Matthew McConaughey & Woody Harrelson

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1:05We've said that thinly and thinly and thinly. Yeah, it's really nice. It doesn't overwhelm the pistachio. They know what they're doing. I'm so glad they made the right choice. Or discover wonderful pistachios due by chocolate. The sweet indulgence you didn't know you needed with rich dark chocolate, smooth white chocolate, crispy katai-fe and a delicious, crunchy pistachio. I'm telling you, snack time never tasted so good. Yeah. Look it up in history. Oh. It never has. Never has. Can you? Check out wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more about wonderful pistachios, chocolate products. Hey, my name is Matthew McConaughey and I feel very Irish about being kind of blind. Kind of a blind friend. That's an insult that I'll take it. Hi, my name is Woody Harrelson and I feel like a true American about being on Conor of the Irish. You are a true American. I know you and I align in many of our views. One of our great Patriots.

2:06Fall is here, here and now, back to school. Ring the bell, bend his shoes, walk in the leaves, climb the fence, books and pans. I can tell that we are going to be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey there. It's Conor of Brian. This is Conor of Brian, needs a friend, the podcast that I think brings joy and beauty to every single person on the planet earth. And that is... This podcast brings beauty? I know, beauty is the one I... I also said to every single person on earth, which is maybe a slight exaggeration. I'm joined by my good chum, son of a session. Hey son of... Hi. Matt Gourley. Hi. Dr. Gourley, good to see you. And I'm told that our techno whiz, our audio file extraordinaire, Eduardo has a little something he wants to say. Eduardo, what's going on? I do. I have a gift for you, actually. I don't know if you're going to like it or not. But just to give you context, when we first built the studio and we were debating on what mics to have, the table, everything, the walls, what it would look like.

3:09One of the things I had thought about at that time was getting you a microphone that you had for your TBS show, Conan. Do you remember that mic? Yeah, beautiful mic. I think it was... What was it? It has certain kind of... Was it red? Yes. Yeah, beautiful red microphone. Oh, there it is. There I am with Seth Rogan. Oh, is that a ribbon mic? That's a condenser mic. I can't say close. Yes, it's a 414. And anyhow, so it's a very cool-looking mic. I always love the look of that mic and I just love... And I love that little shot of dark, dark red, which is so cool. Yeah, but it was also kind of unnecessary, right? Yeah, I always wondered about that too. How much of that is for sure? Yeah, that's... No, we've discussed that before that I would always say, why do we have a mic on the desk? Now, a lot of it's just an aesthetic nod to the early days of television, the early shows, talk shows. It was really invented in America, Steve Allen, Jack Par, Johnny Carson, David Letterman.

4:09I think I've named all the hosts. They all have a microphone on the desk because actually had to do then. Subsequently, you've got all these boom mics hanging. Everyone's got a lava layer clipped to them with a mic pack. Yeah. And the thought was sometimes I'd say, why do we have this? I get that it's an aesthetic nod to the past, but is it unnecessary? Turns out they would always tell me sometimes the mics go out and we need to switch over to that mic that's on your desk, which they did a couple of times. Oh! So they have a use. Yeah, so... And they look cool. And that one specifically looked cool because of the red grill that you were talking about. That was custom made. So I thought, oh, it'd be cool to use that one for you here. And I tried to track it down. It went to skills one of your long time. Yeah, skills, my guitar tech for many, many years. Work on the show. It took me a while to get my head around the fact that you have people working for you named skills and chills. Yeah, exactly. But anyhow, so the...

5:09I'm nobody. No one's thrills for you. Hey, thrills. Nobody could locate the mic. So even to this day, I don't know where it is either. So what I did was I was able to get it recreated. What? That's what I got here. Wow! Wait a minute. This is huge. Sure, you can open it. Oh my God! Wait a minute. This is from all of us, by the way. Oh, that'll open with. Wait a minute. Are you... Is this for real? Oh my God! This is beautiful. Oh, look at that. How did you get it? Yeah. Shout out to Dave O'Zinger, Mike Tech in Glendale, who I've been talking about. Dave O'Zinger. So Dave O'Zinger is this same technology? Same model, similar model, rather. And yeah, he custom painted it for a put it back together for us. It's usable. So the idea is that I think beginning today... We can use this. Yes. And it would be your mic.

6:09Oh, but that means when I leave the room and some other big wig comes in here to do another podcast, like say Ted Danson. I never want to see Ted Danson's face within six miles. It won't be. Shout out to Ted, we love Ted. But yes, this is a beautiful thing. I love you and you're a better man than me in every single way. But if you ever talk into this mic, I will find you and I will have someone with me who's strong enough to fight you. So if you give me two minutes, obviously we'll cut around this. I can actually swap it. Give me two minutes. What is this? I can swap it now. Oh, no, no. Yeah, wait a minute. We get special microphones too. Yeah. No. Okay. That's okay. That makes sense. That makes sense. That makes sense. That makes sense. This is amazing. Hey, what's your for Eduardo? Yeah. Hey, I mean, thank you so much. It took me so long. Is he going to sell? Sorry, it took me so long to buy you that giant diamond. Okay, give me something. Test, test, test.

7:09Testing, testing. One, two, three. Testing, testing. Bumblebee, testing, testing. All day long, we sing the testing, testing song. Great. And now let me just make sure the setting is correct. Okay, we're making sure. And this is incredible for those of you just tuning in. Doesn't make sense. Um, Eduardo has replaced my iconic TBS microphone that was this beautiful mic. Again, can you give me this specifics on what this is? This is a AKG442. AKG4414. Yes. Oh, yes, that's remember. I remember it was the model. It was the 414s. That was a very good. And who makes this? AKG is the brand. It was originally manufactured in Austria or Vienna. Yeah. Originally these were made out of a dark chocolate. And they realized it was very mockery. Yeah. Nice, nice to always add that in there. I didn't say Nazis. Just a German army. So, and you know, it's great. It was, the microphone was in a case that was packed with this. I pulled it out and then realized I can do my greatest prop bit. Hey folks, it's asymmetrical A blinking.

8:11Oh, no. Using his electric razor. Yeah. Oh, the mic. Oh, yeah, that's right. This is, and we're, oh, I, this is so thoughtful of you. That's really nice. At least I could do remember pointed up so that the capsule's facing you. Oh, okay, the capsule facing me. Yeah, there you go. I think I just hit a button. Next, there's two lights on it right now. Should there be two lights going green lights? Oh, wow. I just literally touched it. I know. And I think I hit a button. Good to tell you you sound good. So I'm not worried. Okay. Will it do the thing that Matt you were saying while they were switching, while Eduardo was switching us over to this mic, you said, what if it looks cool as it does? It looks amazing. But what if it has like really old-fashioned bad sound quality? And I was thinking it's like the guy who narrated the Hindenburg explosion. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. And I'll be talking to like some hip, young cool person here, you know? Oh. And I'll totally just go off the rails. Where are you? Why are you changing your voice?

