1867 || empathy isn't a sin

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2:02let's build a little momentum together, whether you make your bed or not. Good morning sunshine. Welcome to another day of the Make Your Dan Bed Podcast. Now we've been talking about empathy a lot the last few days and I have been talking about the downsides that empathy can have. And the most prevalent of those issues is that it can create blind spots. We can be so enamored by one part of a story that we can lose sight of the other aspects and the context and the other people involved in the story. But I need to clarify that I am not saying empathy is a bad thing. Anyone who tells you that empathy is a bad thing is a bold Facebook and liar. And there is currently an ongoing movement against empathy. It is so that the evil villain, billionaires, the powers that be, can convince you that harming others in pursuit of your own wealth or greed or selfishness is good. And I'm sorry to say but the world needs less of that, not more of it.

3:06So empathy itself is not a bad thing. In fact, it is what makes us human. There is so much evidence that shows that the only reason humanity has survived this long is because we have empathy and we have the capacity to care for others. By caring for others, that is how we build and grow and become a community. But one of the classic right-wing talking points is that love should be harsh. And that empathy should be sidelined in favor of tough love or selfishness, a prioritization of your own well-being over everyone else's. And if you ever see talking points that tell you to get rid of all of your empathy and become self-centered and to blame people who suffer for their own problems, that is a political talking point. It is never spiritual or humane. According to an article for the Atlantic, written by Elizabeth

4:06Burning, these talking points that say that empathy is bad is typically aimed at conservatives who might be struggling with their internal conflict between politics and their conscience. Arguments about the harms of empathy help justify your personal and political behavior that might otherwise seem wrong or feel bad. If you cut food stamp benefits for poor people, you take away free lunches from kids, you tear immigrant mothers away from their children, and cause those children to go to concentration camps, you are experiencing an intense cognitive dissonance if you like to consider yourself a moral, loving and kind person. That is where this propaganda gets really fucking insidious. There have been many claims that an excessive compassion is a social blade. And this offers us a theoretical framework for our selfishness which allows us to escape the guilt and continue to be selfish overdoing what's right.

5:08Now empathy itself is a noble and evolutionarily selected virtue. It is a central feature of our humanity and it is correlated with kindness. And so anyone who is demonizing kindness and love and generosity and compassion and care and empathy is not on the right side of history. Period. Do I think we should have boundaries and understand how to care for the entire picture and become more objective in our reasoning? Fuck yeah. But I also think there is a vested interest in convincing people to betray themselves, betray their empathy, betray their morality, to justify the harm that they are causing so that some people can make some more money and who cares if a few people get hurt or killed in the process, right? But that is all it is. It's a justification of harm. This type of anti-emphetetic rhetoric is a way to resolve internal conflicts and reduce the screaming of your conscience.

6:12They are right-wing self-help guides, mostly targeted at conservative Christians who feel torn about subjects like immigration and welfare. The point is to reassure people that the dissidents they feel between their religious duties and their political interests is a mirage generated by the left. So there is no such thing as toxic empathy. In fact, feeling guilt and shame around your actions not aligning with your values is a message. It's a communication. It's an important piece of evidence that you're not acting in alignment. It's not a sign that you have too much empathy. It's a sign that you're not paying attention to it. So when I say that empathy can cause some blind spots, I mean it. I mean it doesn't often give us the whole picture. It could be very subjective and that and itself can be counterintuitive to the cause that we're trying to support. But to act like empathy itself is the problem, is the problem. Anything that encourages

7:16you to ignore human suffering, ignore your own humanity, ignore your ability to be compassionate and caring towards someone else is bullshit propaganda and should be treated as such. It's bullshit to think that we shouldn't be more compassionate, more caring and more empathetic, especially as a whole. I think a lot of people these days are lacking discernment. They're lacking the ability to know what is right and wrong. Even though deep down most people want to be considered morally just and kind and empathetic and good and they know what makes them good that is caring for others. Being kind, being compassionate, it's giving a shit about your neighbor and your family members more than you care about a strange politician trying to convince you not to. There is no such thing as toxic empathy. Empathy is not a sin and if you notice any quality or suffering and feel something about that, that's a good thing. That makes you human. It means that

8:20you're paying attention. In my opinion, empathy only becomes problematic when it stops you from being able to do something about it, when it keeps you from acting and respect to that empathy. Sometimes I feel so sad and burdened by other people suffering that it keeps me from moving. It makes me withdraw from society altogether. And to me, that is where the boundary setting comes in. It has never been about becoming less empathetic. It's been about learning how to channel it into productive and proactive means so that you can act on that empathy in a way that aligns with it. Ignoring empathy or cursing it as something sinful or bad is the exact opposite of what the world needs right now. Empathy should not just be reserved for the people who look and sound and act like you. It shouldn't be reserved for people that you most relate to, but should be for all of humanity, for anyone suffering from it. And if your empathy blinds you

9:24to the suffering of others, instead of expanding your understanding of that suffering, then it's not empathy at all. It's bias. And so instead of demonizing empathy as a whole, it's important to recognize where it takes place in your life, where it has potentially been blinding you, and how you can actually act upon that empathy in a way that makes the world a better, more loving, and equitable place for everyone. But if you're only supposed to have empathy for the people who look, act, or sound like you, then that is not empathy. And that is where the toxicity comes in. Not in the feelings itself, but in the way that we handle them. As always, you can access all of the relevant resources in the show notes if you're interested. In the meantime, just know I love you so much. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, and I'll talk to you tomorrow while you make your damn bed. Goodbye, cutie. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of the Make Your Damn Bed podcast.

10:27Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss tomorrow's episode. You can follow on Instagram and TikTok at NYDB podcast for occasional updates. And if you could rate and review this episode five stars wherever you're listening, it genuinely helps the podcast at its core. And if you have anyone in your life you think might be interested in hearing what I have had to say, it also makes a huge difference in the sustainability and my ability to make this something worth sharing. So if you have questions or want specific advice, you can email me at NYDBpodcast at gmail.com. In the meantime, I've been your host, Julie America. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, and I'll talk to you tomorrow while you make your damn bed. Well, I can't begin AI to production. Our competitors are already out of the key data secure. AWS AI cuts through the noise, ready to use agents and the broadest set of AI tools. Stop overthinking.

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