DOD302: Viced Rhino Transed All the Kids

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2:10Welcome to Terrell Dance, the podcast for Vice-Rino Sex and Beam Tom. Hold on Tom, do we get Eli, do we get Tom back? Sounds like, oh Tom's okay everybody's easy. Hey everybody, my spine goblin is out work today. Your spine goblin is up there today. Here's the thing that's weird about this bit. Tom's pretty sick. When he was just getting back surgery and in tremendous amount of pain, there was nothing funnier than this. Boba Boba Boba Boba I'm loving it. But he's pretty sick and I'm just pretty sick. Let me tell you what my greatest fear is. My greatest fear is that Tom will die and Stone and Ruppt people will be mad at me for my great jokes. My worst nightmare is that I make such amazing jokes and then other people aren't awesome about them. My YouTube channel gets canceled over this. Exactly, yes. It was all Vice-Rino's fault.

3:10It was all Vice-Rino's fault. You were trying to be respectful of our joint. For a month, we did a month of episodes where every month we logged on with all the empathy and the heart and the eye of the tiger and the... ...our work, all you're going to be is mean. And then Vice was on and we edited it out. But he would be like, you have to fucking rip on Tom's super heart and we were afraid. I literally just heard the citation needed in Troll where Cecil sends Tom to a farm upstairs. Yeah, exactly. Oh yeah, using my joke. I used on a fucking show. I'm maybe minding come out yet. That's a problem too. We're so ahead in these recordings sometimes that we don't know whether Tom's dead or not. Tom might be better. Yeah, or is... Okay, here's the thing. Assume that whatever our joke is, it was totally appropriate and tasteful even. Yeah. For whatever the status of Tom was at that time. Also, please assume that about the first 100 episodes of all the podcasts I've ever been on. Now, you're going to have to go back a while for some of them.

4:11But when you consider that the first episode of GAM was recorded in 1492... Pretty woke! Pretty woke. But gentlemen, do you know the only thing worse than a recorded history of being wildly problematic? Why? It's the auto-ans. The auto-ads busting into your podcast experience, the way that misfortune busts into Tom's spinal health. It turns out. But you can make those all go away. Vice, do you know how people can make the auto-ads go away? Have you ever heard about this? Patreon.com slash Deer Old Dads and donating as little as fucked patrons changing their thing now, isn't it? No, no, tell them about that fuck! Yeah, it was little as a dollar in episode. It's no dollar in episode. It's just a different shape. Over at patreon.com, forward slash deer, all dads, monthly bonus episodes, support Tom's medical recovery and... Like Vice, Rhino, and Eli's impression of Tom. We're into it.

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8:15The $50 offer is issued as nonwithdrawable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first time depositors. So first of all, I want to say something. Now this is a little behind the scenes. Introduce our guest to anyone who doesn't know. If you don't know about vice rhino, what are you doing here? That's my question. Okay. But yes, we are joined today by YouTuber, podcaster, author, author, and father, vice rhino, vice rhino. Did I write a book? You are working on one right now. Sure. We'll go with that. You know, I'm a book up top. I do not know. You've got a book up top. I like it. There it is. There's that book. There's that romantic. Here's the thing. When Eli decides if biographical fact about you, you just have to go with it. It just kind of becomes true. Yeah. Speaking of L.A. I live in L.A. I guess I still have that one. He lives in L.A.

9:15He doesn't have feet. To be fair, L.A. It's all of California. You know, it's the same one. Yeah, it's the same. It's all the same state. Everyone believes the same thing's there. Suffice. Thanks so much for coming on the show. Thanks. I'm happy to be here. Not happy about the circumstances. Now, you punctured Tom's spine and inserted a hot dog-sized tumor so that you could be here. So it's interesting to hear you say that. Well, I heard that you guys needed a third host that can actually join you in sucked a Dick Corner. That's right. So sucked a Dick corner. So, now we're just, now the pod is sucked a Dick corner. Yeah. It's weird. Renaming it from dear old dads to sucked a Dick corner. That's true. Actually, I just checked iTunes. There's a lot of podcasts already called that. So we're going to keep our branding consistent. So, uh, vice, as I said in the intro, you are a dad. Tell us a little about your parental situation. So I had three kids with my wife. Sounds like one of them's dead.