9:12That's the microphone does that. Because it's an old-style microphone, I'm speaking normally. Yeah. In fact, as we go into intro our guests, why don't you take us out with some classic little mic moments? What? What? I've been up all night. What? I've been up all night. Why are you up all night? My daughter's teething. Oh, so it's not the drugs. What? It's not gonna be a classic mic moment. Well, that's a good question. And I'm glad you asked it. And let me see if I can find out what that would be. Is it a moment that involves a mic? Like it takes like a speech, you know? Little saliliqui. Yeah. Wait, I have nothing to tell fair. I bought fair at shout. There we go. That's you. I was thinking about when John Travolta mispronounced Adina Manzo's name. I don't know. He said a classic moment from history. That is the best. I go with... I go with Franklin Roosevelt's first inaugural. And you go with the John Travolta mispronunciation. Adelaide. I don't know. I'll never forget that. That would be my last thought the day I die. I think so.

10:12To be fair, Franklin Roosevelt in his second inaugural wanted to bring up Edina Manzo and went, Adelaide, what a big fighting man to help us. And I'll walk again to poverty. Fantastic. Nice work, Eduardo. Eduardo, you're a really good man. I thank you so much. This is beautiful. And I think this gives us a little pizzazz. It gives us an edge too, you know? It definitely gives us an edge. Don't follow through on any of my things. He was up all night. He was up all night. I'm going to follow up. Teething Charles. All right, let's do it. Hey, I'm excited. I guess today are two Hollywood legends who now star in the new Apple TV Plus comedy series, Brothers. I think everyone loves these guys. I love them so much. And they have such great chemistry together. And I'm just thrilled to have both of these. I'm going to say gentlemen in the room.

11:12Mm-hmm. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson. Welcome. Gentlemen, I watched your show. I really enjoyed it. They let me watch the first episode. And getting to see that first episode was like getting a hold of the nuclear codes. Apple doesn't mess around. They said Conan, it's a four-hour process to watch this TV show that will be available within hours everywhere. But the amount of codes and verifications and I had to do a cheek swab. But I saw the show and I really enjoyed it. There's a lot of fun. And what I love about it is you guys, I mean, if people want to know what is this show about, it's you guys being you. I know you're fictionalized versions of yourselves, but I do not think you are. I think it's basically you guys being you. Is that a fair thing to say? It's a somewhat, shall we say, exalted version. It's the baseline.

12:12I mean, you know, I'm probably, I'm a little more orderly than Captain Chaos here. Yeah. But we set that up. Well, let's really lean into that and make me Texas Rancher, Gunnarun for Governor, everything. Don't you mess with my plan and let Captain Chaos and let Captain Chaos Woody come in and, honk honk and blow it all up. Right. And how does that work? No, if I were to tire factory is orderly compared to Woody. You are. And I'm telling you, the last time I talked to you in this space, he showed up fresh from a, he was late because he crashed his motorcycle getting here. He does. And it's his, oh, that was it. Had to put bandages on him as we were doing the podcast. Why do you, this happened? This is the only reason, Woody's gotten so much better on showing up on time to sets than he used to be in the past. And the only reason you were ever later, the only problem, the only kind of problem to production you ever were on this set were on Monday. You'd show up with a fresh new big scar on your head or something

13:12and one of the times it was from you had a motorcycle accident riding through two acres of an open parking lot that had one rock sitting in the middle that he had. And you mentioned it, that one rock. That's sadly true. But you know, that one was not so much my fault. I was going around the left and the guy didn't have his blinker on. Yeah. And he hit me. Here's what was your fault. The first thing you said to me when you came in is, I think I lost one of my flip flops. Yeah. And then I was thinking, that's funny. I ride a motorcycle. I've never worn a flip flop. When I'm riding a motorcycle, I wear like an armored boot. It's a bop. Yeah. I'm going to finish that. It's sub optimal. Because Woody is so time pressured. And he can't say optimal. He got it. It's a lot. It's the economy. It's the economy. Economy emotion. Economy emotion. Economy words. I respect. No, Woody's not yet. Hey, helmet sounds like a mandate to him.

14:14Not a good idea. Parameter shoes. Don't you tell me what to do? I'm going to flip flop in a beret. That's all I'm going to ride around. I like to say this. I'm going to say this line again. I said it in the news that I put out today. But if you're going to the Oscars or to a JP Morgan board of directors meeting with Woody, it's best to bring your swimsuit. Yes. You put you, I get relaxed. I get relaxed looking at you. Woody, the opening shot of the pilot episode of your show is you with inhaling some herbs, looking out at the sea. You look like the happiest guy in the world. You got your surfboard. You're in Malibu. There's this thing is, you know, don't sweat the small stuff and you don't sweat the big stuff either. I don't think you sweat anything. It's fantastic. I just sweat. He has another, go ahead. Now I know, see his secret on this. This is like a marriage counseling session.

15:14Go ahead. What were you going to say? You do sweat. You do sweat. But he does water off a ducts back. Most things you cannot tell. Right. You go ahead. You know it. It's the story I'm going to tell. I love this. I don't think Woody has to be here for this. He knows it's a beautiful story. It's a beautiful story. It is the key to what I think you're talking about. I want to know what he's genius is. One day on True Detective, he's walking around and I can tell the guy's got a black cloud on his shoulders. My buddy's just, he's hunched. Man, it must be really big because you can't ever tell what he's got a problem. So they, when I've lunch, he comes by the tree we have lunch. Talking to him, he tells me what the problem is. It's worth the black cloud. Meaning I'm going to hold it. Shit. And if that happened to me, if I was in this situation, I wouldn't have been able to show up to work. You're here and I only as your good friend could notice you were in a funk. And I'm like, dude, you have all the things that go on in your life that are problems and all this stuff in the way you deal with them. You just like water off the ducts back. How do you deal with the problem? With the problems in your life.

16:14And he's crying and sobbing and snots trying to hide his nose. And I'm crying as his buddy, man. And he was sitting there and he takes a minute and he thinks about he wipes his eyes and he looks at me. He goes, man, I just forget about it. So all these years that I've been in therapy has been a waste of time. Yeah. You got to learn to forget. Just forget about it. You know, forget about AI and global war. Just forget about it. You know about it. That's all you got. Yeah, that's fantastic. You guys are friends in real life. You can tell right away you can finish each other's sentences. You're both guys from Texas. How far apart did you grow up from each other? Born in Midland, born in Evality. That's seven, eight hours away from each other. And Texas didn't know each other then obviously. But he went to Houston then to Ohio. And in New York and we didn't meet until we were both sort of living in LA.

