Sober and Strong - Sober Club Trained Coach Nia Thomas

0:00Welcome to the Alcohol Free Life Podcast brought to you by TheSoverClub.com. I'm Janie Lee Grace, this is for you if you've quit the booze or you'd like to. Or maybe you're just sober, curious. I'll bring you tips and motivation without any judgment and there'll be inspiration from experts, quickly authors and sober heroes. Hi and welcome to the podcast. I hope you well. The first thing to say is apologies to anyone who had been planning to attend the webinar last night to explore careers as a sober coach. It was postponed and obviously emails were sent out and text messages and all but I know from myself sometimes things don't land do they. So apologies if you were hoping to have attended that but you didn't get the email. But just drop me a message, just get in contact and we'll arrange a one-to-one call. If anyone is interested in sober coaching there is the rescheduled webinar.

1:04We'll be on Monday, October the 5th. So hopefully you can make that one. Do apologise, there's been a lot of techy stuff going wrong around here. I don't know if there's something in the air but anyways it's rescheduled for Monday, October the 5th. But as I say if you want phone call just let me know. We can have a chat and talking. So I'm going to be chatting to near Thomas, one of the coaches I trained soon about her journey and how amazing her life is now. Now if you've just tuned in and you're thinking hold on a minute I thought this podcast was for people who want to quit alcohol. Yeah absolutely it's all stages here because lots of people kind of tune into this podcast and then on day one and they're thinking well let's see if I can get some inspiration. But then other people tune in when they've been sober for five, ten years because you know one thing you'll discover if you are early jazzy is it's never only about not drinking there's always so much more, so much more of life to be discovered once you actually quit

2:06alcohol. I did see I've been on doing BBC Radio Northampton this this week and I've got another week coming up. So I get to really scour the newspapers probably more so than the news you'll and there's been a few interesting stories around alcohol. Hasn't there in the press this week stuff around how it's largely the over 40s the you know that kind of last generation of big drinkers which is good news I suppose isn't it really that that it's not good news for those of us over 40 but it's good news that younger people have got much more of a handle on this they don't see alcohol in the same way thank goodness. I mean I don't think everything's perfect by any means but it's definitely a bit of a sea change with younger people who are just much brighter than than people my age and recognising that alcohol is expensive it has zero benefits and I think they are starting to really notice the link between alcohol and you know anxiety and depression and that

3:11can only be a good thing. I also saw the the bit on the telly with Anne Robinson I thought it was actually really sad and she was talking about how she struggled with heavy remorse as she puts it over losing custody of her daughter after battling what she calls an appalling drink problem. She's 81 now and she was sharing that when her daughter was just two years old way back in the 70s she was ruled in court to be an un-sit mother due to alcohol what a thing honestly. It must be it's very brave of her to share this actually because she says you know she slowly was able to build her relationship with her daughter after realising she needed to quit alcohol and she called it the most shameful thing of her life. When she also says you know she talks about that she says her own mother was amazing but she was a very bad drinker as well and if you grow up with someone with a drink problem

4:14the one thing you're determined is that you won't do the same but then she said of course I did develop the most appalling drink problem in my 20s. I mean how brave of her to share to share this she was speaking to Lorraine Kelly on the saga experience podcast and she said I think the shame is quite heavy I realised I had stopped drinking which I did in the next couple of years but it was you know something I'm really ashamed of I mean bless her for sharing that and just what an incredible I don't know I never can never find the words really to describe how upsetting it is really that we all we all bought into this lie that you know we should drink and that alcohol is fine and and it's just something wrong with you if you can't hold you beer it's literally not true you know so many of us became addicted because it's an addictive substance and not only that has zero benefits so if you are early days and listening to this then yeah