10:15I was going to say this is not a good guy. My wife is dead. Yeah. No, I know. But it sounds like one of the kids is that is a for sure my kid is dead. Yeah. That was like, I can't remember where I left him. No, the thing that was coming next was then I had a vasectomy because three was enough. Yup. And now I'm with my current partner who has two more. So I have five kids. Woo. Oh wow. So Tom had two kids vasectomy, then bought two kids in the in the spouse market, ended up with four you ended up with five. So if you think about it, this is kind of a Tom upgrade. Yeah. It's the next evolution of Tom. How old are the various children's? Her two are seven and eight and mine are 13, 15 and 17. Oh god. Not a fucking single easy age among them. Nope. That's like someone being like, let's see. I moved from Iran to Gaza to the South Sudan and then Ukraine to the bottom of the ocean. I want to hear about the diagnoses they got.

11:16Oh, no. Run us to the diagnosis. We've got autism. We've got ADHD. We've got ODD. We've got GAD. They just stole the alphabet. That's GAD. I don't know what ODD and GAD are. Oppositional defiant disorder. Oh, I know that. General anxiety disorder. Oh, yeah. Oh boy. And also there's a bunch of LGBTQ. So they just want the whole alphabet to themselves. Yeah, just the kids stealing all the letters. So how do you have any time to do anything other than manage all that? Because I've found that just just the handful of possible diagnoses that my kids have is just a lot, man. It's a lot. Yeah. So I had therapy this morning about that. Because I don't. Yeah. And the therapist has some more letters for you probably. They're probably in there. Yeah. No, the therapist is going to add some in there. Yeah. No, I got my own letters. Your borrowing letters from the kids now. It's a whole thing. Teach my kids to share. Yes. And you're full time YouTuber, right?

12:17Yes. Yes. Yes. Is your partner? She is a therapist. And so. So the reason we all go to therapy is so that she doesn't have to work when she's at home. Yeah, exactly. She's a shoemaker. Is kids go barefoot situation? I understand. That's what like the classic sign felt where he's dating a masseuse and he's trying to get her to give him a massage and she's never will. Is your partner like, I'm not saying anything insightful in here. At home. No insight. That's a great question. Thing is she's actually really, really great. And like if she notices that there's something wrong with me, she will like sit down and poke me out of it. And I'm sitting there like, no, I have to protect you because you do this as a job. So I need to give you time off. She's like, I will. Here is my Venmo though. I will. Now, let me ask you a question because I have found that. And this would suck because you would have to be the shitty one in this situation. But I'll explain. So every therapist I know is in the worst possible relationship because, and I've talked about this on the show, they have to cultivate this thing of non judgment.

13:17And they're super excited about it. It's the only thing you have to learn when you're a therapist. Everything else is just like, wait a minute. Read a book. And so they all fucking they get such a hard on for non judgment. That then they tell you they'll be like, yeah, well, you know, Brad hasn't had a job for 11 years. And he is punching the walls less than he was. And we're really proud of him for that. So you're saying I suck. Oh, this is my question. When you suck does she notice? Yes, she will point out when I suck. Yeah, she is good about that. Now, this is another question I have because all my therapist friends, they're fucking narks and they suck. And so I'll be like, who's your worst client? And they'll be like, my words, they're worse than everyone's on an earned, an earned growth. And I'm like, oh, you're so fun to talk to. And she ever like this dude got fucked by his priest like 40 years ago. And he won't shot up. Do you ever get those? I am not careful.

14:17I'm going to I'm going to plead the Canadian version of the fifth, which is I was the third. Loser. Yeah, I was saying get your wife fired from her job right now. The last question is how good is that YouTube gig? Is that I'm Canadian and in Canada, we cannot be compelled to testify against our spouses. So nice. Is that true in America too? Yeah, that's true. In America, I feel like it would just be covered by the fifth. It is true. No, it's a specific Guest Basel privilege. Okay. Because it also applies to civil stuff. So the fifth doesn't apply to some. Should that exist? Yes. It absolutely does. Yes. Question. If you were just questioning, you just happened to just happened to be in like a lawsuit with your business partner. And would you think it would be great if discovery could reach all your conversations with Anna about the first? About those podcasters without. Oh, yeah, no, that would be good. Fucking bad. Yeah. Yeah, there's a reason we have that privilege. This wife over signal with these other messages. Yeah. Okay, but that's entirely based on what a piece of shit that I am.

