#787 - HARLAND WILLIAMS + JEREMIAH WATKINS

0:00Hey, this is RedBam and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Killtony and every episode of Killtony can be found at Desquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHanscliff.com for everything the Golden Pony, TonyHanscliff. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Desquad Merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Killtony. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

1:04Yeah! Take clips from where I ain't right being aware to die. Yeah! Not one more time for the best standband in all the land, huh? Fernando Casio, Rao Valerio, Carlos Sosa, Tres Leches, the great Michael Gonzalez. On the drums. Matt asked me anything muleing on the electric guitar ladies and gentlemen. The great John B's on the keys. And believe it or not, that is de-madness. Slime in the flesh, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my goodness. What a great crowd we have here tonight. We're working for a hell of a show, ladies and gentlemen. We can tell you, top to bottom, just so much excitement for the stuff that we can control. The bucket decides everything else. Everything's improvised, anything can happen.

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3:05If you win your first $5 lineup, download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup, prize picks run your game. All right. Before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something we just launched Kill Tony plus. Here's the deal. You sign up. You get every new episode ad free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content. Q&A episodes behind the scene stuff. Extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killtoney dot supercast dot com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you die hard fans and super haters. Go to killtoney supercast dot com. All right. Back to the show.

4:05You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Huh? Well, well, well, well. Boy, old boy, what can I say? I book this show myself every week. And sometimes I'm looking at a date on a calendar with a couple names next to it a few weeks out. Maybe a couple months. I'm going, wow. That's just right in the right place after a wild episode last week with Donnell and Sam talent. You know, it's kind of like kind of serious almost kind of a serious funny episode. And then the week before that was. It's fucking. Why am I blanking, but it was a different tone. You know what I mean? It's a different tone. Let me look it up real quick. My point here is tone people. Oh, it was Duncan and Metzger. Yeah, very serious yet hilarious. The serious episode. Are you maddy and yak off the Russian connection? Gario and Brian Simpson, with some people would call an urban episode. Well, let me warn you right now.

5:07If you're not into silly shit, you can get the fuck out. Because this episode should be pretty silly. One of the guests has been on more episodes of Killtony than anyone I think ever. For he was once the leader of the band on Killtony. Isn't that crazy? How many of you have been fans of this show for what you consider a very long time? All right, not that many people. Well, you're going to meet him tonight then. Luckily for you all, the other guest is the 2025 Killtony guest of the year. One of the greatest guests in the show's history is back. Tonight, I present to you the combination to with the best comedians working today. The great Harlan Williams and Jeremiah Watkins. Parlon Williams. Jeremiah Watkins.

6:07Two in the back. Oh my god. Harlan Williams. One of the greatest guests in the history of the show, Harlan Williams. Thank you, Jeremiah. Thank you. It's good to be back here in Austin where art is so alive and I got to tell you double tea. I was down in the park today over here at Whitmore and Braithenhurst. Yep. And they put up a new, a beautiful statue, a carving. And it's a kind of a tribute to the early settlers that founded this area, the pioneers. And you got to check it out gang. It's a five pioneers sitting around a campfire with the old hats and the grizzled beards. And I took my iPhone out to take a pitch and I got right up to it and it was nine homeless guys eating a raccoon. Those are the pioneers.

7:09Yeah. How are you? I'm great. We're so happy to have you. The Harlan Highway Business is booming. No doubt about it. A new show on YouTube, the Art Ventures. The Art Ventures is an animated AI cartoon about little kids with their superpowers or their art abilities. And I'm doing it with Steve Williams, the guy who created the Jurassic Park T-Rex and the T2 Terminator. And my buddy Paul from Australia doing the animation. So check it out gang, the Art Ventures. The Art Ventures. I love it. Yeah, I love it. Everything Harlan touches is unbelievable. And I can say the same for our dear friend, one of our old rabble rousers, the great Jeremiah Watkins ladies and gentlemen. His brand new special crazy pizza is out on YouTube. He does stand up on the spot monthly at the comedy store. But most importantly, he was the leader of the band from episodes. I think what, like 45 to perhaps all the way up until the end of 200 when we left.

8:11Yeah, we left the pandemic. Yeah. Up until the very last episode shot in Los Angeles, he played the saxophone, did different characters every week and was hilarious. And now he's back. This is just himself. Jeremiah Watkins. As himself. I'm stoked to be here, guys. We love you, buddy. You guys know how the show works probably better than any two people ever on panel. Um, over 300 people signed up tonight for the chance to get on this show. If they get pulled out of this bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up when you're the son of a kitten. I mean, they have to wrap it up then. So they bring out the anger West Hollywood bear. Do you have anything for the 12th second mark? We actually love to add one. Well, that about the 15 second mark. I got it. That'd be a whole different show. I got one. This is a 87 year old lady at a senior center achieving orgasm. Okay, let's hear. And you can have that. You can have that. Did you get that, John? You recorded that?

9:11Okay. It's worth that sound. That sound will pop up. How do I know how that sounds? That's not for you to know. You know what? I'm going to let this, uh, I'm going to let this, uh, dead man pull the first name. Put your little corpse at hand in there. The vibes of Mitch McConnell are alive and well with this guy right here. I love it. And while we wrangle that first bucketful, I got to tell you something. We're starting tonight's show with a fucking bang. Normally we started with a golden tick a winner. Tonight we started with absolute comedy royalty. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of the greatest movie stars and comedic actors and stand-up comedians. Absolute royalty. The son of Mitsy Shore. The one and only. The great and powerful to start tonight's show. This is Poly Shore, everybody. Let's go.

10:17What's up? Listen, I just want to say it's great to be here in Austin, Texas. You know, my family used to pay Tony $7 an hour to pick up phones. Now he treats me like shit. Thanks for having me on your show, Massa Hinchcliffe. Remember Tony, I remember Tony when he was just a young comic at the comedy store in the cover booth. Louis Anderson went come over and hit on him. That's why Tony's face is so fucking crooked. Louis used to sit on it. Anyways. But I love this club. Give it to this club. It's a beautiful club. Of course, my mom has a bar here downstairs named after bar Mitsy. Nothing like a giant picture. Fuck, I fucked that up, shit. Fuck, sorry. I'm going to try it one more time, okay? Alright, here we go. I love this club. Of course, there's a bar downstairs named after my mother, bar Mitsy.

11:17Yes? Yes. Nothing like a giant picture of your dead mom staring at you is you're trying to convince the coaxed-out tattoo waitress to blow you in Joe Rogan's private bathroom. I can't handle all this barbecue here, you guys. It's so fucking heavy. You know, when I was young in 1993, I used to do lines of coke off of porn stars pluses. Then I would perform and sold out stadiums. Now I go to Terry Blacks and I have to eat priscuit and I have to cancel my eight-minute spot at the little boy. But if you think about what's happening here, it's pretty fucking sad. Paulie Shore doing a one-minute open mic to prove that Jews no longer control Joe business. Congrats, you fucking Nazis, you won.

12:18High Hitler. And none other, you did it on young Kippur, you fucks. Paulie Shore, ladies and gentlemen, I love this. You prepared for this. Wow, I love it. Our fans will have to Google what young Kippur is after that set. It's no, it's actually the biggest Jewish high holiday. And it's tonight on Monday night. That's why Hollywood is closed down right tonight. There's no one responding to emails in LA. You will, you know, you have agents and managers that are Jews. So you know what I'm... Yeah. You're probably going to get a hold of Billstein today. I could. My agents and managers still respond to me, Paulie. I don't know what's going on over there. How you doing, Paulie? The great Paulie Shore everybody. Harlan, you know Paulie. I know Paulie, and I got to tell you a double P. That, uh... Is this thing stuck? You pull it out of the mic stand. No, I've seen this porn, I don't know.

13:19Uh... Uh, dude, a dog broke. Yeah. Somebody helped me, was it? Where's the blind guy? Can you help me, bro? There's no way. Sorry about that. No, I was being called Paulie. That, uh... That first joke, the Louis Anderson on his face. Uh... I don't know if you're going to use that again, my guy, but, uh... I'd love to get that off here. Oh, wow. Harlan came packing some cash. Thank you so much. Oh, my goodness. Be on the Jew holiday. I like this. I'm going to cash in some cash. This is good. You guys want some Jewish money? Here you go. Whoa! Wow, Nakhilah. There you go. What is going to be? He's going to be. No, I said Jewish cash. Havana, Hila, bro. We're cool. It's Havana, Hila, me and Jewish. It's like a Jewish song, you know what I mean? You guys want to sing Havana, Gila?

14:20No, no, no. I'm sure that's Poppy, right? Paulie. Paulie. Paulie. She's this Christ over there. I think Havana, Gila, is an endangered lizard on the Galapagos Islands, by the way. There. I'm going to give you another 3K to not sing that stupid song. I'm going to give you a 30-minute song. I'm going to give you a 30 minute song. I'm going to give you a 30 minute song. I'm going to give you a 30 minute song. Paulie. It's been going on. You ready? No, I'm happy to be here. I haven't seen you in a long time. You got a dog now? Just think I have a dogbuster? That's pretty cool. Tony's got a dog, and he's pretty cool about that, right? Yes. All right. You're talking about stuff that we don't. You can... Hey, when you say that Tony has a dog and that's cool, can I actually buy that off of you? Yes, yes. Okay. We had some shows out there at the helium. It was beautiful. I'm here this whole weekend. I'm doing Joe Rogan and friends. Oh, nice. Tomorrow I'm doing Ari Maddie and friends.

15:20And then on Friday and Saturday, I'm doing my show with no friends because I don't have fucking friends. It's just me for six hours like this. So be your friend. Thank you so much. Yeah. I'm going to also do the secret show, Brian, just told me. So I'll be here too for that. Okay. So I'm here all week just to spread love. Coming here to Austin Tech. Well, we love having you, Paulie. I'm so glad you got tonight's show kicked off for us. Ladies and gentlemen, he wrote actual jokes for this. That was a great presentation. Paulie sure the only person, I mean, I literally has been doing stand-up for 50 years. He can't get the microphone out of the mic stand. Why, what do you, what, oh, why do you, is there a, do you think it's... It was stuck for, see, I know there it is. It was stuck for a sec, but now it's back. It's okay. Why is there tape on the bottom of that? Kino, can you hear me? Yes. What, why in the world? Don't take it off. On a show. Don't take it off.

16:20No, we don't. Seen by millions of people. Would we have a Jimmy Rigged microphone in court to start this show? Like, I understand if something crazy happened throughout the show, but why are we starting with that? There were a few times people would pinch it, and the cable would fall out, so we taped it to make sure the cable would not fall out. And now people with decades of stand-up experience can't get it out of the mic stand. Yes. Is this the first time that it's been on here? No, it's been like that for months. We just taped, we taped the microphone every week now? Yes, sir. You're just the first person that wasn't able to get it out. It was hard to get it off, too. It happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's good now. We'll see if other people have problems with it. We're going to keep an eye on it. Heidi in the back room, maybe we get some loop. She's just got loop. And she can loop. Heidi, can you come out for a sec just for some loop? Right here, give it up for Heidi. She's got some loop.

17:20Can you just try to loop it up for me? Ooh, that'll fit. Look at that. You got to love it. The weasel just popped. Yeah. All right, one more time for the great Paulie Shore ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Oh my god. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise. Okay, there he goes. Paulie Shore everybody's still here. It's like a ghost, this fucking guy. Let's pop up anywhere. Make some noise for your first fucking pool of the night. It's Bob Bigger Staff, ladies and gentlemen. Look at this. Bob Bigger Staff. What's up? My name is Bob Bigger Staff. That's my real name. Bob Bigger Staff. It's Robert Bigger Staff, obviously. If any of you guys speak Spanish, it's pronounced Roberto Grande Coc. My wife just got new tits. Because she had breast cancer.

18:22Should have waited a couple seconds before you cheered on that one. She's fine though. You guys heard of the horrible disease, ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, terrible disease. Beginning of the year, actor Eric Dane, he had a special on Netflix where they had an interview with him. Because he had died from ALS. He had been diagnosed with it one year earlier. And one year later, he was dead from ALS. My dad got diagnosed with ALS in like 2001. And he's still alive. My point is Eric Dane's a bitch. My dad and Stephen Hawking are two of the strongest human beings you will ever meet in your life. All right, I'm done. Well, yeah, Bob Bigger Staff. Welcome, welcome. This is your first time on the show, correct? It is. Hi, Bob. How long have you been on standup? A while. Okay. A couple of decades. I love that. We're at. Houston lived in New York for a little bit.