17:14And you don't really know when you met. You disagree about when you met because what do you forget everything? Do you remember when you guys met? Well, that I do remember and he's forgotten, which is we met at it. It was a CIA party, I guess. And I saw him there and I walked up to him and said, hey, man, how you doing? He says, what do you think? Should we get a shot? Kila and he's like one o'clock, one o'clock. You're 20 o'clock. He says, I got a lot to do today. And I'm like, oh, what's the one-room shot? The Kila is going to keep you from your, what's that have to do with anything? Maybe that's why I don't remember me. So you guys did a shot. Do you remember that? No. And then he went on with his day. I went on with mine. And it was just a brief meeting, not memorable to him, but to me. What I remember, I thought I liked this guy. As I started to like this guy, I heard him before I saw him.

18:16And it was on Ed TV. We're doing a war together. You're moving together, yeah. And I was before him. And I'm on the second floor in San Francisco, one of those apartments. Windows opened. You know, you got steep streets in San Francisco. And what I hear outside the window is this metal on concrete walking. And I go and look at the window and walking up the street. Is this guy in a full tour de France, road cycling uniform with the shoes. With the quake shoes, but no bike. No bike. Not even carrying a bike. Well, who needs a bike when you go down this street? Cruising the streets coming this way. He walks in, comes in the upstairs, walks on those beautiful, brand-new wooden floors, which I'm sure the person real happy about that with those shoes on. And then the wardrobe, he was like, let's talk about wardrobe. And then as they got to this scene, he was going, what about this? And he goes, no, I don't need that because I'm wearing my wardrobe right now. He showed up in it. That was his, and that's when I was like, I like this guy.

19:16So you decided you chose your wardrobe and you walk through the streets of San Francisco wearing it. And the wardrobe asked the question that I asked, but you're going to wear those shoes and you don't have a bike? Exactly. He's like, I had a bike. What happened to it? We don't know. I rode the bike to the place and, you know, I love his version though. I don't want to interfere with his version. You may have a bike, but you parked it a couple of blocks away. Well, you know, you have to find a parking space. You find a spot to lock the bike. The whole idea of a bike is that you can pull up to the place. You don't, you don't look for it in. You can even carry it into the place. You did not do that that day. I didn't want to carry it all the way up the stairs. I saw no bikes. You don't know bikes. What do we do? What do we do when, tell them it. What are we doing here? Did you know that there's a victim of identity theft every two seconds?

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21:23Go to lifelock.com slash Conan. That's lifelock.com slash Conan to save 30% term supply. Everyone vastens something that seemed incredible at first but didn't live up to the hype. Yeah, all the time. Yeah, I did that with an all potato restaurant. Oh, no. Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great like impressions, but then they don't see revenue. You don't talk about that yourself. Oh, yeah, all the time. Yeah, LinkedIn has a word for that bullspin. Bullspin. Yeah, instead you can get the highest row ads of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads. Cut the bullspin. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com slash Conan. Terms apply. This is the story of the one. As a shipping manager, he's running the dock, stocking supplies, and making sure every order goes out on time. And Granger helps him stay prepared.

22:25From shipping supplies to PPE to hand tools, he counts on Granger to keep products moving and trucks rolling. So his operation runs smoothly, no matter the shift. Call 1-800-Granger. Click ranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. I want to ask you guys about your approach to work. You're both fantastic actors, you're iconic actors, but you've got to have a different approach like a true detective, which was so fantastic. What is the different philosophies of acting? Or do you approach it the same way? I'm guessing you don't. We've approached a little differently. Well, this guy is the most hyper-prepared actor you can imagine. I think it came off of a time that he wasn't prepared. Yeah. Embarrassment. Which is a kind of a cool story too, but... Is it fun?

23:25Do you want to tell that? Well, he just said it's embarrassing and then you said you should tell it. And Matthew... Yes. But it's a bit of a wonderful story. So, I got cast early in my career in 1995 or something in a one-day role in this independent film. And this was at the time where I was not getting roles. I was getting callbacks and the third callback, but not getting the role. And it's because I just started to learn what acting was. I didn't never, never went to acting school. When you start to learn something, you go ahead of you about it, right? Before it's instinctual. And in these auditions, I just wasn't kind of going for it. And I was tight and I was too conservative and I was thinking too much. So I get offered this one-day role. It's a drug lord on the southern border in Texas, Mexico. The coyotes come over with it. My drugs, bang, bang, bang, I shoot them up. Still the drugs don't pay them. That's it. So I get in there and I'm like, look, I know what I'm going to do. I need to go back and start acting like I did. When I began, Dave's confused. I've never acted before. There weren't lines. They just threw me in scenes. I improvise.

24:25I know my man and I'll do what my man would do. So when I get the bright idea that I'm not going to read the script, I'm not even going to read the scenes. I'm just going to, you give me that layout, drug lord on the border. I'll do what my man would do. So I show up on the day, fully confident. And right before we go to our march, right before action, I get a little nervous. The sweat runs down the back, but I said, hang on, time out. Can I get a pair of sides? Which is the small target. Sure, yeah. And I read the sides because I'm thinking, hey, if it's written well, that's exactly what I would say. And if it's not written well, I'll just be my man and say what I would say. Page one. Page two. Page three. Page four. And I say, can I get 12 minutes please? Why? Because it was a four-page monologue by my guy. Oh my God. In Spanish. Oh no! Oh my God! And you were like, all right, all right, all right.

25:28C-C-C. So my thinking is that 12 minutes is not too long to inconvenience the crew, but 12 minutes is also long enough for me to memorize a four-page monologue in Spanish, because hey, I took Spanish since 11th grade. I saw it. Well, it didn't inconvenience the crew, but it was not long enough to learn. Yeah, figured out. Anyway, I don't remember what I did. In that scene, I've never watched it. I'm not able to watch it. But on the drive home, I pulled over and was balling and beating myself up. And so angry about the feeling of embarrassment that I had of not being prepared. From that day on, I said, I'll be over-bear- if I can be maybe unprepared, but FF that, man, it was a horrible feeling. Yeah. Anyway, see, one of those deals is, you get a bright idea. Yeah, that's good idea. Forget about it. So he is the most hyper-prepared person. And so in his air stream that he had when we were doing a true detective, he had this long graph that went all the way across the wall of the air stream

26:32that, okay, this happens here, this happens here. So put it all, because obviously you don't film in order. I guess that's not obvious to a lot of people, but you don't film in order. So it would orient you. Oh, this just happened. And now this is about to happen. So he'd had it all mapped out. He's hyper-prepared. And I'd walk into the air stream. Okay, where are we? Oh, okay. Okay, good. Let's go. Room of my, by the way. Oh, okay. Here, you're rusting. I'm Marty. No, you know, so I just piggyback off of his preparedness. Well, we worked different in that film. There's a funny instance, because he and I had done a couple of films together. And then in life, we're more sort of where, who starts, where, who ends, where. And we can finish each other's sins as you were saying. And it's comedic. It's a jive. And those were two characters that were not jiving.

