Talkin' Platson Feat. Sam Tallent - A New Untold Story: Ep. 519

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2:03Oh God, like a marine. The predator speedball. Oh my God. Vision based movement. No one moved. Came easy. Yeah. He just turned into a T-Rex. The horny stoic. Yeah. The horny stoic. Yes. It is a guy too. The horny stoic. It's a classic kind of like 28 year old guy. 28 year olds get into stoic to get pussy. Yeah. The horny stoic. You sit crisscross applesauce just traveling around on the ground. You're going to go on the ground. He's always in the fucking quad. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you see the horny stoic. Just statue-esque pounding of my broads. Yeah. Oh, like a broad. It's here a detective horny stoic. Start saying you're into the female form. Yeah. You just like beauty at all of its ways. You ever walk into a party in college and there's a guy laying on his side like this? And you're like, I'm leaving. You walk in and there's a guy in the living room. Dude, like that's an eye weight for the party to stop.

3:03Can't wait to kick him in the stomach. So, dude, I went to, I hung out with all the art kids at WVU. Sure. And those parties were a nightmare. Because I was just drinking mold wine or brandy. Oh, yeah. And that's just it. They wanted to close cigarettes. Yes. They wanted everybody to be looking at them. Yeah. Weird. Because in like Morgan town, that would be like the antithesis of the vibe. I know. You guys know which community we were. Morgan town was just that. What was the generic. Ornettes. No, no, the generic. Um, um, Yegermeister. What was it called? Ooh. It's called like a Goosh-Cortler. It was something like a Goosh-Cortler. It was like an Americanized name, actually. I forget. Oh, well. Oh, yeah. Unicom. That's what you like to drink. I was drinking one-one-one-one-one-one. I was sipping on the Unicom. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, look at that guy. That's the Unicom team.

4:04Oh, does it come in a pig's head? That scroll up. I have. It's a pagan ritual. We're talking about Hornie Stone. That's the man I'm going to buy that. If Jesus is sacrament included, Seaman, that's what they would call it. Unicom. Unicom. Uh, are you talking about. Sorry, I swallowed a bunch of Unicom. In the battle. Unicom. What about Swack? Is that all Swack makes Unicom? I see. Yeah. Who would have thought? I just whacked off and made some Unicom. Hey, have you guys seen that new Swack product? There was a kid named Cody Holt who used to walk around. He was like a big towering scary guy in my small town. Yeah. But he was not. My grandma was nice to him. So he was mean to everyone, but it was really sweet to me. And he always just carry around Yeagermeister. And in a cooler. And he would wear it around his giant neck. There's like a small one person cooler. He wore it like a necklace. And if he came up and was like, hey, you want some Yeagermeister? He was like, no one's going to kick my ass at this party. Because Cody Holt's here. Cody Holt. He was supposed to do roll with him. Oh, no, I would just show up to parties because my older cousins would invite me. And I'd be scared and wearing my letter jacket despite everyone being the deaf.

5:06And like trying to be Latino. And you know those kind of parties. Oh, you understand. Yeah. But you want to wear a Latino in Colorado? Yeah. It was the only like non-white identity that was available to us. Okay. Right. Exactly. He was wearing a coat. But like the thing is like, I, I, I, so no, he's like, you know, there's little like single serving coolers. Yeah. He was big enough that he would flap that carry handle up, put it around his neck. But his head was small enough to fit through the hand. Tiny head giant body. Yeah. Yeah. It was perfect for just that. I mean, he was, he was perfect in a lot of ways. And I identified them all. Cody holds a great huge guy name. Dude, my grandma would like be like, Cody, how are you? Do you want some tortillas? And then he would like show up and beat up four people and be like, hey, Sam, you want to ride in my truck? I feel like, yes, sir. Yes, Cody, hold. Just tortillas. Your grandma for just. My grandma was a Mexican woman and like the best thing she made was tortillas. And everyone would just like all the bad kids that hung out with her. And all these like kids with no teeth. We were like wearing like mud vein shirts. We'd be like, thank you so fee.

6:07The fence. Yeah, yeah. Because she wouldn't let them on the property. But she'd go to the fence and feed them like, bliss boys. Yeah, it was like a refugee camp. Literally, El Paso. I was not saying like, alpacas. You just go and you put them in your palm. It was like your fingers. Exactly. Yeah. I was like, I'm going to go to the fence. I'm going to go to the fence. I'm going to go to the fence. I'm going to go to the fence. I'm going to go to the fence. I'm going to go to the fence. I'm going to go to the fence. And you just go and you put them in your palm. It was like your fingers. Exactly. We were getting in one battle after another. Here you go. No one's free to roll. Free. I hate alpacas. Yeah. And I don't like llama's real pakas. They spittin' they try and bite your nads off. They're pretty useful. They're prickly little fuckers. I had to spend a lot of time with llamas. Isn't that work? What? My dad would do every summer would do a llama trek in the flat tops. And for seven days we rented llamas can't carry that much food. You don't want a donkey. You don't want a donkey, it's... So, do you dislike donkeys more than llamas? No, I like donkeys. I respect meels and donkeys. I'm kind of, I warmed up to the llamas,

7:08but one of them wouldn't move. And my dad had to shove a hiking pool into its ass. Is that what you have to do? Burn him a cigarette. Yeah. It's like a foster kid. They're... They are. They're moody little fuckers. They get pissed at each other. They spit. They like, they like kind of peacock. They like, they're next-get-wide. I see their llamas are alpacas that have castration teeth. And that's what they do is they try and bite each other's balls off. For... What? It's like a way to become the dominant male. You bite the other male. You can't castrate the other male and then his genetics can't go on. God damn. Yeah. That's a very smooth and efficient process. No, no, no. Bloody and there's a lot of llama screaming. Yeah. Yeah. But the teeth are perfect for biting testicles. They look fighting teeth. They look testicles and scrotums of rival males, yeah. Yeah, for how cute and fluffy they are, they are savages. So what was this like wagon train thing you were doing with llamas? My dad just really loved camping and his big thing was he didn't enjoy other people. So we would go, he would go to the, his goal was to see no other humans and it was just

8:11me and my brother. Yeah. Then how you turned out like this? Haunted. Haunted. Haunted. Yeah. It creatively, in sort of just mentally confused. Because you need to be alone. Yeah, I need to be alone with my llama. Yeah, you can't. And that's sort of been the issue lately. I understand. Yeah, that's sort of been the issue lately. But no, we would just do a camping trip and we would, you know, hike around. It was actually really fun. But by the end you get like for real cabin fever. Oh yeah. Like I didn't at that time, obviously I didn't have a iPhone or like anything like that. So you just sort of like make up shit in your head. Were you jerking off at the time at least? Was not jerking off at the time. Lama's were. Yeah, yeah. Lama's the jerking off. Lama's the problem. Lama's the problem. They have this teeth. Yes, exactly. Oh, you probably like flu a kite or like climb to tree. I think it was probably a kite. Yeah, I would. I would try to come here in the front. Oh, yeah, I would try to do that as well. I wanted to be Krillin. I knew my place. And you're like, you like, you like, you want to be Goku or Vegeta? I put, I pretended to be Krillin. Right. You're like, I know it's not possible.

9:12I wonder if I want to find a special boy at the special time. I am still a boy. So it might be possible. Yeah, everything is right. We were just talking before the show for like an hour. I can't believe we didn't immediately start talking about city skylines. Yeah. So MOOC told me last night, he's like, you know, Sam's a huge city skylines guy. Oh, no way. I play so much. So much. I'm trying to get these guys into it. But then I was trying to explain to you, Kyle's kind of a city skyline player, but never on any sort of technology. He has a beautiful mind. It's just in his head. He does it up here. That map right behind him is his state, right? With multiple cities. It's kind of like he's like scoping out a concentration camp and drawing it in his head. Yeah. So that he can like alert everyone to the weak points. Right. But I'm not really drawing anything concrete in my head. I'm just filled with concepts. And if I were to take the body and mind of these boys that I built, but you can look at that map and ask about any city and you can get a pretty nice. A lot of questions I can't answer. And it's really frustrating because about this or about your state.