19:22I love it. How are you born and raised in Houston? No, I was born in Florida and lived in upstate New York, going to school and then been in Houston most of my life though. Nice, Bob. I love it. So a couple of decades. And what did you do in New York? When I lived in New York City. Yeah. Just, you know, doing comedy. 2018 to 2021. What made good time to be in New York City? Yeah, crazy times. Well, you made you left because of the pandemic, basically. Yeah. Well, that and my fiance at the time got breast cancer. Oh, so that's true. Yeah. Wow. That's true. Yes. Yeah. And your dad and I would have to be a big piece of shit. You'd be surprised how many people sign up for the show, Bob. People ask me that. Is that true? Did your wife have cancer? Like Jesus. What kind of asshole do you think I would be? Did she really have cancer? So to make up them, a wife had cancer. Just so possibly you would buy one of these wristbands that I sell after. Did she really lose both of them, Bob?

20:24Or just usually just one. It's rare when you're someone who's losing two. She had a, not that anything's little, but she had a tiny speck of cancer in one of her boobs. And she decided to have a double mastectomy. She's got big new boobies. They're delicious. That's amazing. She doesn't have any nipples anymore, though. They couldn't put her nipples back on. Oh, yeah. That's all right. Sometimes she's asleep. I'll put chocolate chips on them. Hell, yeah. She wakes up. I'm like, I'm going to go to, I'm going to go. I love her. Or if you go to like dick sporting goods, they have air mattresses, and they have those patch kits. You can just stick them on. That's a good point. How much bigger did she go? What's she, she gave us a ballpark here. She had like bees before, maybe? Uh, yeah. Maybe they're seas now. They actually, the doctor actually did put in like one size bigger than she wanted her to. Hell, yeah. He could give you a little wink out. Oh, yeah. I wasn't complaining. I'm like, I'm like, keep going, keep going. That's amazing. I'm not like a doctor. You know that.

21:24Right. What? But Bob Bigger cock, when you have a, when a woman gets the fake ones put in, can she still lactake and those breast-produced milk, Bob Bigger balls? No. It's not for me. It's not the worst I've been called. Uh, no. I mean, I'm not a doctor either, but no, no, no, they cannot make milk. Okay. Yeah, she also have to be pregnant. Are you a doctor, Redbank? Sometimes. We do. We have called him Dr. Redbank quite a few times. You have? Redbanz the kind of guy that would take fake tits and put a juice box of milk next to the fake tits and suck on the straw of the juice box to pretend like there's milk inside the fake tits. It's chocolate milk. Oh. I've seen that movie. You're like a dairy queen. Redbanz scene at all. Have you ever sucked on a nipple list tip before? No, I actually have not. But, uh, I've seen Tatooza. They have these realistic tattoo artists that make it look like they have huge Ayolas.

22:26Yeah. Yeah, she didn't get that. Oddly enough, they. The way they like tied them up when they, it looks like she has nipples just they're all the, it's like a polo knot. It's just all the same color. Oh. Yes, it looks just like a butthole red band. My wife's nipples look just like a butthole. Bob Bigger staff definitely knows red band's brand of humor. Everything turns into a butthole. Uh, Bob. Believe me, I got plenty of stories about buttholes. Let's hear one. We love a good butthole story, Bob Bigger staff. I, uh, a few years ago, I, uh, well, a few years ago, I lost, I lost like 60 pounds. You know how he did it? How? Cancer. Oh, you had it too. Oh my goodness. And the funniest place you can get it, the butthole. Oh my god. Unbelievable. That's red band. And the butthole. Wow. Color rectal cancer. Damn. Hold. I'm alright. Uh, well, I'm 54 now. I was like 51.

23:27Okay. Do you still have a butthole or do they still shoot? I do, no, everything works. I'll show it to you guys later if you want. Wow. Everything works. I'm not bad at bag on my stomach for like five months. Man, you don't realize how much you miss pooping out of your butt. Yeah. Until you can't do it for five months. That is. When I got the one I was dreaming of you. Yeah. It isn't credible. What? Go on. Well, let me tell you, when I, when I got the bag removed and they reopened, reopened the new butthole, I got to tell you, I'm not embarrassed to say that first dump I took out of that new butthole, I came a little bit. Wow. That's incredible. Is it a better butthole? Like, is it bigger? No, no, no. I mean, they didn't actually do anything in my butthole. The surgery, I don't know what that was. The surgery, they actually, they use robots. They went through my stomach. Do you know how much you have to fuck up your butthole to when they're fixing it? They're like, eh, we'll just go through the front. Wow. That's incredible. God, do you have any like jolly leukemia stories you can share with them?

24:30I mean, it all worked out. You guys, you ever see, let me ask you guys this, you ever see at the hospital, they'll show somebody like on the news and they're ringing a bell at the hospital. You guys know what that means and they show them ringing a bell. What does it, what does it mean? Cancer free. Oh, no. That is not what it means. That's what I thought it meant. It just means you're done with like chemotherapy or radiation. So they have me ringing the bell and I'm like, but I still have to have surgery. And they're like, just ring the fucking bell for the video. Oh, interesting. Yeah, it could be that bell. That bell's better than that bell, that's for sure. I think that was lunchtime. Well, Bob, thank you so much for coming on Red Band. I would love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. And he has a big joke, but... Oh, yeah. Bob Fingers, that's the kill-cookie debut of Bob Fingers, that way, he's a gentleman. We're gonna keep it blue, but along here. Cher, you don't have to worry about that. You just...

25:31You're just... Come more time, it'll be lovely, Heidi, everybody. Coming out here. Working double time today as a microphone consultant and serving drinks. Hello there. You know, if you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify makes it easy to turn that idea into something real. When I launched our store for Unh, I was surprised by how much was already taken care of. I didn't need a bunch of different tools or complicated set-up steps. Everything I needed to start selling was there from day one. One of the biggest things I noticed early on was how smoothly customers moved through checkout. Shopify checkout helped more people complete their purchases and returning customers could check out even faster because their information was already saved. That friction-free experience gave us the confidence that the sales side was working the way it should. And once that foundation was in place, my focus shifted from building the store to actually growing the business. Instead of worrying about the technical side, it could spend more time improving products, connecting with the people and finding new ways to grow. Red Bam! It's also reassuring knowing Shopify powers millions of businesses worldwide,

26:32from first time entrepreneurs to major brands. The infrastructure is already there. You just bring the idea. There's no doubt about it. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash Killtony. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash Killtony. 5am, I'm up with a crisp, Celsius energy drink. Running 12 miles today. Grab a green juice, quick change, and head to work. Meetings, workshops. One more Celsius, no slowing down. Working late, but obviously still meeting the girls for a little dancing. Selcius, live, fit, go. Grab a cold, refreshing Celsius at your local retailer or locate now at Celsius.com. We know this next bucket bowl, very funny man. Good to see the return of Mario Tonsi. Everybody here comes Mario with a brand new minute. I hate when people tell you their beliefs on a bumper sticker.

27:34Like one time I saw this bumper sticker that had a red circle on a slash going through a swastika. It's like that's cool. It has crossed out, but there's still a swastika on your car. Very visibly too. You can see right through the slash. There's a big swastika on your bumper. You don't need to say that. I get what you're going for, but it's implied. I just assume that most of you don't love Hitler. You don't have to advertise it on your car. It at least makes sense to cross out a swastika like that. But it wouldn't work with other racist things. It wouldn't work if you put a red circle on a slash going through the N word spelled out. It'd be like, oh, I can't tell what side that person's on. Are they? Are they against the word? Are they racist? I can't tell.

28:37Unless it's plural than they're for sure racists. Like, is that a bumper sticker or a bumper sticker? I'm not sure. All right guys, thanks so much. Fantastic Mario Tante. What I love about that set is halfway through. I was getting a little worried for you. I was going to pay off on that one was very real. Thank you. Sometimes they leave me hanging on that first part. Yeah, it was great though. Thanks guys. Pay off was legit on that one. Very smart, funny joke. How's life going Mario? We know you. You've been doing Santa Poitnop five, six years. About seven and a half. Seven and a half. Wow. It's time. They grow up so fast. Yeah. What's been going on? I live here in Austin. I've been here for like five years. I work at a restaurant. I work at sunset. That's nice. Nice. Good. Have a girlfriend. Things are good. Nice. How long have you been with the girl? A little over five years now. Oh wow. Five years.

29:37How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom Mario? A guy like you, and I'm guessing you like to bust that a little finger skateboard or something like that? Yeah, I got nice long fingers. I'm good with my mouth too. Oh nice. Good tongue stuff. I'm sorry. That was gross. I shouldn't have said that. No, it was great. It was great. There was a guy on last week that had an unbelievable set and he basically got boot off the stage. Oh, you have to. Yes. You absolutely have to. Yeah, he literally almost got a golden ticket. And then he's like, by the way, I hate eating pussy. That's like, fuck you. Take the golden ticket back. Yeah. No, it was wild. Mario, what else is going on in life? Any new hobbies or anything? Yeah, I've become obsessed with Legos for the last year. Ooh. I got a Lego set for my birthday last year. Now I have like fucking whole shell amount of room for Legos. And it's been a fun hobby. My friends make fun of me for it. They're like, oh, you're autistic. And I'm like, it's my fucking first hobby in 20 years. And all my friends are calling me a retard for it. Tell us some of the things that you've built. The world wants to know what have you built out of Legos? A lot of Mario sets, both Mario and Luigi carts, the Game Boy,

30:39all the Mario, I'm out of Mario sets. I got them all. My girlfriend. Yeah, the girlfriend is made out of Legos, ladies and gentlemen. This is breaking me. We actually do have a Lego of me and her. It's pretty cool. Oh my god. Do you ever eat her little Lego pussy? Not yet. But I'm going to go home and kiss it tonight for sure. The great. The great. You ever put syrup on it and pretend it's an ego pussy? Not yet. You will. I've heard you're not. When she's not in the mood, does she ever put a bumper sticker on her crocs and tell you to f off? Yeah, a big circle over it now. Not tonight. It's period night. Yeah, that's the red slash. The fucking period. Yeah, I was joking. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I love it. Mario, you look good. You're hilarious. You did it again. Red band. Mario, I love to have you on the secret show Thursday. Oh, here's a big joke book. Mario, here you go.

31:39Thank you. Mario, taunt to you, ladies and gentlemen. All right, we're keeping it moving. Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Ronnie Rorback, everyone. Here comes Ronnie Rorback. Oh, you guys here. I Scott someone yesterday. Holy shit, my mom texted me. She's white and she goes, hey, your aunt and uncle are worried about you. Bitch, you're not. And like, honestly, what does she have? Like a life insurance policy out on me. She hasn't told them about me. She's like, I hope they must stay here for a legal. And like, the worst part is, like, I think my mom cares about me, but she doesn't. Because the other day, she goes, she called me over and I was helping her in the bathroom. She put a blood pressure cuff on my arm and she put it and it was perfect reading. And she's like, fuck. I went home. She sent me a care package of Doritos and popcorn.

32:39This bitch wants me to die just to prove a point. Honestly, it is cool. I just celebrated 10 years of my citizenship. I've lived here for 27 years. My parents didn't tell me, like, they didn't tell me, but like, they saw the wounded armor. Like, we could get him on a discount. Oh, shit. What's up, guys? Okay, that's the way that a dismount. There he is, Ronnie Roarbeck. You've been on this show, correct, right? Okay, welcome back, Ronnie. Hell yeah, you are absolutely adorable. I didn't know that they... That's, by the way, this is one of Mario Taunti's Lego creations, everyone. This is an e-walk from Star Wars, built out of Legos, Mario stepped on the left arm at one point, and cracked one of the blocks. And it's a little bit janky here. Ronnie, remind us, what's going on with that wacky left hand? I got cerebral palsy of my left arm and leg.

33:40Oh shit, you know what that means? You're gonna be a star. Welcome, Ronnie. How long you been doing stand-up? Almost seven years now. Wow. Tell us where, what part of San Antonio have you been doing this? Yeah, I wish I started to Detroit. Ah, the San Antonio of the North. Oh yeah, welcome, welcome. So, you're from Detroit? Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, like I was adopted by white people, but they probably did Detroit, yeah. That's amazing. And you're originally from where? Guatemala. Wow, they adopted you from Guatemala. Very lateral move. Hell yeah, very interesting. Very interesting move. A white couple from Detroit went to Guatemala. And you already had cerebral palsy, so they were really... They were double-dip in there. I don't know, because like my dad, he would always threaten to send me back. Oh, wow. That's how you became a comedian. That's how it happens. Art, senior cerebral palsy correspondent, Harlan Williams, ladies and gentlemen.