27:34And I remember him saying to me early on, you were like, dude, I think we got a light in the sun. We got to have some jokes and jokes. And stuff. And he goes, he goes, right now we're rehearsing. And it's kind of like, I hit you the ball. And then you just stand there. Yeah. And wait till the ball bounces past you. It's the backstop and comes to arrest. And you're still just staring at me. That's not our gig, man. We hit the ball back to each other. And I just stared at him and he goes, what? I go, I think that might be end up being kind of funny. If my character's a guy who stands there, doesn't hit the ball back. And he's like, fuck you. Anyway, I think we had enough of you. I think there's some humor in there. Yeah. But it's also, it's like the situational comedy. It's like there are situations sometimes in scenes where my only, because I don't do this a lot, but the one time I did Larry David show, I realized I was like looking at the script and I realized, oh, I get it. My job is to not give Larry what he wants.

28:34And then I realized that's everything in Larry David show. He wants X. And if you're a scene partner with him, your job is to not give it to him. And then it's the opposite of yes and yes. It's the exact, it's no. No, no, yeah, no, but an acting, an acting that would be called, you've given the obstacle for him to try and overcome. Yeah. Yeah. But boy, they do, you know, as you know, like the intercusee of the plot, they really map it out beautifully. And then, you know, you wing it. How long is it? How long is it? How long is it? How long is it like a typical curb script? Oh, it's, you know, it might be eight, nine, ten pages, but just of the plot of the plot. Of the plot. You know, they, they, they sometimes throw in a few lines here. They're sprinkling in, you know. But, but it is, I mean, it's incredible how they did that. Like, and they do have a lot of great comedic minds.

29:35And so I had a revelation, which is literally a week ago, I walk into a restaurant, outdoor restaurant, Larry Davidson's there, his lovely wife, and they're sitting there. And so I walk up to the table to say, hi, and Larry's in the middle of getting into it with the waiter, because the waiter brought a maturky sandwich with no mustard. And he's like, in the history of sandwiches, you know, when his mustard not been part of the equation. And I, I said to him, Larry, there's no cameras. They're not. So he's just, and this gets us really nicely back to your show, which he was playing himself. He was taking his life, and he just said, I would like to be paid by HBO to be the guy I am anyway. And then when I was watching your show, I was thinking, yes, I know that this is, we've put English on the ball for both of you, but there are essential truths about both of you, because you are Matthew McConaughey in the show,

30:36and you are Woody Harrelson in the show, and that's what makes it really fun for me. I mean, even when we're hanging out at your house outside Austin, which I know isn't your house, it's still, I'm thinking, that must be a version of Matthew's house. Well, he don't live on a ranch. So why'd you make it a ranch? You don't live on a ranch? No, I'm not a... Fuck you! That's the only reason you're here! That galboy... I was like, I got to get, I want to talk to Matthew about his ranch. Do you live in Malibu looking at the water? No. What the fuck? I'd put you to a pedestal! He doesn't even get high. You've never done a drug in your life? I'm totally straight in. America loves her, Lee. Now I don't even know why I'm here. I mean, really, that ranch was all green-screen.

31:39It was all AI. That's not even in Texas. It was shot, it says you were shot in Connecticut. It's shot in Queens. What do you not even really have seen together? You don't even like each other. Yeah, if you notice, it's just over. So they put someone to represent him. I was so happy. I was like, I'm gonna really butter up Matthew D because I'll get invited to that ranch. Now, you live in a geodesic dome. So we did originally, we were thinking to do it like curb, where you have the outline and the plot and everything. But he had cooler heads for better. Well, maybe script would be a good idea. I did bet how much for plan ourselves. Look, we started it going, let's just base it off reality. No, what our story, our life, the real thing, we just stick to that, stick to that. And we got off and we shot some of that and we looked at our little assembly and we both went...

32:42I think it was a double sniff. It was a double sniff. So we both had a little joke. Not that anyone was fired, but we did need to make a pivot and go, wait a minute, let's rig bigger. We're going to go about this. My running joke is, man, it kind of sucks when you're fired after you've been hired to play yourself. We're going a different way with the Matthew McConaughey. We found this guy, Rick Stenson. I love Rick Stenson. It's a great imaginary actor of mine. Okay, please tell me that you have a solar powered bus. I do. Okay, that part's real. That runs on turkey guts. That wasn't the actual... Yeah, it runs on biodiesel. But that one, the actual bus, that's just a replica. Oh, this is another race story. Oh, no, he... This... the bus. And what was painted on the bus?

33:42Yes. But it's particularly painted on the bus. Again, one of the reasons you're here is I love that bus. And I was like, and... Okay. He's going to give me a ride on that bus. It's because in the show, you get the whole family and you decide, we're going through this crisis. Let's go visit Matthew. He lives outside Austin on a ranch. And you all pile into this bus and it's an amazing looking bus to me that you... In the show, they say it runs on solar and I think some kind of biofuel. But it's got this mural painted on the outside. Yeah, that's... All right, let's hear about that. That mural was number one on the call sheet. That mural. The scenes where the bus are in it are three weeks away. But we're already shooting some other stuff. And the bus is in the background over in the field. The biggest hold up, what he's on time and prepared for everything. But the... For Tension Span, when he'd be a shot on me and that bus was way over there in the back island,

34:42not at the camera, but of his island, he would stop and middle of the take and go, Why is that... The porpoise look like it's swimming. The color water, it's too... It's not blue enough. And he stopped with a wood. That's three weeks away, man. We got three weeks to work on that thing. And he'd be like, no, no, no, no, hang on. Where's Sarah? Hey, art court, art director. Come here. Hey, let's go talk. No, Woody, can we do that at lunchtime? Yeah, yeah, hang on a second. We got... Man, that bus... That bus was on your mind. Because that was the most... You might say that was the reason you did the project. Was to have them create a bus that you really loved. And you're gonna... Are you gonna take this bus when it's over? I just can't believe. I love the way he tells the story. You know, like... There's all little bits and dibs and dabs of the truth in there for sure. But, you know, it's like between a take. I made a comment about, you know, you could do such and such. And then that's now forever.

35:42I was in the middle of a take and stopped with the... They caught you. The porpoise... You're too small. Yes. Yeah, maybe when you're like white, but it does it make sense. Why is this thing right swimming in a desert? Remember that? Yes. That rings of truth. That rings of truth. Yeah, there. That was right. Okay. Well, I think you're away out of line. The court rules in favor of Matthew McConaughey. This has become a contentious trial. And I love it. You guys... Here's what I admire about both of you. You seem to embody... Something I really admire because it's the exact opposite of me, which is you guys seem to have... Is laid back, zen, inner calm, take life as it comes, enjoy to the fullest. And so on and would you agree that's the opposite of me? That'd be opposite. Absolutely opposite of you. And you know... Yeah.