10:13I see. So did you draw this and then he gave it to you? I drew it in my head forever. Right. And then I started learning in third, third or fourth grade. My God. Okay. Found it December 14, 2003. At first it just resembled Western pencil. I can see the map. And now geographically and physically. And now it's evolved into is that because Western Pennsylvania was like the big city to you. I had no other experience watching the PA was unfathomably large. Right. I mean, Parker to me was like Shangri-La. As I holy sure we're going to the USA stake buffet and seeing the wild things play. I remember this is like Metropolitan. There's a panda expressing Parker. Schools cancel. Yes. We had a weird and formal art. Oh, we had to go to Barnes and Noble. It was a two hour drive. Yes. That was an event poor kid at Barnes and Noble. Like we didn't have a lot of money when I was a kid and we would go to Barnes and Noble and my mom would be like, we're going to hang out here for two hours. Go up and I'll explain it. Everyone gets one thing from Starbucks and you can get whatever you want off the $10 table. Wow. We would just be there reading magazine, interacting with media.

11:14We didn't have a bookstore. If we had a bookstore, we would have done that. So we had Barnes and Noble with the park. Meadows mall. It was pivotal. Right. Yeah. I would just play Candy Crush on a nook. Are there any Barnes and Noble's in your city? Or is it all just like judo gyms and like kid up parlors? It's an academic state. I don't like think it was a stolen bar, but it's you do pull ups. Yeah. Yeah. He could have spiked bottles. We had glass and new plats. What's the cuisine glass? The dosch is Barnabas is like the neon. Neon hyper futuristic steakhouse. Say it again. Natasha's Barnabas. Yes. That's a play on Ruth's Chris. No, that drew inspiration from it like I said. And then there's a lot of it. It's just a lot of nightlife. It's like neon steakhouse. Everything's neon fluorescent. It's like. It's like a blade runner steakhouse. It's one I was so excited for you to learn about. I love this. I love this. It's like if Wakanda. Oh no. No, it's not.

12:16Technologically Wakanda. Wakanda had the demographic so it's like Orange County. It's like if Acon successfully remade Sierra Leone. Oh yeah. It's a crypto crazy. He tried his best. He got like one building. I never my dad bought some of his coin. No way. He got an Acon and Sierra Leone. Ally. Which by best friend David Bory is like from Sierra Leone. So my dad told me that I sent him the screenshot. And he was like, I don't want you owning land in Sierra Leone. That's for us by. I think it's for us by. Yeah. Not again. Not again. Yeah. Not again. Yeah. We're getting it again. I know. My dad was like, isn't this neat? And I said it's a David immediately. He was like, this is the opposite of neat David. This is this is colonialism through your phone. I was saying, but anyway, back to new plat. Okay. Very technologically advanced. Like Wakanda. Utopia. It's kind of, but it has the white.

13:16It has the more principles of like Thomas Moore's Utopia or. It's not Leviathan. BF Skinner's Walden to. Cool. It has the urban aesthetics of chunk. Ching or like Singapore do buy. But like, you get away with the wall too. But Chongqing is not going to fly here. You already said Wakanda. If you looked at Chongqing, you picture that except more dazzling. It has. Look at the book Chongqing. It's spelled with it. Oh, it's on a. You're sort of Chongqing. God. I want to rip some Chongqing right now. I tell you what. Like that. It's kind of what it looks like. No, is this the place that has like their entire like hot pot. Hot pot GDP is like bigger than like all of the Western seaboard. Like I. Probably. Yeah. They're hot pot restaurants are. I think the infrastructure surrounding hot pot here is like more advanced than the Amtrak system all over.

14:16I'm dead serious. I know I believe it. Yeah. It's hard to grasp the scope of Chinese cities and new plats. True. But it is. Well, you guys know the social hierarchy. Is it a caste system? What I think I can guess. Wrestlers are number one. Yeah, it's right. The social. That's what you guys. Number two. Dudes with swords and capes. Three. Well, you're forgetting DJs. Oh, I would who could forget DJ Helio. DJ. Yeah, sure. Like a electronic music festival in Dagestan. Yeah. That would be a bunch of dwarves going. Not dwarves. No. Five seven is the ideal. Height. Stature is frowned upon. It's like a sign of gangliness. Oh, it's like when they said that like black guys had big dicks. So there's savages. They can't control themselves because they're beasts with their hogs. All the tall guys and new plats in our scene is like Ikebod Crane. They have no use. But everyone lives in perfect harmony. No use. Such a five seven way to describe.

15:18What it means to be a bad guy. They're two and they're inconveniently long. Um, what everyone gets along. The nightlife is spectacular. Oh, I made a bunch of five seven wrestlers cutting it up. Listen into DJ Helio. God damn. I'm not an EDM festival in Dagestan. That's describing the hierarchy of like who would be the most important. Yeah. So we have that athletes and electronic music producers. Really laugh this early. DJs don't really DJ. They. They're not the stars. I feel like humbles the core tenant of the music. The music. Yeah. It's just a humble. It's like picture ecstasy with no come down. Mm hmm. Corruption with no come up. That's nuts. So I learned something new about new plats.

16:18And I thought this was just a square island in the Atlantic. There's a state above and a state below. Yeah. The whole the island shaped like long island. What's the state above? To the north and east is a state called Platson Island. Capital, Dentonia, Largest City. Hamilton Bay. Dirtieth. Yeah. Hamilton Bay outfinished. Dent the pre the prefix dent. Yes. I created this when I was 11. Nothing wrong. I'm a change. Some of the names I hate. It's too late to chant. And Lakeland is the state to the South. Lakeland. Yeah. I think that more than Dentonia. Dentonia. Dentonia sounds like a lesser outcast album. What's that? You're right. Experimental. Yeah. It's like philaltestell. They put fluoride in the shit. Yeah. The names do. I hate the names. What's the newest? What's the oldest city in the newest city? Like what's the last city you've added recently? Like, last city I've added. I'm constantly like, oh, the Wiley Beach needs more suburbs. Yeah.

17:18Alverno and orange park. Urban Nulf. Yeah. I'm adding suburbs. What did I just add? Carson Farms. Oh, okay. Because the urban sprawl of the Somardale Metro is growing so rapidly. You can walk it. It's like combining with the Vexen metro area in the area. The in between is Carson Farms now. Where's like the highest crime rate? That's the thing. I don't really think about crime. And I don't really associate it with the. Is the South Shore? Yeah, because it's here. Yes. It's Thomas Moore. There's no crime in utopia. Right. So I did. There is. I don't think about crime. You don't have to. Ever. Yeah. You just think about sick new moves you and your boys can practice on the mats that are actually the sidewalks. After having Natasha's Barnabas. So, right by it. Natasha's Barnabas. Oh, you go to Toshers and then see you. What a night. Yeah. Oh, what about straw man galaxy? What is that? It's like a 28 floor hard smoothie day in nightclub.

18:21The top of it's like a skyscraper in the top. The spire is like a a bendy straw. The 360 observation deck at the top and everyone. It's like. It's like. I made it in a thirsty time of my life when I was wrestling and always craving smoothies, but also loved a party. So 900 plus flavors. 900 plus. Right. That was actually. How do you even decide? Well, think of all the fruits and then think of all the permutations of combinations of fruits and it adds up. We did a quick downstairs made us a geo-guessor but for new plats. Sure. And it was the happiest I've ever ever seen Kyle. Can you pull that up? Yeah, I'm trying to find it. I just on the anus YouTube page. So for me, this whole thing was formed by like a thirsty guy. I mean, I was like, you were so hungry. You used to eat for most of the time. Like the things I've added when I was in college are like a lot of beverage based on institutions. Everything starts looking like it's around like the gate like a Gatorade lazy river.

19:27Which was like, I dreamt about swimming in Gatorade like every day that I cut it away. I was cutting away. There's Picasso's blue era period and then you had your thirsty period. That's really influenced the economy and new plats. Yeah, but like we had a guy named Quig downstairs. He's brilliant, make plats and guess her. So he took Kyle's descriptions and built a geo-guessor for new plats. And Kyle, I think you got a perfect score. Did you not? I did. I think you would be so sick. You'd be so sick. And like your pores would be jammed. You would probably break out an acne. There's no physical discomfort in new plats. No one itches. Nobody itches a new plats. Nobody itches. There's no ringworm in new plats. The connoisseurs. Yeah, this is because you were in an issue. Everyone has the vaccine for itching in general. You really you just create a place where being a wrestler doesn't suck.