34:44No, I'm very... I'm fascinated. I'm looking at your hand and I'm like at a fish looking at a fishing lure. I can't stop staring at it. And if you don't mind me asking about it, because your middle finger is doing stuff I haven't even seen it assert to sole show. Would you do me a favor, my guy, and just flip me off with that middle finger? Oh, man. Oh, that... I feel like I'm being flipped up by Salvador Dali right now. Wow, can you pick your nose, but with this hand and it picks the other side? I wish. I can't get it up there, man. It's like it bottoms out. What if... It'd be poly can help you later. Why would that be, I think, Harlan? What? How could Polly help him? Well, Polly couldn't get it out either. I bet if we rubbed some Viagra on that, they could be able to get it up there, huh? That's amazing. I mean, I'm not making fun of it. It's actually quite fascinating. And it's fully functional. You look like you love popcorn.

35:45This hammer is I.E. popcorn every fucking day. You do love popcorn? Oh, so... Oh, my God, tell us about this love of popcorn. See, this is what I love. When people give me information to work with, tell us. Well, like, because I've been doing a lot of research on this, it's you gotta go like over the stove, popcorn. And all this bag, shit, it's gonna kill you. And it never tastes as good. Like the salt never sticks to the fucking kernels. You gotta fucking do it. The way you want to do it. I pour fucking a pound of butter on that shit. A pound of butter. Oh, my goodness. Chera Mayawad, do you notice when he started talking about popcorn? His fingers straightened out. It's unbelievable. It is unbelievable. We found the pop secret to his condition. Would it be cool for you to give us a demonstration of how you grab popcorn with that hand? Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. You're like, Orville Octopoppy. Did I feel like the popcorn, like this looks at me. They feel like the claw from Toy Story is. Oh, yeah.

36:45Oh, no. Oh, no. He's gotta give me. Do you ever go to Toys or Us and to Shoplift? I wish, man. Oh, he'd be great at it. See, the problem is, like people don't treat cerebral palsy as a real disability. No. No, like I can't even collect disability. So you're faking it? No, I'm not faking it. I don't even have my handicap sticker. Wait, what? Don't even have a hand. Forget about a stick. Yeah. That is amazing. Why do you not have a handicap sticker? How do you not qualify? Well, I mean, first of all, I just got health insurance like a week ago. And like, oh, I'm, but like, because like I haven't been to the doctor in five years. And like, I know I should be going to the doctor every year, but like it's hard to afford. Uh-huh. What do you do for work? They're my young Ronnie Rollerbeck. Uh, I do door dash. Okay. Wow. Do those fingers ever get caught in the food on the door?

37:45Uh, it depends on the packaging and what they ordered. If it has cheese, no. So like, I've been... Please tell us, have the world wants to know the science behind a hungry door dash driver like yourself? I, okay, so just mad at the world. You at least spend most of your time with no health insurance. You don't have a handicap sticker. You're just out there door dash and and you're a hungry little boy, aren't you? Oh, you're so hungry, aren't you? Oh my goodness. It's the worst part is because like, I hate when people don't give their pick-gate codes right away, because if you don't give your gate code right away, you're a piece of shit. And also for you. Yeah, exactly. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I'm gonna help you make more money, okay buddy? I want to see you, Prosper, so this is what you do. You hand them the bag with the good hand. And you say, hey, can you give me an extra tip? I slammed the car door on my finger. Oh, that's brilliant.

38:46Yeah. That's brilliant. You're gonna be rich in about a week. Try it, say that. Pretend like he's a door dash customer and you say that. Have you got my PF changs? Yes, here's your food. Thank you. Can I get an extra tip? I accidentally slammed the door on my bed. Holy f-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Amazing. It works. It works, Ronnie Borbeck. Can you shoot webs? I wish I can't turn it over, man. Okay. That's a problem. I hate going to big events where there's stairs with no railings and my hands are full. I take forever to go down the steps. Oh my goodness. People, I've had it where people were acting behind me. Every time I take a step, they go, aww, aww. Whoa. Every step, I turn around and they were acting like they were starting the wave. Oh my god. It's because your hands look like they're throwing a bribal gang signs. Ronnie, what's your love life like? You seem like the kind of guy that is a master finger. Shit, what existence right now?

39:47Really? Really focusing on comedy. I love it. How about just anything at all? Because to girls since you've been in Austin? Oh, yeah. Oh, perfect. Well, I'm in that case. I'm just able to, I'm not fully fucking retarded. All right. All right. All right. Jesus. Okay. Sometimes it's a fine line. Have you got this guy put on the shocker? I know I haven't. Should try it. I've been married in a week. It's just my natural spacing. So, like, I'm designed for this. Yeah. He gives the girl a shocker every time he whips out the other hand. She's like, whoa. Wow. Are you on a bowling team? No, I should be. I mean, I wouldn't mind it because it's one handed sport. Yeah. Like, that's why I like this call. We talked about that before. Yeah. I will go any one handed sport where I can like make up able body person feel like shit. I'm playing that sport. That is true. I would beat the shit out of you in basketball. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. No doubt about it. I would do like all these cool moves and stuff.

40:47It'd be crazy. Lay up. Finger roll. I think you could be really good at shadow puppets though. Like, you could do like these weird like, like, midgitha things. Yeah. I like, like, I, because I always wanted to try to spell like blood and everything with my bad hands. But like, they moved you once so I could never get the lettering bound. I'm a master of, I'm famous for being able to make joke books in people's bad hands. Can you put the microphone back in your right, put your hand up against your chest? Now, a little bit closer. There you go. Yeah, just like that one. Then you're just going to tighten it up when I get close to it. Right? I'm going to get it right in there. Ready? Oh, shit. Fuck my bad. It's crazy. It's crazy. Almost hit him in the fucking face. That's really bad, everybody. It's like OSU. All right. One more time, ladies and gentlemen, for Ronnie Borbeck, everybody. Surrey Bropalzi. Not stop, but I'm... ... ... ... ... ...

41:48Wait a second. Ronnie, get back out here. Uh-oh. Ronnie, get back out here. Come here. Grab that microphone. I was just informed by the leader of the band, the keyboardist, John Dees, that you got a stripper pregnant last time you were up. I didn't get a pregnant. I nutted in her. Oh, you nutted in her. She didn't get pregnant. No, no, no, no. And like, honestly, like I said, it wasn't my fault. All right? She was on top of me. I have a better. I'm not going to throw her off of me. Unbelievable. Jeremiah. Also, he was able to get that mic out of the stand so much easier than Paul. Ronnie, you're all good, buddy. You crushed it. All right, good thing. There he goes. Ronnie Rourback, everybody. Yeah. Turns out Paul is more handicapped than anybody that's been up here tonight. Hey, you know that feeling when you try to apply for something, maybe a car or an apartment, you realize your credit just isn't there yet? I've been there. Back in the day. I had no idea how important credit was until I suddenly tried to get it out. I was like, I'm going to get it out of my head. I'm going to get it out of my head.

42:49I'm going to get it out of my head. I'm going to get it out of my head. I'm going to get it out of my head. I'm going to get it out of my head. I suddenly tried and ended up getting denied for everything. That's when I found kickoff. I didn't need a miracle. I just needed to start somewhere. Kickoff is honestly the most straightforward way I've ever found to build credit. You don't need to worry about where you started before kickoff. It's really about what you do from here on out. Redban. By making small on-time payments over the life of your account, you're showing the bureaus that you're reliable. It's consistent and easy. No hidden fees, no interest. In fact, users with credit under 600 have seen it grow an average of 86 points just by paying on time. Start building credit with kickoff today and get your first month for as little as $1. That's 80% off normal price when you go to getkickoff.com slash killtony today. That's kickoff without the C. Get K-I-K-O-F-F. .com slash killtony must sign up via getkickoff.com slash killtony to activate offer, offer, offer, applies to new kickoff customers first month only. Subject to approval, offer, subject to change.

43:50Average first year credit scores impact of plus 86 points between August 2024 and August 2025. Kickoff credit account users who started with a score below 600, who paid on time and who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during that period. Lay payments may negatively impact your credit score. Individual results may vary. Ladies and gentlemen, you can't make this stuff up. Your next comedian. I know this sounds crazy to you. But it sounds like this is all made up and produced and nothing is real. But when I come out here, I have a set lineup. It's all bucket pulls. I have a bunch of dashes. And then there's some names that are just where they are. No matter who the last comedian was, your next comedian is a golden ticket winner. It's exactly where he was on my lineup. There was three dashes in between. Paulie and this person, this person, golden ticket winner, one of the best to ever be on this show as a golden ticket winner.

44:52This is a brand new minute. You can't make it up from the great Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen. This is Jim Grab the mic. The great Aaron Belial. Now he has to get his phone out of his pocket. Here he comes. It's a real, oh. Here he comes, everybody. Just keep it going one more time for Aaron Belial. Paulie, everybody. The great Aaron Belial. Now he has to get his phone out of his pocket. Here he comes. It's a real, oh. Here he comes, everybody. Just keep it going one more time for Aaron Belial, everybody. I've been on planes constantly, and TSA is so aggressive with the wheelchairs. I say I don't want a wheelchair, and they argue with me. What do you mean you don't want a wheelchair? Yes, you do. No, I fucking don't.

45:53And then they pull out their gun, and they're like, get in the fucking wheelchair. Have you ever tried to use a wheelchair with one hand? I got dumped in an airport, and I was crying my eyes out on the plane, and the flight attendant walks up, and asks me if I'm okay, and I tell her no, it's just heartbreak, and she says, oh, no, can I do anything? Do you need a wheelchair? I started crying harder, and I told her wheelchairs remind me of my ex. My ex wasn't in a wheelchair, but she let me do her in one, so I didn't feel ashamed of myself. What if she did that for every plane emergency? Oh no, it's the twin towers?

46:55We are gonna need more wheelchairs. Imagine if she was a therapist. Oh no, he's gonna jump. What do we do? Quick, someone get a wheelchair. You have split personality disorder. Take two wheelchairs, and call me in the morning. Oh no, little buddy, your uncle touched you. He can't get to your bomb if you get in this wheelchair. Fuck yeah, Erin Belyle. Wheelchair, heavy fat. Wheelchair you on after, is that like that? How you doing, Erin? I've been dating a Latina. We went to the Renaissance Fair, and they take that shit seriously. They made her work as a housekeeper, I took one look at me, and tried to drown me in the river. Oh shit, wow! I love that. That's absolutely incredible.

47:55Hell yeah. Fucking, that's absolutely amazing. I was getting stopped every two minutes for a picture. I felt like Jesus to these nerds, except I can't walk on water, or down a hill, or up a hill. My point is, fuck hills. Absolutely, fuck hills. No doubt about it. What else is going on there in Belyle? Usually I come out here, and I make fun of Tony, but I'm not going to do that today. Oh, what you've done. The first time I ever met you, you kept asking me what I want, and instead I was just a dick. My response was, don't make fun of my disability. You look like you get dressed by your blind base player. But listen, I come on here, I insult you, and you just take it. Your show made me famous. It started my career. He even helped me with my jokes for America's Got Talent. I think he told me to cut one, and it was a good cut. He has me on his tours. He signed my work visa twice. He tried to get me a lawyer the first day we met. I'm literally selling out theaters in Canada next month,

48:56and all I do for this man is insult him. That is it. Can I please get a huge round of applause for my lesbian friend Tony Hustler? Wow, that's just nothing but compliments. What a rare treat. That's absolutely amazing. What is? I love you, man. So I grew a goatee as a tribute to you. Up mine isn't full of come, and I don't talk like a dick. You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. I should have known it was coming. You evil bastard. I'm stealing your Bluetooth speakers after this. I don't want to hear another peep out of you. Do you guys want to see my impression of Harlan Williams? Ooh. Let me tell you how I have sex in a wheelchair. I roll her to the top of the stairs, right? But we need to be safe. I practice safe sex. So I turn her emergency break on.

49:57Then I mount her with syrup and an egg o' waffle. Syrup and an egg o' waffle. And I glaze her up real nice. You got to glaze it. You know what I'm saying? Glazer up real nice. Then when you're done, you take the break off and push the chair. If that doesn't make you come, I don't know what will my little cinnamon angel. Wow. That is an unbelievable impression. Do I get to do a joke back? Yeah. All right, buddy. You ever find a family in a land Rover and chase them and pretend you're a TorontoSaurus wreck? All the time. Oh, shit. Oh, he's got something. He's cooking up something over there. Look at this. I make kids cry every day. Hell yeah. Yeah. Again, I was just fucking joking, guy. You would keep your mouth shut if you knew I was going to be a little bit more serious.