5:16let this be your inspiration I hope to please just just quit now don't don't wait till you hit dependency and hit rock bottom until it all goes really bad just if you've even got an inkling that life could be better on the other side let me tell you it really is and and there's lots of us here to support you on your journey I usually wait till the end of the podcast but no reason why I can't say it now if you are early days if you are struggling reach out because you know telling someone else is what makes all the difference in the world it really does when you you hold another you bring in another layer of accountability when you share what you're doing so of course I run the sober club you're really welcome to join us there it's not expensive it's it's got every bit of well-being archive stuff you can imagine in their exclusive content there's a course get the buzz with that the booze there's regular meetups there's an incredible non-judgmental community so come and join us there but if that's not your thing you know that's okay too it doesn't matter what you choose to do but do something tell

6:17someone you can absolutely message me at genuinely grace I'm easy to find so if you are early days and you just encountered this podcast maybe then let this be the kind of nudge you need to go for it because honestly it's literally the best thing you'll ever ever do for your health and well-being and on that note very pleased to intro you to near one of the coaches I trained as part of the sober club and credit and coach training would you like to become an accredited sober coach have you quick drinking and found yourself looking for a new purpose thousands of people are searching for help to quit and live their best life without the booze our sober coach training gives you the tools the confidence and the community to support others no experience needed except knowing what it feels like to have drunk more than you wanted to we start with two transformational in person days then you join our coaches family with ongoing support and webinars to help you use

7:21your skills in ways that suit you if you're already a coach or a therapist this could be an in-demand extra string to your bow or a whole new career opportunity as a sober club accredited coach for more info visit the sober club.com and click on the become a sober coach menu item my guest is near Thomas who goes under the name of cloudy to clarity we'll get into that a bit later on welcome near thank you so much for having me great chat to you so yeah I want to talk about some of the stuff that you're up to now and and you obviously did the coach training with me it was fantastic working with you very exciting seeing all the all the stuff that you're doing but but I just thought we'd go back in time let's go right back and tell me a bit about about the old near as it were before we get to the to the super new one who is super fit and healthy and sober let's let's go back in time well that's the crazy thing because actually I can't really

8:24remember a time when I wasn't a drinker which is quite frightening you know I want to say I literally was a child it was introduced to me very young you know I came from a very well an RAF background so there was a lot of social events so and they were fun you know and we as children used to be sort of skulking around and watching this ever so glamorous lifestyle so I think from that very early age I associated alcohol with fun and glitz and glamour and my mother was very glamorous and actually all the women in my life were so I kind of thought that's how you and again when I actually started drinking alcohol I was probably about 13 and that was a really tricky time in my life my parents were separating we were living in Scotland and I think to try and fit in and be who I was I thought I needed to drink alcohol and so therefore from 13 years of

9:32age it just was what I did and I actually remember holding my nose and drinking it yeah that's crazy isn't it even though it tastes like absolute shy it's just like you do it yeah exactly that and it was just it's really scary and that continued yeah the only time I would have stopped drinking was when I was pregnant yeah so when did it ramp up then because you know for most of us even if we start fairly young we've got a decent number of years before we realise okay well actually this is this is too much when when did it ramp up for you well again I think it was uni because I use it as a tool to give me confidence to fit in and when I went to uni it was 10 p.a point I mean it's well yeah and it's just was so accessible so yeah that's what I did and I actually remember vividly having an awful sort of blackout time where I couldn't remember how I'd got home when I was in my early 20s and that really petrified me and I remember thinking I am not

10:36drinking and that was as young as sort of 20 and so I did actually stop drinking for about two or three months and the sort of pushback I got from my friends was a lot you know it was a lot of questions like what do you mean yeah and so you I thought it was me then I thought oh god okay I need to drink to be able to fit in and it just kind of reinforced that message and so that continued and then I entered the corporate world had a big job and that's how you entertain the clients yeah exactly and women as well as men I think you know I mean obviously I've never been part of that world but I've got you know plenty of friends and I've had clients who have a and they say you know the pressure is huge to drink like the guys at lunchtime particularly I was in banking so that's what you did you had you know you I was actually told by my you know my by directors you know take them out boozy lunch you know just keep lying them with with you know