20:30So a lot of people think this is cool. We're being a wrestler isn't a endless circle of misery. The 133 pounder for Eisenhower tech and his girlfriend of Manuela are like the Rihanna in a Sepuroche of New Plasma. A lot of people think you don't open up. All you have to do is ask about new plats and you can learn everything. Pause, I really appreciate you guys giving me this opportunity to implant for you. I know you love doing it. What's in he was this Kyle? Tell the fever tree. I feel like I fell down the stairs when I got this coffee. Yeah. That's saddleberry. It's on the stamps. It doesn't actually look like that. That looks like it's a little bit too rustic. Kentucky. It looks way more modern but also like modern rustic. It's a techno utopia, right? Yes. Yeah, you could go to like one of the cap. It's very labyrinthian. What's the one that has your the explosion proof twin towers? That's a South St. Peter in the St. Peter's mountains.

21:34You put the twin towers in the mountain. They're not the shape like ski. The twin other shape like ski. So it's like it's like as well as been multiplied by. Las Vegas to the Abbeyton power. Yeah, all megacities. I'm just spit on you. Sorry. No, there's smaller towns but they're like perfect. Just like perfect modern resort. That kind of looks like black hawk. Doesn't not really. It looks identical. Again, this is not what it actually looks like in my head. Okay. But it quays into tremendous job. There they are. Wow. Look at those. I mean, that looks like the capital and hunger games. Yeah. And look at the fucking beautiful. Trams coming in. It's like. There are a lot of trams. I love it when trams. The neon condolose. Yeah, the animals are like the best speed.

22:35A neon high speed. Gondola sounds like a riff rap line. What did you call that? The. The CC. Is that the CC or is that somewhere else? I've got a no but. Yeah. The CC. What's the Kago? Kago is an actual Norwegian DJ. Okay. Who is canonically a new plazin. Wait, wait, hold on. The four two noddles. Dante's dead. I never gave him a name. What is that mean? Uh, fortune. Nautos is like a. Cause like I wouldn't call it a casino. It's a massive nightclub that double where you play games. Pleasure to. Picture like carnival games. For adults. Okay. Like a boardwalk of the Yakuza. The Yakuza spinning virtual wheels to see like if you got a free rum runner. Yes. Um, it's kind of a fortune auto is the 157 pound of fries. An hour tech. His dad is a nightclub tycoon who opened that up in Saf on Sapphire Island. Where's Sapphire Island? Uh, top left. It's off the coast. Beautiful. Oh, it's kind of like a by Seattle.

23:36Those islands that they have. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Anacortis or whatever. I'm very alert by those. No, they're beautiful. That's why I'm. Shout out miles. I want to go there next. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude is so pretty. You should just a trick bar still and letting you go there. It's like the whole thing is like you tricks someone here with a bunch of money and then you could like film a vlog. Yes. Yes. Precisely. Broody, you need to do more tricking. Precisely. I got no tricks. I know. Cause we're on a Colorado guys. I need to get more shifty. Mm-hmm. I tricked my way to London. I said I wanted to vlog the coronation, but I just needed a Pokemon and Pokemon go that you could only get in. So I wish Pokemon. Sock. I said WK. This is like if you can't know where became a business and then just started sending people for generations. Oh yeah, Donnie, go to China. Be a basketball fan. Here's two million dollars. Go nuts. Yeah. Sell, sell, sell, sell, sell and vent cover. I should have been in here tricking people. Yes. Yeah. All we have, you don't have to think of, you have to think of tricks. The rest doesn't have a PhD. No. No. He was cleaning my windows outside. That was your producer.

24:37Yeah. I mean, there's two guys in a moot costume. That's right. He's a children. Two normal size guys. Five, seven guys. Yeah, normal. No dwarves. But Kyle, we got to get you on skylines. You would be, I know, I've watched you play it and I was mesmerized. Yes. It's beautiful. I just zoom in on a corner and adding tree line streets and then just, I just pan through the city. I love going through my downtown on the river walk. I love seeing no one at the traffic lights. Oh yeah. I love seeing wide open traffic and everyone is crossing at the pet. You played as well. He has more hours than I do. I don't know if that's fair because I'm you and newer to the game. I'm maybe like three months since I've discovered it. Okay. But I've been in every fucking flight I take now. I'm getting carpal tunnel playing T-Rex skylines on my MacBook. You've got to get a mouse. Literally, if you looked at the hours of like what I've used my MacBook for, it would be like finishing this book and then probably neck and neck would be city skylines. That's amazing. I love that game. You're being creative too, which is like so important. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time because I do feel like I'm lighting up all the nodes in my brain.

25:37Yeah, I agree. And what do you have like goals when you play it? Yeah. Number one is always traffic. It's a traffic traffic. It's a traffic traffic. Traffic and traffic and bodies are a big issue. Traffic. At that point, I have to play too. I have played not as much as Nick. I got really a crash. I had a meltdown over trying to form a overpass. Yeah, yeah. It was a deal with the creamatories. Yeah. Well, were you trying to do like the I 70 expansion? Yeah. Like you're trying to do in the poor neighborhoods in Denver, right? I don't know why I did it. It just like naturally came into me. Right. Yeah. We need a dog food factory right here in the Latino neighborhood. Exactly. And then you'll live beneath it. Right. In the shadow of the city. Yeah. Yeah. When you like start driving into Denver and you smell the dog food factory, you know, it's going to snow. Yes. Yes. Really. Yeah, dude. A commerce city that area is like an industrial Mad Max wasteland of hell. It's so bad, dude. It's interesting when cities have like a buffalo smells like cereal. Mm-hmm. You go buffalo everywhere smells like cereal. So does like all of Eastern Iowa smells like cereal.

26:37Does it? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. We grew up next to a kayak chewing tobacco. And the days they were making grape, the whole city smelled like grape. Damn. I know. Is that new pletzen? Yeah. That's a wheeling West Virginia. Are there fractures? Grape, the flavor. No, just like. Yes. That's a good question. Just picture it, but 10 times better. More purple. Yeah. It's a lot more purple. Wow. I love purple. I've always said make the purple more purple. Purple is more purple. A new pletzen, thank you Nick. Did you just guess that? I did. I did. I can't have it. I got it right. So do you have your city of new pletzen, your representation? Do you have it in a form? No, Nick doesn't have his own city, which is just a tremendous regular. Mount Shomburg. Mount Shomburg. Which translates to mountain mountain mountain. Which Shomb means mountain. Yes. And Burke mountain. You think that I have more hours in city skylines when the name of your city is a joke in three

27:38different languages. For real. I don't do it all be honest. And I'm not trying to like pull back. I love the game. I think it's number one. I don't actually know how to change the name of my city. Really? It's what most of my cities are Roseville all the time. Okay. That's a default. I know. I named the districts. I named it my schools. Because I always Curtis Park. Okay. I always throw Curtis Park up first. You have to name your parks. It'll raise the value a little bit. Okay. Yeah. And then I usually have the Aurora campus whenever I put in the college. Yeah. I like doing a corridor called Bowlers Alley. Bowlers? Oh, dude. Yeah. Dude putting in like a nice dedicated alley for pedestrian shops. Maybe a tourism. Yes. Well, like I like a street streets curving alley. Oh my god. Like your one fucking Valencia. Yeah. Yeah. Nice dude. It's all curving alley. You've got to get to the need to experience the beauty of the world. We grew up too much going like this. And now we need to go like this. I would love to hear Kyle Kyle. You get high and do the VR walk arounds on your Oculus, right?

