moved to New Zealand. We live in the greatest fucking country on planet Earth. We've got everything. We're so lucky. We've got seasons. You've got a fucking L.A. It's the same for nine months of the year. Same temperature. Sky looks exactly the same. Same amount of wind. Same shitty fucking people there. Trees don't want to grow. And you know, like we've got everything here. We've got amazing winter, amazing summers. The landscape changes top to bottom. The wildlife is amazing. Nothing wants to kill you. Like we are extremely lucky to have been born in this country. It was when we were in Dubai and looking out. Looking out on the surface. It fell apart. Yeah, that's what I reckon that those people... And have you seen that? How far along are they with that Saudi Arabia fucking big long blade in the desert build? Are they cancelled it? No, they've been cancelled. They've scaled it back. They've been cancelled now. They've started building. Yeah, I think they were fucking under way. There's a kid on it. School of people was working on that. On Emirates, there was like a whole bunch of stuff just like punching in the rationale as to

25:27what they're up to at the moment. So they're trying to build a destination because once people don't go fuck about oil anymore, their economy will collapse. So they're just pouring all of the oil money into making Dubai a place that people want to go on holiday. And they'll rely heavily on tourism. And it looks very impressive. It's a huge hit. And it was like, we're flying out. You're looking down and you get out of the main area and then there's just dusty looking fucking houses. It looks like the desert is trying to take over the houses on the outskirts, which it is the entire time. And then like a massive dust storm, like a sandstorm. Yeah. The flow really looked like a fucking movie. The roads just get fucking buried. You know how people have to get a snow plow and like plow the roads and place it at snow. It's a cancelled penny. It's massively scaled back. Huge financial and engineering roadblocks. Constructions have been heavily scaled back and suspended on most of the sections. They're now focusing on potentially completing just a 2.4 kilometer section on the hundreds. Which makes it 70 kilometers. Yeah, which makes it you do the 2.4.

26:28People move in and see that it works and you continue to grow it. And you've got the plan there. It's a fucking big build on it. So 100 and 70 basically for reference. Like most people will know what that would look like for their part of the world. But that's pretty much from here to Tauranga. That is a fucking long way. Yeah. Particularly because it's like how wide is it? It was meant to be like 200 meters wide or something. Fuck all. That's a fucking long way. Yeah. Can we put a link to that article in the episode description? Because it seems people will have no idea what we're talking about. It's pretty difficult to explain. Yeah, what I do love however, about that whole setup and that part of the world is they go, I've got the fucking wildest idea. Let's bring this to life and they've just got money to track it. They just go. Money is the thing. There's not too often you can get that done without slaves. No, that's the dude that did not send these slaves to build this setup. But the buildings in Singapore, the architect, he's an Israeli architect.

27:29He came up with that big one, the Marina Bay, fucking whatever it is, the big boat floating on top of those three big pillars. Here's a get to a point where gravity and normal physics just don't exist with the way that we can design things. Because now you can just solve those problems by chucking cash at them. And AI. Yeah, that's fucking long. Yeah, it's only going to get wild or the shit that gets built for sure. What are you up to this weekend? This weekend I'm flying to Palmerston North, per PDS celebrating 50 years of that fine business. So I'm going to be going down there tomorrow, fly back first thing Sunday morning and then the Rubberlead Grand Final at home. Pete's decision into the Rubberlead. That's what we're doing. We're doing a peat, wow, now we're doing a peat decision with a couple of families on Saturday. And then Sunday going to help move a table and an exchange. We're going to get the one of the boys to help me take the rooftop tent off the shark.

28:30Yes. That needs to come off before it goes back in and we get the new grunt here one next week, which is awesome. And then yeah, I'll watch the final on Sunday. I'll try and keep it low key because obviously, as you've heard this week on the podcast, we're fucking battling and running on fumes. Yeah, I wouldn't want to. As people listen to this right now, we might be smiling our best right now in the middle of a photo shoot, mate. Getting that data in photos with the radio station. Radio station. It's going to be interesting. It's kind of there's a plan, but no plan, which is basically media works. No, I think there's no. No, I think there's definitely a plan there. And I like the ambitious us in and out in an hour and a half, which I don't think's happened before. But if that can happen, that's me, because we'll get tomorrow, we'll get this afternoon off the radio show, which is nice. Should we wrap things up with the wall story? Yes. And then it'll do for the week. Snipers, reload. Another wall story incoming. Eyes on target. Scope style did. Let's see who hits the mark.