11:41whatever they're drinking and that's exactly the life I lived and again I associated that with success and glamour and this is what everybody was doing but it equally I would be absolutely feeling so ashamed and worried and my anxiety started to then ramp up because I'm thinking do I embarrass myself you know what if it comes back to my boss what are they and that you know started um do you work kind of conscious that there was a downside to all of this yes and that is thing because that's when this self-critic really started to get much louder because internally I'm thinking well I've got to do this this is how I build relationships with my clients this is how I you know build relationships with my team even and it it really was an internal battle which was externally not at all what I was displaying and that's exhausting yeah really yes it really is

12:45I'm guessing this went on for a number of years then so you say you you quit when you you know didn't drink when you had your kids it's funny isn't it how impregnancy for most women they just kind of had this inbuilt sense that there's not going to be a good idea so they just stop they don't need to kind of read a book or anything they just know it's a good idea exactly and I had to give an up smoking a year before with the intention of having a child and you know everyone's congratulating me when I'm doing that that's yeah but when it came to having my children absolutely no question I was not drinking alcohol but I actually then remember having my eldest daughter and my mother-in-law arriving at the hospital with Dongheerion yeah yeah me too me too I you know it was like my prize when I delivered my my first baby was here's about the champagne yeah and then it's like hang on I'm breastfeeding yeah oh yeah then so did you used to do used to get the line about oh well Guinness is

13:46okay Guinness is good for breast milk remember that line they used to pedal oh my god and so yeah I mean and that was it you know I went straight back into drinking and then stopped again when I was bedding at the couple of years later but I have to say from what I had my second child after I had her I then really noticed how prominent my thoughts were around when I was drinking so when is acceptable and I had a gorgeous friend who we just got on like a house on fire thank goodness for her because it's a big old deal when you have children it can be very lonely however she would arrive at my house at 2pm and I remember one time opening the door with a bottle of gin in my hand going whoa hey oh my god this is 2pm but again it was normalized this was fun this is how connected this is how we as mums relax yeah and I think that's still going on very very much so

14:49um that was definitely my experience as well was that the the mummy years were when my drinking really ramped up exactly you know big big time it's so it's scary isn't he you need alcohol for the for the play date for the you know I mean everything yeah it wasn't really about the child you know there was there was champagne and wine everywhere when it came to the kids birthdays yeah and you know school events even you know it was like oh we're going to babysitter and I would just be on it because that's what you do isn't it yeah yeah so when when did you kind of decide okay something has to change so I had been really having very dark horrible thoughts to my you know words to myself about you just got to get this together near everybody else seems to be able to just have their one or two why can't you so quite quite a few years before I actually did stop so I want to say maybe eight years I was yeah I was the same yeah and what you like like like me kind of having

15:53these thoughts and yet you thought you were the only person or were you sharing it with friends oh that was the thing because from the outside I was the healthy one I was the guru you know everyone would come to me for advice or be like oh you know I'm that annoying she does everything she's supposed to do you know I drink three liters of water I eat well I exercise you know so therefore for me to admit that actually there's this you know shameful drinking thoughts you know carrying on I just kept it on I didn't even tell my husband because he's never had an issue with it you know he opens a bottle of wine he'd have one sip well I've grabbed the bottle pretty much and finished it before he's even managed to carry on but he just doesn't have that relationship so there yeah I thought it was me yeah I was the same and I think this is one of the things it's was so great about the work that we're doing isn't it just bringing it out to the open so that nobody else has to sit thinking that in secret that they're the only ones you know because that's what kept

16:54me stuck for so long I you know I didn't I had no idea that anyone else was feeling the same way I thought they were all just happy social drink and drinkers and it was just me that had this problem you know so I totally resonate with that so I know that you know what we're going to go on to talk about is that the stuff that you you know you you're really your message that you're really keen to share now around around fitness and how there is this huge kind of um well uh gap really between some women who want to be fit and yet they're drinking and they're having quite captured that piece but were you were you keen on keeping fit back then or is this something that's come to you since you quit no no I was always from uni days you know really um I was going to say like mad Lizzie days that people won't be able to remember exactly on the breakfast easy was that a green leotard or something was that someone else it was you're right exactly that and I've been between the past back in the day I've always had something in the back of my mind I love dancers a child um I used to