51:00You would keep your mouth shut if you knew I was good for your body. Oh, look at that. Look at that. That is absolutely incredible. Master Impressionist. It's because of Canadian. We're both Canadians. So we're having a little like Canadian tutatu la veca la veca sure wa la la. Oh. Do you speak French? Do you speak French? Does your phone speak French? The telephone, Polly Voufrançais? I'm not gay. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. You will be. You will be. These are very real. These are real $100 bills. Come on. I'm not a claw-handed freak. Was that a laugh or was that another... The mighty Chubacca? Aaron, you are the man.

52:00Is there anything else you have to say or that Harlan has to say? I wish she had one. You don't have any in French? Oh, here we go. Uh-oh. I'm not gay. Oh, my goodness. More money. You're the great Aaron Ballyel, ladies and gentlemen. Mixing was for Aaron. We love you, Aaron. Hey, wait. Let me see if I can make it the joke book in your crazy arm real quick. Aaron, for your arm next to your chest real quick. No, that's to be close to your chest. I'd write up against your chest. Oh, Jesus. All right, you have to... That's to be like against your chest. Oh, Jesus. I'll do the noise. Aaron, wait. Aaron, up here. Don't worry. You don't have to clean up the stage. Just close to your chest. Here.

53:02You have medium one. Put it next to your chest. Now it's just becoming rude. Step right up. It's okay. I made a bridge. It's all right. I made a bridge. Aaron. All right, get out of here. There goes Aaron Ballyel. Jesus Christ. These Canadians are so polite. They're like, let me clean up the fucking stage for you. No, it's all right. We're going to keep it moving along here. We have joke books everywhere. There's 100 dollar bills in joke books everywhere. These comedians are very lucky tonight. Mixed noise to your next bucket bowl, ladies and gentlemen. Glenn from New York. Everybody here comes Glenn from New York. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Hello Austin. I am Glenn from New York. I am 65 years old. And I have been married for 32 years. Don't applaud you never met the bitch. Three decades plus with the same woman. I don't know how I friggin did it.

54:03Okay, women are bad, chick crazy. I think everything I'm about to tell you, everything I am about to tell you is 100% true. Okay, my wife, when I first met her, she was this beautiful girlfriend, looked just like Winona Ryder. A friend of mine told me, you want to know what your girlfriend's going to look like in 25 years? Look at a picture of her mother. I was, it looked like she put her fucking face in a volcano. But the worst part, the worst part, ladies and gentlemen, is the sex stops. Okay, when my wife hit fucking menopause, that was the end of fucking. I tried everything with her. I tried making the bedroom with incense, candles. I asked her how her day was every day. Even though I didn't give a fly fuck.

55:04Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. Wow. Wow, Glenn from New York. Hello, welcome, Glenn. How are you? Hello, welcome, Tony. Thank you very much. This is the thrill of my life. Thank you so much. I took a plane here at 6 a.m. this morning. Uh-huh. I got here. Here it comes. I got here at 12. And at 5, I was dropped off here by my friends. And I'm going back home tonight. All for this bomb. Anyway, so yeah, that's uh. Okay, I love that you gave me your entire day, I tend to write. Well, you like to have stuff to talk about in this question. Okay. That's why I did it. All right, I got it. Okay, Glenn, let's talk about it. You're 65 years old. Yes. You're definitely from New York. Really? How can you tell? Go, go, go, go. Okay. Demandist. You need to fly it back there. Demandist is leaving right now. Okay.

56:04So, Glenn, when did you start stand-up comedy? Uh, long story, but I'll keep it short. Um, I was highly doubt that you're going to keep it short. But go ahead. I started stand-up years ago after my radio job, after the end it, I did a morning show for 12 years. I was a new owner's, bought a new owner's board of station. I was out of a job. I tried stand-up a couple times. It was great. It went, I'm not going to brag, but it went a lot better than this. And, and what happened is, uh, the, uh, COVID hit. And that was the, oh, no, wait, this is good. This is good. COVID hit. COVID hit. COVID hit. The economy tanked. My wife said that I have to apply for early social security. I felt like Michael Jackson. I'm Michael Jackson. Michael, uh, it's okay. Glenn, let me take it over here. All right. I felt like I was disappearing like back to the future, being on early social security, which I did not want to do.

57:06Michael J. Fox is who you are. Michael J. Fox. And now Michael Jackson. Big difference. Yes, yes. Hell yeah. One of them shakes a lot. And the other is Michael J. Fox. Okay. I, um, I'm a dad with two kids. And that's what I'm doing right now on our early social security. How are the kids? My son is autistic. He's 21. He's nonverbal. My daughter is 23. Uh, my son. Got a autistic too or just one? No, no, no. No, she's not autistic too. I, um, I love her. My wife really wanted to have kids pretty early. And I just can't wait until she leaves, spreads her legs and leaves the nest. That's what I'm waiting for with my daughter. You want your daughter to spread her legs? It's a joke. Oh, oh, oh, I didn't know you were going to start doing those out of nowhere. Holy shit. What's your Instagram? Okay, very good. Red band's disgusting as always.

58:06I'll tell you, can I tell you about my son? Sure. Go ahead. My nonverbal son because he is, he's, he's a lot funnier than his dad. When you get to my age at 65, when you, sometimes when you pee, it's like jumping on a garden hose and, so I'm peeing, right? My son comes in. He comes in and he's peeing and he's playing chuzzle at the same time. Wait, you're peeing and you're saying, he doesn't know etiquette being autistic. Right. So he comes in while I'm doing the 65 year old man pee. He's playing chuzzle with his left hand and he's holding it and, and, and, and he's playing what? And he, it's a video game with his phone in one hand. Oh my god. Okay. And he looks at me, the 65 year old guy doing, you know, with the, the, and then what happens? And then he looks at me and my nonverbal son says, he left at me. Oh, that's, that's adorable.

59:07Did you say you did radio for 15 years? No, I did it for 12 years, Canadian. Are there any commercials that had just drawn on constantly? I, I tell you, it's a 6.30 a.m. I woke up at about 4.15 today, got up and, uh, urinated and then, uh, I heard a little, turns up, my wife had toast. My wife made me toast this morning. I'll tell you that she's going through menopause right now. She will not have sex with me, but the toast is extra crispy today. I'll tell you that. We put a little butter on it. And then you know what, we're going to check in with traffic. We're going to check in with our traffic here. It's still me. I'm the traffic guy as well. By the way, every radio DJ ever, this is how, this is how exactly funny they are by the way in real life. What was the call letter? Well, that's the station. What was the call? WRCN1039 RCN Classic Rock. What's the, in New York? It's a little radio station on Long Island. It's like, you would think it's a sick comment so small.

1:00:09And I did that for 12 years and it was, it was a lot of fun and I miss it. And I'm going to be back here because this is the last thing I thought would happen. But this is the best part about Killtony as you can come up here. This is the worst part about Killtony. Is that you can come up here. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Glend, you have a good spirit, but you got to have some, you got to have a little punch those jokes, man. I think, I think it's the jet lag from coming here. I came down here just for this show. Maybe next time coming a day early. You're getting to the age. You're a couple of years. You're okay, Glend. Oh, this hurts. That's part of the game. I know. That's natural. No, no, I get it. I get it. I get it. I make you feel any better. You're the least handicapped guy that's been on stage tonight. Everyone else has had cancer and this and that. They do door dashed for a living, cerebral palsy. That is the worst half glass full, but I'll take it. Jeremiah, it's been a long time since you've been on this show. What do you think about Glend for?

1:01:09Oh, look. How long have you been a Fedorga? Forever, forever. Yeah, it says a lot about someone's personality. Really does it, Mike. Whoa, look at the old wet head over here. What? Woke it Texas so hot. I know. You guys aren't used to it in New York. It's okay, we're taking you there. Keep that hat out. Keep that hat out just like that. Put your hands just like that. Go ahead, man. Just like that. Thank you, guys. You're out there. Jesus Christ. Look, Glend from New York, ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen. That is one of the most important wet heads I've ever seen in my entire life. It looks like a Cuban Adams family care. It's fucking hot here, even in the shade itself. It is literally, I have the temperature right here. Oh, where the fuck did my thermostat go? I think you know where it is. Who took my fucking thermostat? How's that possible? It was here earlier. Are we done with the worst night of my life yet? We are. Ha ha ha ha. Anyway, it's like 72 degrees in here. You still got to fly home alone with your band roll on head.

1:02:13Glen, we love you. You tried your best, buddy. Thank you. Put that mic stand back where you found it right up there on that Red X. There you go. There you go. It's Glend from New York. Yeah, it is, Glen. Holy fucking shit, ladies and gentlemen. That's why radio is dead, by the way. Yeah. If you think former radio DJs doing stand up is bad, you should go listen to their podcasts that they're trying to do. They have no idea how to be present. My day kicks off with a refreshing sociocenergy drink, then straight to the gym. Pre-ke pick up, back onto meal prep. Time for my fire session shift. One more socios gotta keep the lights on. When the three alarm hits, I'm ready. Selcius, live, fit, go. Grab a cold refreshing socioceture local retailer or locate now at Celsius.com. Make some noise for your next bucket poll.

1:03:14It's a brook, make menoway everybody. Brook, make menoway. What's up, guys? I'm 34 and some of the first music I remember really jammed to was like, I sure Mario, Chris Brown. I know you remember Chris Brown. He said, I don't need, actually, no, Mr. Brown said, and I quote, I don't need another woman. I just need your all or nothing. I don't know about you, but if a man looking like Chris Brown, saying those words to me, I definitely would not think he was implying my bottom lip and lip cheekbone. Don't get me wrong. I don't think there's anything funny about being a domestic abuse victim. I'm not going to talk about it. I'm not going to joke about it. It's kind of like that one word. That one word some people can say. I know you'll know. I know you know it, dude. Say it with me. I'll start. I'll start. Knit to pick. If you say that word and you're not supposed to, I obviously cannot say it. But if you're in the club, you can say it. If you're invited to the cookout, you can say it, you know. That other one though. Thank you. That other one though.

1:04:14Domestic abuse victim. Guess who was invited to the cookout? A. I even got a hand-delivered invite. Not to brag. My man wanted me to come so bad he followed up off good. Okay, Brooke McManoway, welcome to the show, Brooke. This is your first time, correct? Yes. How long have you been on stand-up? This is my fifth time. Fifth time, ever. What made you choose to come on a show like this? That's absolutely seen by millions of people and is famously nuts. It seemed like a lot of fucking fun. I love it. How does it feel now that you're here? The bright lights? It feels good. I am not shaking at all. You are shaking. I feel great. I hate to cut y'all. Yeah, go ahead. Harlan Williams. You're beautiful long hair. I would just love to run my fingers through your legs. What's talk about it, Brooke? It is the elephant in the room. The apes over here.

1:05:14What is happening? What? What? For those of you just listening to the podcast, you would not believe. I mean, I don't think anyone on panel has legs quite as hairy as you, Brooke. They are really something else. So we have almost identical legs. I have seen your legs. It is funny now that you mentioned. I've seen Jeremiah's legs. You have those legs. Show it. Jeremiah, just do it. Go all the way with it. There we go. No, no. You keep your pants on, Brooke. We like to avoid lawsuits here. But if you look, we have a, a Meg, Meg, of course, is moved farther back into the room than she's ever been before. That's fantastic. But I guess camera 2's got it. Holy shit. So how long have you been a free spirit, Brooke? Okay. Can I tell you about the last time I shaved? Sure. Let's talk about it.

1:06:14It was 9.2. It was June 2nd of this year. It grows fast. My little brother told me I could not come to his wedding unless I shaved my legs. So I shaved for him. That was in June. That was in June. This is all comes in June. But normally you keep it long like that. Yeah. Okay. What makes you want to do that? Take us through your process. I wake up. You'll be fine. We find it very interesting here, right? Wake up by showing and just don't shave. I got no props. I just don't, I don't care. I don't see what the push is for women to shave so badly. Okay. Let's check in with Jeremiah. I'm just curious how the conversation went with your brother before the wedding. Was it a phone call? Was it in person? Was it a letter? Was it a video that he sent you? It was a phone call. Okay. He was out of state. And how did it go? It was very simple. He said, brook, I need you to shave your legs or else you cannot come to my wedding. And I said my dress literally goes to the floor.