28:39Yeah. The Wonder App. You're just you can go anywhere in the world with Google Street View coverage. And it's just like you're there, especially when you're high. I need to quit masturbating with that thing. Oh, yeah. I didn't have you ever clicked on a video and you accidentally end up as the female in the VR. No, so I was kidding. I've never done the VR masturbation. I used to play ping pong during COVID. That was so fucking good. I played against I was playing against a buddy. I was playing against him in VR. He was in West Virginia. And I heard a boom and his guy stopped playing and just fell like. Art attack. Dead. It a wall. He got real fucked up. My wife is trying to throw out my Oculus a bunch. Really? It's a bad look for. You can't. When your man is in the Oculus. It's tough. She's come on. When your man's downstairs going so a shit. She's every time in it. I know I can't see her, but she's ashamed. She's shimmying through the living room. I can't see her. That's why I'm in it. That's why I wear it. That's why I sleep.

29:39Uh-huh. Yeah. And then like she's like, what are you doing? I downloaded on my Oculus. The game I played the most was like this Rube Goldberg simulator where it was just a bunch of items. And you just made Rube Goldberg's. It was fantastic. It actually does sound great. Uh-huh. Yeah. I really wish it were VR. I love VR. I haven't handed myself over to it. I want to. For me, it's just not quite there. It's right on the screen. And I can't feel the titties. That's like the one thing I'm excited about for the future. VR gloves. And VR immersion. What would you want for the immersion? Smells. I don't think I would need some. Or a breeze. Or something. It's not necessarily like sensory immersion, but like. When you have like, you can tell that you're looking at a screen. It's I don't want to feel that at all. Okay. Like one day, I'd like to like sink my brain to a computer. Yeah. And have. Because I don't know how to describe it. If you want to be a computer. And I want it to read my brain and then create it. It just projected.

30:39I'm hoping by the time I'm a Vagie, if I make it to the age, um, retirement homes are just like, two tubes and then just get put, plug me. Oh, you're purely VR. Yes, purely VR. Give me enough drugs to where I think I'm 16. Yeah, that's just redo. I think I put me in a tube and put me up protein, Cuba Day. I think they could stay to see you probably and then yeah, cube feed you. Yeah. And you could probably live it extra a hundred years in like some like pod. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a great way to deal with old age is just make life never end. But your life's already over. So you don't need to like the physicality. Right. You can just go in the VR. Yeah, just like a cube you can pick which nurse sucks you. Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, I want to honor in today. Yeah I saw a I auditioned for a thing where you say I'm not gonna say the comedian's name because I don't respect him. Okay, but He walks on stage and Hey, where my Latinos at and everyone goes nuts and then who could this pay hold on?

31:39And then someone says I'm from Columbia and then the first show he says on stages. I knew it fucking stings in here So Tony Hinchcliffe I would say Tony I would I would give props, you know, but no dude It was a different guy who's very successful. Yeah, and I remember he won the audition He like got the thing and we were all standing in the back a bunch of very good comedians in the back of the room Just being like huh, I guess it fucking stings in here. That's what they wanted That's what this very big company rewarded with a hundred thousand dollars. What's I think it fucking stings in here? That's oh man Comedy that's what I'm getting out and I'm getting to city building. That's it. That's that's the way to go Yeah, and it works. Can we see one of your cities? Can you pull up? Yeah, I don't like I grab any of I don't think I have I mean my city's a veil like I wish it's on my PC and move you can log into everyone's mainframe remotely right getting to the mainframe Yeah, yeah, move do you know about the the website hacker text calm? No It's just like you put it in and then you just type in it looks like you're hacking. I think it's called hacker text calm

32:40You're like hacker screen. No, no, no, maybe hacker screen. I can't remember. Yeah, it's fun. It looks like you're like Angelina Jolie Yeah, hacker type yeah, now just start typing. Oh, yeah Yeah, this is like that if you like put a monocle on and look intense looks like you're getting into you know Yeah, I'm in Kyle's Oculus right now Graper make it grape Lose G override Oh, I type out I type out I would major city Yeah, you're like you're like Ironman with Jarvis. Mmm. The smoothie shops don't do sizes. It's just levels of grape Damn grape grape grape There's not someone in this building like 50k to just make this a show. I would fund the Training of Lake Tanganyika To make this a virtual world

33:42Have sass by that way Yeah, whatever organized crime is running to you know My next that's some dirty money. Oh, it's filthy. It's filthy. Yeah Jersey Jerry's a Rob Jersey J.O. Just be let he'll find a hundred thousand dollars in the budget. You can't just find Six figures of US dollar Millenies twins The kids want they want they want to see what's Millenies twins? So sandwich I don't know you know, new thing your trust thinking of Filipino boys, that's not what we do here. You're right. You're right. We don't call guys out One of the funny things I wanted to try to say I wanted to play along. No, I like when Nick calls me out when I Slur words So much more embarrassing when people pretend like I didn't happen Slur that was not a you said millenies fuck up a word or just say something that doesn't make sense And then I hate just sitting with it in the conversation continuing

34:43When you at least humorously Ignore what I just wanted to play along. Yeah, I had nothing you want to play along by saying what the fuck are you talking about? Well, I missed it. I missed Rob class. You're paying on There's nothing to play with Okay, small break to talk about Paramount plus soccer fans the UEFA Champions League is back the world Crowned its winner now the champions play where the best players from the best clubs collide from September to June And every match is paramount. I like that That's good because that's where it's that's where it is This is the world's best soccer the UEFA Champions League where the best players collide from September to June Streaming live exclusively on paramount plus Kyle. Who do you have winning the Champions League? Yes, the UEFA Champions League. Um, you have hoist in the cup I got the champ biren Munich. Oh, this is a

35:44Is that a man? I have biren Munich That's a team. But I'm really interested in this league. I've seen them play. I just more I'm more interested in like the The game play than the teams. I get it. Check it out on paramount plus The football is back You've got the games now you just need to figure out what you're eating That's why you order part in my cheese steak We've got a variety of mouthwatering cheese steaks chicken tenders loaded fries desserts and all the good stuff You want on game day delivered quickly and straight to your door I think the cheesecake it the cheese steak is the best savory food item In the world best sandwich best sandwich by definitely the best sandwich. I said cheesecake. That's up there for desserts But part of my cheese steak turn on the games crack open whatever you're drinking And let part in my cheese steak handle the food

36:47Okay Make game day easy order part of my cheese steak on part of my cheese steak.com and use code WL for free delivery Part of my cheese steak. Did any of you were any of you involved in that flag football game? No, I was I was you were oh man. I wouldn't say I was involved. I was physically present It was very difficult. Did you catch any balls? I did catch a few balls My foot my foot. Yeah, my foot My foot is fucked up and I can't run These guys are so fast and the girls are so fast and you're like chasing after these girls like a Predator. Yeah, you're literally nabbing at the head on the grass and they're like hula hoopings They're literally swiveling their hips. It's like trying to like tackle Shakira. Yeah, right at a rodeo It's like trying to get laid at that smoothie parlour Exactly. Is it hard to get laid in New Plats? No, like casual sex is just more Like Graper so

37:49Common. There's no taboo surrounding it. No negative emotions. It's like Prague Is that how Prague works there's all they're like the The most loose Yeah, I think so it's all chicks with like pit hair wearing like spaghetti straps like banging people in the park really I think so. Yeah, my girlfriend wants to go there go there I think it's like Berlin for people who like actually love their partners Oh, I want to watch them get fucked in beautiful like you're a fireball. Yeah, like couples go to Berlin and they're like Yeah, no, you go do that ketamine and then they buy themselves seven hours Right, and then they like bail him out of jail a day later exactly and it's like we tried We tried to save our marriage we tried to new platzen. Yeah, we thought Berkheim was gonna be the thing that could sealed our deal And guess what I don't think it is I don't think that that's the answer to saving your long-term relationship is watching her get watching a guy in a dog call Watching watching you get peed on while you're in a dog crate. Yeah, watching her get peed on while you're like trying to jerk off because a lot of guys are watching you