17:59want to be in the bride and Rogers connection um and just yeah I just really liked movement and I like movement to music because I really love music so um I've been a member of gym for many many years however I was much bigger um but still relentlessly would work out and it was something that I enjoyed however what was really noticeable and again the inner inner voice got very loud about was that I was just every day relentlessly working out and my my goals was stagnant there was no change in my fitness and I'm just you know day in day out and I'm thinking why does everybody else around you know have this wonderful almost transformation when they're working out and I just wasn't um so you know there was that definite empty calories I was very aware but what would happen then is I would have the alcohol I'd then make poor food choices and soak it up then the next day rather

19:04than enjoy be motivated by their workout I would be like you have to do this near you know you even if I was just well probably hung over I was like no no and there was no joy in workouts yeah I mean looking back you obviously you can you can see just how crazy it is can't you that that that you would probably have been very conscious of as you say your food choices probably even calories if you were of that mindset you know so what's going in and how much energy am I expending but then all these you pile in the empty calories and make yourself miserable in the process I mean talk about the irony of it all exactly that you know when I think about what I used to think alcohol was giving me and you actually say it I thought it was giving me you know well energy and confidence it was actually completely obviously because it could be very sad and low energy and anxiety was yeah yeah it was I think it's great that you're flagging this up because

20:06you know I see it all the time I mean even think back to to stuff that you know when my kids were doing you know sports days and various you know everything would always be sort of rewarded with with you know you'd always get sort of a crappy bar of chocolate or whatever at the end of a race and and now you know you see people doing marathons and then they get to the finishing line and then they're handed champagne or whatever aren't they so this is it's just crazy these things don't go together right I mean we have a time share in a really popular place in the canaries which is you know athletes train they do iron men it's so so popular and we've been lucky enough to be going there for many years they don't even have computer you know you can barely get a nice juice from places and it's but you can get you know your two pound cover or whatever it's like guys you know we're if we're looking at wellness and that whole thing you have to inform people about the options and what else is out there um you know and I and I feel this exactly the same around coaching

21:10because if you're an athlete or you're you know really into you know you're planning a marathon or whatever you're doing with your fitness then you would get yourself a coach to enable you to then successfully you know make sure you don't injure yourself and and move through that training program to get you to do that so that's what we do as coaches yeah yeah we need to normalize that for people so just take me back to when you when you finally managed to to to quit then what what was different and how did you go about it so as we talk about in our community there wasn't a dramatic rock bottom but what had happened was I had successfully had seven months over lockdown actually where I had stopped drinking and felt so much better and I've seen to switch up there we you know we were allowed to walk weren't we once a day so I was then walking and I was still doing my workouts and actually my mother was diagnosed and died within two months of that diagnosis and thank

22:15goodness I was alcohol free I was how all of those conversations I could have driven through the night to see her if I needed to and frustratingly I then went back to drinking thinking like I could moderate and put those rules in and for the next six months those rules you know the self-talk got so mean and I was really my world was shrinking and myself belief was getting worse and worse and lower and lower and then I saw your book I always thought what did it oh that's nice to know title of your book though that really grabbed me because of course it says happy healthy sober and like yes that's who I want to be and it literally was I took a photo of the front of it and I thought and again I think I put it in my hidden folder it's crazy and I downloaded it onto my audible and I listened and it just spoke to me I felt so seen and validated however I then wasn't