1:07:15Did you call you and he's like, you know what this phone calls about. I shouldn't know for sure. No. I was not prepared. Can I ask you a personal question? Please. If you rub your legs together really fast, does it go? Errrrrrrr. Turns in an Aaron Baleil yell. So, brook. Yes. What else do you do that you find women are under pressure to do or not do? The women are under pressure to do like shave your legs. I'm guessing you don't shave anything at all. Am I correct? I don't shave anything at all. Right. Of course. I mean, if you have the thighs like that, I'm pretty sure the, yeah. It's all natural. Yeah. So you probably have a throw pillow on your pants. Oh, there he is. Demandous loves hairy legs. Come on, Envice. Wow. That's how I know they're there. That's how we found the stage. He followed the happy trail. Holy shit, this bitch made a pubic hair. Can I ask a question about Demandous? Yes.

1:08:15Is he married? Are you married? Demandous. Can I have a kiss? The world wants to know, are you married? No, he's not. May I kiss your cheek? She has bad hygiene. That's something from Red Bam. I have great hygiene. She keeps the periods inside. Okay, Red Bam. Red Bam. Back to the soundboard. I never thought I'd say it, but back to the soundboard, Red Bam. You're on fire tonight with those sound effects. Um. D normally avoids random kisses. No, that's fair. Girls, I have so many more questions, Brooke. So you're like a hippie kind of, right? You can say that you're using it. That's what I've heard. I don't deem myself a hippie, but that's what I've labeled. You smoke pot? I did. Do you have a final record player? I do. Oh. You make your own coffee out of like a, like a, like a, not a, it's not a plug-in coffee machine. You warm it up. I don't drink coffee. Oh. You make tea.

1:09:15I don't. Really? I'm a water girlie. Oh, just water. You have your own big bottle that you refill. A giant ass bottle. How big is your bush? Whoa, Jeremiah. Whoa. Racing right to the finish there. No, Jeremiah, don't do it. No, no, we know. We've seen yours before. That's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. It's very awkward. Okay, brook, what do you do for a living? I'm currently working part-time waiting tables. Waiting tables? Okay, you wear pants for that, right? I have to, yeah. They make me. Yeah, without a doubt. Okay, let's talk about your love life. Because I find this part very interesting. You have a boyfriend right now? I do not. When's the last time you had a boyfriend? Three months ago? Three months ago. June. Listen, that amazing how that works out. I don't see what all this pressure is. Hairless flies all of a sudden.

1:10:15Where'd you meet that guy at? At a dispenser-y. A weed dispenser-y, ladies and gentlemen, a place where people with all sexes with hairy thighs like to meet up. Okay, so what did he say about your legs? I mean, he must've. He liked them. Well, he didn't mind- he didn't tell me he reminded them. He supported it. It never came up. No, I did not. I mean, the first thing we noticed, a Harlan literally, the elbows started coming in from Harlan's left side. I thought he was doing an air-in-balyle impression for a second. He just starts repeatedly bumping me. The second you came out. And meanwhile, that guy never said anything at all, huh? He said he supported my decision to not shave. Of course, yeah, that's what they say for the pussy. Does your armpits match the- Yes, they definitely do. Do you want to see him? Yes, let's see the armpits. That's really incredible. Since you offered it up. Wow!

1:11:15I mean, absolutely so much hair. This is a wild episode of Killtoni. A lot of hair. Don't make that face, dude. Now, what's amazing? Broke. If I can say without seeming creepy, you seem like a very pretty girl. Like, you seem like you have a lot of beauty. What's true? Why in the world are you taking this hairful approach to life? I truly just don't see the point of truth. Are you a lazy transgender? Very good. Thank you, Rhett. Good question. No, my dad, my parents, I'm so sorry, mom and dad. They're going to shit themselves when they see that I have in shave still. Because this has been an ongoing thing with you for a long time, right? It's been a fight. Honey, we've discussed this over and over. How many times you have to go in and public looking like a half cent or half female? Right. Okay, so broke. Again, I find it impossible that there's not other things you can think of that you don't do because of the pressure of society.

1:12:16There must be more things. Do you brush your teeth every day? Yes. You have to, in condition, your hair sometimes. Yeah, I feel like I'm not shaving. I'm pretty normal. Everything else is normal other than a massive amount of body hair. She'd be a supermodel of Germany. I think so. Oh, yeah. That's compliment, still. Still a supermodel. Are you German? I'm not German. What's your heritage? Irish. Irish. John D's has a good question. Do you use a washcloth while you're in the shower or some type of lufa, perhaps? Farisope, straight to body. Regular farisope straight to body. Straight to body. Why people do not play that? I don't know if you know that. They find it odd that white people do that. Extremely odd. It's a thing. Farisope? Yeah. Just a straight farisope. They do not understand it. They go, how you be clean and with just a farisope. That's what they ask. I have a lot of black friends. They use the same lufa for like three months, four months straight. Sometimes some... Bacteria can be...

1:13:16Bacteria can collect in a lufa. That's a very interesting way of looking at it. Bacteria can also collect technically on a farisope. It can. But then use the pubes, get it off, and then... Oh, I can't imagine. Can you imagine what that farisope must look like? It must look like a bar of hair. It's just the movie tangled on a barisope. Trouble with treble. Brooke McKinney. You gotta keep... I gotta keep at it. Keep practicing. Keep trying. Here's a little joke for her. Look at her hair. Good catch. She catches like a boy. She's got thighs. You're like a boy. Brooke McKinney, ladies and gentlemen, given it a shot. Very interesting. The very, very rare. Extremely hairy thighs. The people in the front row, this poor guy, holding back vomit right now. I mean, it's incredible. The looks on some of the faces of these audience members tonight have been priceless. I love it. Let's keep the fun train moving along. This guy got excited.

1:14:16He's like, back when women used to be real. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're into that. Floreau. He's pumped up right now. He's the amp. I love it. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucketful. Obviously, anything can happen. Goes by the name of Nino. Everybody here comes Nino. We're going to be playing the band. We're going to be playing the band. Way watchers just followed for bankruptcy. About time. My sister stole a fat whore. All right. I'm going to start my minute now. I'm a millennial. And that's millennials were all about nostalgia, you know. We missed a throwback stuff. The thing I missed the most. I missed the old TV shows. Like the other day I had a dream. Shout out MLK. Gone too soon. I had a dream that I was on that show, Pint My Ride. You know on MTV? The show where they put 50 grand to the cars were a 50 bucks. And I knew it was a dream because I don't even have a car.

1:15:16Exhibit pulled up to my house. He was like, Pffft. Nino, come check out your new ride. He's like, Nino, we know you can't swim. So we put a hot tub in the back of your PT cruiser. And Nino, we know you're pre-diabetic. So we hooked up with the sweet candy paint job. And lastly, Nino, we did our research. And you know he just got a DWI. So we hooked up with the custom gold-plated breathalyzer. Go ahead and blow on him, man. Pffft. I just hear bubbles in the back. All right. Nino. Nino, welcome. All right. Thank you. You've been on this show before? Yes, yes, yes. How many times? Like three times. Three times. How does this one rank against those? This one sucks. This one is horrible. What do you think went wrong, Nino? Just with the wrong joke. I don't know. You don't know.

1:16:17Yeah, it just was it was it hitting the way I expected it. And it can't be easy to follow someone from the Paleozea, Gera. You know. True. Nino, remind us. What have we talked about before in interview portions of your show that was interesting? Last time I hooked up with the gilth from Fluegerville. Yeah. Hooked up with the girl from Fluegerville? Yeah, gilth. Grandma, I like to fuck. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah. What's been going on since then? I was recently incarcerated. Ooh, tell us about that, Nino. I did 12 hours. Oh my goodness. I could barely handle 60 seconds. I can't even imagine. But that jail cell must have been like, go ahead. I got a DWI on the 4th of July. Wow, that's a fucking country song if I've ever heard one. Lost my independence on Independence Day. Uh-huh. It sucked. So what were you doing out there on the 4th of July? Oh, I was actually partying, you know, lighting on fireworks, doing what we do on 4th of July. Doing what your people do on the 4th of July.

1:17:18Exactly. Mexican's love the 4th of July. We might not have papers, but we celebrate like we do, baby. Yeah. Not your guys' holiday, but we let you celebrate it. Thank you. Appreciate that. I love it. So how much did you drink before this DWI? Uh, I lost track. But it was... Give us a ballpark. Uh, probably like five beers, seven shots. There we go. The rest is history. Perfect. So take us to what you do remember about the process. You're driving on a freeway or a normal road. Yeah, I was driving on the 35. I was coming from New Bronfels to San Marcos. And I literally got pulled over. That's a long drive. Am I correct? No, I was like 10 minutes, 10 12 minutes. I mean, it was like two, three in the morning. So it was like no traffic. Of course. Just a straight shot, little loop. Right. Exactly. And... The cops in Hayes County are fucking dicks. Well, I mean, you were drunk as shit. On 4th of July. Yeah, but I was driving good, though. I was driving good. Well, how do you know that? Okay. Because I was a dumbass and I was being honest with the officer.

1:18:18I thought he'd let me go. He was like, he's been drinking tonight. And I didn't really think it was like 4th of July because I had forgotten about it. Because I was so fucked up. But... And I was like, yeah, I had two drinks earlier. And as soon as I said that, he was like, get out of the car. And I get out of the car. He makes you walk the line, which I fucking ace, you know. Did it really? Yeah. I think everybody that's ever gotten into you, I thought they did good on the test. No, I did. I did. How do you know you did? Have you seen the police footage? No, I haven't seen it, but I know I did. How do you know you did? Because I just know... You forgot it was the 4th of July. Yeah, well, that would have been like the biggest question on the DUI test. Okay, so after I did that, he was like, I want to do a breathalyzer. And since I refused it, he was like, I'm booking you in. And I didn't know that that was like a law in Texas or whatever. Everywhere. Yeah, everywhere. I thought it was just Texas. I don't know. I thought it was cool to drink and drive in Texas. So tell us about the 12 hours in jail. What do you remember about that? It was cold as fuck. A bunch of edgers, that got your cuss.

1:19:19A lot of Y-ins. A lot of what? A lot of Y-ins. Young Negroes, you know. Oh, wow. Okay. I just said black people there, that would have been acceptable. But luckily that's not on the DUI test. Do you remember it all getting approached by a guy with long, golden hair and real hairy legs? Can't recall. You will. All right, Nina, we're flying through it today. Here's a little joke book, my friend. Thank you. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Let's get a regular up here to do a brand new Minute Ladies and Gentlemen. You guys know this guy very well. Formerly the Dark Storm of Atlanta. Now the Dark Storm of Austin. Here with a brand new set. It's Dejric Flynn Ladies and Gentlemen. What was it, y'all? A Dark Storm just turned 36 two days ago. So Dark Storm. Dark Storm, let's just know I've changed as a person.

1:20:21I'm not scared of cops anymore. Because I call them. I do. I'm not scared of them. But I am still a terrified of state troopers. I don't want to get pulled over by a nigga with a motocombat hat on. Like them, them niggas is way too serious. What if he take the hat and then cut the car and have? Like, but also like it's like we in Texas, right? The cops in Texas, some of these niggas is generational cops. Like my daddy was a sheriff and my daddy before that was a Texas Ranger. It's kind of hard to lie to a nigga that's been trained to look for lies. And I don't like them. And it's scary because I'm from Georgia. And Georgia, our state troopers, we just called GSP. And we didn't have the only cop organization named after a hollifed. You have C fighter, George St. Pierre. And just like George St. Pierre, these niggas specialize in takedowns. Right? They specialize in like if you want to be a cop, be a cop.

1:21:21But if you fucking love pit maneuvers, nigga go BGSP. And if you think I'm lying, go on YouTube. They have hours of compilations of these niggas pit maneuvering cars. They did it to me for tag light. They did it to me for tag light. And then I was like, why does you pit maneuver me? He said, well, I thought you was going to try to get away. I said, nigga, in a 2001 Honda CRV, how the fuck, what do you dig a pedal to the floor at 66 miles an hour? Like, I get in the slow lane because that's my only lane. But I did. I just started like having a better relationship with cops because me and my nephew been watching Paw Patrol. So like, even if a drug dog pop up, I'm like, I can't wait to meet him. Like, what if they, what if they bring chase? Like, you know what I'm saying? That's my favorite Paw Patrol. I love y'all. Thank y'all so much. Dedric. Point.

1:22:22You know, I completely agree with you. Where we come from, the state troopers of Ohio, the Ohio state highway patrol is there known. Are extremely famously ruthless and very extremely unforgiving. And even here in the state of Texas, I've learned that troopers here do not fuck around. In fact, I can tell you the only time, little fun fact, the only time I've been pulled over here in the great state of Texas was by Texas state highway patrolman. And, and, yeah, he was going to give me a ticket for, well, I'll just say it. I was, I maybe was driving in the bus lane. As the safest lane. Yeah, it's the safest lane. Be there's no fucking reason why someone that drives with complete common sense in a very fast car can get over there blow by the. Unbelievably annoying Texas drivers that love going just underneath the speed limit.