36:42And one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much is I wanted to become... I made you two my spirit animals and I wanted to become... You know, yes, you're both very accomplished. But I thought, you know, if there's ever... I'm not pitching myself, but I am. Do you ever want an episode where your complete opposite shows up? It would be me. I'm just telling you that right now. And it would be awful. It would be terrible. Because I wouldn't invite you to say, let's do a shot at Tikiwan. And I'd be like, well, you know, hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, let's talk about this. I don't know. My electrolyte. Anyway, it was just... Do you not drink? I do drink on occasion. I try not to drink that much anymore. And what about pot? Oh boy. I don't do pot. Oh boy. Whoa, one givestus, storey's not in the old bowl. Well, we actually had a company send us really good high quality. Let's give them a shout out. What do they call it? It's Kiva. The brand and Caminos are their edibles. They make really amazing edibles. And I took like one...

37:44I took a bit like half of one. And then the next day I was like, this magnus must say. Yeah. My addiction. I mean, it was... I don't know, my problem. He still calls it a gateway drug. He's that guy. He's very narkey like that. Like, what? Maybe he was he shooting up like the next day. Like, yeah. God, that was quick. That was... Half in that? Yeah, but then it turned out I was shooting up a staff. I knew it. I was lowering my cholesterol. It's just not my thing. Yeah, it's just not my thing. No, that's good because some people it does inflict a certain amount of paranoia. Not you though. Not me. But it is. It does if it's the hardcore indoor variety because of the chemicals. But what he did, what he won't get high like before doing this, before acting or before he works. You won't do it. No. And what about you? No, it didn't really agree with me. The subplots become a little unmanageable.

38:45Yeah. That's a great description. The subplot becomes unmanageable is fantastic. You don't want it so popular. It's a big become unmanageable. Trust me. I want to try and remember that for the next time someone offers me something. I'm sorry. The subplots become unmanageable. Sure though. It's probably true for you. Yeah. That's a great description of that. That's from my buddy Rob Binler. And it's happened when the synthetic stuff came into it. It's kind of when I stopped smoking. It was actually one of my birthday parties that I was going to. And my friends just rented out this club. And before I was self-driving myself, their my buddy gave me this joint. And you know, I'd always smoked the under the sun stuff where you laugh. You'll get the munchies and maybe hook up with somebody. But this night I pull up. And I was suddenly when I walk into the party, it's over and everyone's gone. It won't the morning. Why? Because I had pulled up four hours earlier in time for my party. But I had smoked that weed. And for some reason felt like it was more important to listen to Janet Jackson's

39:46that's the way love goes. 27 times a row. Then to go into my own frickin' birthday party. You know what? I have to say, not a bad subplot, though. That looks like a really great night. Honestly, I had to have a good night. Yeah, honestly. Yeah, with me and Janet sitting in my car and her on the radio. Two, seven times. And I cried in my ball and my eyes out. What a beautiful love song. I had no idea of the depth of this love song. And then I walk into the parties over and no one's there. I miss my own birthday party. And that's when I said, you know what? The subplot became unmanageable. I don't think this new weed, this synthetic weed is for me. In this case, it was the plot itself became unmanageable. Yeah, not even the same plot. But I got hung up in it. I couldn't manage the subplot. Yeah. I couldn't know. That's a great song. Maybe I'll just listen to it eight times. I was gonna listen to it 27 times. Yeah. And miss my own birthday party. So, you, there are times where I've in my career, especially on tour,

40:48or maybe I was over served. I become the nicest person in the world. You're, yeah. You're fun, Tony. I want to solve everyone's problems and take care of them forever. And then the next day, I'm like, wait, I said what? Yeah. I said, I value a home. Yeah. I don't even know you. You're like holding court and giving people advice. Yeah. I'm trying to help everyone. Yeah. Awful. I did that one time. I was up in San Francisco and I was just subbing in for, you know, I did this play, Blexie Blues. I was, I was an understudy for this play, Blexie Blues. And anyway, Nancy Simon, who was actually my first wife. But so she's the daughter of Neal Simon. But she, so she was directing Blexie Blues up in San Francisco. And I went up there because one of the actors couldn't do it this weekend. And so I only did like three, maybe four performances, right? But you know, I knew it because it wasn't that long before that I had been the understudy.

41:52And so I did the play. And then we're all having a party after. And one of the ladies who was on the crew and, you know, had a tough life. You know, they had some hardship and stuff. And, and, and then I was, oh, I forgot to say I had some mushrooms. Oh. And so I became totally absorbed in all of this, what she's gone through. Yeah. And I was like, you know what? What should come down to LA? You can stay at my house till you get on your feet. And, you know, we're going to make sure that you, I don't know what I thought she was going to do. Like, I can't remember what her, what she wanted to do with her life. But anyway, I just became completely absorbed. And then, you know, then I sobered up. And I'm like, what did I do? I'm crazy. But you have a, you have a consistent habit of having an open heart and inviting people

42:58into your future life. Or yours. Or not. And so what, there's the question. Then do you have someone in your life who's at the front door and goes like, yeah, that's not happening. Exactly. That's exactly what happened. I've had to be that lady. Quite a few times. No, no, not the people you've met. But there's a lot of men. No, he's doing this routinely. He's out there. No, it's very consistent. We go on a, we go on a Greek holiday. And my family, we rent the place. Too bad, Laura, you out there. You remember this? We rent the place. And we fly over, but they get there before us. And we show up. And there's two people sitting on tailgated but truck right in front of our, our real place. And from a distance, we think it's you and Laura waiting for us to get there. We get out now. It's it's a hobby on it and, and, and, and Pocahontas. And, and they're, and we're like, hey, we at the right place, show what's going on there.

44:01They're like, yeah, hey, you know, we're like, who are you? No, we're so and so, and we're on a Pocahontas. We're newlywed. And I like what, so we all do, what we met, Woody and Laura at the airport. Oh, my, getting our luggage. And they we did, they're great, man. And anyway, you know how y'all doing? And so we get our bags and I, I don't know how to get the bags. Now, we moving. He's in the master already taking the master. Sure. Right? We go over it and we're like, we're like, who, who, who, who we got outside? And we was like, aren't they great, man, the hobby of, hey, what's her name, honey? Oh, yeah, they're great, man. They're great. I love how you marked your territory of the master bed that I was like, I'm a student, he's out of the room. I'm going to take it until I look in there. He knows I want to go in there and snitch the master bedroom. So he's outside of it. The reason I didn't is I look in the window and he has the top sheet. And he's got, he's got it kind of wadded up in a long string. The whole top sheet, he's got top in this hand in front of him and the back behind him.