29:30This is from Carwin. And Carwin is from... Wheeeee! I'm a real, real, real, real. I'm a real, real, real. Hi guys, it's Carmin here. I'm originally from sunny Wales. I'm now living in South Australia. I've recently become sniper elite-lovy workboys. I've been through a bit of a rough patch over the last couple of years and the podcast has genuinely picked me back up more times than you'd even know. Nice, mate. Anyway, I've got an odd bull yarn for the wall stories. This is 100% true. Now, back in the early 2000s, we lived in the little country town in West Wales. It was sort of the sort of place where families had been there for generations. Everyone knew everyone, and if somebody knew moved into the village, they were watched like a suspicious dog near a barbecue. Great analogy. The next door to my parents came up for sale a few years before that, and it had been bought by this mad retired scientist. I'll call him John Gum. That's not his real fucking name. Okay.

30:30But it'll make sense in a minute. He was from England, which didn't help him fit into the tiny Welsh village, and he lived there with his really, really, really, really, really old dad. They kept themselves to themselves, but odd, but strange. Nobody really knew too much about them. A few years passed, and the house came up for sale again. My uncle, who was about 40 at the time, had just moved out from 11 across the road with his mum, and his first proper girlfriend, and decided to ride it. Perfect. We'll buy the fucking house next door at 40. So, I'll be waiting for a look. I was only about 13 or 14 at the time. We knocked on the door, had a chat with Old Mate Gum, and he showed us through the house. In the main bedroom, there was a sort of four-post-a-bed, not the full canopy type, just the posts. And on top of one of the bedposts was chewing gum. Not what? Oh, fuck. What a grim motherfucker. Not one bit of chewing gum.

31:31A fucking stack of chewing gum. This bloke must have gone to bed every night, pulled the chewing gum out of his mouth, and stuck it to the top of the bedpost. It was probably fucking six inches tall, and a disgusting little monument to dental fucking laziness. And that's when John Gum became John Gum. Anyway, while this was all going on, there was a room around the village that is dead, who had apparently died a year or so earlier, was buried in the backyard. No one ever saw the fucking funeral director turn up or a horse leave. No drama, normal house-buying stuff, obviously. So we sat down in the lounge, the deal was basically agreed, and then the difficult conversation came up. My family said something about the lines of, look, Gum, there's a rumor going around that you're dead's buried in the backyard. And he just sat there, calm as anything, and said, yes, yes, he's buried out back right behind the garden, should.

32:31Oh fuck, so right, the deal became pretty simple. We buy the house, but on one condition, dad has to fuck off with you. Gum said no problem. Contract drawn up, house paid for, then the hand overtime came. I can't believe he fucking buried his old man in the back. I can't believe he's going to have to take his old man up. Then the hand overtime came, so he asked, what's happening with the old boy? He said, I'll be there next weekend, and I'll pick that up, and off he went. The next weekend, he turns up in a voxel Astra hatchback. Oh, I'm so glad we did a final war story for the week. I was thinking maybe we won't drive down through the yard. Nox's wing mirror is clean up on the gate on the way in, and just keeps going like nothing happened. At the corner of the house block near the paddock, there was a garden shed with a window looking out down over the bottom of the paddock and a stream below. You could see out, but you couldn't really see in. It's me, my uncle, my best mate, Geffen.