1:23:26Even if it's a three lane, four lane, five lane, six fucking lane, freeway, highway, street, whatever it may be, everyone likes to get right next to each other and go the exact same speed. Now, it's a thing that only happens in Texas, by the way. I can hear there's not a big response here from this mostly Texas crowd and the people visiting probably don't drive enough around here to notice this. But everywhere else in I believe the world, but definitely this country. There's a lane to go faster than the people next to you. Now, only here in Texas, I mean, this is a fun fact for everybody listening that maybe you've never been to Texas, maybe you've never driven in Texas. Only in Texas is that a thing where in fact the left lane is oftentimes going slower than no matter how many lanes are next to it. Now, this was a Guadalupe, which again, for those of you that don't know is about a three or four at times, one way street here downtown Austin. And I was zooming from campus to get back downtown.

1:24:27And I got in the bus lane and zoomed by everybody, made it clear, made a fucking left on fifth street, head and back fucking, you know, eastbound on fifth street. And then guess what I see you'll never believe little lights. No, no siren. No signs. It was just like, and I see it behind me and it is indeed the black SUV of the Texas State Highway Patrol. We've been pulled over on the highway. Yeah. Because the State Patrol, them niggas don't even be in a car. They be in like on a top of a tree with a scanner. And then you drive that nigga jump out the tree in his body and the car form around that nigga like a power ranger. Yeah. Deadrick, you're the fucking man. Thank you for getting us. Check it out here. Makes the most fear next bucket bull. You guys having fun out there. This is kind of a crazy episode. This one is off the rails.

1:25:27$100 bills flying. Makes the most fear next bucket bull. It's Aaron Spaller, everybody. Here comes Aaron Spaller. How are we doing? I'm from a small town in Michigan. I'm not used to this big city life at all. I got hit on by a gay guy for the first time. I was just standing at the bar and he just threw his arm around me and goes, Hey man, I bet that asked his smooth. I really didn't like how he knew. Never in my life that I wish I had a hairy ass until that exact moment. And he could tell I was uncomfortable. So he offered to buy me drinks. But that wasn't the issue. So he didn't ask me my pronouns, which are alcoholic. The only thing that got drained that night was his wallet. Israel.

1:26:34Israel would be way cooler if it's not real. I'm Aaron Spaller. Aaron Spaller. I have a good old time. Tony, how many sets is the hairy-laked woman going to have? Amazing. No one believes that that ass is smooth, little lady. I'm kidding. It happened earlier in the episode. Don't worry about it. Welcome, Aaron Spaller. Is this your first time on the show? No. Uh-oh. Wow. Look at you. That's how you laugh, huh? Yeah. I think a gay haunted house. What happened last time you were on this show, Aaron? I probably ate shit. I know I ate shit. But you did better this time? A little bit. A little bit better. Hell yeah. Where else do you perform? You live here in Austin? Yeah. You get up a lot of places? Yeah. My buddy runs four shows a week and I help him with them. Okay. And then I actually just started doing a lot more open mics and doing less of that. But. All right.

1:27:34What do you usually at least six nights a week? What do you do for work? I am a bar back across the street. Okay. The piano bar? No. Maggie Mays. Oh nice. How long have you been doing that? Two days. Wow. Wow. That is literally a sound effect that's been on the an operable sound board for years called evil laugh. There's a clown laugh. Which one is that? Wow. Both of them qualify as your laugh. So what were you doing before two days ago? What were you doing for a living before that? I was their door guy. Like security. Okay. All right. And you got moved up to bar backs. And now you're getting a little split of the tips. Am I correct? Yes sir. Hell yeah. That's a big big difference. Am I correct? Almost triple. Yes. How long were you working security there? On and off for the last two years. And then when it was like full time. So here's the big questioner and spiller.

1:28:35What are you planning on doing with all that extra money that you're getting now? You're making a triple what you were making just a week ago. Tell us. I don't think that. Far ahead. Fucking. You know what? I believe you. I believe you. Okay. Aaron, what do you do for like hobbies and stuff? Hobbies? Right now golfing, hunting, shooting. I can't do cars anymore. Why can't you do cars anymore? Because I've totaled eleven of them. You've totaled eleven cars? Yeah. Okay. How would you accomplish something like this? I like to go fast. I like to go fast too. We were just talking about that. I've never caused one accident in my life. How have you totaled eleven cars? Going too fast. Sure we've gone faster than you. Without a doubt. How faster are we talking there, Aaron?

1:29:35Spiller. My fast. My fast. This is 156. What kind of car was that? It was a Ford Focus. Okay. Okay. Were you falling off a cliff perhaps? No dude. You got up to 156. Do you think maybe your speedometer was broken or something? No, I had a Bill engine. It was one of the STs, little turbo. Okay. Yeah. All right, so it was a little juice stop. Oh yeah. Okay, a little fast and the furious. You hit over like, you said you're going 165 in a Ford Focus. Is that what you're saying? 56. 156. When you get up over 150 does it become a Ford out of focus? Yes, it was blurry. Do you ever just go and break into people's homes, stand in the shadows and giggle? I'm pitching you with a Glenn Closewagon and a boiling rabbit in the middle of the

1:30:39night. Okay. Aaron, tell me, maybe the other, one other types of cars have you crashed? There was another Ford Focus that wasn't fast. That one died. Two trucks. You crashed all three trucks. You said you told all the 11 cars. Yeah. So how do you survive these very fast crashes? I'm not going to buy it now. I'm going to sell you how we grow this steering wheel and go, hey. Just let his actual laugh happen. We get that thing at that point. I know, but just let it happen. Did you ever work at Chuck E. Cheese? Like just... Maybe next. Maybe that's my next gig. Okay, I'll be sure not to book a party there. Aaron, before I let you go, other than totaling a bunch of cars, what do you think is the most interesting thing about you? Something we haven't talked about before on the show.

1:31:39I hate that question. I don't fucking know, man. It's really anything. You could say anything right now. Anything? You shot something cool with all of your hunting expertise as of recent. No, dude, I haven't gone in a couple of years. Last... Yeah, ever since I moved here, I don't want to get to do that shit anymore. Ever since you moved where? Here, Austin. To Texas. Yeah. You shot something cool with all of your hunting expertise as of recent. You stopped shooting when you moved to Texas. Oh, no, I go to the range, but hunting here is expensive as fuck. Okay. That doesn't fit in the bar bag pace. Pace go. Okay. All right. Nothing else? What's the craziest thing you've seen on Sixth Street with all of your security and bar back experience? I'd dead almost, guy. Whoa! Was he really dead? They play POS some every once in a while. They'll jump up, they'll get you. No. I poked, I mean, he didn't move. Is that how you know he was dead?

1:32:39Yeah, I think that's the universal trick. You gave him an actual poke, what was that a stick? Yeah. I think he poked him just to see if he'd giggle like the Pillsbury Doe Boy. Yeah, dude, can you do the Pillsbury Doe Boy giggle? I'll do the voice, and then you do the giggle, ready? Nothing says love in like a good old-fashioned cinnamon roll. No, no, no. All right. Here's a little joke bucket. It's okay. And you didn't catch it. That's the worst part. Aaron Spaller, ladies and gentlemen, rough night for the Bucket Pools tonight. Rough night, Mario Tanti holding it down for all of the Bucket Pools. Bob Bigger's Staff was good too. That was fun. Bob Bigger's Staff, what a name. A lot of the literation tonight. Bob Bigger's Staff, we had what was it? Ronnie Roarback. And now we have Put Mix and Noise for Jeremy Jonas, everybody. A lot of it. It's a very liturant episode of Piltoni.

1:33:39I have kids. I like them. Sometimes they ask me if I have favorites. I just give them the rankings. One, two, three. I feel like the feedback's important. But I know I have favorites because I took them tubing. We're going down the river. I had all three kids stuffed in one tube. And then the water started getting real rough. We hit something. They went flying three different directions. And I had to make choices. So my kids saw the rankings in real time. Because I went one, two, three. I just went past the kid to get the one I really wanted. Literally like swimming, locking eyes with my son. Like, you got to do better, bro. It's good to be here. I feel like it's healthy to do things without your spouse. The other night, though, this lady saw my ring,

1:34:39said, maybe you should go home to your wife. I said, maybe you should finish the lap dance. Gen Z strippers. No work ethic. Hell yeah, Jeremy Jonas, right on cue. We needed a good bucket pool. You're a funny guy. Thank you so much. Welcome. How long you been on stand-up? Five years. Where at? Mostly here. I started in San Antonio. Oh, nice. Hell yeah. How about the bucket pools I've had tonight? You're the last one I would guess is from San Antonio. Yeah. I am amazing. What do you do for a living? I am an anesthesiologist. Whoa, such an interesting job. I do believe that you are the first anesthesiologist we've ever had in Kiltoni history. Can you draw Mickey Mouse? That's not what an anesthesiologist is. I thought most of the bucket pools around the anesthesiologist are because they were putting us to sleep. Oh, but not.

1:35:41But sometimes they kill. That's right. It's a job with a ton of responsibility. A lot of people might not know that they say that if a patient dies it's never the surgeon that it's the anesthesiologist fault. Is this a thing you obviously heard that right? Yeah. But you guys are defensive of that because the surgeon can fucking they got everything there. There's all the veins and scalpels and shit so it could be their fault too. You guys don't kind of have an odd relationship, right? A little bit. Yeah. It can be contentious. Yeah. And you're still a full-time anesthesiologist? No. No. You're out of the game. You killed somebody accidentally. It's complicated. Yeah. It's a really weird tough job, right? Yeah. What can you tell us about that? Because we, these people, these people, I mean we barely, you know, go ahead. Well, I take my jobs seriously and I feel like I'm legally required to say that. You know, it's, I took a year off.

1:36:41So it was really weird for me because when I came back, there's like no requirement for me to tell my patient that I've been telling dick jokes in a basement for a year. Right. So that's a little uncomfortable. Yeah. It's got to be wild out there. Now for someone my size, it's a low dosage, but someone red band size. What would you have to do? What do you do though? Then a tranquil out. Well, typically if we know somebody that size is coming and we go to Costco. Yeah. And we buy the drugs wholesale. That's right. Absolutely no doubt about it. He's got to buy in bulk for you to be able to put you down for even just 30 to 45 minutes would be. So Nitrous doesn't work on me anymore because I smoke cigarettes and smoke so much weed. But has anyone ever beat like where you like count down backwards and then they get to one and they they actually beat it? Not for me, but I, you know, I really have you go for it. I'm pretty heavy handed. Yeah.

1:37:41Yeah. That's amazing. Now, are you normally there when they wake up as well or do you kind of just put them out and leave them with the surgeon? No, I mean, I'm there with them. They wake up. I'm with them all the way to the recovery room. Jeremiah Watkins. Have you ever witnessed somebody after you put them to sleep and they wake back up with a different accent? Let me just ask you this, which was my follow up question. What's the weirdest thing that you have seen? Because people wake up from those things. Absolutely fucking wonky as shit. I mean, usually not that exciting, just people trying to fight you. You know, that that's sometimes people usually, you know, redheads, Irish people. Yeah, they come out swinging. Yeah, yes, yes, red man. Thank you. Interesting, but nothing in particular, anybody ever like? Well, so the thing is, is I had like a weird career. Like I did, I did pain management for like 10 years, which was terrible.

1:38:42And so I like top in big medicine because everything was addictive and they told you that it wasn't even though it was, right? Well, I didn't do like get hardcore narcotics, but I was doing injections every, you know, like spinal injections. Right. It was really, yeah, it was, it was like, because people would come back and be like, yeah, my back still hurts and I have to explain and look, yeah, you're still really fat. Right. Red band. Yeah, exactly. That's you again. That's talking about you. Wow. Jeremy, how long you been married for? About 19 years. Wow, how do you keep things exciting in the bedroom? He puts her to sleep. You know what? I have some of this money, buddy. That's a good one. Any tricks that you could just got to continue to like the person? How do you do that? Can you teach us how to do that? We go on dates. Nice. We don't want a date today. What'd you do today? We went to kind of a not great part of town and eight.