38:49Like that's the nightmare. I know nothing about her lips the opposite of new platzen. Yeah, Berlin is light It's like what the you know this in matrix two when they go to the rave and there's a french guy I haven't seen matrix two either damn really. Yeah, damn think of leather think of techno think of gimsuits think of human defecation Think of secrecy think of Berlin. Yeah, okay It's think of think of punk's nudiness. Yeah, amoral status obsessed, but like this music scene is horrendous and I like electronic music, but that is awful Sounds like DJ Elliott's stuff before he kind of figured out his sound Elliott's best stuff was in the beginning actually really Broford you're over and he could just agree You guys are in the same impact You made up early stuff was better And I don't want to yuck people's yum because I am an old school soul when it comes to monogamy

39:52But like it just sounds so unpleasant to like watch your beloved. Yeah, I never really got the appeal of that Yeah, I don't know I think it's being free. Yeah, not being jealous Can you look up comparison moke? Persion things the opposite of jealousy Just like the big thing that they're trying to Yeah, yeah, it's like the the cuckold watching and being like this is great And not just the dog on fire meme coined in San Francisco. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean that's that that is a Scholastic way of describing it where you put you on a higher ground right crazy emotion Joy you're deriving joy Well, I think it's because like you love them so much that they're not a resource to you So it's not something to be controlled. It's something that like you're not sharing you're watching them You're on track, legend. Yeah, you're on track. You're removing yourself from the situation. You love them Let them lose the return that kind of thing. All right, Berlin. It is Yeah, well, you don't have that dog to worry about Rudy. So that's true. He's gonna be is he gonna be okay?

40:55Oh, he's gonna be fine. Okay, we just you know, it's normal for dogs to tear both her ACLs That's good. I think it's cheap to fix. Well, he's bored that touchdown in the game Yes, he's well, I mean when you have an explosive athlete at this level the the ligaments of the canine aren't ready for that sort of power And you know, I enjoy Spending this much money on something that should bring me happiness Well, if you want to spend some more money on something that'll bring you happiness fly to Berlin and watch your girlfriend We're gonna go to Berlin and we're gonna have one of their scientists reconstruct his knees Except they're gonna put two tires big ones on his legs. That'd be nice And then meanwhile while he's in surgery, we're gonna go to Burkhan right and really learn to hate each other It's gonna be unit compersion. Yes Big Sam talent dot com. There it is. It's Cleveland coming up Yeah, congrats on the book. Thank you. Yes, the book. Get the book. It's really good I can't even imagine the feeling of the day your book comes out. It's very strange It's giving birth to a thing that no one cares about You know, it's like I love my baby and everyone's like your baby's worthless. There's video games now. No one wants your baby

41:56And maybe it's the worst kind of entertainer you're excited to get back to Skyline dude I'm telling you I'm on this book tour until the fifth of October and then when I get home I'm downloading Crimson Desert. Yeah, I'm going in. I've seen how cool it is. I can't wait. No, man Are you in? I know I haven't I'm in I haven't played it But that's gonna you could sink 300 hours into that crimson desert. Yeah It's apparently the video game we've been waiting for our entire like it's like they put they it's a video game where they promised all of these features Oh, it won't be the next I felt for the no man sky dude. It is they did it I'm watching on the subreddit and it's all these guys who are like I'm 60 years old I had an Atari 2's 2600. I've been waiting for this game my entire life. I'm glad I'm not dead I've been waiting to kill myself and looking for a reason and now I have 600 hours on Crimson Desert and I really yeah They move do you know about this year in this culture? No, I haven't heard I've been playing war dogs and CS All right, we're good talking to you. So yeah, this is he runs a gaming team. Yeah, yeah, he's a he's he doesn't know about crimson desert

42:59I play I play real game. No, no, you play Zomboite. Yeah, I like project I think it's cool. I've been following it online. Okay. I follow I follow I don't like the the like top down angle top down isometric is my favorite angle. I don't like the aim roller I want to tycoon. I love it. I would like it better if it were I mean with AOE. I like it. Yeah, I don't know I don't like the combat system. But large city dollars. We're all like that. Yeah, remember those Yeah, the first time you could be a mutant in 3d and it gave you that angle and suck But apparently in Crimson Desert you can there's like infinite puzzles. You can speak to anybody You can talk to anybody. It's like this like a lemon any field of technology. Yeah, really yeah dude It seems like the emerge like beyond going full Oculus. I think this is as close as we're gonna get to tethering into the mainframe Hmm, I don't know dude. I'm geeked. I've it's so crazy to be at the age where like you don't waste the hours playing video games Instead you waste an hour and a half reading about the video game instead of going to bed. I do I do On reddit being like oh wow there's this guy so awesome too. Yeah, this guy's having so much fun

44:02And he's not killing himself. We were just talking about your book and you're like people don't care about it They care about video games. I mean look you get the book. I love books. I'm number one on books If anyone's gonna save books, it's gonna be me but like this is a It was fantastic. I it was one of those I couldn't put it down genuinely and I hate saying that but it was fun descriptive maybe want to go to Paris. Yeah, I mean it's Paris. It's love. It's violence. It's hyper violence less 30 pages or like just I love I love the end of the book. Did you did you read the red wall fantasy series? Love red wall dude? You described food the same way That's so kind of that is so flattering because really red wall And no, I don't dude so red wall when we are kids Like most of it was like okay rats would be fighting the birds that's cool But in between they would have like giant feasts and they would describe the custard pies and uh Tricols and like all the different meads they would drink out of tiny cups like I read those books because of the meals Yes, yeah, what is your style of describing foods like The way you were describing like just like the foods they would pick up on a whim and go sit in the park and have these like

45:05Meats and a baguette and the cheeses and the way you described alcohol was very similar to uh to like the red wall series It was whatever remind me of I mean dude. I haven't read those books since I was a kid, but I've been there's a new one coming out They must be dead forever. What? Yes, you know what they need to do is fucking make this movie. I know they did a cartoon I know but they need to do a new one and they also need to do Jeff Smith's bone I don't understand why these two properties aren't just like infinitely renewed I have a tattoo of Martin the Warriors sword on my heart. I'm gonna go So new platzen do you get gay book tattoos there? I'm sorry I'm in between two wolves. No, they're all yeah. You're naming your cities. He hasn't blink. Yeah He's thinking about killing all the mites Do you have dorks there right? No, and new platzen. Yeah basketball players. Yeah, there's the door Yeah, no, I don't really think about dorks I only think about the people that I see like the highest version of myself in Hmm So every person there is like a reflection Not you This is great

46:05Is like who I would want to be if all of my traits Were heightened all of my best traits were heightened and I was How was your book signing and how are book signings in general? Damn dude, I think it feels so much better to get a compliment on such a massive project. Yeah As opposed to just like a stand like a short video or I don't know dude That's the thing is like I bet your guys are short videos are interacted with immediately and you know that like 500,000 people Experience did this is a thing you have to sit with and like you know, not sweat in but definitely turn the pages Hopefully there's some themes in there that remind you of your friends your relationships um, so yeah, I don't know dude. I just think that they're completely different mediums and um It makes a lot more sense to do every other medium as a creative like I totally get why everything else would be like It's like it was stand up. There's no barrier to entry show up to an open mic

47:06You're a creative 18-year-old you go on stage and then 21 like years later like me you're like well Maybe I want to do this other creative thing That was just the for I could turn my fucking hose on with stand up and be like I exist right now And then this is a much more like quiet way to like you disappear for a year Yes It's scary. Well, I don't though because I got to go on the road every day. Oh right You know, so it's like I wish I could just if I could have done this in eight months if I wasn't on the road 45 weekends Was this one significantly harder to write because the first one you wrote uh very good Uh, kind of very good. It was very good Sam Talents to me. Yeah, um, but it was like kind of based on your your life. Yeah, I was in that one I the first one is about stand up and I Danips defined my life. I've been doing it longer than I haven't Um So with that it was like I understood the rules of that world and they were so sacred to me. Mm-hmm. To at all I verbalized them or make them heroic Uh, would have been embarrassing to me because my friends who were comics

