Jo Koy: A Joke About Getting Fired From McDonald's

0:00Here's the thing. I worked at McDonald's and I worked early, 15 and a half. I had to sign a waiver. My mom had to sign this waiver to let your underage kid to go into work. And my mom was like, yes, take advantage of my son. Where do I sign? 15 out. I'm not even making this shit up. And I had to work after school from 3.30 and I had to be home by 7.30. You couldn't open and you couldn't close. You could only work four hours at 15 and a half. And I got paid what? 3.85 an hour? 3.85 an hour? Four hours a day? Maximum four days a week. Let's do the math and let's round up. What is that? $4 an hour? Four times four is what? What is that? $16? And then what? Tax? Let's knock that shit in half. $8 for the day. Oh, by the way, they didn't let you eat for free. You have to buy it. You have to buy the fucking food. So let's take another $3 off. So the whole day, I just got $6 from this fucking clown.

1:03And that's why I got fired at McDonald's. Because I was stealing chicken nuggets. I was going to pay for that fucking food. I stole those nuggets. Back then, I worked the nugget machine and you dropped 100 nuggets and then I put it in the drawer. I would take two of those motherfuckers and put it in my pocket. And I would take two, every fucking basket drop. You think I'm lying? And I had sauces everywhere. And hot mustard up here. I had barbecue sauce underneath the fucking mop one time. At a stain on my khakis. You know that nugget that looks like Louisiana? It's a Louisiana right here on my thigh. I had a fucking stain of Louisiana on my thigh.

2:03I stole those nuggets. You're not going to pay me. I'm going to get my food for free. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I'm stealing it. And I went to work one day and the manager was like, you can go home. And I was like, where? She goes, you know why? Look at your pants. I go, oh, go home. And I went home and I remember I was just so traumatized because my mom did had divorce. And it was like my sister was working at Taco Bell and I was working at Mc Donalds. It was a little money but it was enough money. We were giving it to my mom, right? And I just remember like, here I go again. Fucking up. And I remember in my head, I'm just going to go home real quick. I'm going to change my get out of my uniform. And I'm going to go the mall and I'll put a bunch of applications in for another job.

3:05And I'll be good. I'll go to Cinebun. I like Cinebun too. I'm going to eat so many. I had already how many Cinebuns I was going to eat. And where I was going to put these fucking buns. I remember I got home and I swear to God, my mom is never home. During the wait and she was home. She was home on the couch, like just sitting there. She was like, I thought you were working at Mc Donalds. And I had to come out with a lie, that fast. This is how fast I came out with a lie. I was like, oh, mom, they switched my schedule and they didn't tell me. I didn't show up for my new schedule. So they fired me for a no-call no-show. So it's all good. I'm just going to go the mall and get another job, mom. It's all good. I start walking to my room. She goes, hold on. That does it. Makes sense.

4:05Come back here. So you're saying that they switched your schedule and didn't tell you. And then they fired you because you didn't show up for the new schedule that they didn't tell you about? Yeah. Yeah. Joseph, that doesn't make sense to me. Are you telling me the truth? I'm like, yeah, it's weird, right? It's all good. I'll just get another job. It's like, no, Joseph, they cannot do that. They're supposed to tell you when they switch your schedule. They're supposed to assume that they switch your schedule. That they leave you, Joseph. Put your uniform back on. I'm going to get your job back. I'm like, no, it's okay. Get the goddamn car, Joseph. Now, now, now, I'm in the fucking car on my way to McDonald's. And she's just, she's just laying it on thick. Like, I cannot believe they took advantage of you like that, Joseph.

5:12I just want you to know that I will never let anyone take advantage of my children. Do you hear me, Joseph? You have to promise me one thing, Joseph, when I'm no longer around that you will do the same for your children. Will you, Joseph? I will. And then we pulled in the McDonald's. And she goes, I love you. And got out of the car. And I still didn't stop her. I just watched her. She was in there for about 30 seconds. 30 seconds and then she came out of McDonald's.

6:13Get out of the fucking car. Are you kidding me right now? Get out of the fucking car, Joseph. Even the dude from drive-thru was like, oh, that's a dude, I stills a nugget. That's a true story. Watch Joe Koy, Blue in the face, on the NFLX.