1:39:44That's where a lot of the best stuff is. It is. Yeah, it's a, it's a Chinatown. There's like a shopping complex and we went and sell gate like Vietnamese food. Fucking awesome. Yeah, I love it. I hate Vietnamese yesterday. Best, best foe in the city. It's called SIP foe or five. You pronounce it correctly, but SIP up near campus. Fucking trust me. It's absolutely nuts. Can I ask you like a medical question? Yeah, you don't mind. I love a good medical question from Harlan Williams. It's time to get serious. When you put these people under, they go into a deep sleep. Is it a REM sleep? The deepest state of sleep when you knock them out? No, we're scrambling the eggs. We're going deep. Yeah. So my question is, because a lot of people in there in deep sleep, they talk and they're sleep. Do you ever get people when you put them out, they start talking and they're sleep? Well, there's a breathing tube in a lot of times. It would be hard. So it sounds like we got a ball. Yeah, it's a bit like, yeah. It's a didgeridoo that they put on their throat. Yeah, okay. It just sounds like Steve O.

1:40:44I am so tired right now. Like sleeping like so bad. Oh, my throat. I'm sleeping. Oh, God. You have kids, share me. I do. I have three kids. Three kids? Yeah. What's the age range there? 16, 14 and 11. Oh, wow. How's that going for you? Anything crazy? Dude, they're fun. I mean, like the favorite store, I mean that, that, that, that, I happened and we're tubing and they just like fell out and I was like, I'm sorry, I got to get this guy first. That's amazing. Any of them autistic? No. Amazing. We have almost everybody with a kid today as autistic kids. Fully vaccinated, everything right from the getter. Were you a little off? I mean, they didn't get the COVID vaccine, but everything. Smart, smart. There's people back there that understand that. What made you not give them the COVID vaccine? You were kind of curious about it. Came out kind of fast. I mean, I wouldn't have gotten it, but I felt like if I didn't, I would, I would be like forced not to work. They did, but they basically told you that, right? Right. Even at the comedy store, you had to get a fake card from your Mexican friend.

1:41:46George. I love it. Jeremy, anything else crazy about your life? We should know about you. You seem like such an interesting guy. We've been craving for a bucket pool that actually has a shit together and prepared for this today. So we're a little bit star-struck to meet you, believe it or not. Anything, anything, anything other fun facts? You have any wacky hobbies or anything? I go to Ukraine for like medical mission stuff. Well, that's true. Yeah. Amazing. They probably need you over there, right? Yeah, I mean, I'm just doing primary care stuff, but yeah, I go with a group called Global Care Force. They send primary care doctors over there, so we go to like remote areas. And you live here in Austin? I live in Austin, yeah. That's awesome, man. Keep signing up for the show. You're fucking awesome, Jeremy. Thanks, man. We'd love to see another set from you. Here's a big joke book. Jeremy Jonas, everybody.

1:42:48Jeremy is going pee pee. There's Jeremy Jonas, everybody. My day kicks off with a refreshing sociocenergy drink, then straight to the gym. Pre-ke pick up, back home to meal prep. Time for my fire session shift. A little bit more sociocerate. Gotta keep the lights on. When the three alarm hits, I'm ready. Selfie us. Live, fit, go. Grab a cold refreshing sociocerate local retailer or locate now at sociocerate.com. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're keeping it moving along here. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Michaela J. Everybody. Michaela J. I've been getting my mushrooms from a guy. I met at the gas station. The way I know is going to be a quick trip. Good. Good. I didn't know what jokes I wanted to do tonight. I was going to do my suicide jokes. But people don't really like suicide jokes.

1:43:48I don't know why. They kill me. All right, good. I have a lot of personal experiences with suicide. The man that I dated before my ex-husband did kill himself. And then my ex-husband, when I confronted him that he was cheating, he tried to kill himself and he failed. But guys, I think the next one might try and stay. Be really cool if he did. It's hard to talk about my ex-husband and the suicide attempt, the cheating, the divorce. Because it's embarrassing, you know, because he's ugly. I'm making it work, though. I'm out here. I'm dating again. I'm a modern 90s kind of gal. You got to roster. Keep one guy on there for rough stuff. I call that my designated hitter. Thank you guys so much. I'm Mikhail Ajay. Mikhail Ajay. Welcome, welcome, welcome. You really caught your ex-husband cheating?

1:44:49Yes. How long were you with him for? We were together for 10 years, married for six. Okay. How did you catch him cheating? I had been trying to catch him for a long time. And then finally, a girl added me on Facebook and sent me screenshots. He was on his sugar daddy website. Wow. Yeah. And what made her do that? Honestly, I think this woman's like a vigilante. She was like shaking him down for money and he gave her the money and she was still found me and told me. What a bitch. Wow. Amazing. What made you suspect him of cheating for so long? There was like a bunch of weird red flag. Like what? Give us some time. So that we make sure we never do them. Right? So that everyone was informed about not to be him. I don't know. It was a bunch of little weird shady shit. I was like liking other girls Instagram posts and I've never been like, I was never crazy before that.

1:45:49Oh, well, wow. Yeah. Liking other girls Instagram posts, huh? Oh, that's wild. Mickey. She me on Reddit. I'm Reddit. Hell areas. What do you do for? Did you cheat on me with someone from Reddit, too? Actually, I forgot about that part. Look at that. I'm so sorry. I have a couple different part time jobs. Okay, you're a fortune teller and you do nails? That's my guess. I might help you. If I did nails. You're right. Okay. What do you do? I do a social media messaging for my friends, voice acting business and then also a game show host at the domain. Oh, a game show host. It's that fun game show thing? Yeah. That's cool. There's a couple comics that have been on here that do the same thing. Nice. That's fun. Yeah. How about like hobbies? What do you do for fun, Michaela? You seem like the kind of lady that likes to get out there and read somebody's palm. Terror cards. I don't know palmistry. E really? A little bit. I'm learning. There you go. That basically means that I was right. Yeah. Go ahead.

1:46:49So you're the fortune teller. What else do you do for fun? I am kind of boring. I hang out with my dog. I sew a little bit. I watch Antiques Road show. I watch Old Harlan Williams stand-up specials. I love you so much. Good that. So happy to see you. Harlan, thank you. I was thinking of killing myself later. Good. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Saving lives. I just need a little push. I see you have tattoos. You got some wacky. What's that one on your shoulder there? Oh, that's a little blue heart. Oh, wow. You're going to get the blue diamond, the yellow moon, and the green clover? Yeah. Heart, stars, and rainbows. What's that? Heart, stars, and rainbows. Yes. Heart, shush, I remember. What did you say? I'm a hillbilly. I'm trying really hard with my diction. Heart, stars, and rainbows. Heart, stars, and rainbows. And you have one on your ankle. What's that one? This one says, Deus Ex Machina. What is it? Deus Ex Machina. It means God from a machine or the machine of God.

1:47:51Oh, OK. All right. That's enough of a tattoo time. With Harlan Williams, I do believe. Yeah. Michaela, the guy that's fucking you now, and he chance he's black. Thank you for asking. No, I'm not getting fucked right now. Oh, so. Oh, I thought in your material, you said that there's a current guy doing that. Oh, I did say, yeah, I did have a guy on my roster for rough stuff when I wrote that. Was he black? He wasn't actually. He was not. No, shocking. Amazing. It was my first Asian of my entire life. Whoa, an Asian client? Yeah. On that mountain. Michaela. That didn't work out. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. What happened with the Asian guy? I don't know, fizzled out. Wow. He didn't love you for a long time. He did not. No. He's been walking on time. Wow. Where'd you meet this Asian guy yet? A bar. Yeah. Just karaoke. Okay. Sushi bar or? No. All right. Our Asian guy's good lovers. Who's better?

1:48:52What's the best lover with the Asians any good? I mean. What was the Asian? It feels like a trap to say no, right? I'm a... Well, I don't know if you're a trap and Vietnam, but we're just talking. No. We're just just talking about it. I mean, we don't know. We have no idea. No, we're just, you know, me and Tony have never made love to an Asian. Yeah. Have we? I mean... Have we? Not an Asian man. Not an Asian man. How do they rate compared to the other race? I mean, he had a good spirit. Oh. Wow. That means he ate pussy, everybody. All right. Michaela, you have been with a black man before though, correct? Yes, of course. Okay. And they tend to... They tend to rule the roost in the bedroom. Am I correct? I statistically more white guys for me. Whoa. Yeah, I like a big tall fat guy. It's weird. Oh. Okay. Yeah.

1:49:52You were just a few inches away. Just a few inches away. Just a few inches. Just a few inches away. He's a little... He's a little... I love that he makes his voice different. For being a short guy. See, we need you. Leave me alone, man. All right. We need sure he's got a different voice, everyone. When two larger people make love, does it sound like raw hamburger patties falling off a counter? Yeah. I thought so. Thank you. Next. Wow. Michaela, any other fun facts about you before I let you out of here? I don't think so. I run a Tuesday night stand-up show in North Austin. A bar called Nomad. It's called Scratch Off Comedy. All right. Okie dokie. Well, ladies and gentlemen, there she goes. Michaela, Jay. Everybody here say, uh... Here's a medium joke. Book for you, Michaela. There you go. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Brian Says.

1:50:54Everybody here comes Brian Says. We know this guy very funny man. He's a minute by Brian Says. All right. Yeah. I just got married. My wife turned 35 last week. Yep. Looks like we're going to have to put her down. You know, just because if you do the math in woman years, that's like 35. It's crazy, dude. I don't know. I don't think women are dogs, but I do think women have dog-like tendencies. Like, she'll have her food, and I'll have my food, and then she'll start gunning for my food. What happens when you make them upset, huh? You got to take them on a walk. You know? I'm black. I can't talk to my lady like a black guy. I got to talk to her like she's a dog. You know? Soon she wakes up in the morning. Hey, girl. Hey! How are you? Oh my gosh. That's a good stretch. Yeah.

1:51:54Good girl. Whoa. You know? Have you had your water today? Do you want to treat? Do you want to fucking throw a X in her mouth? You know? It's crazy. I don't know. As soon as the keys get going, hey, where are we going? Where are we going? I manage to teach her, sit and stay. I can't make her come. Can't teach an old dog. Unbelievable set by Brian Says. Fantastic. Absolutely hilarious, Brian. Welcome back on the show. Are you really married? Sure. It works. It works. Do you even have a girlfriend right now? I'm fucking Michaela. She thinks you're Asian. The nice snow on you. Probably. Tell us more about you, Brian, says what's been going on in life.

1:53:00Gosh. You know, doing traveling, you know, hooking up, fucking traveling. We've been traveling too. I've been all over the country. I went to Houston. Wow. I think you went to raw stress for less. Where'd you get that mini skirt? All right. Same place you got that shirt, nigga. You like that? Not really, but. Why do you have your yours, pants tucked in your... Are you going to bargaining later? What's going on? What's up? I haven't seen that look since Gulliver's Travels. All right. Appreciate you, Varv. I like it. I like it as hip. It's cool. Really? Yeah. The comb in the hair and the little dairy queen flip at the top. All right. He's a little, uh, little shades of some soft serve. Yeah. You got, all right.

1:54:00You got the science group. Yeah. What do you think? You want to run your fingers through it or? Maybe, all right. All right. All right. We're getting off the beaten path. You are correct, Brian. I completely agree with you. What's been going on in life? Like, what's your situation right now in any former matter? Other than traveling to Houston as your entire identity this week. Which, by the way, we know you're wearing a Fila jacket. We know you were Justin Houston. That's what they... That's what everyone leaves with. All right. Yeah. It's good. I mean, my life's been interesting. You know, I've been watching the news. What are you seeing on the news, Brian? Just a lot of stuff in Houston. I don't think I ever got the worst. Okie dokie. Should I go back to the wardrobe stuff? No, no, no. Don't do it. Still digging over here. So do you have any hobbies or anything like that?

1:55:01Are you into anything? Other than going to Houston? Um... Just kind of driving to Houston. No, hobbies. Gosh, I play chess. Fuck you. I'm going back to the wardrobe stuff. Here we go. There must be something, Brian. Anything at all. I mean, I'm trying to fuck bitches, dude. I do stand up and I'm looking for hose. Well, tell us about that. How's that going? What have you learned about hose recently? Since we just found out... That you're not married to a 35-year-old. The truth is coming out. I'm sorry. The guy tried to tell us earlier that his wife had breast cancer. Except that was real. Oh, ok. You're not married. Is what we're finding out. No, I'm good with the ladies, though. I used to work out a battered women's shelter. Oh. Yeah, it was during COVID. Oh. I worked from home. And... There it is. Yeah. Hell yeah.