48:09I was very aware that comics would read that book fans of podcasts lesion of skanks fans would read it God, I mean scary scary. Yeah, but they all liked it, you know like that's what so Heartening about that. This one is just fun. This is a Hitman in Paris and before that he's killing people in America. So this was almost a less of a risk of for you to write Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, yeah. This is like this is a total fantasy. Yeah, like a guy who wears linen. It's everything I wanted to be It's my new plats I wrote my new plats and that put in between covers man But was it harder to write In the form of taking a character that you can't relate to like a stand up Uh, what he's saying I don't relate to a stand up right don't relate to this guy So he had gay hit man. I feel like it would be easier to write about a fictional Comedium because you are sure sure as a right to a hitman. You know what though dude It is like it's about two. It's it's a marine who falls in love with another marine I got a pussy addicted to pussy Rudy go Broncos, but um, yeah, you know like I've been in love with a lot more men than I have with women like my friends. I love my friends

49:13Like my buddy Nathan lund. I know exactly what he needs at all times. I can read his fucking eyebrows You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm so close to someone that they walk in a room and you're like this guy's dehydrated Like they wake up and you're like okay, you know, I'm a hours. He slept right you know because you shared a hotel room with them Yeah, I'm not burning money on the road. I know he's getting a career. Yeah, or like he wakes up and it's like okay based on the way he yond 20 minutes in the bathroom. Okay, 20 me like I'll know that I can go get coffee because he's gonna do a 15 Yeah, so like I love the men in my life. I've shared so many victories and even more defeats with the men and I could not go to the women in my life and be like hey, I'm heartbroken And I feel like I failed you can go to the boys and be like this fucking sucks Yes, and they know exactly what you mean by that without you having to be vulnerable in any way And that might be a fucking arm around that might be like rolling up a joint quietly Putting on your favorite movie your buddy puts on the town because you're fucking sad like that's I love you Yeah, that's I love you right, you know, or if it's like yo, we were uh we were in Milwaukee a couple weeks ago

50:16It was the first Bears game. I wanted to watch the Lions game But luns of fucking bears fan he's from evergreen park. There was no indecision at all about bears are on yeah You know what I mean love that's love man. That's like the selfless acts of like care and giving that you do for your boys So like I think I know loving men a lot more than I know loving women Okay, I was talking about the aspect of being a hit man I've killed so many Yeah, sorry wrong again I'm talking about the hit man All right, what about me doesn't say I'm sorry That was a beautiful way to describe a relationship. I don't know killing But like we've we've been Inundated our entire cultures like different ways to kill since you're a boy So it's like it's really fun to figure out at one point in this book He has a machete and it says that he hacks a guy and then he climbs him like a ladder with the machete up his back Like that's fucking sick. That's a fun thing stuff like as a boy you would like yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah

51:17You get to like do your own creative. You know how you put in echo park Echo eco eco-park excuse me. I'll speak French Sam. Sorry get something right I'm really sorry. I'm a guest here. All right I'm visiting dignitarium to do. Yeah, you could have let that You acted like you had no idea what he was talking about my feet to the fire All right So yeah, like the killing part no, but the excitement about like how to render violence in a way that's beautiful and not boring to like the guys I really hope will read this book That would be I can see that being really fun. Yeah, dude you sit there and you're like shit Okay, I've been writing some beautiful shit and he went to a restaurant and thought about his boyfriend Now he needs to fucking literally take his belt off throw it around a telling guys neck and write him down like a pig That's that's fun shit, you know, there's a lot of fun problems to solve when you're writing but were you kill Bill inspired by this book? I mean, I'm a man. Yeah, America. Yeah, are you crazy? Because I don't want to spill too much There was a character in the book that um remind is it David Karateen? Is that his name? He killed he died

52:22Shoken himself just right. There's a character that reminds me a ton and that so it's a lot There's a lot in that character played by Daniel Craig or lean on a decafrio holy moly Yeah, is that are you thinking about that bro? There's so many good things in the works. Oh cool. How much cool shit happening right now. That's awesome So yeah, get it now because a lot of very I guess to people with taste around the world Really want to be involved in the film. They want to piece of sand so get it now and get laid this book will get you fucking laid Dude you have that on your goddamn desk right there some chick walks in or a guy or guy and I put it right on my coffee table Yeah, yeah, yeah, I motion to the new plats in by the way not to you because that's where guys are in charge Unless you want to refute that now Um aren't the core tenants guys rock. I've only Thought about men right yeah because I Out of respect. I can't possibly relate to being a woman. So, um There's only girlfriends of wrestlers Is there any only women are there named women and just the whole a whole be

53:26It's not like just the partners of I read the ring rats. They're all wearing leather jackets when they get married And at least come to manual a gripe uh, oh, that's who they're with wrestlers. Yeah, Cassidy behind Cassidy behind Is that a real person? Yes, standing next to the mat dude While her boyfriend wrestled Did this happen I wrestled yeah, I know you wrestle. Yeah, so I remember Cassidy Heim was a beautiful woman who was sort of she would stand dating a wrestler and she would stand like right next to the mat Toes against the mat not on out of respect. Oh my god. He didn't have that Well, yeah, this was you know, this was actual new platsim real life was was wrestling Big When you were I was when I was wrestler. Yeah, I had to cut weight No wrestling wasn't big and it was mandatory for me because I was such a fat football player It's all your other wrestlers as good wrestlers. Does it yeah very good wrestler Because I don't think it does especially because you're from where wrestling is king Like that where everyone was cold and everyone had a red bandana so the pinker tins wouldn't get their grandpa, you know

54:27Like that's that's where wrestling now colorado is produced national champion Ryan Deacon That cage fighter girl who's like 110 pounds and had cornrows. I think her name for rose. Mm-hmm. She's one of ours really She was often fucking thwart and scrap that's a good place to scrap. Oh the mile high flea market Yeah, it's where girls learn to fight. That's where people fight like in intersections Yes Over three dollar parking lot. I feel like you know, yes, that was really well said. Yes, people are getting out of their car You should have fucked left and early Oh, man How are the The book signings. How are the crowds? You know what's weird dude is being sincere all the people who show up to those things I've made my entire life and now I'm getting more into sincerity like I think it's the valuable tools you get older But I want to be funny first, you know like there's that Pull always be funny and you're sitting up there and people are asking you your process or like what does creativity mean to you Where can you define success and the idea like it's like then you have to these people are searching like they're there because they want to see

55:33author Sam talent they came in through comedy that's great But now they're like here for this shit, which is so flattering But to sit up there and be like dude last night. I closed my fucking speech like fired up And I was like someone asked me a question about like success and I was like success who cares success Be the flaming sword for your family let your family wheeled you keep your friends warm by your fire success is nothing I was losing my mind. That's got to be the only place you could say so it's a group you rich Yeah, I mean we're doing a Zora high reborn. Yes. Yeah, I mean it was it was the Barnes and Noble on state street You know, yes, like there's other people shopping right just a giant man screaming it That's all white people except like two guys Yeah, everybody's hold up the red blood is this ancient battle There was a beautiful woman who shows up to a lot of my shows And I think she really likes me because I love my wife so much, but because of that I think that women are like well, I want to have sex with this guy. Oh, yeah

56:33And it's like if I ever did that it would ruin your entire perception of me right like were you crazy like that's not I'd imagine yeah, but it's still very flattering dogs beautiful young woman to sit up front And like laugh at every word you say Don't just write your name. Yeah Make it special right come Yeah, I'll write your name You want some blood in there too, don't Without your cock and just trace it like a fucking Thanksgiving turkey Yeah, that's fucking fork The pen really is mightier than the sword. Hey man right there. Yeah, you'd read a great uh memoir No, oh memoir. Yeah, memoir. No Dude why you made this I think too much No, what about you says that You're way with words your vocabulary and your creative flow comes naturally you do it in real time I see that that would make it so much easier to put pen to paper. I sit in front of mirror And I say words like ostentatious and ostracized

57:37Yeah, but I would have to like think of one adjective for an hour I would struggle with names names names The name of all of that that names I could never have to keep track of all the names and characters People that I knew right fake names would be so hard for me fake name sound fake right They're all like oh this guy's name is Jimmy Marguerluni. Yeah, yeah, that is like a comment. Yeah. Well new platoon There's a lot of there's a lot of Italian Americans and new platoon I guess a lot of yeah, yeah, and you guys are working brand new right We're working to end that yeah in new platoon the Italians out well. There's a yeah, there's Inage flux of The Italian are in Dennington. Do you identify Italians as eastern Asians? Because those are very far Easter. Oh, no, they're the eastern Asians are replacing the Italians. Oh my god What would the mozzarella district do? Yeah There's a lot of Italian Dennington. It's mostly Italians and there's like even a cemetery called the spirits of the lost