15:17That's got nothing to do with it. Lots of people are pieces of shit. Theoretically. And it is our God given American right to be a piece of shit to your wife. Yeah. I guess that might be it. Yeah. And the part of it is like you should have one person that is, um, I forget who the comedian is. It's the one who I don't like very much. So I don't. Broken. Me? No, no. No, you're much more. That's Molly. It's no. Well, he's much more successful as we, he, what a get. We actually asked him to come on. He said no, then. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. You were second pick, F. I didn't even know that he did live comedy until you guys mentioned it. And then I went and looked up one of his videos and he spent like 10 minutes on a bit where he was mining fucking a porn star. And he was like, mining it through the whole thing. I'm just like, what? I think that's so funny though. That sounds good. Is it? Yeah. See, I don't think you understand comedy. I think we should have to watch the bit. I think we got to appreciate it. That's what we really. It was one of those things where like, it could have been funny, but it just, it went on for too long to be funny.

16:22Yeah. Like, it didn't quite do the loop back around to funny again. So what's it like? So what are some of the challenges? What is it? Because, you know, asking for us friends, asking for the friends and the friends are Eli and I. Yeah. How does it go as they get older? You know, what are some kind of the challenges and pitfalls there? Yeah. I'm especially interested in ODD because I know that as ODD gets older, it can be easier to deal with, but also harder to deal with because you become self aware of it. And so then it's like, am I actually dealing with an injustice? So how old is your ODD and how are they dealing with that? The ODD child is seven and they are dealing with that by doing things like running away from school. Yeah. Yeah. That's still very young to be. I have an adult friend who has ODD and has very specific language around when she has episodes where she'll be like, hey, you know, I'm feeling really attacked by this. And that might not necessarily be valid. So I just wanted to say like, this is how I'm feeling right now and I think I should take a step back from this.

17:22And what's crazy is like, she's a pretty confrontational person and that is different than understanding that you have ODD and that you need to take a step back and think about it. And because I suck, which is very funny, she will occasionally say something like that to me, take a step back, talk to friends, talk to therapists and then be like, we've all come to the conclusion you suck. And I'm like, yeah, no, that's fair. Yeah, absolutely. So what do they, scientists agree? Yeah, you suck. The thing is like a lot of people who don't suck when someone who has ODD confronts them about something or has an incident and talks them about something, people's tendency is just to apologize and be like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it that way, which can make the condition worse. And so she is sort of learned to capture language around. Yeah, because look, when we all been around people who are fucking rude and insane to other people. And the natural inclination for people when you're around that person is to go, oh, I'm sorry, you're reacting so big right now, it must be justified.

18:22Right. And so one of the skills that she has had to learn is to be like, hey, this might be an overreaction, but I want to share how I'm feeling because I can't not share how I'm feeling. Right. So it makes it worse though for so it like, I just wasn't sure. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, it is rough. Bedtime right now is the big one is we try to get them in bed for eight, but recently they've been staying up till 10 o'clock screaming about how bedtime is boring. Because the ODD could also has ADHD and cannot sit still. But that's commitment to a bit though. If you're screaming for two hours that bedtime is boring, I kind of think you've proven the point, you know? Yeah, exactly. I guess you're right. Like Jesus. I mean, bedtime is boring. It's supposed to be boring. Have you gotten the completely unhelpful, unhelpful advice yet? Which I love. I always get unhelpful advice, but go on. Yeah. So one of the things that I love is when you have a neurodivergent kid, and I've talked about this, there's like very good advice for neuro-typical kids that doesn't help neuro-divergent kids at all.

19:23So people will be like, how about a warm bath before bed? And you're like, how about I put you in a warm bath and I hold your head under forever? How about that? Yeah, no. So the thing that I normally get is I'm convinced that at least two of the kids have arphid. Oh, man. And it's so difficult getting them to eat. And whenever I've mentioned it, and then he's sort of public setting, you always get a million people and be like, oh, no, you just sit them down and tell them that's what's for dinner and then I see you now. Yeah. They don't eat it. They go hungry. And it's like, okay, but then my kids will literally starve to death. Yeah. Yeah. I've literally mentioned that on the show before. Like that's it. Again, not you have to stay in the chair or any horrible torture stuff we went through, but like this is dinner, and this is what we have to eat. There will be other foods available later, but this is dinner. Is great advice for a neuro-typical kid and terrible advice for a neurodivergent child? Yeah. And my diet kind of suffers as a result because now I'm just making chicken fingers all the time. Yeah. You're short-order cooking it.