1:56:02It's rowdy women out there. No, I'm on the apps. The apps are interesting. You know, you're on the apps, Tony. Definitely not on the apps. Okay, maybe just me. But yeah, I'm on there. You know, it's tough. Because a lot of women are... Mikaela-sized. And I'm not... I'm not really... I'm just not into... Okay. I'm black, but I'm not into fat bitches. And I know... Why do you think that is? Did you notice this happened after you died your hair blonde? I'm trying to get us far away from the black thing as I can, Tony. And... It's not working out. Too bad this... All right. All right. Dude, I just got to ask... Have you got... When you were a baby... Did your ears ever grow? That's a good point. You do have tiny ears. Harlan has noticed that you have tiny ears.

1:57:03I agree. Those are tiny ears. I'm surprised you can even hear what we're saying. I look like little Teddy Ruck spin ears over it. All right. Harlan, do you think he... What's up with you? You look like you're actually... You're the ideal man. I don't know about that. Yeah, I act like it because I am. I'm not gonna lie. You're pretty cool, Harlan. No, you can rip me, rip me, go for it. I deserve it. The... Your thing was an in-install. I think they're cute, but take a shot, guy. All right. How about it? Harlan, you look like the chicken from Acne and Coyote. There we go. Okay. I don't want to roast you. I actually... I want to... Well, I'm a chicken, why won't you? Again, Harlan. Trying to get away from the stereotypes. No, no, I mean, you said you don't want to roast me, but then you said I was a chicken, so I said roasted chicken. There was no racial stereotype, it was a food joke.

1:58:07I prefer my chicken fried, Harlan. Racist. Brian, I'm gonna get you out of here. Brian, I'd love to have you on the scene and have fun. Fantastic. Fantastic, Brian. The interview sometimes. I sit on things people know that when I ask them anything interesting about you, they could possibly do jokes. Did you ever notice that? I was a little... And they go, nah. A little like stuck in neutral. Now, is it unbelievable set? And then I said, was good. And then I'm just trying to set them up. And he's just going, nah. Are you sad inside? Just fucking host. Huh? That's what he said. Oh, you're asking me. I'm asking you, you sad. Get out of here. I'm weird energy. I'm looking in your arms. Well, you're really squared up right now. We seem a little sad, and I want to... You are at a 90 degree angle right now. I want to come from my friend in his time of the... You are just a northbound star right now. Look at you. You want to go to Arby's later? I have some in the back right now.

1:59:07I have a little beef and cheddar. Bag of beef and cheddar is waiting for us. If Michaela didn't already find it, it's... It's all ours. Dude. This was a bit, but I think I'm falling in love. Well, that's what happens. Wow. Your eyes up close. People don't know. Your eyes are penetrating like... Frank Sinatra's dead. I think I'm going to call you the new blue eyes. People don't know about my blue eyes. That's why I have the camera people farther away every week. Slightly farther away, because I don't want to intimidate anybody. They're enchanting, my guy. They're really enchanting. That's what I've been told. I've been told I have a very enchanting eyes. Yeah. Beautiful. Back to the show. Ladies and gentlemen. This is very exciting because this looks like a wacky name, if I've ever seen one before. Make some noise for AI Harland Williams, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, God. Whoa. Whoa. AI Harland was a kill-sumny debut of AI Harland Williams.

2:00:08How you doing, my guy? I figured I would do a couple David Lucas roast jokes if that's okay with everybody. David Lucas is so fat and black, the only thing he tips is a scale. David Lucas has dreads. You know what else has dread? His zippers and buttons. How the fuck are they supposed to stay on that fat piece of shit? David Lucas is the only person who thinks he's going to get groceries after he eats the booty. That's a thinker and a thinker. David Lucas is so fat when liberals see him,

2:01:09they tell him black lives matter twice. David Lucas is actually Catholic. He celebrates Ash Wednesday, Ash Thursday, Ash Friday, this Ash Friday, next Ash Friday, Ash Friday, after next, this guy is fucking Ash. If David Lucas dies and gets cremated, it'll be less Ash than he is today. David Lucas has made George Floyd jokes, but in his defense he was hungry and thought he was doing George Foreman jokes. David Lucas puts the sphere in Rogan's sphere. Fat piece of shit. David Lucas is known as a conservative comedian. He's a member of MAGA, the NRA, the PIG, the Needs More O2, the OPP, the KFC, the BMI, the OREO, and the FATF UCK.

2:02:09David Lucas just had an ankle monitor installed as just a mirror attached to his hand so we can see his ankles again. David Lucas answers the question, what if black people didn't like Druski? David Lucas is the only guy who's after he's been pranked, called COT, his refrigerator. David Lucas fell recently because he's so fat when asked if he needed first aid. He said, no, I need cool aid. David Lucas hopes to someday see the seven wonders of the world. He calls the seven wonders of the world as toes, as dick, as balls, a good credit score, as father, a thiegap, and the age of 50. Page two, you're almost.

2:03:17Can I pay you to stop? Yes, me. Not many people know that David Lucas is part of the BDSM community, black diabetic supporting MAGA. David Lucas is so fat if he was a slave, he'd be cool whipped. David Lucas always talks about how many bitches he gets, but every time I see him with a girl, I think it's his stunt double. Stunt double, double with fries? Easy girl. David Lucas was recently in a movie and he's already been cast in new remakes of other classic action films, Breathe Hard, Men in Black, Big and Tall, Predator eats alien, 40 years of slave to cake, Foodfellas, Fat Man, The Dark Knight, 300 pounds, and finally eating everything everywhere all at once.

2:04:19Thank you so much. Wow, AI Harlan Williams. Absolutely incredible. I was good, I was good. When he joined panel for the rest of the show, I loved that. There's not much left, but we're going to get through it together. How about one more time for AI Harlan Williams? The second comedian him and Paulie Shore both brought pages of jokes. I could not believe that there was a second page there and there was AI Harlan Williams. And there's still more. There's more? Oh yeah. David Lucas. Oh yeah. Everyone knows David Lucas uses the N word a lot. Need another? Nah. This isn't for the table. Need a bigger size? No, I'm not paying the child support. Oh wow. David Lucas has a real Uncle Ton. You know, I could see why you didn't do these ones up there. I think these are that. We'll put that on the DVD. How about that? That is a great Harlan impression.

2:05:23Harlan, what do you... He was joking earlier about killing myself. I think we might do it later. You ready to jump off the left? We brought knowing Harlan, we'd land on David Lucas and bounce right back up. Let's do one more bucket pool. How do you guys feel about that? One last bucket. This is a long episode. If you're wondering, it feels long. It's because it's a long one. We're getting through it. Your final bucket pool of the night. Ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Lisa Mendoza or perhaps Lisa Mendoza. This is my impression of an ex-cop dyslexic sandwich maker. I make a mean BLM. My favorite thing that came out of the internet was that SpongeBob gangster meme where he has like a mafia suit and a grill and some rings.

2:06:24I feel like a really good character that would be a good gangster would be Tigger. He comes out of the 100-acre hood. He's like friends with a single mom with a kid. And then he's just like, I'm the realist and I double gut. When I moved here from South America, I took one year of American high school. During that year, the video game Ghost Recon Wildlife came out. It's about cocaine and Bolivia. The students, the boys, knew about the game and they would ask me if I brought some. I'd be like, sorry guys, I had to cut a hole in it just so I can make my way back home. I lost Hansel to the cartel. Thank you. Lisa Mendoza. I never thought I'd ask this but Harlan A.I. can we hear some more David Lucas jokes?

2:07:26Coming right up. Lisa, welcome. Grab that microphone real quick. I'm going to make this quick. How long have you been doing, is this your first time ever doing stand-up comedy? No, I've done it for a little bit. How long have you been doing it for? I think starting last year. Oh, okay. Like a year. Yeah, I guess. About a year. I mean, took a break and then came back. Okay. Yeah. Was the break recent? Yeah. Yeah. Like I came back to it and just revised some jokes. How old are you? 30. 30. Well, it may just start stand-up now. Just bored. Okay. So are we. Lisa, what do you do for work? I have a lot of jobs. I'm going to start running over here. Yeah. He loves catering. David Lucas loves catering. Lisa, what do you think is the most interesting fun fact about your life? You're 30 years old. What can you tell us that you think makes you different than everybody? Perhaps anybody that's ever been pulled out of the bucket?

2:08:29Anything? Yeah, we're having like a near-death experience. You ever saved somebody's life? You ever win the lottery? Ever anything crazy? Yeah. Yeah. You ever win the lottery? Ever anything crazy? Ever total 11 cars, perhaps? Anything. Total 11 cars. Just moving from one country to another and just adapting really quick. What was the country? Bolivia. Wow. What are Bolivians known for? I need to know for my future racist jokes. Just recently it's a cat that they discovered that looks like a leopard. It's a tiny little cat. That's on the news right now. Wow. Okay. And then the Tesla thing where they're mining for lithium? Oh, there's a lot of lithium there. Yeah. So that's like, no, like, oh yeah, Tesla has been like mining from there. Yeah. But in the kids to work. Okay, Lisa. There you go. There's a little something in there. But for now, you're going with a little joke book, Lisa Mendoza. Thank you so much. All shapes and sizes of bucket pulls here tonight.

2:09:30The Killtony debut of Lisa Mendoza. The great AI, Harlan Williams. We've seen a lot of different things. And there's only one way to end an episode like this, ladies and gentlemen. This guy's an absolute freak of nature. Every single weeky boggles our mind. Even now, an episode like this where it seems like we have all together just come to learn that the per... Oh, AI Harlan Williams is a little celery stock there. That really is AI Harlan Williams. The man who's about to bring on this stage perhaps could be considered one of the most popular regulars in the show's history. He writes and performs the brand new minute every single week. And he never ceases to do amazing. So I present to you the anomaly, ladies and gentlemen. This is the real deal. Pat O'Neill, everybody. Folks! I think the Netflix logo would work a lot better for BET, okay?

2:10:34Fucking dead crowd. That's a great joke, goddamn it. Hey, no, racism is wrong. And so's gassing up fat chicks. So let's find some middle ground blacks. Enough already, come on. We'll stop when you do. Seriously, I'm gonna fuck Lizzo. If my cock were gun in her pussy, we're Hitler. Uh. And you know Hitler, he had a micro penis, they say. And I would too if he killed a bunch of Irish people and I controlled the media. Okay, that is enough for me. Thank you. The great Pat O'Neill. And you are correct. Your detectors are up. This crowd has gone through a lot.

2:11:34This is one of the longest episodes in a very long time that we've done. I was trying to find some wild bucka pulls. I was stalling for AI Harlow Williams to get ready. There was a lot going on here. Pat, how we feeling? I don't know, I fucking lost my voice on Friday, headlining my first weekend. So I'm glad I, uh, braved through that sickness for you ungrateful fox. That's right. That is correct. I haven't talked in two days. That Netflix joke has been killing. Yes, it's absolutely hilarious. Like laughed. I laughed harder than I have. That was. You'll turn. That was fantastic. Pat, you are the absolute man. Uh, both Harlow Williams, you guys got to see the great Pat O'Neill. Yeah, he does this every week. He's fantastic. That was terrible. Don't say it was good. Horlund's the best guest in the history of the show. God damn it. Yes. Absolutely. Better in front of him. Oh, thank you. No, you are correct, Pat O'Neill on everything.

2:12:37You are the fucking man. And, uh, we absolutely love you. Thank you. Seriously, you, he was under the weather and did brave coming out for you people. And we appreciate the hell out of that. Thank you, folks. We love you so much. The great, powerful Pat O'Neill ladies and gentlemen did it again. And that's tonight's episode of Kill Tony. Just a little heads up. We are, uh, how about one more time for the great Harlan Williams, the Harlan Highway, the art, dangers coming out now. And the great Jeremiah Watkins ladies and gentlemen is new special crazy pizza out on YouTube. Stand up on the spot monthly at the comedy store. There's a true Kill Tony happening in Houston, the 17th of October. And we're doing Las Vegas, November 13th and 14th at the MGM, the Dolby Theatre at MGM. And of course, still tickets available for the Moody Center New Year's Eve here in Austin, Texas. I implore you that you're able to get tickets for that show.

2:13:38And it is going to be absolutely action packed New Year's Eve for the fourth year in a row in an arena in our home town of Austin, Texas. Exactly where we want to be on New Year's Eve. Guys, thank you so much for doing the show. We absolutely love you guys. The guests of the year, Harlan Williams, guests of the year, Harlan Williams, former band leader, Jeremiah Watkins. Uh, Red Band. Check out the sunset strip ATX.com, Secret Joer every Thursday. Love you guys. We love you guys. Pre-orders are up for Heidi Sparts and a jar from what I understand. They are selling wildly at Kill Merch.com. We may have had one Red Band part in a jar. So check all that out at Kill Merch.com. Audience, we love you guys. Thank you. Good night, everybody.

2:15:21You