45:02And he's giving himself a win. Oh, god. You're swassing yourself. You got the master. You get the master. You flush yourself. You know, you get extreme times called extreme measures. Yeah. And you had rented the house. Yes. Have you no shame? I know. At long last, sir. Have you no shame? Yeah, but the Bobby on and post are great, man. Okay. They're going to be with this for a week. Now, there is agents. Okay. This leads perfectly into something that I need to discuss. Has Woody, Matthew, ever approached you about co-owning a houseboat in Amsterdam? Has he ever mentioned that idea to you? No. It's a simple question. Think he wants to own any kind of yacht because he is the number one yacht jump in man that I've ever met in my life for first.

46:03This guy, are you kidding me, dude? Coming out of your mouth. That's hysterical. What do you mean? What's going on, Kettle? What are you talking about? You're yachts and yachts. I don't even want to get into all of these. I'll pop around on the yachts. Amen. Amen. But most times when I'm ready, it's over, we leave tomorrow. I go on the boat to get on. Go to the warf to get on the plane to go to the next destination. And I look up and you're not. I'm going to go to your, why aren't you packed? Because I'm not leaving. Or what do your pack, why aren't you getting on the boat? Because last night I swam over to that boat, introduce myself, and they're taking me for a week. You're amazing. Never old. Never old. Never old. To be seen either. It's amazing. Bochumper. No, you're a boat jumper. You're a hot jumper in the world. Bochumper. And be more so happy to have him on board, which is obviously why. But you know, in a nutshell, let me tell you what he did to me.

47:06I'm done with the yacht. In a nutshell, I just, you'll speak when you're spoken to. I'm talking to Matthew now. This guy approaches me in this building. And he says, hey, Conan, my wife and I are thinking about getting a houseboat, an Amsterdam. Do you want to go in on that 50-50? I immediately without asking my wife said yes. Because if the house, if the houseboats a piece of shit, I don't care what it costs. I'll sell things. Being able to walk into a bar anywhere and say, yeah, I co-own a houseboat in Amsterdam with William Harrison. That's the story I can have forever. Think of all the great things that are going to happen from it. And I'm really excited. I go home. I tell lies. I think we're going to do it. And Woody's going to send me the information. Maybe two weeks later, I watch him doing an interview in here with Ted Danson. And you guys are talking to Flea. And I'm just out there watching. I'm like, oh, it's a good interview. Ted really is good at this. And I'm watching it and Flea's talking. And then you say on the podcast, hey, Flea, my wife and I are thinking of getting a houseboat.

48:08Do you want to go in 50-50? No mention of me. And then I confront you about it. And you're like, hey, man, it's all good. So what the hell? I still want to do that. No, you don't. 50-54 ways. He's like selling that stock again and again and again. Yeah. So I thought maybe he had gotten to you. But he's coming to me. Yeah. How many checks do you have for houseboats? And there's still no houseboat. It's sustaining me in the lean years. Oh, man, that was a great day in my life when I saw that I was being played in my own podcast building by the master. Now we're doing that. Oh, yeah. It's still happening. Very excited about it. Very excited about it. You guys bring up something on the show. Your characters who are yourselves. You bring up this possibility. And there's been a lot written about this that you might possibly be brothers.

49:11That's something you could easily find out. Yeah, we are. We are brothers. He's fully convinced. He doesn't want to do what's called the DNA. You don't want to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'll swap right now. I'll pee in a cup. Now. You think you pee on the way in. Yeah. You're constantly, you're constantly leaving DNA wherever you go. All we need you to do is floss with a bed sheet. And then we have everything we need. We got feces, urine, semen. We got all of it in one shot. So blood. So you don't want to do that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it was very right. Matthew, you don't want to do the, you don't want to find out. I look at what I kind of was back. I think my mom's bullshit and just to get, you know, she, if anything's going too smoothly, my mom loves to throw a wrench and things. Yep. And look, I'll probably do a DNA test. But here's a problem with the DNA test.

50:12It's, if it turns out to be true. Wow, man, I got to unpack a whole 56 years of what? Yeah. I think in my bed. And if it's not true, he's not going to be near as fun to hang out with him. Exactly. No, for a little while, I'll get over it. But look, it's going to be true. But either way, just look at it. Not as like, you know, I got a repack everything having to do with my dad. Think of it like there was a nice man in my house for all those years. It was a very sweet person. And now I got a new dad. Who's also a big any couple of brothers? Yeah. And then you got more brother. I like to sell out to deposit it. It's in that game. It's in that game. Yeah. That's a nice way to look at it. Yeah. Easy for him to say. I kind of like the not knowing. I think it led. There's a nice mystery to it. But she said, I will tell you that mom act said she'd had a few Kendall Jaxons and a few just to write a amount of talks. And she's just like, I knew your father.

51:15And I'm like, that was quite an ellipsis. It was quite an ellipsis. The way she said, KNEW and the ellipsis afterwards, even my five year old son read it to the Innu window that that meant she must have shacked. And then come to find out, you know, he had told me before, that mom act even mentioned this. I just knew this as a part of the lore of his family. When mom act went to get burnt to him, she said, come on Jim. It's time, you know, my water broke, whatever. And he says, oh, I'm not going. That's not my son. Because he does the math. Because they've been trying for five years and nothing stopped. Yeah. No, because he did the math, the math wasn't math. And he was, he was, he was, that was during their second divorce. That's true. That he actually, this is incredible. That my, that Charlie met K. It was during the second divorce. Is there a hallmark card?

52:18Why? I don't think it's mine. I'm just curious. We'll look into that later. There's a Michael Jackson song. That's true. My favorite, Peter. I don't think that's the title of the song. I think you had moved on to a different observation about Michael Jackson. So I just saw one of these shows. How many of you made so far? Eight. There's eight. Yeah. I'm con. Do we know? We showed, we had a premiere last night showed two of them. And I was pleasant. You know, I was thinking industry audience. How's this going to turn out? Ty, they really liked it. They really liked it. Very loose. Yeah. It was fun. I have a mental image. I need to share with Matthew, which is, is a long time ago, probably the late 1990s. I'm in New York. I'm doing the late night show. I'm walking through Central Park. And I hear, hey, man, and it's you jogging shirtless. Yeah. And we had a really nice talk on the Upper West Side.

53:20And the best looking guy I've ever seen. You know, there's massive jog covered in sweat. We had a really nice talk about life and everything. And then you went your separate way. We went our separate ways. And I was slumping back to my apartment. And I was like, I'm in love with that. I'm stressed. I remember that. But I am in love with that, man. I probably gave me a sweaty hug, too. You did. Oh, you did. And I had, man, I had, I came home and my wife was suddenly attracted to me. I was covered in macona hay sweat. The eyes was like, what is this cologne? Let's have babies. But it was a great moment in my life. It's always stuck in my head. And when people say, oh, you know, sexuality, it's a spectrum. I'm like, it certainly is. If you would sit right then, come away with me at a gone. At a gone with that, man. Hey, Conan. Yeah, I get a little houseboat and I have to. Yes. I'd been dying. Been dying for someone else to ask me that.