33:33Of course. And my dad all piled into the shed to watch what was about to unfold. Fucking hell, this is so wild. Imagine watching someone dig up an old dead body. It might not have been there that long. Let's say, yeah, this is going to be wild. Fuck, I hope it's in marine ply or something. Gumbach's the asterop to where the alleged gravers. There's no headstone, no marker, no fucking nothing. Just back yard. And he starts digging. Fuck me within about half an hour. There's a thud and the shovel is standing up by itself. He'd hit the top of the box. And when I say box, I mean coffin. The coffin was only about eight inches to a foot under the ground. Oh. He pauses for a second, chewing like mad, then just keeps digging until he uncovers the coffin. By this stage, dad had been in there for about a year. And the auction of the Welsh clay and the section of the Welsh clay

34:38had basically glued the coffin to the bottom of the hole. Of course. Where you could see gum standing there scratching his head trying to work out. What he was going to do and how he was going to get this fucking thing out. Looking back, maybe we should have intervened. But we didn't. Instead. Oh, geez. You need a share, that's the worry with everyone, you know. This is so wild. Instead, he reversed the voxel aster right up to the coffin, got a bit of rope out, tied it through the fucking coffin handles, ran it around the tober, left the hatchback wide open, jumped in the car, gave it full fucking beans and dumped the clutch out. This is a lead. The aster shot forward like a greyhound how the gates and all six gov and handles ripped clean off. Fired straight through the back of the car, smashing them in the back of the head, opening them up like a can of beans.

35:41Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. You're the worst case scenario. Oh my gosh. Fucking hell. You fuck. John, he hopped out, scratched the back of his open up head and you could see him literally thinking, well that didn't fucking work. No shit, Shulof. So off he went, Wengmer is still hanging by the cables. A while later, he came back with a tarp in the boot. And this is where things got really strange. Oh fuck. Oh shit. He cracked the top off the coffin and there was Dad. He was a bit on the pale side, I don't have to say. The coffin was full of old shit. Cups, mugs, personal bits and pieces, random gear that must have belonged to the old boy.

36:43Then gum started getting dead out of the box and into the back of the hatchback. Now by this stage, the old boy was pretty fucking stiff and he was far too long for the voxel Astra. That's so funny. So all we can see from the shed window was this dead block half bent over, sticking out. While gum tried to fold him into the back of this hatchback, like he was loading a roll of the carpet. That's gonna be one of the fucking best years. At this point, even at 13 or 14, I remember thinking, well that's not fucking normal. This is pretty fucking serious. Then one of the girls came out to the shed, saw what was going on. Fucking flip the fuck out and called the cops. Turns out, shockingly, there wasn't any permission to bury Dad in the back yard in the first place.

37:46Nobody official knew anything about it. So that afternoon, the whole street was covered in police and forensics. They eventually turned up with a proper body bag, picked the old boy out. Fucking that was the end of gum's back yard and funeral service. But this smell from that place hung around for fucking months. It took a lot of time and a lot of lime before it finally went away. Time in lime, baby. So there you go, boys. That's the story of how my uncle bought the house next door on the strict condition that the illegal backyard dead guy went with the fucking seller and now we ended up watching the retired scientists trying to extract the corpse with a voxel Astra. Oddball is fucked, but 100% sure I swear to God. Cheers boys, coming from South Australia, the fucking was. Set him an operating hat, country trucker hat. Absolutely. That is one of the best ones we've ever had. You know what, that was the inspiration that I needed to fucking get like a decorated sniper story hat.

38:48Custom fucking mate. Mark Downer's Adress and we'll send him the very first one. So we'll send him one now and then we'll send through. Oh, that's elite. Fuck that. It was awesome. So good. It was one of those ones, me like, I hope, I hope, I hope, and everything I hope for happened and more. I like it. And the scene up was, I thought it was just that he'd had gum on the fucking lamp. That was just a fucking. And you needed to get rid of that shit before we buy the house. Oh, fucker. Great. Great. Come on, fuck it. There's this. Then this is why this podcast exists because there are people like you out there with fucking tails like that. All right, you lot, Bill Coeier. Straight out of the East End. No heirs, no graces, and therefore no bleeding radio edit. You're tuned into Jay and Dank, not for radio. So buckle up and mind your manners.

39:51Right, that'll do. Thanks for watching. Show sponsors, classic builders. They can buy the grant of a national builder with local teams. You know your area if you're planning to build or just dreaming about it. Check out what classic builders can do with house and land or design and build. Have a cracking week in catching next week. Go well, go long. And I love the ones that Hicken was. And I love the nights. You've been listening to Jane Dunks, not for radio podcast. Thanks for listening. I hope to see you soon.