20:23Oh, wow. Yeah. If I want to actually eat well, I have to make three dinners because on top of them, there's also a vegetarian in the house. Fuckers. Honestly, I would just tell the vet and I say this is a vegan. So feel free to play them this clip. They've got to stop. They got to cut it out. I'm so sorry. I absolutely want to support you in your journey. I got some Peter Singer books. Don't worry. They hold up great. Definitely read the last chapter, but it's too hard at home right now. I need you to eat whatever daddy's eaten. So the vegetarian is the 17-year-old. So there is a certain amount of there are vegetarian options available in the house. We will not always cook them for you. You can prepare it yourself. Everything is Phoebe keeps giving gestures toward being a vegetarian because you know, we are. She'll be like, I want to not eat animals and then she'll be like, wait, is bacon an animal? It's not like they will be like, yeah, she's like, oh, never mind. Never mind. Basically, she keeps trying. She's like, oh, I want to. Yeah, that's good. I like that in principle. And then she'll remember what meat is and she's like, oh, but I have to eat that though.

21:23No, but I want that one. That one's for me and please. And thank you. So I have a friend who was just involved very publicly in a veganism thing. A public veganism thing. A public veganism thing. You know that veganism thing you heard about? Yeah. Vegan hot dog eating. Here's what I can say without fucking Europe. And poor vice than Thomas have been very patient because I just talked for like three and a half minutes and then had to call back. These because I realized I couldn't. Here's what I can absolutely say when I was in college and then a little bit after college, I was in PETA. I like to think I was in PETA when it didn't suck. I'm sure it probably sucked in some ways back then. But my sort of group within the PETA group we created the whole time. We created the fast food guides. That was like our big thing is we created like vegan guide to fast food restaurant, which is still on the PETA website and was incredibly popular. Really, really good feedback. Got a bunch of members. It was sort of and then there's a bunch of drama which I won't bore you all with about why that stopped being the focus.

22:24But she's she's still in it. And so we ended up having this conversation about veganism because we were talking about advocacy and I explained how I still still sort of to that stuff. She was explaining how she sort of does that stuff and what was interesting is we were having the conversation about like how do you encourage people towards making ethical food choices when they hit that stumbling block. Right. When the stumbling block is like I could be vegan except for cheese. I could be vegan except for eggs. And she was telling me about this answer. And I think I've talked about it before, but she's just sort of put it so well, which is like by all means be vegan except for. Yeah, I talked about this all the time. Yeah. Okay. Cool. All right. I had not heard it in a while and it was just I tend to get very like all or nothing in my head. And so I was I was very impressed by that. Yeah. Actually, Carrie Poppy was you know, we went to college together and she told me that a lot like a long ass time ago probably long before I was thinking of being a vegetarian at all. I mean, I've never like loved meat really.

23:25I enjoy the taste of it. But I've never liked the idea of eating animals. But I wouldn't really think about it. And then she said that same thing where she's like, hey, if you want to just not eat meat on, you know, she wasn't talking about meat. She was just like talking about in general some argument she was having or some conversation she was having rather. And she's like, yeah, if you just don't eat meat on weekends or vice versa. It's like that's better than nothing. Well, it's also like if you think about mathematically with how many people there are, that's like out of two out of every seven people going vegetarian or something. Like it doesn't matter that it's spread around the course of different people. It's the amount that's happening is going to be reduced. And then it's like, yeah, that's a good point. Because I do that a little bit too. I think for me, that's a bit of an ADHD coping thing because I have ADHD and I often can get really obsessed with like new, you know, whatever it is. A new obsession and a whatever I have a very much have like a cold turkey mindset where I'm like, I need to be done. Do I ever tell you guys about maybe a diddy? Like I can't remember, but when I was playing Pokemon go too much.

24:25It was years ago. I like tried to pick it up because of the pandemic, you know, it was like, oh, it'd be good way to walk around. Like actually get out. And then what happened was because I asked hole in like that I try to play everything as hard as I can't, you know, like I've always like, oh, I got to maximize the score. And so like I started just playing it a bunch. And then I found that all the grown-ass adults who are super serious about this game, they just drive around place to place to get like the best. Pokemon or whatever. Yeah. And then I was doing that for a bit and I was like, wait, what am I doing? Because I got obsessed with like, oh, yeah, there's a new, oh, this, this one is so fucking good. I got to get this one, you know, they had those days that have the different ones. I don't know, it's been forever. Oh, yeah. And then I realized like, oh, wait, this is nothing. Like I'm just driving around with my phone like trying to get invisible phone. What I love is that Anna gets super into stuff like that. Like she gets hyper fixated on stuff, but she has no temptation to min-max because fuck everybody else. Pokemon Go was the case, right? Like she got super into Pokemon Go.