54:22Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. Well, guys, I mean, it must be really fun to make this show because you two are authentic human beings who really love each other. And you can, the chemistry that you have just here in this studio is right there in the show. It's just a lovely thing to behold. And it's just, it's, it's, it's life affirming to see these guys hang out. It is. Yeah. And here you hear, you know, it really is. It's a nice thing to see because it's real. And so if you want to write in second season, an uptight Bostonian coming in, you know, I could, can you do any, do you speak any farce? Can you do an accent? I can do, I do accents. What I've learned about acting is that you just say yes to everything. Okay. You know, this is, in other words, you may not speak anything. No, I mean, I, I know I speak Spanish, but I, but no, I speak Spanish.

55:24I will do what's necessary. I will do whatever is necessary. So I'm just putting my name out there. Can you learn farce? I will learn anything. Yeah. Give him 12 minutes. Give me 12 minutes. You kill it, son. What do you matter? Thank you so much for being here. Congrats on the new show. And this was an absolute fucking delight. Thank you. Thanks, brother. Thanks, brother. Big news, sona. Yeah. Did you know T-Mobile recently partnered with the National Park Foundation? No way. Yep. They're making it easier to stay connected so you're free to wonder. Well, that's really cool. And I love a national park. I really do. I do too. Now, there's one thing you have to have if you're doing that good signal. It's a priority. Do you know what I mean? You got your maps, your music, this podcast. Yeah. So take America's best network plus their off-grid satellite coverage with you. Look, we're all little spoiled, but we like to have access to all our stuff.

56:27And suddenly you don't have it because of a bad signal. That's when I throw my phone into the Grand Canyon. Oh, okay. Literally filled half the Grand Canyon with phones. Then I got T-Mobile and never had to chuck them again. You know? Good. So wander over to t-mobile.com and switch. That's based on analysis by Ucla of speed test intelligence data for two H 2025. Wow, that's some sentence. T-Sanelite with cable device in most outdoor areas in US where you see the sky. That's important. You got to see the sky. Service may be limited or unavailable included with experience beyond or $10 per month. Auto renews. Cancel anytime. That was probably meant to be said by a robot really quickly, but I just did it slowly so you could really understand. Disclaimer. You're not throwing your phone into the Grand Canyon. We all have those pieces in our closet. We can count on. So now I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you. Are you going to do a bit? No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once. I had that in and I replaced it and yes, we all have.

57:30We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect t-shirt and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning? Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this. What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them. No a co-quincidence. Oh, no. That's why I get the big money. I got a call. Cut to very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are timeless, thoughtful, crafted and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blake, you're using some quince. That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder. So I got a featherless quilted jacket and atlas navy. And I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy. You look like a different guy. Because you're well dressed. That's right. No, I'm sure he looks like a hobo half a time. That's true. He's right. No, they really do great stuff. Find your next follow favorites.

58:30A quince. Download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well. All right. And when quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Please do that. Say, by the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Oh, I didn't really ask. I just want you to know. It's the best way to support the show. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. BetterHelp Awareness is on the rise, which is a good thing. And a lot of people thanks to days like World Mental Health Day, which I think is October 10th, have people thinking about how to take care of themselves. And I think for some people, therapy can be a great way to support their mental well-being. Remember therapy isn't just for big life choices. It can be a place to talk about relationship problems, work issues, or simply the sense

59:32that something feels a little off. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp is one of the leading online therapy platforms. They serve millions of people globally. BetterHelp Therapists have at least three years and a thousand hours of hands-on experience. Plus, BetterHelp makes it easy to fit therapy into your routine. They've got flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. Your mental health doesn't need a special occasion or anyone else's permission to matter. BetterHelp can connect you with a therapist who gets you so you can make space for what matters to you. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Conan to explore your payment options. That's BetterHelpHEP.com slash Conan. I have something very important to talk about today. On a previous podcast quite a while ago, I mentioned that a fan put up a plaque on the street that I used to live on in Los Angeles way back in the 1980s.

1:00:37I lived in an apartment on Cochrane Avenue, down sort of by the tar pits. That's a pretty funny way to describe it. Where do you live? I'm by the top. I got the apartment from an actress named Cynthia Stevenson. The rent was $380 a month. This would have been I think 1986 to 1988. That was my sort of part of my origin story was my life on Cochrane Avenue and I was driving a 1973 Plymouth Valiant that I bought from some surfers. Anyway, that's another story. Bachelor pad. Oh, such a view of the pits. Yeah. That was my pickup line. Do you want to get in a poorly functioning 73-valent and drive to my apartment near the tar pits? But anyway, a fan, a gentleman by the name of Tim Hamill. I want to give him a shout out. I don't see how that elevated Jim's game at all.

1:01:39That sounded like you were dying and needed him to shoot. Yeah, Jim. Stop the page. Tim Hamill put up a plaque. When you say plaque, though, let's be clear. It's a picture of a plaque on foam core. Yeah. Hey, don't harsh my, don't yuck my arms. I'm just saying that's like a foot up. He put up a, I mean, it's going to call it a plaque. It was made a foam core, but you know, I think what he did was he ecologically sound. Yes. It's very funny, kind of tongue in cheek. I guess it was a nice thing to do. That was a couple years ago. This piece just came out in a news outlet called LA Material and it's written by a journalist named Pablo Goldstein wrote a shocker of a piece. There's a scandal about. Is it? Yeah. Well, I mean, not since, I don't know, like, Dewey defeats Truman. This was a massive headline. I'll explain later, Sonah. I know it. Oh, okay. I know it. Yeah. I know some things sometimes.

1:02:39Yeah. Okay. Anyway, the plaque is missing. The plaque is gone. The plaque is gone. Nobody knows where or who took it. The plaque has been stolen out. Keep in mind, it was made a foam core so it could have been the wind. The plaque is gone. But we also shouldn't discount the fact that the wind might have done it on purpose. Oh. You know, the wind, no fan of mine. Yeah. We both blow a hot air. But anyway, this piece describes in harrowing detail how this fixture of the community is gone. And the article says, Conrad Bryan has been kidnapped and nobody knows who did it or why. What a what a opener. What a what a what a cold open gorilla Conrad Bryan monument, which was a fix to a miracle mile stop sign with zip ties. No, no, that's managed. This writer is very funny. Can we take a second to mention that Pablo Goldstein's wonderful writer, fellow, his mother

1:03:40is an iconic actress. Oh, Jeanette Goldstein. She played Vasquez and aliens. Yes. She played the Irish mother and Titanic that's putting her two little kids to sleep in the grooms. She's John Connor's mother and terminator two. Wow. She's amazing. That's so cool. Yeah. I did have a problem with that scene where she's tucking her kids into a bed. Why not say oh, and by the way, in five minutes ice cold water will shoot in here like a fire hose and drown you. I didn't realize what she was accomplishing there. But anyway, that's not Pablo, your mom, terrific, terrific actress and and Pablo. I want to thank you for this article. It is really funny and and and also I'm glad that you blew the whistle on this crisis because a Conrad Bryan plaque and there aren't a lot of them. Not nearly as many as I think there should be has gone missing. Oh, crisis. It is a crisis. How is this a crisis? Because when you allow something like this to happen, it's a gateway to much worse crimes.