23:22ready and it took me a little while but what actually did it for me in the end was just how low my confidence and self-esteem had become that was my rock bottom the way I was speaking to myself myself worth and I just thought I can't I can't do this anymore it's really interesting I mean it's good that you were able to recognise the alcohol was was doing that to you because for so many women you know well I mean I was the same I had the terrible you know even though I was working in as a hayhouse author and all of that my self-talk was awful the kind of stuff I say to myself was terrible and I couldn't you know sit in meditation or do any of the things that I probably was telling everyone else too but for many years I did not realise that that was because of alcohol I just thought it was who I was I just thought there's something a bit wrong with me and that on all this self-love and self-care stuff it's for other people it just isn't for me and that's just how I'm wired so the fact that you were able to recognise that actually this was due to alcohol that's

24:26you know that's that's a good thing exactly but that was also your book because you know this we're talking about in sort of 2021 it's so I didn't even know that sober coach existed you know had it existed I would have immediately signed up all you see around is you know alcohols you know alcohol anonymous or whatever it might be it's always around an addiction you know yeah where it which didn't fit your profile at all can't be stuck and entirely and like you you know people are I would be incredibly compassionate and kind to other people if they were having any tough bits in their life whereas to myself oh my goodness never yeah so that was the biggest gift to myself actually like you say naming it honoring it then saying you and having had that seven months in 2020 where I just knew I felt better I just kind of more patient calmer near

25:27and that is exactly who I wanted to you know honor and I think in the in the few years you know since you've been sober I know we've spoken about it but but so much has changed for you it's almost like you have genuinely become a new person isn't it like well the real you actually not not not a new version but the real you and that's the thing is like actually this version I don't think she's ever existed because you know 10-year-old Neil or 12-year-old Neil who was actually already considering drinking um who my brain I'm even developed um so who I am now I genuinely feel like this is who should be and you particularly have really empowered me to get over the ego and make myself visible because other women are experiencing exactly what we were and just don't know that other people are feeling it and so I'm now passionate that we have a message that we need to get out there

26:28that and that's why I'm crossing the cringe so more visible well you're doing very well Neil you really are um obviously you came and did my training it was lovely to have you as part of that what you know was that I mean give feel free to give me a plug but you enjoyed the coach training right it covers everything that's why it's good isn't it I say to myself that's the thing and it became full circle for me because again when I read your book I don't think it even mentions that that's what you do I can't remember now but because it was early days for me there was no way I was even considering but what I hadn't realised you know that sort of unexpected joy of alcohol-free life is that you do just trust yourself more and you know I was regulating myself more I was healing and so therefore when you're um I was following your Instagram and I think I signed up for your newsletter and you know it uppocked your um webinar and I just thought yes it felt so accessible also because you're not having to sort of enter a room

27:32full of people you know it's just on screen and you'll be you know you can say anything or not and the way that you describe your life and the way you describe the training just really aligned with who I am my values you know well-being underlined by sobriety and that you know really spoke to me I loved the fact that um the course itself I hadn't really appreciated it I think I just signed up you know almost instantly but I hadn't appreciated how involved you are and also I mean obviously you're an expert in your field but just the actual ongoing support and structure that you took us through wasn't just about how you show up as a sober coach it's how you build your business and get yourself out there I think that was quite a big thing for you wasn't it for a while that that and it so often is with people who you know they want step

28:34into a new purpose but there's that inner talk that's still going on that imposter syndrome voice that tells you well I don't know if I'm quite ready and that was very much where I was at you know people meet me and they think that I'm really confident and I you know all these things it's a facade but what I really want to do now is isn't really a facade near because you've got this real passion about this particular field and it's an area that is life changing so it really rude not to share it exactly exactly with that you know you the light bulb moments that you have talked through and other coaches because the community as well is just so incredible as we know connection is so key to anything you do in your life that feels a little bit scary and you know you're really showing yourself so I've found the whole process so supportive and as you know I then went on to do two more courses of yours yeah because I just I've got this newfound energy