58:37Pizzudos It's all just people with the last name Pizzuto. It's a whole cemetery just Yeah, how how many Pizzudos have lived and died in new platoon generations? Oh man, you know if you put a cemetery and it's like a park I put walkways around it I know my my cemeteries. I think cemeteries should be doubled as parks. They're beautiful I was put a playground. I love that I spent a lot of time in like the cemetery in Elizabeth because it was like one of the few like green places You know, yeah, it was like trees and grass. I learned a drive in a cemetery. Is that common? I did too nice Cemetery in the post office parking lot. Yeah, where do you learn to drive? On the highway kind of everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know like I did like a school where it was like in a parking lot to but then I just My parents just put me in the car and they were like go for it I must have drove from Elizabeth to Lyman a hundred times with my grandfather. That's a good highway. Six just up and down. Yeah Yeah, that's a good place to learn how to drive on the highway because you can

59:38Turn left as hard as you can and you will hit nothing for two thousand miles Literally Turn left you just you just wind up in Calgary There's there's a man's there's no obstacles. That's so funny dude if you literally turn left on 86 You're just gone No city at all. There's like no top like I link Lyman or like You'll hit North Platt. I think like on the way up. Yeah, it's a thing is yes, think yeah Yeah, huh anywhere they drink grain belt beer is pretty much if you go left from my house You're just gonna be there. What's your gym is tougher to learn how to drive? All the mountains are switchbacks. Yeah, but I've been all great. Yeah, all the cryptids that you could hit Oh, I know the moth man, that's it in the hallway. You don't want to see him. I saw him in West Virginia Statue no, I saw fucking moth man my band was driving to West Virginia at night and like something but he's a harbinger of destruction We're good. You were good. I mean dude look a big a big thing. They made a statue too sexy. I don't love that. It's like Todd help

1:00:40Yeah, he's jacked with like a nice fucking piece. It just doesn't look creepy mystical. I know why is he like standing but squatting? Oh, Randy Moss designed this it's in Marshall Randy Moss and not Chad panicked and collabed Hey, not a bad scrambler and like mad in 2004 panicked him. Yeah, you pick up panicked and he was like a 74 overall Not bad around back there have red hair He was the very favorite is that your favorite NFL player of all time because I was like when I was at the peak of my jets Fandon they weren't that good, but he was good enough to root for And I guess some West Virginia ties. Yeah, I mean Randy Moss most of it The best thing never happened Yeah, right. He's got to be our best output Yeah, who is that basketball player Jason Williams? Awesome. Yeah, that guy rules. He's a barstable guy now. Yeah, that's crazy His stuff's pretty live. I love I saw my favorite clips on Instagram or like old basketball players talking about Larry Bird being racist

1:01:40I'm so jealous of those guys being in my love with the old basketball players talk about their time in the league But like Larry Bird so racist and they were they love them. Oh, they loved they love you would he would call them the slurs. Yo. Yeah, they're you crazy Then he dropped 35 He pretty much did like Kramer at the Lafayette Oh, getting triple double Was that at the beginning or end of Kramer set like do we know if it did It's like it came out and was like, can't where's the pitchforks? Yeah No, that definitely is like seven minutes into a 15 minutes set okay That you know what that was is you look at the clock and you're like I'm almost done. I'm bombing and you have 12 more minutes left and you're like Break glass That's great always have this. Yeah, I got that residual money. I don't care. Yeah That was nuts Have you ever caught yourself getting like too mad at An audience member like you just you just fucked up everything. I hate you so much You can't be mad on you can't be mad to be funny. Yes, like you said as soon as your mad you can't be funny

1:02:44I think you said yesterday as soon as you're mad they win they win. Yeah, yeah, you just it's like oh you're not in control You're mad like you're not in control of this insane thing that we think you're pulling off Oh never mind. We're completely pulled out your power you look out it if you get mad on stage There's a room full of people who are there to see you and you somehow you can still be like can you quit Talking like brutal We have to do is be like hey hey look we've all mixed white wine and benzos. Okay, we've all been there All right, who hasn't been there folks and then they're like You know that's what the deck of the boats about right all hey, I'd fuck a city councilman if I was on that prescription If you could just we're all having fun we'll have fun here right folks and they're all like yes You ever gotten mad? No, but Kyle did heckle me last night. Yeah, so off guard You go to every one of our shows your very supportive you never ask for it to you buy a ticket You show up. I never know if you are You're always you're a church mouse. I'm always nervous, but um, I like overwhelmingly nervous Like just at the show like yeah, I want everything to go well. It's very nice. I think last night with the show was so phenomenal

1:03:49And I was having such a good time and tension was he's I started feeling myself and I had to bite my tongue a few times I wanted to just like shout things Like you broke I didn't heck when I heard I was like I think that was Kyle's voice. What did he yell to you? I was like doing a bit about my birthday And I was like yeah, I just had a birthday and people clapped and then it got quiet and then all of a sudden I just heard like a very casual 30 That's funny, but no, but you just had to do it. I was like wait. I can do that. I can yeah, let me say something Kyle stands up. He's like his birthday was four months ago. Yeah, I was lying Actually Now move you had it was you right me Nick Kate Dana right Dana bears two people on the lineup do stand up. What's what's that like It's an interesting show. I mean Kate like was the best out of all of us really. She's nervous about following beers She every time she's done this with us. She does a whole new set wow and it's unbelievable I think she probably has an hour and a half of material to beers do the sandwich gag you ate the sandwich

1:04:54And then he belched Where my sandwich go And then this up his belly and it's it's a drawing of his own face Yeah, he crushed. Yeah Dana um So so natural that guy is very funny. I think he's a secret weapon. What about so Rob? How do you do he's the best? So Rob's amazing. It's funny because he went up to Kate after and he was like you were tough. Follow really so He was the the Iranian guy. Yes, unbelievable. Yes. Wait so Rob lied to a woman No way But so Rob before we were up in the green room and he was like I'm gonna get weird down there. Yeah, and then he was just He was flowing. Yeah, let me set the scene folks New Year's Eve 2018. All right. I'm in The one of the the lesser cities of the Iowa Kingdom. Oh, I don't want to say which one, but they had a comedy bar. They had a new comedy bar that they put in I don't know if you guys know about comedy bar mark mook. You know. Oh, yeah, right? So has connotations not the not the best Fort Dodge, you know, it's 2018 New Year's they're paying me $700. I drive to the devil's house

1:06:01So I get there dude and it's New Year's Eve and on the table are noise makers clapping machines Yeah, well like the white little plastic makers for New Year's Arbor Arbor's and correct. Yeah, and who's featuring So Rob oh wow, okay, so the show starts at 930 they want it over at midnight So so Rob's gonna do um like a half hour and then they're gonna do some giveaway and then I'm gonna fill the rest of the time So so Rob goes up and that guy does crowd work as you know And also he had spent six hours in town before the show so he knows every person in town every business What's up with the the shoe store people are like oh my god the shoe store is crazy Kills so Rob's great comic. Mm-hmm not I mean you want to follow Kate. I'd rather follow Kate than so Rob Yeah, I'm a disrespect to Kate. Yeah, this guy's a fucking murderer and also he's featuring on New Year's the the best job in show business They do their meat raffle or whatever I get up there. I have to do an hour and 20 minutes until midnight

1:07:07So Rob's reinvented comedy. He's done all the crowd work. These people are wasted. They're in a northern Iowa fail state, you know Waterloo about no, I wish Take it this was this was my waterloo though so About 20 minutes in they don't like me And you have an hour and that's that's when the noise makers start Oh, no, they told them hey don't use the noise makers until New Year's But I'm up there struggling and just in the back of the room you hear one Er Oh, and then you hear in the other part of the room And then I had an hour of bombing while people are making all the noises when I got to the countdown someone said thank God Thank God And then I had to Go sleep in a red roof in yeah Yeah, well so I get off stage and literally so Rob is like you know like leading a conga line