25:25I remember at one point because we went to Asia when it was super popular. Oh, yeah. So she had like a bunch of the Pokemon Go Pokemon from Asia as well. But what was amazing is when she would like find out that everyone else was driving around. She'd be like, nah, I'm just going to do my walk. And so she'd just be fucking, she'd have a level one billion squirtle. And just a bunch of nine year olds weeping as they walked by. Squirtle, kill. Squirtle bombed my village. I even had those. Anna Squirtle has drones. Fuck. So my partner does something similar with games like Candy Crush or whatever. She refuses to use anything that the company will charge money for. Sure. So she will be on the same level of Candy Crush for like a month. She'll actually get mad at me like it case. Like reach over and poke one of the power ups on her phone. Oh my God. She'll get mad at me like it occasionally like reach over and poke one of the power ups on her phone. Oh my God. She'll get mad at me like never mind. I'm not beating it if I cheat. Let's jump back to your piece of shit.

26:26Yeah. If she doesn't put the phone down and Cesar kick you in the chest, leaving a vice rhino shaped home. I can't. Where's vice rhino shoes? I'm trying to figure out how that works. No, because he goes flying back through the wall. I was in the chest. No, sorry. Thanks for clearing that up. Yeah. There's literally nothing I could do. I'm a little afraid at the mental image of touching my wife's iPhone game. I know. That was triggering. She gave me the pin to her phone on our third date. What? That's a, okay? Like for a reason, like a specific reason or just like she was driving somewhere and she needed to text someone or something. Because that would have been really fucking weird if you're like here. She should just text the same time. And she not text you can driven at the same time. It's the best. You can get a lot of stuff done. There it's fine. Yeah. No. So she, she's always been super open about her phone and letting me do whatever. Like she doesn't care about phone privacy or whatever. So it's always felt like I'm hiding things from her when I am not comfortable with her just going through my phone.

27:27Oh, man. And, uh, but she, she just laughs about it. Yeah. So you're not comfortable with her going through your phone. Well, I am now, but like on date three. No. Yeah, three. What of a hundred percent of that? I was saying it was so funny if that had been like it be because we've talked about the pleasure of having a quick snoop. Yeah. No, the only time I ever actually snooped in her phone was, um, I forget exactly what it was for, but it was something, it was Christmas present related. And so I like, I needed one of her friends phone numbers so I could text them. You know what that makes me think I haven't had a snoop in a while. I would love a snoop right. And nice refreshing snoop on my wife's phone, bit forever. She tells me all the PTA drama anyway. So sure. Yeah. No, it's not about trying to find your, again, the problem is like everyone else who's doing a snoop is looking for things. I don't give a fuck about. I want to be like, what are the vibes in her group chats? Right. Can I also say this? And maybe this is just me. You have a group chat that has like a disgusting name full of friends who say disgusting things. No, that's just you.

28:27I would have to have friends first. Okay. That. I don't know. Yeah. You guys should say one together. Start a group. That's just having friends. I don't know. So I think I have enough insight into Thomas to know that both of us, if we were to do that, would then forget that we were in it and it would just never be used. I have an allergy to group chats. We saw it this just this very morning. This morning. Just this very morning. Anyway, just this very morning. If there's a group chat, I have a thing mentally where I'm like, oh, well, that's whatever the message was in it. It was probably for the other people who aren't me. Like I just am like, yeah, they'll figure it out. You know, it's like it's probably for them. And then I just don't read it until Tom died. That's I always read Tom and he lies because they're funny. Don't get me wrong. These are, these are more about normies. So I give it to a normy group chat. I have group chats. I hope no one listens to this. I've got group chats with friends, mutual friends of Lydia and I.

29:27I don't know that I've ever read like a. Oh, of course skip through them. I don't I just ignore me. There's nothing worse in the world than a normal chat thread because you can't make a joke. Can't make a joke. This is not for jokes. This is for communicating how we're all getting to the bachelor party. And you can't mention that Greg is fat even once. There's no you don't know. You want. And if you ask if you say, hey, I was really nice meeting you all this morning. I noticed that Greg is really fat. And I made jokes about it a couple of times. I feel like when you like co-signs your point, you got to be like, actually, I don't. That's not. Actually, that is nothing to me. I'm your Peter Singer. Except they're all the last chapter. I'm Hannah. I've lost 75 pounds in 20 months with GOP once plus diet and exercise. On row, I've gone from struggling to run a mile to running farther every day. You can access FDA-approved GLP once online.