29:40of for learning and for just really putting myself out there so other people know that we exist yeah it is so amazing I love finding out you know finding when people have just discovered a new purpose and you just got that new energy you know obviously some people become sober coaches like you but other people just go climb a mountain or write a book or go back to college or it's so exciting when you just find something that you you want to do that you in many cases it's something that you kind of save yourself I don't even recognize this person there's no way I could have done that five years ago it's brilliant isn't it that literally it's like I you know I knew you've heard me say it a ton of times but when clients say to you things like oh I've been given a second chance at my life it's it really is magical and I think that was a thing really with with a couple of my clients they're in their early 40s and they're saying is this it and I so resonate with that and it's just scary to think it just 40 something you're thinking that there is so much more

30:44but that you have to trust the process so actually trusting somebody who's lived it is so important because we can all have find a therapist or a counselor or a coach but actually somebody that has lived experience and in my case certainly with fitness now I'm the fittest I've ever been at 52 I've heard you say that which is amazing so obviously with the work you're doing now then you you start a cloudy to clarity and I love the fact that you're you're you're really sort of shining a light on this whole fitness piece because I guess what you're recognizing is that there are lots of women who are how you ones worse so they're at the gym every day or they're busting their back sides to do the zumba class or whatever it is and not much is shifting and and like you it's it like like you used to be it's because they're stepping around this bloody great elephant in the room but they just haven't quite made the connection yet exactly and it's that vicious cycle because had I known that I could have had that honest conversation with

31:49somebody who'd been through it and you know you actually talked facts about how your body doesn't actually absorb anything any of the good broccoli or whatever you're whilst you're necking a glass of wine you know all of those facts but also understanding this cycle and that it's not just them and they're not broken and you know again like I say at 48 when I finally put that alcohol field glass down I there's a particular Les Mills program I follow and I thought I couldn't do it I wasn't fit enough I was too old and now I do it three times a week and I look forward to the hardest part of those tracks because I know I can do it and I love that you know I say that with chest now I say and I stand on that it's possible that you can get fitter than you've ever been before I mean there's no doubt about it for anybody listening who's thinking well you know I'm doing okay the alcohol is not affecting me the reality is the alcohol genuinely affects you it absolutely

32:52affects well everything affects your energy levels it literally affects how your body works not to mention the fact that it's responsible for God knows how many you know illness is anyway inflammation you know all of that stuff but also that emotional piece we can't underestimate that because for exercise you know for for fitness we do need the right mentality as well exactly and you know my motivation you know people would think oh she's always so motivated you know you're so dedicated and I was but it was taking so much more effort every day and I wasn't sleeping well and obviously that affects your energy and you know to go from and even the anxiety of it all there's energy being burnt up in just all of those things and I never would have necessarily associated probably 20 different things like the aches and pains I was putting it down to menopause yeah is actually the alcohol and all of that in the anxiety I would probably say that it's 95%

33:56gone for me my energy levels you know wake up every morning naturally and have so much more energy the amount of stuff I've done by 10 a.m. and I genuinely feel I can push myself with my weights or whatever I'm doing and yeah it just is unexpected I did not expect that the inner critic in me I never thought that she was going to ever quieten down you know she was so distracting in my mind whereas now hence the cloudy to clarity it felt like I really was stuck in the clouds dark gray or always a cloud there was never a break and I you know I was a bit worried about that and now I'm like no no you own this you have a choice here you can choose what you do next you choose your heart and my heart hasn't really paid off yeah I love that so what would your message be then to to that woman who is you know I know maybe in our four twos or whatever exercising

34:57all the time you know um drinking all the time and just hasn't yet made the connection I mean I'm guessing that a lot of people listen to this but listening because they are starting to ask themselves you know is it time for me to stop but they may not have realised just how fabulous life can be on the other side and I think that's it and I think actually if they're honest with themselves they really do know because I really did know you know I was so open to all sorts of new wellness ideas and probably yeah I was the same I used to try everything going apart from quitting alcohol and this is because I didn't know how to do that piece again and we did not know how to do that piece you know on the times I tried I just went back to it and it didn't seem to me like there was a there wasn't a hard way of doing this that I could just push through I didn't know how to do it and just like you I'd never heard of sober coaching I didn't know there was anyone who could get alongside you and hold your hand does it work exactly that and I think you know that's