1:08:09And he's like yeah, find out there and I was like no I love these people It's a good impression my people I've spent a lot of time with that guy he's a murderer. Yeah, God. I love him. Yeah, he was fantastic Yeah, he wanted to hop on next Yeah, the salt of the earth Good morning sound makers you think I talk a lot wait for so Rob folks. Yeah, I don't think you took a breath last It was like an auctioneer and in and also fluid and in the moment and ready to rip yeah Just he's he's he's very very good. Yeah, he's one of my favorites in Chicago. Yeah, I think he is my favorite Yeah, I book him every time I wouldn't refute that him Chris Higgins Higgins is also You have Higgins on Did he move to New York he was here. No, I still live here. Yeah, he's just been touring a lot. Okay. Yeah, did you know? That's our regional Chicago comedy round up. Yeah, you know, did you write a vice article? Yeah around that time

1:09:12No, I think that was in like 20 13 or 14 maybe feels a lot earlier But that was in rebuttal to a friend of mine Megan Keester Went on a tour and wrote about it for vice and they'd gave her money to go on the tour And she complained about how it sucks to be on tour and I was like you got four hundred dollars to do this tour I've done this exact tour over and over and over again and come home with 82 dollars So that was like a reputation tough. Yeah, she's cool now, but like at the time I was like he's LA fucking comics can't do an hour in Wyoming Fucking complaining about getting paid to do Fargo. I went to Fargo and passed a hat and slept at a bus station A lot of fuck you and me a lot of just like follow me. I was I was a total like follow me. Yeah, I will humble you like Jock I would have been the fucking Club comic of New Platson from like 2006 until maybe 2019 He's gonna tell you they don't do now they do They do But it's the best Who they switch the big comic who sells a lot of tickets and I've only thought about one. I haven't named him

1:10:15He has a residency in South St. Peter And he does new material every night every night the Kate of South St. Peter Every night he does a new hour. Yeah, this is a utopia Every night new special Million views every hour. Yeah, he does Damn you share a birthday with some of the goats really what yeah, you may second. Yeah, yeah I was wanted May 1st because it's Mayday. It's like the anarchy holiday. Oh, that'll be cool The Henry's a me last year. That's even that's more punk rock. Yeah, everyone's sleeping off there. Yeah, they were all marching You had to weigh in the rock Johnson. Yeah, David Beckham and Olympian and Children's doctor Dr Ben Spock. I didn't know that yeah, Dr. Spock Dr. Spock Olympian. What swimming? I don't know what he was doing As Olympian in Dr. Spock For on famous birthdays. You know That sounds like I had a star trek Also, are we doing bad because you brought up the famous birthdays thing? No, we're riff it. No, no, no It's like winter the file so Sam you have no, no, no, I have no you're Byron Allen. It says you have a birthday here

1:11:21That's right Byron We do a birthdays April January January Rudy you got like a fucking okay Now February 13 December for you June June. Yeah, I could have been more wrong. You were almost all wrong Marrèche Pass MOOC September. Yep, total September guy. Yeah, he is he burns with September 30 our most usual September It's like New Year's Eve sex. Yeah, it's like the highest concentration. Yeah, I don't like yeah, did your parents fuck on to yours Yeah, that sounds like a sloppy fog. That's a nice exception stuff everybody Daddy came down the chimney All drop you mom is like yeah the load drop on our channel. Yeah, no, no, we feel you're a pro Hey, this is new blessing sir. Man. I'm sorry. I'm trying to I want to work Kyle club That's what we do birthdays talk about MOOCs mom. It's right man. It's a do area codes 519

1:12:23If this is the next you're three or three or three or four How about that? Three oh three with a better one. What yeah, you're one after us. Yeah, I guess so They call hose 304s now. I've seen that and everybody at home has a 304 tattoo They do oh Yeah, back from area code to have one. Oh you do oh my god and not the state. I have state. Yeah Yours is at least square. Yeah, and hey, that's not where Denver is Rudy You sure is that's not where Denver is sure isn't that's got a really steamboat Yeah Well, when a guy who just got out of prison says I can't pay rent but I'll give you a tattoo You say put Denver wherever you want buddy. Yeah, allow him. Yeah. What's the uh, what's what's the area code today 519 which is why's that familiar? The finisher London Kitchener gwealth gwealth Ontario Gwealth shadow greer gwealth birthplace of the jockstrap and the legality of topless women in Canada

1:13:27Yeah, they're artists in Canada Like strippers are sorry dancers are artists. No way. Yeah, I could see that big attacks different At least in Montreal. I know that to be true. That's nice. Were you ever 970? No, remember when that happened? Yeah, 720 was 720 had to took over for a while and I was in like high school But I always held on to 303 I have 303 to this day because it means something Yeah, and it's not just like a government given thing that has no meaning whatsoever It's like Yeah, disgusting Wait, were they pro topless or anti they made being topless legal. Yeah, I think a woman Right to do that I think she was nervous pressure the boys were doing it. She did it Got Arrested suit or something and then they reversed it and they're like oh, no, you can do this Yeah, are they you can just walk around Wyoming completely dumped. It's normal and cool. No one will see it Are they doing it? Are they actually practicing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I the only shows I did during COVID were like in Wyoming

1:14:33Didn't happen there. Oh, yeah, so like man you just be in like during COVID times being Casper Be in the city see tits Like literally in like for titties. I remember the first show we did was in like Casper after COVID We drove in and there was a woman topless at the fucking stop sign and we did a lap to try I didn't make sure that's real yeah, the world didn't actually die and I'm a ghost in it. Yeah ghost in Casper I'm a rogian Casper Wyoming dude. No because we we followed her We did we did confirm that did you see more bear titties. Yeah, yeah, wow Yeah, I was weird. It was such a strange data point that I remember it now About Wyoming like if you're a lawyer out there. I've told my body my buddy Bobby. He's a lawyer Becoming free the nipple free the nipple lawyer Because you get to be a progressive ally helping women, but you're hanging out with topless chick Oh, I guess and they're paying. Yeah, it's like the perfect I'm surprised that he has any billboards like instead of like traffic collision guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, have you Frank D.A.s Are the strong arms have you shown your titties? Yeah

1:15:35Just call me if you've ever shown your titties call me now call me now if you've ever shown your Are you one with titties? Call me I will free them fucking fast man with like big scissors Have you ever shown your titty? Maybe Goes by his lawyer. He's like the motorboat Mike the motorboat My new joke when I drive with my wife and Detroit is uh, you'll see uh the billboards for the law firm and it says big truck cases Yeah, call Mike Morris and I say big truck cases. How do they fit them in there? A bigger this case a massive case. Yeah, it must be big. Yeah, that's a good one. It's not bad And also of course big truck law It's fun It's America's number one big truck lawyer. Oh, they say you just think of a truck driving you the wall and be like Not guilty

1:16:36Truck long yeah, trucks the lawyer We got to get down to yac. Oh, yeah, we got to get to yac. Can you do me a favor on yac? Yeah, can you guys give a shout out? Because I forgot to do it yesterday or to a lifelong yac fan. Yeah, whose license plate is literally stooly. Whoa Yeah, his name is monic ma n a k He's a doctor with my wife. I was supposed to bring him up yesterday He like skipped an appointment to watch the episode and hear for his name. I forgot. Oh man. Shout out mom Shout out Monic of course on the pod of course. He's like your number one bring him with you I think I think he's a Muslim guy. Oh, okay, you know, which is cool. Yeah, it's good for demo He might not be a Muslim guy in which case can he not come to Chicago? Uh, no, cuz so Rob's here. Oh, right Yeah, we met it. We're one in one hour. Yeah, yeah, the shadow monic rake guy Monic not for this pod, but you can that be huge gladly Thank you by my book everybody's book. Well, link it, uh, and god bless when does this come out Next week, I'll be an Indianapolis. I'll be in St. Louis. I'll be in Bentonville, Arkansas samtallot.com

1:17:42For tickets you go everywhere. I like to work. I love stand-up comedy Hell yeah р