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32:30Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night, they're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. The reason I was talking about the group chats is that when I have a snoop on my wife's phone, one of the most upsetting things is her group chats are so mild and supportive and wonderful. They make me doubt myself because all of my group chats and look, come to nominator me, right? But all my group chats are called like Killem again times a hundred. And it's just the worst things anyone could say or should say or it's possible to say. And hers are called like sexy mamas and it's like her and mom friends, Pilates photos and being like, you are so strong. And I'm like, do I need this? Is that my lacking this? But then I also try to think about what it would be like to say a positive thing for once in my life and I get hives.

33:31I feel I feel a pan I don't know what a panic attack feels like, but I imagine it's how I feel imagining saying a nice thing ever in my whole life once. The main group chat that I take part in is the YouTuber friends that I have. And I don't even remember why it's called this, but it's called the not the anti-theism support group. Nice. Is that raunchy? Is that dark? That feels like that. No, I feel like that's just somebody made a joke about. No, I mean the chat is the chat raunchy and dark. It can't be. We did. We may have sent some happy Kirkmas mean. Yeah. Kirkmas was a nice exception. I felt like everybody was me on Kirkmas. There's one that has a lady in the white house talking to cash fatel JD Vance and Donald Trump where she says, I think I'm going to have to put the dog down and she had a minor incident on the couch. Cash fatel says, did you say dog? JD Vance says, did you say couch? And Donald Trump says, did you say minor? Yeah. So stuff like that. Well, I got to ask back on the parenting thing.

34:32You know, his sort of little bit what the show is. No, I'm curious what the signs or things that come up with ODD is because we were sort of a little bit worried about that with one of our kids, but probably not like a full on thing. What are like some of the signs and what are the some of the like coping mechanisms for that like or how do you deal with it as a parent? So it can be tough as far as warning signs go. It's like very, they make themselves very vocally known that they oppose everything that you want them to do ever. Is it like everything all day long all the time or is it like come and phase anything that they don't already want to if I say, hey, why don't you go play on your tablet? They'll probably be fine with that. But if it's okay, it's time to like, you know, I gave you a 10 minute warning. So it is time to put the tablet down and go to school and it's like, ah, that's not fair. It sucks. I don't want to do that. Yeah. You guys get to do what you want all that and says like a big overblown reaction to 11

35:33right away. Ideally, yes. Yeah. How do you separate the normal kidness of that? Like, when did you when do you start to think it's a matter of degree? So here's the thing. It was actually really weird for me because I went from my three kids are all fairly, I hesitate to use the word but compliant. Ah. Like, they've always been good about, yes, them to do a thing and they do the thing. Gotcha. Now, they don't do it well. Another conversation. But they're just following orders. They're not doing like a good job at the Holocaust, but they are, they're just following orders. Oh, two out of three of them when it's their turn to wash the dishes. It's like, okay, well, now that it's morning, I'm going to put all the clean dishes that you washed back in the dirty pile because you got to do it again. But yeah, no. So going from that to her two kids are, let's say, high spirited and like even the one that does not have ODD has always struck me as being very defiant. Gotcha.

36:34So, so your name might not be calibrated, right? Based on my kids being oddballs. Oh, so that may even harder where it's like you're used to. Yeah. Well, so I came in when they wouldn't eat dinner, I did the thing where it's like, well, just that's what's for dinner. So just tell them that and then if they don't eat it, they go hungry. Like, I did that because my kids will eat whatever you put in front of them except for the vegetarian. So it was already like a known kind of thing that you that was being dealt with by the time you were in the picture there. It's not like it was not diagnosed. It was. Okay. They were, I came in the picture while they were I think three. So they're young enough that it's like that's a toddler having a tantrum. Right. Right. But it just never stopped. Yeah. Is it basically anything they don't want to do or does it have different like, does it come and go degrees or is it just like anytime there's something they don't want already? There are different levels. There are things that they know it is pot like school. They will not generally put up a big fuss about going to school.