35:59that's been the the breakthrough and hopefully that anyone's listening or know someone that they could hear this this message is it's not just them there are so many others and particularly in their health and fitness field I think you know the shame and the just the the judgment that you are from your stats true that's true actually I've had a few I've had a few clients actually in the past now I think about it who wanted to who were yoga teachers and they'd never told anyone that they were drinking because it didn't kind of fit well mind you do see those every now and then you see those ridiculous events yoga with wine don't you I mean if I ever catch any of those leaflets I rip them up but but often you know the perception would be well you know I'm I'm leading a yoga retreat or whatever I can't let on that I'm drinking so it would be very very secret and literally at odds with who they are and you know and I used to feel that I'm not that was

37:03particularly into yoga but I was definitely talking about health and well being in spirituality to to anyone who would listen the whole time not to mention writing books about it and yet there was this sort of nasty little secret that was consuming me exactly that in this that you know you just constantly are scared you're ashamed you know what will people think it does not matter and that's where I you know I say it again you know just stand on business because actually I now feel this wonderful sort of empowered trailblazing I love the fact that actually my two adult daughters are looking up to me and they are so proud of me and you know they're like sharing my socials with everybody and I'm thinking crikey I thought it would be the other way that would be like keeping it on the down loan you don't tag me in anything but it really has been like the role modeling piece for me and and allowing other people to see the vulnerability in what we do

38:06and actually they can and will make huge leapsed bounds in their fitness in their relationships in all that they do their relationships with food and themselves are is game changing yeah it really is and you know if there's anyone listening you're thinking oh well it's too late for me I've got healthy shoes or I've got this sort of I've got that you know can't can't get fit whatever it is the reality is when you quit alcohol not let's put it this way nothing gets worse right so even if you you know your your condition whatever it might be can't be cured and many can I mean I don't say that lightly it's true I've seen it with so many clients that they rock up with all kinds of conditions and while what we do is not medical in any way if we three weeks in and I have clients say to me you never believe it you just never believe it my rosacea is completely gone my asthma is completely gone you know get really so but you know the point is if if if what you've got going on

39:08isn't cured in a vertical mess it sure as hell won't get any worse because you know nothing is going to get worse by removing the poison it can only ever be a good thing and that's just physically not to mention the the you know the kind of emotional picture which I mean as you mentioned earlier as you alluded to that that anxiety piece I just don't think enough is made of that I just don't think enough is made of the connection between alcohol and depression and anxiety it's huge it's absolutely huge and the joke of it is that we're always told oh we'll get out and exercise because that's really good for releasing and dolphins and stuff well yeah but not if you then get home and down a bottle of wine right exactly and you've gone from the emotional sort of facade and pretence and then you're your home and you literally sit in silence feeling so alone with with how you are and literally think well it's just me I might as well and that the link

40:10between my emotional well-being my fitness you know now is so crystal clear to me but again it was just all very gray and I just you know I couldn't I couldn't compartmentalise in all whereas now it's just very obvious and listen life still is very challenging and very hard but I had so much more clarity around my own regulation I find my words before I respond I take that pause but equally and this is a game changer for me if I'm not quite feeling it that day I won't put so much effort into my work yeah it's about being kinder to yourself as well isn't it that's it that self-compassion piece is huge but it's also about consistency because previously I wouldn't be consistent I do the workout but then I'd have the extra calories and you know eat badly did it as a however now I am so consistent that none of these fitness goals are going to happen in two or three weeks you know you're not suddenly I think people sometimes think oh stop drinking and I'm going to lose loads of weight yes it doesn't always work like that yeah that's the thing but what