1:04:40Okay. How can anything be worse than this? Yeah. If you let this crime occur and everyone just shrugs their shoulders and says, Oh, well, what's the big deal soon other foam core plaques are stolen. Do you know what I mean? And the next thing you know, and that could lead to eventually plaques that are maybe made of a more sturdy and valuable material go missing. So you have to nip this in the bud now. Do you understand? Very slow. I get what you're saying. Delivery slow. Exactly what it is. Well, I mean, what do they have ideas about who took it? Do we have any ideas? What does the article say? Isn't it illegal to put up a sign? Who the fucking invited you into this conversation? Eduardo. You're selling a knurl bro. No. Yeah. Man, you got the wrong idea here. You know, Eduardo told the authorities and they took it. I'm going to knock. I have to say it. I have to say it. This has been Eduardo's bug bear for a long time. Eduardo's always like, I'm not sure that signs legal.

1:05:42You're the guy that walks around neighborhoods and when someone puts up free guitar lessons, pull a tab, you rip them down. Yeah. That's not an approved sign. Lost dog posters. Yeah. Oh, well, yeah. That kid who should find its own way home. There is a WhatsApp group, I believe, that the article talks about how people are talking about it. They're concerned. We've got to see what I want to do is shine a light on this. These people are doing the Lord's work. Mm-hmm. Maybe a dark Lord. I didn't say which Lord. But no, let's get the word out. Who are these people? Well, they're just residents of this area, I think, on either WhatsApp or the next store app. They're talking about how this, this, like, tragedy is befallen their neighborhood and what are they going to do about it? Also is the guilty among them. I think they might even be turning on each other. Who knows? There's definitely an investigative podcast to be done about this. I think there is an investigative podcast to be done about this and I think we're the ones to do it. I think so too. Can you cue up a little bit of, like, uh, for a period of years? Yes, why don't we start with some music and then I'll read the quote that I, myself,

1:06:44was quoted as saying. Oh, you're a quote. You had an interview for that. He got a quote in the article. Okay. So, but you talked to Pablo? Uh, he emailed me and I just, he asked for a comment. Can you just make it more exciting? I can. That he contacted me. I run into a matrioteer, Joe. I know. And you met him in a basement near the Watergate Hotel. Okay. And now we're talking. Now, was your way of making it more exciting, traitor, Joe? Yeah. Can't you bump it up a little bit? Make it an aeroan. Okay. Here's what happened. I moved the pot of plant on my Washington, DC. There you go. Now I'm happy. I slipped on a Macintosh trench coat and a short, brimmed fedora. Yeah. I walked to a cab, took a cab to another cab, got into a cab to another cab. Too many cabs. That's too many cabs. Visited my lady friend. Then I went to a vacant car garage and met with Pablo Goldstein, code name, shallow throat. And he asked me for a quote and I said simply, Conan himself has wisely stated many times

1:07:48on the podcast that all statues and monuments should be made of soap, meaning they should never be permanent. And no man or woman should be faunted to such heights as to have their visaged cast and bronze for all eternity. That being said, I think Conan would still like his to be done. Yes. That's true. First of all, people talk about how, what are they going to do and how can we solve this crime? One thing they could do is Tim Hamill could just press print a second time. No, it's a victimless crime. I mean, for Christ's sake, Tim, for the cost of some total of toner, I will pay for the foam core. And I'll get you, I don't know how, I'll get you two new zip ties and you can press print. So that's one thing we could do. Oh, second, I will, I will agree right now on the air to have this made in bronze.

1:08:49Oh, yes. But you, but you know what, girl, he's right. You did say that you think that monuments, oh, that's, please, okay, they should be made in soap. You said that they should just make it in soap. You want to make it in bronze? You want to, you want to do the opposite of what you have said a couple times. Why don't you just make a statue of you on a horse? A equestrian statue? Yes, I would love that. Okay. Listen, I know I've said that before and I passionately believe that, but I'm doing this for the people of conqueror. I am doing this for, and this is a community that passionately wanted to recognize me, at least one of them did. And, and he wanted it badly enough to print something on foam core and put it up a zip ties. And now I want to help this community heal and the way to do that, I will get this made in bronze. I don't know what I'm saying right now. How expensive is that to you? I think that's plenty expensive, but also is it, you have to have a permit to put something that permanent up. You're going to have to deal with the city.

1:09:49Oh, you're worried about, have you seen Chinatown? Yeah. I know what I'm doing. Okay. Some people are going to show up dead. You know, right? Yeah, they're like little paperwork. You got to fill out a lot of paperwork. Let's just do it. No, no, no, I don't. I said bonds without looking into the cost. I want to make sure that this is reasonable. What is it? I don't think it's going to be that much for me to agree to have this made. Is there another material that's like kind of bronze-esque that you can use instead? How about we just put bronzer on it? Yeah. I love that idea. Okay. You'll use foam core that I put bronzer on. Medium sculptures, two to four feet, two thousand to ten thousand dollars. Wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, two to four feet. This is just a plan. 12 to 18 inches, five hundred to four thousand dollars. Oh, Jesus, that's a lot of money. Yeah. Okay. Maybe not bronze, but I will find a material that's better than foam core. Oh. How's that? And I will pay for it. Now, I understand that there are those who might think Conan Paine to have his own plaque

1:10:54made that so sad. I don't see it that way. I think that it's far as brave. Conan Paine to have his own sculpture in bronze. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. This is exactly who that guy is. How is this brave? I think I am... There are probably other people out there that would love a brass plaque with their face on it. Now I'm letting them know that it's okay. Oh, you're breaking the glass ceiling? The bronze ceiling. Okay. Previously, the foam core ceiling. Anyway, quick thanks to Tim Hamill, who had this idea in the first place. It's very sweet and funny. Pablo Goldstein for writing a really funny article. And yeah, let's try and solve the mystery. But if we can't, we've got to get that plaque back up. And I'm going to be driving by Cochran. I do cruise by every now and then and look at my old doorway and reminisce about old times. So I'll be prowling the neighborhood.

1:11:55And that's not a promise. That's a threat. The WhatsApp group just lit up. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian and Mack Gourley. Produced by me, Mack Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair. And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash

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