37:36They are often little fights in the morning or whatever, but it's not usually a big production. They're also in tutoring. Now they know that sometimes they can miss tutoring and we can reschedule tutoring or whatever. So because they know that there's more flexibility there, they will be more intense in their opposition to it. And I'm not trying to suggest that this is a conscious thought process that they're having. It's just a kind of, oh yeah, kids do this. They figure everything out. Yeah. They're little renovations testing. Manipulative bastards. Yeah. Testing the system for weaknesses systematically. There's also the nature of like their whole life. And I think about this a lot. I know it's not as true anymore, but like when you're a little kid, especially when you're a toddler or or still a young child, adults determine your whole life. They determine the level of like what room you get to be in, you know, like you can't even wander into the kitchen without someone wandering in and being like, why are you in the kitchen right now? Right? And so any kind of self determination is so important to them because it's their whole

38:40life. And so part of the reason why we have to be empathetic to that boundary pushing is because like if every time you walked out of the room, someone walked in and said, why are you in here? Although you know what? That's what being a parent. Yeah. So, you know, you would also want to push those boundaries. It's annoying right now, but I know I miss it when I'm older, but every time they see me throughout the day, it's high papa, every single time. It's like you said hi to me three minutes ago. Why are you saying hi? Yeah. But yeah, no, and in this case, there's also safety issue because we have five kids in the house and sometimes the opposition gets violent. Oh, yeah. And so there are times when it's like, okay, well, I really hate that it's kind of become a punishment that to sit with me with my arm around you is a punishment almost, but it's not actually a punishment. It's just about keeping people safe. Yeah. They are kind of adapting to like when it gets to the stage where I need to sit with them. It's like, okay, well, the quicker I calm down, the quicker I get out of this. And so they are actually, you know, starting to learn better processes, I guess.

39:40Mm-hmm. That's interesting. Just by your mere presence and them not wanting to be in it, that's how you know I'm just kidding. Yeah. That's the thing. Do you guys remember Tom and Haley's podcast? Sure. Yeah, of course. When I heard they were doing it, I was like, okay, well, Tom's in a similar situation to me. He's a co-parent with kind of a bad situation going there and he's got multiple step kids or whatever. So I'm picking up and like, I'm having difficulty relating to my step kids. And then I listened to like the episode where he talks about how like him first meeting the kids like, oh, yeah, and everybody got along great and it was perfect and happy and everybody loved you. Like fuck you, you mother fuck. Yeah. I don't know if he said that on that show, but I was there and I can assure you that is not what happened. Yeah. Okay. That is the impression I got from him. It might be sunshine and roses now, but I was fucking there. So when that show starts back up again, I want to do a correction episode. Yeah. All right. You like Bosnick. Exactly. Collery Live Bosnick comes into call out fucking. What am I?

40:41My shit. I'm coming up. Maybe I'm misremembering, but that is the impression I like. No, I think it was a little buff. I might the way I remembered is like there was something he did for Aslan that like just totally turned the corner and I think it went from like zero to a hundred like overnight. I don't know that that happened immediately, but that was my memory of it. So like there might have been like the awkward phase and then all of a sudden it was fine or something. Yeah, I mean, I never know. But yeah, that's going to be an interesting experience. So what do you do to try to ease the, is there anything you do other than these blanket hugs that, you know, I have to do that as a parent. Sometimes too, where you're just like, oh, you're going to hurt somebody. So come into my, here you go. Loving on. Well, after that, they usually have to sit on the couch for a little while and kind of be separate from everybody else while they calm down. But yeah, really it's, there's not a lot you can do in the moment other than just let them run through it. Is there a way you can like present stuff any differently or is it like, you know, I mean, try to make sure there's a lot of warning.

41:41They do do better if they have warning like instead of just the, it's time to go now. It's like, okay, 20 minutes till we put the tablet down or stop playing with their toys or whatever. My whole life is timers. My Apple watch, I just wear it for, it's just a stop. It's the only reason I wear it. It says, your pulse is too high. It's your fan. And then, and I use it for the constant fucking timers in my life. My partner laughed at me when we first got together and we were at the playground with the kids. I was just giving in three minutes and I pulled out my phone and said a three minute timer. I got to do it. I get it. I'm Serena Williams and I'm healthier on row. I've lost 34 pounds in a year with GLP1's diet and exercise. On row, you can access GLP1 options, including the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss. Go to row.co slash journey to see if you qualify. 14 to 20% average weight loss in one year in non-diabetic with obesity or overweight with a weight-related medical condition versus 2.2% to 3.1% in placebo R.