41:15will happen is you will remain consistent and then with that consistency you start talking kind of to yourself and then you are able to see what actions and choices you make that will then continue that that growth and healing and change if that's what you want I think what's great about you know what I know I've heard you say that you're you feel so much stronger now and I think it's such an important word isn't it that strength and it's it's obviously the strength in your fitness levels but also just strengthen you as a person I think this is the bit that's can be just quite hard to get across I can never quite find the right words to be able to say that that quit alcohol it's it's so not about not drinking that has to underpin it for sure but it's everything else isn't it coming back to who you really are and that's where that sort of strength piece comes in I think definitely and it's also this self trust for me it's like I'm actually I

42:16previously you know in that second that cycle I could stop and then I gave myself rules and then I did this and and then all of it went to pot so therefore I didn't trust myself in anything so in any new venture I wouldn't you know I start from a place of not trusting myself so now you know I see what I've done with my business and I'm so proud of that I see what I've done with my strength I've see what I've done with the extra learning the you know the NLP practitioner stuff I've done and all of these things I've done since I that did your course but equally gave myself more kindness compassion that you can do this near yeah can do hard things and that takes time but the link between your mental struggles and your physical strength is aligned and you always talk about coming back to balance I was not balanced it was like sea soy it was so out of kilter whereas now I absolutely but I have the tools exactly for me to consider and get back to balance yeah I love

43:25it thank you so much near it's so great to hear you hear your story and and see how far you've come you know because you know I remember with you and you're you know a little a little bit a little bit more nervous shall we say I'm a partner and now you're out there it's so great so just give us your website where people can find more information so it's clouded declarative dot code dot UK great name I love it thank you well I've been really went from clouded to clarity didn't you fantastic exactly that exactly thank you very much appreciate it take care isn't it great will mean us sober types get to share how fabulous it is I'm sure there are people listening because this would have been me years ago I would have been the person who happened to stumble upon a podcast like this and I would have been so dismissive because I would have kind of gone oh you know listen to them you know entitled everything got everything going for them yeah oh they're the lucky ones they could afford this and that and yeah I mean it's just absolute nonsense it just when you're

44:26drinking it just makes you miserable and grumpy and yeah it sometimes it does feel like we're a bit polyannerish because we're talking about the good stuff but trust me I've been there through the bad times I really have and in the sober club this sometimes comes up and I'm always putting positive messages in there trying to be a cheerleader but you know I also regularly put messages in our community saying if you're struggling reach out because I absolutely know how it feels to you know have that total shame you know absolute shame and guilt and that feeling that things are never going to change I remember thinking it really was just me who felt like this I didn't know anyone else that I I thought was in the same situation I couldn't possibly talk about it that felt way too shameful so to let's have this out in the open right there are millions of people drinking one they want to you know this term gray area drinkers they're not at rock bottom thank god

45:28yet but they're drinking one they want to they're aware that it's not serving them and you know the great news is that you can you can reach out come and join the sober club work with a one to one coach it will help you get you want where you want to be quicker and and just you know get yourself free from the alcohol trap it will be the best thing you've ever done so just a reminder I'm back on BBC Northampton next week if you get a chance to listen and it's good good fun I have some great guests and as I've already mentioned the if you are if you have quit the booze and you're thinking it might be time for a new purpose if you'd love to be able to inspire others the way you know some of us are doing near who you heard earlier then check out the next free webinar turn your sobriety into a rewarding income and that's on Monday the 5th of October at 730 so if you go to the soberclub.com forward slash explore or you can just go to the soberclub.com events you'll find it there or the show notes don't forget you know where to find me I told you all of those

46:30pieces by the way we're going to put another date in place so we can have another live meetup love to be able to do that it's such fun with William just over a week ago so we'll do that and see if you can come along see if you can kind of just make that time to come and meet other other sober people it really makes difference when we get together it's great fun so whatever you got going on stay connected make sure you tell someone if you're doing this and and give yourself a big hug and I'll see you same time next week thank you for listening to the alcohol free life podcast brought to you by the sober club please rate and review and if you want support accountability and inspiration and you want to live your best life without the booze check out the soberclub.com