42:46RX only. To stay informed about serious side effects, go to row.co slash safety. Before I switched to wealthfront, my APY was probably 0.1, like it was a joke. I was literally getting pennies. One size switch is chitching. With a wealthfront cash account, earn up to 4.45% APY on your cash. The high APY with wealthfront was a clear winner. There are no petty fees. Every month there's this much that I'm getting an interest and I didn't have to do anything. My money is working hard on its own and I can trust wealthfront is taking care of me. Earn more on your uninvested cash with a wealthfront cash account. No account fees, no minimums, and no strengths attached. Get started today at wealthfront.com. Clients were paid $1,000 for their testimonials creating a conflict of interest. Outcomes vary. 3.55 base APY as of September 18th, 2026 is representative variable and earned on funds swept to program banks. 0.65% new client boost for three months on up to $150,000. Direct deposit $1,000 a month and fund an investing account for a 0.25% increase. Cash account offered by wealthfront brokerage LLC, member Phynera SIPC, not a bank.

43:47These and eligibility requirements may apply to certain checking features of the cash account. I also really relate to the idea of like, my presence is the punishment because I am definitely the disciplinarian in the house. And so like, there will be fun that is happening and then the fund gets too wild or he gets too excited and they sort of the vibes need to be brought down. And I am often the vibe bring downer and that's that's no fun. Yeah, I'm so sick of that. It sucks. I feel like I always have to be not all the time. Lydia's definitely getting better with this, but there's a time where I felt like I was the only one who was making Phoebe wear a brace. And so it's like cool. I have to be like, put your brace on. Put your brace on. Like that's my whole interaction with her and just kind of like, it's one of those things that like I don't know. I don't know what to do about that. You know, the good thing is like I do feel like the kids are pretty, I think they're pretty flexible. I don't think they, you know, like they brush stuff off pretty quickly because I would hate to just become like, oh, that's the asshole that just tells me to put on my back brace

44:50and that's all I mean, it's bummer. I suspect that their father is actually reinforcing that view of me at his house because the youngest is trans and they, their dad is not affirming. And he blames me for it, I think. Sorry, well, he blames you for the transness. Yes, the picture in his head is that his kids were fine until I showed up in the picture. Now suddenly he's got a trans kid. So that guy is some woke guy is transning my kids. How many other people have he transned? Two of my kids. Oh, there you go. So there's a little crazy trans kid. Then it's come. Can you trans me? Can I say great numbers? Yeah. You're fucking your record is flawless. I mean, when you look at the correlation between autism and gender non-conformity, it tracks that that's how many trans kids I have. But yeah, that can be a little rough is I don't actually know that that's happening. It just like they are so much worse to me when they get back from their dad's house.

45:53So it is like that's happening. Well, also you can, you know, if you have a parent, a step parent or a parent that is permissive or in other ways not amazing when they get back to their safe place, that's when they can often act out. Yeah. Right. They are managing that other parents emotions when they are over there and then they come back and they feel safe and they feel comfortable and they're like, Hey, I felt a bunch of bad emotions this weekend. Would you care for them? These are for you now. 100% 100% 100% 100% That's after school basically. That's just like the, you know, I hope that's true. When he picks them up at our house, they will often they'll find anything that might look pink or girly and be like, Okay, well, that can't be near the door because dad might see it and get mad. Oh my God, that sucks. Jesus. Two sucks. Yeah, he does. That's fucking awful. Dear, all dead. No, dear dad. Fuck. Dear old dad. All right, but gentlemen, don't worry.

46:58I have something that will cheer you up. I'm actually going through my own thing right now. Last night, I got a hole in my inflatable house. No, I'm living in a flat. Oh, I was actually aiming for Stadtrombome, but I didn't know. Oh, that's all right. I forgot which button it was. Oh, I thought that was so funny. I thought Eli got that back out again. I was like, Oh, Eli, I haven't heard that for so long. It's been a while. Hey, Sam Ward. Want to meet sexy delves in your area. Email the dads at deraldads.com or better yet, send us a message on Patreon. You can follow us on all social media by checking the links in the show notes. And if you need more podcasts in your life, you can find Tom on cognitive dissonance. Thomas on series, Incre's Only. And Eli on God Awful Movies and all the puzzle in the fronters' room shows. Deraldads is edited and produced by my favorite delved Tom Smith, who also wrote and recorded the intro music which is used with his permission.

47:59This podcast is production of Daddy Issues LLC Copyright 2022 All Rights Reserved. This dude got fucked by his priest like 40 years ago and he won't shut up about it. Fuck, what was I saying? Nobody's listening. I was listening. I just don't have. I also have ADHD so I don't have. That was it. Oh, thank you. You reminded me. It's football season. On Polymarket, trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You could even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. promo code ball 50. New customers deposit $10 to get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus E Polymarket's terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket US and not CFTC regulated.

49:00Trading always involves risk. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as nonwithdrawable trading credit for use on the platform. For exclusively available at first time to positives.